Note: This chapter is more on Raven's reflections---it was actually quite
short, but it's just to summarize why he did what he did :]
Part five: coincidental oppositions
Van is not the least surprised to hear Shadow was with Raven. The dark organoid is always loyally near to its master. It suddenly made him remember Zeke, and he wondered---how is everyone he left behind is faring without him. He was quite tactless out there, when he ran away because of what Irvine did to him. Later, it occurred to him that the older boy must be joking---but still, he did not know the TRUE reason why he really left. If Irvine meant it as a joke, it offended him. It was a secret he had been hiding for so long---
His thread of thoughts were cut off as he saw Raven clambered carelessly to the corridor of his own room, shoving the annoying people off his path as he fumbled for the room key. He earned strange glances, having worn nothing but only his robe and underwear. "What are you looking at?" he snapped to an on looker on his right, before he finally kicked the door open.
Soap suds galore and water flooded down the hall way immediately as he flung it open. To his relief, the whole room seems okay, only the furniture was soaked and his belongings are fine. He quickly rushed to the crate box, which is half-wet and he peers through the hole. He didn't hear any grunts, it's likely impossible that shadow would drown. "Good, you're still breathing." He sighed in relief, continuing. "DON'T make any one hear you. Just stay in the box whatever happens."
Shadow made a low grunt of disapproval.
"Just stay there shadow, I'll tell you when it's okay."
It took Raven a hefty bribe, the usual threat and a bit of apology to the maintenance not to check on his things and clean up the room. Even when he learned that his housekeeping bill has soared, he is not going to escape from this cruise. He just can't---
Leave Van behind.
He can't do anything now, it came out then and there---all the confusing feelings, all the strange welling up emotions, it all came to one shuddering yet satisfactory and relieving conclusion. His intense feelings for Van---he realized is nothing more than hate, and all the fury inside is more on passion. That passion he swore and keep on denying had formed to what he might call love.
He is in love? No, he even didn't know what love is---or what is it like either. It's all alien to him. He wondered whether it might have been lust, because they do say sometimes being so lonely and alone drifting on the battlefield might have given 'strange sexual urges' to other people. Well it's true, for those in the navy. The heck he isn't in a navy. True, he was lonely, alone and absolutely with no one to talk with except for probably Shadow, and a few 'allies' that he didn't give an ass damn if they die--- but he was pretty sure he didn't do what he did last night because he was horny.
"You know, you can share my room if you want." Van said, and Raven was totally unaware that the other boy was behind him all the time. He was so surprised, that he hit his head over the lamp where he was bending underneath; he turned around and gave Van a furious look.
"Sorry." Van scratched his head, and uneasily gazed somewhere else, anywhere but Raven's face. Is he starting to regret what happened several hours ago? "I just thought, with your room having been a mess and all---"
"I can take care of myself, Van. I always manage---I always had."
"Don't be stubborn. Come on, it's the least I can do from what I owe you."
Raven stood up and wondered, peering to Van's face "Owe me?"
"For telling me where the comfort room is." He grinned silly, and for the first time Raven didn't feel annoyed seeing Flyheight smile. A shy smile curved his lips and agreed with a terse nod, and then he gave a worried glimpse at the box.
"Yes, shadow can come with you."
Shadow let out a roar of disapproval, who was listening all the time and Raven has to swear mildly, lashing out a few more sharp words until the organoid just wheezed a reluctant low growl. Van scratched his head and made an uneasy laugh, "I guess your organoid does not agree to the idea. But he is yours so you can have him at my place if you wish."
"He must agree on what I wish, I'm to be followed." Raven replied, cocking his head lightly with a lazy grin creasing his face. "---and that is, yes, I accept your invitation. Thanks, Van."
*****
Thanks Van-
He never thought he can say those words, and if it is, it would be the understatement of the whole chaotic century. He always managed on his own, but out of sheer curiosity and wanting he was drawn to be with the other boy like a moth to a flame. That moment, it does not matter anymore--- he didn't care if he is his rival, he didn't care it was him that scarred his hands and defeat him in battle---for he didn't know why he have to hate him at the first place.
How his only love sprang from the irony of his hate. Maybe because of the tragic of his young life, the numerous battles he fought, the years he spent that jaded and hardened his dark reality all occurred to him has made his life even more senseless, making his subconscious crave for a presence to lean on to. Raven learned that during his stay in Van's room those past few days, and how in those passionate nights he would crawl secretly into his bed covers and slowly make mad love to him. He was surprised that every time he did it, the other boy silently consented to his actions. They also had their minor arguments by the day, sometimes it's about who will pay for the break fast or lunch bill or where to hide shadow from the daily housekeeping. At one point, Van made a comment that it is cruel to treat the organoid by hiding it in the box and he could probably set it free somewhere were no one will notice it.
