Sal & Kate's Yu-Gi-Oh! Weekend
Kate: Ho there!
Sal: Konnichiwa tout le monde! We really admire the past fanfics we've read and find that humorous stories are the ones we like most.
(Kate waving flags in the background…as a chibi)
Kate: YEAH!!! And we really like the fic "A Yu-Gi-Oh Christmas Carol" and "Bakura's guide to fighting dirty" those were great!
(Sal pushes her aside)
Sal: Ahem, anyway right on! Those two got top marks from us, right Kate? (Kate nods her head) So, we are making a sad attempt to make you laugh by torturing various Yu-Gi-Oh! Characters in the process. This would be humour if I could write humour, but can't so it's general. humour. Would you like to announce the disclaimer, Kate?
Kate: We, as in Sal and I, do not…I repeat…DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH! or anything from or relating to it, but Seto is miiiiiine!!!
(Grabs Seto from god knows where)
Sal: (Hits Kate on the head with a frying pan) Don't mind her, she has a brain dysfunction relating to temporal lobe epilepsy.
Seto: (While struggling against Kate's grasp) Really?
Sal: No, not really. She just really likes you that's all…and mind your coat pocket…
Kate: (Grabs Seto's deck from trench coat pocket) AHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE HIS DECK!!! THE PRECIOUS! I HAVE THE PRECIOUS!!!
Sal: We don't own LOTR (Lord of the Rings) either. Or anything else. Yep, she lost it.
Seto: Give me back my deck!
Kate: (Goes all Gollum-like) It came to me, it's mine! My own…My precioussssss (Holding Kaiba's deck close, while stroking it)
Sal: I'll get your deck back Kaiba (looks at Kate, who's giving an evil look at Sal)…later, much later. Well! I think we've stalled long enough on to the fanfic!
Seto: What about my Deck?!
Sal: Buy a new one…
Seto: (Jaw drops) A-a new one? There are 3 priceless Blue Eyes White Dragon cards in that deck! They're the ONLY 3 in the WORLD!!! I can't just waltz into a shop and BUY a new one!
Sal: Yes, you can…ever heard of the Kaiba Starter Deck? You'll have to find 2 other Blue Eyes White Dragons but hey, you can have mine. Besides, you tore the 4th Blue Eyes.
Seto: (Eyes all wide, jaw still dropped…don't ask how he can still talk) WHAAAAAAT?
Sal: Ho hum. Oh, and all flames will be collected into a little jar, and when I have enough, I will use them to set my P.E. teacher on fire. Ahahahahaha! I could use flames, yes, flames are good. Or…I could toast marshmallows…or those little weenies…
Bakura: Finally I have found one of my own!
(Jumps and hugs Sal)
Sal: Egad! Uh…oops…uh…I mean…I'm not a pyro…no, really…I'm serious! (Everyone glares…) WHAT? Quit the disapproving looks already!
Bakura: Sure…
(Leina in the corner eating donuts…where'd she come from anyway?)
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Sal sitting at the computer, typing, obviously on the internet. Kate springs on Sal with Seto Kaiba's deck still clutched in her hand.
Kate: Hi Hi Ho! Buddy ol' pal! {Sal: Quit imitating Lizzie's underwear…}
Sal: GET OFF ME! AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE IN THIS HOUSE?!
Kate: No actually, 2 hours ago when you were with Ryou, Malia, Olena, Sierra, and Me…you declared that you were less sane than Bakura…remember? And this is a condo.
{Sal: NOT A CONDOM YOU SICKOS!}
…:::Flashback Sequence:::…
Walking back from the Game Shop (Solomon Mutou's (Grandpa) store, to English viewers)
Sal: (High on God knows what {Sal: Yes, I am capable of being high…sometimes}, laughing evilly) Dahahahahaha!
Ryou: Oh no.
Bakura: (In the Millenium Ring) I'm so proud…(sniff)…(harsh whisper) She's in denial… {Sal: What the heck?! I'm not in the Nile!}
Malia: I hope she doesn't go pyro on us…
Olena: Do you want to check her pockets?
Sierra: I knew you shouldn't have given her that lighter, Kate.
Kate: Not my fault. I didn't know what else to give her for Christmas…
Malia: I'd check, I really would but I don't want to be burned to a crisp.
Sal: AHAHAHAHA! I AM LESS SANE THAN YAMI BAKURA! AHAHAHAHA!!!
Bakura: Ahahahaha! (sniff) I'm such a good role model…I'm so proud.
…:::End Flashback:::…
Sal: Ah. And exactly where was Bakura when I 'went insane' and said this?
Kate: In the Millenium Ring, laughing his ass off.
Sal: T_T
Kate: …(blushing) and (swoon) Seto was at the office making money (swoon, faint)
Sal: Ah. And who exactly let you in here?
Kate: Ryou gave me the key.
Sal: How did he get the key?
Kate: From…do I have to answer that?
Sal: Yes.
Kate: Bakura.
