Sal: Okay, this is becoming VERY strenuous…
Vivi: (Pops in from the left) Hi!
Sal: EGAD! Where did you come from?!
Eris: (Pops in from the right) Greetings.
Sal: KATE! WHERE DID YOU GO!
Eris: Kathryn went to Mississippi, to visit her mother. You will have to manage without her.
Vivi: That's why we came in!
Sal: (Sighs) If you don't get who these guys are, it explains this somewhere in my Bio…
Eris: They want not to waste time…I am Eris, the "evil" goddess of discord, and Sal's mad side…
Vivi: And I'm Vivi [Vih-vee], and I keep Sal from goin' insane!
Sal: This is a fanfiction. NOT a documentary about a talking red fox, and an evil goddess from god-knows-when!
Vivi: She's PMS-ing…
Sal: No I'm no- The fiction, just read the fanfiction…ignore them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning after…
Ryou: Wakey wakey, eggs and bacey {Sal: It's said bayckie, bacon? Yeah.}…
Sal: (Sleepily) I'll slap you…
Ryou: Come On! I want to see how they're doing…(Shakes Sal)
Sal: Muglempff…Go 'way!
Ryou: C'mon! I'll make breakfast…
Sal: (Rolls over) frck mphff (trans: fuck off)
Ryou: (Grabs Sal's leg and pulls her out of bed…) Get up!
Sal: Sit on me, and die.
Ryou: (Growl)
Sal: (Sarcastically) Yes, Mother.
Ryou: Get dressed into regular clothes! (Starts kicking Sal in the side) You can't go downstairs in your pajamas!
Sal: Zzzzzzzz…Who says I can't?
Ryou: (Leaves and comes back with bucket of water and pours it on Sally)
Sal: (Awake) I'm not the fire! {Sal: I know, I'm so hot, you can boil…breaks down I'm a freak…sniff, sniff}
Ryou: Get dressed already! I'll go in the bathroom…(leaves room)
Sal: He's not so bad…could've been worse…(Shudder)
Later…
Sal & Ryou walk downstairs only to see a bunch of bodies scattered all over the place like some massacre…and some just waking up…Kate and Seto fall out of the closet under the stairs…
Ryou: Wow.
Sal: It's best to leave airheads alone…Where's Malia?
Sierra: …(Softly) Probably puking…what WAS that?
Olena: I just puked up everything I've ever eaten.
Dave: My HEAD! What WAS I drinking last night?
Sal: …
Ryou goes to kitchen to make breakfast, and everyone is in chairs eating…then Malia walks in.
Sal: (Without looking cuz she's looking at the newspaper) 'morning Malia, have some breakfast…
Malia: (Low growling voice) Leave me alone. (finger/birdie)
All: (Look with great surprise) …
Sal: Is that MY shirt?!
Yami: Are THOSE MY pants?!
Mai: Is that MY eyeliner?!
Olena: She's not WEARING eyeliner, you dork.
Mai: Yes, she IS! …On…her eyebrows…
Sal: WHO cares? That's MY shirt!
Malia: So? {Sal: Malia has gone gothic…}
Tea: EEEEEK! She's wearing BLACK nail polish! …A-and BLACK l-l-lipstick! EEEEK! (Runs off shrieking)
Sierra: Sal, I didn't know you had a black shirt with blue flames…
Sal: Yami, why is she wearing our clothes?
Olena: Yami Yoghurt! (Malia leaves)
Yami: Shut up…uh…Malia…why are you wearing my pants?
Olena: She's gone, stupid…you're talking to Yugi.
Yugi: (Waves at Yami)
Yami: Oh…oops…where's Yami Malik?
(Olena: Yami Yoghurt!)
Sal: Oh, he got up and went back to sleep…same with Malik…
Isis: Just like them…then, where's Serenity?
Ryou: She left this morning…Joey, she was disappointed in you…
Joey: (Face in stack of pancakes) Not my fault…someone spiked the coke.
Ryou: (Glares at Sal, who laughs with her hand behind her head)
Sal: (Gets up) Well, I'm going to my room…(Walks out, Mokuba Walks in)
Seto: Mokuba? Where did you come from?
Mokuba: Uh…Seto…you didn't come to tuck me in.
Seto: (Sweatdrop) Uh…sorry Mokuba, maybe tonight…but, where were you?
Mokuba: I was in our room on neopets…
David: Maybe we should go to the pool again?
Tristan: Why not? We have nothing better to do…
Sierra: How about not…
Mokuba makes a plate of toast and eggs and leaves to watch Saturday morning cartoons
Sal: (In her room looking at screen shots of the previous night, saving and organising everything) That was brilliant! Everclear is WONDERFUL!!! {Sal: Note: the liver can only handle 1 ounce shot of 150 proof…-.-'}
Sal walks to Ryou & Bakura's Room and sets a clever little trap. Then walks downstairs, and sees Seto in his Laptop, Kate who's gazing at him, and the rest of them are watching something called 'Sponge-blob-Squarepants', except for Isis and Mai…they're probably in their rooms.
Sierra: Gary!…meow…
Sal: What 'cha watchin'?
Mokuba: Sponge Bob!
Sal: Sponge Glob?
Olena: It's 'Sponge Bob', you stupid.
Sal: What? Sponge Blob?
Yugi: It's BOB, B-O-B, bob…Sponge BOB Squarepants!
Sal: Riiiiiiight…(Looks over at the 3 yamis sitting TOGETHER?! {Sal: When did that happen?} On the other couch off to the side) What's up with them?
Bakura: (Drool)
Yami: (Drool)
Y Malik: (Drool)
Malik: They've been drooling like that for hours now…and they aren't even watching TV…(sigh) the tomb robber just puked up everything he ever ate…
Sal: Oh, what a generation I live in. No one's smart because of hair-brained cartoons. And the person least likely to go weird on me just did.
Y Malik: (Drool)
Sal: I'm outta here. (Leaves)
Ryou: Don't you want something to eat? (Runs out of kitchen)
Sal: Fine. Even though I thought I ate already, I'll just have orange juice and toast.
Ryou: (Grin)
Sal: (Reading the Newspaper, again) Oh dear, the stocks have fallen 3%…
Ryou: Why do you care? (Sits down with pancakes and milk)
Sal: Seto asked me to keep track for him…after all he has a bunch of conventions…(Really loud music is heard) Wha?
Ryou: I'll go see…(Walks out)
All: (Staring at TV like zombies)
Ryou: It's coming from upstairs…
Music:
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today…
Why am I so uptight today? {Sal: Don't own Linkin Park}
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed, but
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me / right beneath my skin
It's like I'm - paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a - whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I - can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I've got a face in me
points out all the mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand it
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too - right inside your skin
Ryou: (Freezes) Malia? (Runs back)
Sal: (Now sipping coffee, reading something else) So…what was that?
Ryou: Nnnrrrnnnng…
Sal: So, your infamous guts failed you again…honestly…(Gets up and leaves)(Walking up the stairs…) Malia? Is that MY CD?! (Rips open door) MALIA!!!! SHUT THAT CRAP OFF THIS INSTANT OF I'LL…!
Malia: Or you'll what? Fuck off… (Finger)
Sal: Ooo…gasp…I'm terrified...It's the finger! (Walks in, grabs CD out of player….Malia jumps her) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Insert Swear words here) {Sal: I can swear in many different languages!}
Downstairs…
Bakura: (Perks up) Damn she has a foul mouth!
Yami: I don't care where she learnt that, but she needs to calm down…what was that? French?
Olena: Well, she is in French…she can do wonders with the Internet. {Sal: cough, cough}
Sierra: (Sniggers)
Y Malik: Maybe she's in trouble…
Ryou: (Runs out of kitchen, pan in hand complete with pancake) Great Scott! Is she being eaten alive by Malia?!
Malik: Maybe…the stupid Pharaoh should go.
Yami: No way! Make the rich bastard go!
Seto: (Jumps up) Screw that! Make the Chihuahua go!
Joey: (Jumps up and is face-to-face with Seto) Forget it! I wasn't to one who sent her up there! (Sal still shouting, swearing and screaming)
Sierra: Well, we can hear the TV, so she did something…
Ryou: (Gulp)
Joey: Bakura! (Ryou sinks back in the kitchen)
Bakura: Wasn't me. It probably was my stupid aibou, Ryou…
Ryou: Shit! Huh? I feared this would happen uh, Malik? Could you go up there for me? I'm kinda busy…
Malik: Sure.