Sal: WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON HIM THAT SLIMY SON OF A B-(the rest of this has been cut for reasons unknown…oh screw that…I can't keep this clean…) (gasp)…(gasp)…air…
(Kate pops Seto's deck in her mouth)
Sal: O_O' (Jaw drop) Get that out of your mouth! God knows where that's been!
Kate: In_Seto's_Pocket_! (swoons and faints)
Sal: Eeeeeewwww…gross. {nasty!}
Later…
Sal: (Scowl, looking at a key…) this is a copy. Where's the original that was stolen from my schoolbag?
Kate: He IS a tomb robber you know…
Sal: (Growling) Just…answer…the question…
Kate: I don't KNOW!!!
Sal: OH THE INHUMANITY!
Knock on the door.
Kate: I'll get that…(Sal looks like she's gonna kill something)
Kate opens the door,
Joey: Hi Katy!
Kate: Bugger off.
Joey: Is Sally there?
Kate: Duh, it's her house. Bugger off. {Sal: Apartment Complex….WHOA! wait…bugger?…don't ask.}
Joey: Could I speak to her?
Kate: No. She's in the deep realm of depression cuz her key was stolen by a certain white-haired tomb robber. Bugger off. {Sal: Bugger?}
Sal: (Calls to Kate) Is that Joey?
Kate & Joe: Yah.
Sal: Does he know about my key?
Kate & Joey: No.
Joey: Huh?
Kate: Quit talking when I do!
Joey: Sorry…but could I just say-
Sal: Fuck off.
Kate: You heard the girl.
(Slams door in Joey's face and walks off)
{Sal: I know…I'm so mean, but something has to be done…oh dear…Li's gonna kill me…ehehe…there's nothing funny about flicking Jou off.}
Sal: I'm gonna KILL 'im!
Kate: At school tomorrow…let's start plotting…
Sal: Good idea. I like how you think…sometimes…no. Not really.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Sal: Here's a little break, you know the Yu-Gi-Oh! characters and the other people that you probably don't know are just friends who wanted to be in the fic are just here to help (torture 'them'). GOMEN! I bet it's really, really boring! Again, gomen!}
At school the next day, during lunch
Sal with Dave, Kate, Andi and Sierra (a.k.a pantherpaws) walking to a classroom
Sal: THAT SNOT-NOSED WIESEL!
Dave: Look, I'm sure it was an accident-
Sal: It was NOT an accident! Now I'm stuck with one copy that Kate had, and one original…damn.
Andi: I forgive you.
Sal: Sorry {Andi doesn't like swearing, so if you say lots of swear-words in a row, she goes ballistic! hehe}
Sierra: Okay, what were you doing with two originals anyway?
Sal: (Blushing) That's none of your business…
Kate: Talk.
Sal: I was gonna give it so someone…but…uh…THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY!!!
Sierra: Okay, we get the point. But Bakura wasn't in Geography…wonder that happened…maybe he skipped…lucky bastard…
Andi: I forgive you, but he's probably scared of what Sal's going to do to him! I think it's funny!
Sal: Well, when I get through with him, he won't think I'm 'funny'- (Trips, and falls flat on her face, a.k.a. eats it.)
Ryou: Are you okay?
Sal: Mrmmlph! (Translation: help me up)
Sierra& Dave help her up, only to find her starting at the ground beet red
Kate: Where's your yami?
Ryou: I dunno, didn't come home last night, and come to think of it, Mokuba couldn't go home so he had to bunk out at my place. Why?
Andi: Sal's missing her key. Right Sal?
Sal: (Stuttering) Y-yeah…I-I n-n-need it back…I-I think y-your yami t-t-took it… (still beet red)
Ryou: When did you last have it?
Sal: Here…y-yesterday…
Ryou: (Thinks) You had P.E. didn't you? I know my yami skipped…maybe that's when he got it…
Dave: HA! I knew it! He was missing…I still wonder what HE would want with SAL'S key…hmmm
(Everyone thinks)
Ryou: Knowing my yami, he might want something that you have…(everyone stares at Ryou) you know, like money, or something…
Sal: AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH! BUT I'M BROKE! I'VE BEEN SO FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS!!! (gasp) maybe he wants to sneak in when I'm asleep and kill me before I kill him!…Or…something…I'M NOT SAAAAAFE!
Sierra: That could be it…or something else-…
Sal: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'm not safe!!!-
Kate: You should be. Aren't you're parents home?
Sal: (Shakes head) Mom's takin' care of grandma, and dad's in London.
Andi: Well, you can't stay with any of us…and my sisters will drive you out of your mind…
Kate, Dave, Sierra: (all nod sympathetically) …
Dave: Mom would never let me on such short notice…
Ryou: I suppose you could stay with me…
Sal: Thankyouthankyouthankyou! (hugs Ryou) …but what if your yami comes back?
Ryou: I'll protect you! (sad heroic pose), besides I don't think he wants to kill you anyway.
Sal: Cut the hero dramatics…this might be all weekend…you sure?
Ryou: Sure! And for extra protection why don't we just have a sleepover at that cabin place on the beach? I could use the extra company, I'm going tonight anyway…
All: Yeah!