Olena: (Grabs Yami's Hair Gel) Here! (Hands to Malik)
Yami: Hey!
Ryou: Whatever is that for?
Malik & Olena: (Sad heroic pose) To defend!
Yami: We'll duel and if she loses we'll kick her out!
Sierra: (Sweat drop) This isn't a Duel Monsters competition.
Malik: I'll stick her to the wall!
All: (Sweatdrop)
Y Malik: (Rocking back and fourth, whispering) Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill…{Sal: God knows what he's thinking…}
Ryou: Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Good Luck.
Malik: Okay! (Walks upstairs, screaming and swearing continues, Malik opens the door)
Sal: (On the floor having her hair pulled) Malik! Get your lazy ass over here and help me!
Malik: Yaaaaaaah! (Hits Malia over the head with the hair gel)
Malia: Grrrrrr! (Springs up and attacks Malik, and he screams like a girl, then a can of soda flies out of nowhere and hits Malia on the head. She is knocked unconscious instantly.)
Sal: (Gets up.) Where did that can of soda come from?
Y Malik: No one, and I mean NO ONE attacks my better half but me!
Sal: Ah.
Olena: (Races up) I heard a girl scream!
Sal: Wasn't me…
Malik: Uh…hi (Waves at Olena, and taps the hair gel on 'dead' Malia's head) Ahahahahahahaha! I am now a MAN!
Sal: (Getting up staring at Malia) You mean, you were a girl?
Malik: (Blush) NO! {Sal: Riiiiiiight}
Sal: And Yami Malik is the real hero here…(Downstairs Leina walks in and sits in a corner eating dohnuts)
Olena: Yami Yoghurt!
Kate: (Sleepily) I want Furby…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kate walks upstairs, gets her furby and sets it on the table downstairs, Seto is sending Mokuba home in a limousine…rest are soooo bored.
Sal: Maybe be you should hook up the PS2 or N64 or something…
Ryou: I have both in the closet…
Sierra: Show off…I want to get my ear cartilage pierced…
Olena: Sierra, if you get any more piercing in your head, your brains will leak out.
Sierra:
Well, at least I'm not Malia, who is-
Sal: -A waste of skin and brain cells, right?
Sierra: Yep.
Furby: Hi, me hungry…
Yami & Bakura: (Jumps and stares wildly around the room to see who or what said 'me hungry')
Furby: Hello Mommy…
Sal: (Laughing so hard at Yami and Bakura)
Y Malik: (Trying to hook up N64, and shocks himself)
Furby: Me want eat you…
Sal: Ahahahaha! It's the attack of the evil furby!!! Ahahahahahahaha!
Yami & Bakura: (Terrified of the furby)
Furby: Me want to hurt you…
Bakura: (Pokes it, and it bites him) Yaaaaaahhhh! (Waves it around, still attached to his finger)
Yami: (Runs after Bakura with a shovel, and hits the furby.)
Y Malik: YEAH! I hooked up the N64!
Sal: By pouring hot iron over it?
Y Malik: I'm installing Dragonball Z nano-chips…
Sal: …You don't even know what a nano-chip is…(Yami running after Bakura and the Furby with a shovel in the background)
Y Malik: True…
Malik: (Stomps in) TERRANCE!!!!
Sal: (Sarcasm) Look it's fluffy…
Y Malik: What's wrong aibou?
Malik: Those stupid dubbing pigs almost called me Terrance in the English TV series!
Katy: (Laying on the couch) Yeah, Sal told me about that…what about it? (pinky finger in ear, yawning)
Sal: He's upset about 'of all names, Terrance'.
Malik: MARIK!!!! THEY CALLED ME MARIK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS MY NAME?!
Sal: Mal-…Ter-…Mar-…-ence…
Malik: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! (Runs off)
Bakura: What's eating him?
Sal: You mean Terrance?
Bakura: (Sweat drop) Uh…you mean Malik…wait…didn't they change his name…wait, we still call him Malik…right?
Sal: He must've been looking at my computer…hope he didn't see the spycam icon…
Bakura: Why did you keep that from him…?
Sal: Dunno.
Y Malik: Wait…If he's not Malik anymore…then who am I? Yami Terrance? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs off)
Sal: (Calls after him) Better than Yami Mokuba! That was quick…but they seem to be in okay condition…but I wouldn't say that about the N64…Feh. Installing Dragonball Z nano-chips? Hell to that…Yay! They won't annoy me with Pokemon! (Yelling is heard upstairs…) What the fuck is it this time?
Tea: That's it! I'm leaving you love! (Stomps down the stairs)
Yugi: Tea! Maybe tomorrow? (Door slams)
Kate: So…what happened between you and anorexic?
Yugi: I didn't want to see Country Bears with her for the 505th time…
Sal: Ah.
Yami: (Runs in from Kitchen) AIBOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO TEA?!
Sierra: (Pokes head out of Kitchen) She left didn't she? (Bakura, Sal & Kate nod) yay!
Yugi: I just-
Yami: She took almost everything!
Yugi: If you let me ex-
Yami: I mean, WHAT SICK BITCH TAKES ICE CUBES OUT OF THE FREEZER?!
Sal & Bakura crack up, stomping is heard
Tea: (Runs in again, and drops bags) I'm sorry love I missed you too much…(Crying)
…And Leina is still in the corner…eating…donuts…still.
Bakura: How long was she gone?
Sierra: I dunno, 30 seconds…(Sits down next to Sal)
Sal: More like 15…
Dave: Itoen Green Tea is a natural source of antioxidants, and it contains 0 calories and no sugar…
Sal:…and it also has 25 mg of Sodium…
Dave: Yes, precisely.
Sal: DAVID QUIT BEING RANDOM! (Pushes him out)
Yugi: (Being suffocated by Tea) Oh no!
All: (*laugh*)
Joey: (Walks in and sits down)
Sierra: Where were you?
Joey: Doing my job ma'am!
Sierra & Olena: What job?
Joey: My job!…you know, Poop patrol and scouting the area for suspicious looking bugs.
-Long awkward silence-
Sierra: Potatos and green peas make good hats.
Bakura: Really? (Gets up and runs to the kitchen and a squishy squelch is heard)
Sal: He is truly and idiot…
Olena: Yeah, and he has a crush on you too…
Sal: What?
Kate: …Wait…doesn't Ryou have a crush on her too?
Sal: (Nervous) What? What? What?
All: Ooooooooooo!
Bakura: (Walks in with white-grey-greenish stuff dribbling off his head) No. Potatoes and green peas don't make good hats…
Sierra: Duh. (Leans over to Sal and whispers) He's trying to impress you…
Sal: Oh Ra no. All this has been very…random…why don't we do something…I don't know…constructive?
Yami: (Stands up) It's time to d-d-d-d-d-duel!!!
Olena: How about let's not.
Ryou: (Jumps up on table) I choose you Pikachu! {Sal: Don't own Pokemon.}
Kate: Why did you just shout that?
Ryou: …To make everybody stare?
Joey: I'm hungry.
Sal: STOP THE RANDOMNESS! RANDOM NOT GOOD!
Sierra: Random question #1, Have you ever played hide and seek with giant bumble bees?
Sal: No, have YOU?
Sierra: Yeah, in that one dream…(blah blah blah)
Sal: What have I done…
Malik: That's just lovely…she's so…how shall I say it- by putting it into words, I'm afraid the nobility of it all would only be obscured…
Ryou: (Sits back down) Of what?
Malik: You know, she's so spunky!
Bakura: You sick bastard! (Hits with book) {Sal:…And Leina is still in the corner eating donuts…}
Dave: Why don't we just watch a movie?
All: Okay…
Kate: Which one? Ryou has millions…
Ryou: Not true…8,537 DVDs thanks.
Sal: (Sigh)…and 168 of those are mine….
Ryou: True.
Bakura: Look aibou! I can balance a spoon on my nose! {Sal: Since when has he been so friendly to Ryou?}
Ryou: Brilliant.
Sal: Careful, Ryou, you don't want to inflate his ego too much…
Kate: (To Bakura) How many cups of sugar have you had this morning?
Bakura: (No response)
Sal: (Monotone) This is stupid.
Yami: Which reminds me, is Malia still dead?