Dave: That might just work…
Sierra: …and invite Olena…
Sal: We see her in Rel-
All walk to a nearby class room, Sal opens door. A bucket of water falls on her head, and you can hear a familiar type of maniacal laughter.
Sal: T_T' I'm not even gonna ask.
Bakura: Ahahahaha! I have gotten you this time Sally Greenstead! And that's not ordinary water too! Ahahahahaha! It's TOILET WATER!!!…water…from the…uh…toilet… AHAHAHAHAHA!
Others stare at Sal wondering what she's gonna do…She pulls out a water bottle filled with a smelly liquid and pours it on Bakura.
Sal: Feh. Amateur.
Bakura: Ooh… scary water that smells just as bad…I'm terrified…
Sal: (Slyly) You better be…that's not water. It's gasoline! And this is a lighter, and a hairspray can. If you don't give me back my key, you can figure out what I'm gonna do with these…unless, you want to find out…{Sal: Hairspray is flammable}
All except Sal: O_O (Everyone's eyes get big…duh)
Sal: Who's laughing now? WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bakura backs away, only to start running to the bathroom.
Ryou: Was that really petrol?
Sal: Nope, just water that smells like gasoline that I developed to scare the crap out of him someday…wonderful bluff huh? Next time, I might just use gasoline…heh heh
(yells after bakura) WHAT ABOUT MY KEY?!
Bakura: (Yells back) I DON'T HAVE YOUR FUCKING KEY!
Andi: I'm scared
Sierra: (Scared) Uh…we're going to math…
Dave: (Scared as well) Uh…yeah…
Sierra & Dave: Later! (Run off)
Sierra: See you at the sleep over!
Dave: Ryou! Invite MAI!!!
Sal: Come again?…I thought they hated Ms. Pua'a…
Andi: (Going to Science/Biology) See you! (blush) yeah, and invite Yugi, and Joey too!
Sal & Ryou: (Look at each other, and in a bored tone) Yay, Religion.
Kate: I feel sorry for you. I get that next semester! I'm going to Art! {Sal: Prado is a nutcase.}
Sal & Ryou walk into classroom and sit down.
In class…
Sal passes note to Olena in class, as Ryou steadily watches from behind. The note says 'Sleepover-Ryou's…coming?' She looks at the note and nods, then scribbles 'Why is this class called Religion, when we learn about the "emotional" parts about sex education? I feel sorry for the boys, I mean, religion…god, and…crap..' Sal gets the note and reads it, only to start laughing…
Teacher (Mrs. Young): Is there a problem ladies?
Sal & Olena: No, Mrs. Young
Mrs. Young: Well then, I suggest you stop it you don't want to stand in the hall…
Sal: (Mutters) Yes, Mrs. Not-so-Young
Olena & Ryou crack up…
In Science…Period 8…
Mr. Nelson: And ladies, these balls represent the movement/revolution of the earth and moon around the sun…
Sal: This is gonna be funny! (Raises hand) Mr. Nelson? (Ryou, Olena and David barely recovering from the not-so-young remark, even though David wasn't there)
Mr. N: Yes, Ms. Greenstead?
Sal: What part does the plastic mat represent in your interesting re-enactment of the revolution of the earth and moon? The rest of the galaxy perhaps-?
Mr. N: No, no, I just use it to keep my balls still…(They're all off again)
Leina is in the corner eating Donuts.
In the hall…
Joey: Here's you key.
Sal: (Glare) What…were you…doing…with…my key…
Joey: It was in the hall, I tried to give it back but Katy slammed the door in my face.
Sal: (Sigh)
After class…
{Sal: I have a sad life…ne?}
Olena: Hey, come to my house to help me pack to go to Ryou's?
Sal: Sure. I have nothing better to do…after all, parents aren't home…
Olena: Help me?
Sal: With what?
Olena: Laptop bag…
Sal: Okay…
Olena: Okay, take the laptop out of the bag (Sal does it), put the binder in. Take out the papers in the bag, put the book in. Put the Laptop in the bag, take the papers out, put the papers back in, take the book out of the bag, take the binder out too…
Sal: Olena, this isn't working…maybe I carry your laptop?
Olena: K. Don't drop it.
After School…
All the YGO cast and the others huddled underneath tree…
Sal: Okay, we all meet at Ryou's at 4:00, then Seto's bus will drive us to the cabin.
Seto: (Nods)
All: OK!
At Olena's …
Olena: Okay…put the bra in the bag (Sal does it), take the shirt out…
Sal: Here we go again…
Olena: Hehe {Sal: She is so evil.}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sal: Okay! I'm sure all of you are asleep with those anime bubbles in your noses, if I get at least 1 review I'll post the next segment…And if not I'll post some more anyway and feel really ripped off.
Ryou: So press the little button that says go and submit a review…
Sal: Where did you come form?
Ryou: I dunno, you're the one with the Laptop.
Sal: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY iBOOK?! (Looming over him menacingly)
Ryou: (Scared) No…
Sal: (All happy again) Good. Oh! and actually my real name isn't Sal. My real name sounds really gay. Byeness! (Waves)