Y Malik: Has been for the last 5 1/2 hours…we dragged he body out in the middle of nowhere…
Sierra: Courage!
Y Malik: Huh?
Sierra: The cowardly dog!
Y Malik: As
I was saying…none of us are using are millennium items to bring her back
to life...correct?
Yami & Balura: (nod)
Seto: Moulin Rouge!
Sal: You sick Bastard.
Seto: Oh, you guys can be random, but I can't?
Sal: But WHY Moulin Rouge?
Seto: Then would you like Amelie?
Sal: Oh Ra no…I get it…you like Nicole Kidman, don't you?
Seto: (Puts DVD in, most leave to kitchen)
Kate: (In Kitchen) Sal, why don't you make those really, really good cookies?
Sal: (Blush) They aren't that great.
Bakura: Please?
Sal: Fine. (Starts making cookies)
Sierra: Where are Isis and Mai?
Sal: Very observant. They're probably in the Sauna talking about 'womanly' things that us 'kids' wouldn't understand. (Opens oven)
Tea: FRIENDSHIP! Say it!
Sal: I beg your pardon?
Tea: Say it! THIS WORLD IS…
All: (Silence)
Tea: THIS WORLD IS MADE OF…MADE OF LOVE AND PEACE!!!
Bakura: Can I lock her in the closet?
Y Malik: Hey, you got to have fun last time, I want to lock her in the basement with rats and spiders!
Bakura: Ooh, very evil. You go girl.
Y Malik: Yay!
Sal: Here. (Hands him a gun)
Y Malik: What's this for?
Sal: It's a tranquilliser gun. Ready…Aim…Fire!
Y Malik: Ooh, fun!
Malik: Okay…(mutters) Terrik? Marence? Terrikar?
Sal: Sigh.
Y Malik: (Drags Tea to basement)
Tea: (Screaming) NO! FIGHTING IS WRONG! YUGI! MY LOVE! SAVE ME!
Yugi: (Ignores her, talks to Kate) So…hi.
Tea: YOU TWO-TIMER! I HATE YOU, LOVE!
Sal: (Sniggers, and sticks cookies in the oven)
Bakura: That smells good. Are you making pie too?
Sal: Yep. Pistachio Cream Pie.
Olena: Oooh! You brought that to school! It was soooo good!
Sal: You clarified that quite some time ago. Someone rip Seto off of the TV screen, he'll ruin his eyes and look like me for the rest of his life…
All: ???
Sal: Wear glasses.
All: Oh.
Yugi: I don't think I'm brave enough to chance that.
Yami: Me neither.
Sal: Sigh. (Puts cookies on a plate, and takes it to the table. All take one and shove it in their mouths) Bon Apetit!
Olena: Yummy! Just as good as the pie!
Sal: What flattery.
Sierra: I love these!
Malik: Me too.
Ryou: Me three.
…After everyone has eaten their fill of Sal's sweets…
Bakura: I'm going to try and swim this off. (Walks to his room, only to hear him screaming and swearing)
Ryou: Oh dear me.
Sal: Ahahaha! Score one for me!
All: (Walk to Bakura & Ryou's Room)
Olena: Bakura, are you okay? Not that I care or anything…
Sal: …But do you need assistance?
Bakura: (Sounds like he's in pain) No…I'm (crack) fine. But…whoever did this…I WILL BANISH TO THE SHADOW REALM!!! (Crack) ow…
{Sal: What did I do you ask? Let's just say, it involved string, an electrical outlet, a hanger, a pail of water, glue, feathers, and Malia's preppie dress…and let's just say he's suspended to the fan looking extremely funny.}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eris: Admit it! You are insane! Don't think I don't know that you actually took that Insanity test that your other friend sent you!
Vivi: Sal…she doesn't mean it…
Sal: Yes, I got an 87% insane, but it was for entertainment purposes…
Eris: That explains why you only talk to red roses, and listen to Nirvana endlessly.
Sal: Hey! If you deprive a teen of his or her music, they'll start to get bitter! {Sierra told me this}
Vivi: Please review! And read Sands of Time, by Demonic Angel! Good fic!
Eris: Actually, we've known this for quite a while, and are just now mentioning this.
Sal: Please leave me a nice review!