"Why do you even bother? He is not your organoid. I can do pretty much what I wanted." Raven snapped, it was pretty futile to argue with Van however, since the other pilot has always something to say. But what he said that day, made sense to him for the first time. It was like an answer that pierced to his heart,
"You might be skilled pilot yourself, Raven. I admit to that. But I can't say you know much in life---do you?"
-continued-
**TOO short---onwards to the next chapter!**
Part five: coincidental oppositions
Van is not the least surprised to hear Shadow was with Raven. The dark organoid is always loyally near to its master. It suddenly made him remember Zeke, and he wondered---how is everyone he left behind is faring without him. He was quite tactless out there, when he ran away because of what Irvine did to him. Later, it occurred to him that the older boy must be joking---but still, he did not know the TRUE reason why he really left. If Irvine meant it as a joke, it offended him. It was a secret he had been hiding for so long---
His thread of thoughts were cut off as he saw Raven clambered carelessly to the corridor of his own room, shoving the annoying people off his path as he fumbled for the room key. He earned strange glances, having worn nothing but only his robe and underwear. "What are you looking at?" he snapped to an on looker on his right, before he finally kicked the door open.
Soap suds galore and water flooded down the hall way immediately as he flung it open. To his relief, the whole room seems okay, only the furniture was soaked and his belongings are fine. He quickly rushed to the crate box, which is half-wet and he peers through the hole. He didn't hear any grunts, it's likely impossible that shadow would drown. "Good, you're still breathing." He sighed in relief, continuing. "DON'T make any one hear you. Just stay in the box whatever happens."
Shadow made a low grunt of disapproval.
"Just stay there shadow, I'll tell you when it's okay."
It took Raven a hefty bribe, the usual threat and a bit of apology to the maintenance not to check on his things and clean up the room. Even when he learned that his housekeeping bill has soared, he is not going to escape from this cruise. He just can't---
Leave Van behind.
He can't do anything now, it came out then and there---all the confusing feelings, all the strange welling up emotions, it all came to one shuddering yet satisfactory and relieving conclusion. His intense feelings for Van---he realized is nothing more than hate, and all the fury inside is more on passion. That passion he swore and keep on denying had formed to what he might call love.
He is in love? No, he even didn't know what love is---or what is it like either. It's all alien to him. He wondered whether it might have been lust, because they do say sometimes being so lonely and alone drifting on the battlefield might have given 'strange sexual urges' to other people. Well it's true, for those in the navy. The heck he isn't in a navy. True, he was lonely, alone and absolutely with no one to talk with except for probably Shadow, and a few 'allies' that he didn't give an ass damn if they die--- but he was pretty sure he didn't do what he did last night because he was horny.
"You know, you can share my room if you want." Van said, and Raven was totally unaware that the other boy was behind him all the time. He was so surprised, that he hit his head over the lamp where he was bending underneath; he turned around and gave Van a furious look.
"Sorry." Van scratched his head, and uneasily gazed somewhere else, anywhere but Raven's face. Is he starting to regret what happened several hours ago? "I just thought, with your room having been a mess and all---"
"I can take care of myself, Van. I always manage---I always had."
"Don't be stubborn. Come on, it's the least I can do from what I owe you."
Raven stood up and wondered, peering to Van's face "Owe me?"
"For telling me where the comfort room is." He grinned silly, and for the first time Raven didn't feel annoyed seeing Flyheight smile. A shy smile curved his lips and agreed with a terse nod, and then he gave a worried glimpse at the box.
"Yes, shadow can come with you."
Shadow let out a roar of disapproval, who was listening all the time and Raven has to swear mildly, lashing out a few more sharp words until the organoid just wheezed a reluctant low growl. Van scratched his head and made an uneasy laugh, "I guess your organoid does not agree to the idea. But he is yours so you can have him at my place if you wish."
"He must agree on what I wish, I'm to be followed." Raven replied, cocking his head lightly with a lazy grin creasing his face. "---and that is, yes, I accept your invitation. Thanks, Van."
*****
Thanks Van-
He never thought he can say those words, and if it is, it would be the understatement of the whole chaotic century. He always managed on his own, but out of sheer curiosity and wanting he was drawn to be with the other boy like a moth to a flame. That moment, it does not matter anymore--- he didn't care if he is his rival, he didn't care it was him that scarred his hands and defeat him in battle---for he didn't know why he have to hate him at the first place.
How his only love sprang from the irony of his hate. Maybe because of the tragic of his young life, the numerous battles he fought, the years he spent that jaded and hardened his dark reality all occurred to him has made his life even more senseless, making his subconscious crave for a presence to lean on to. Raven learned that during his stay in Van's room those past few days, and how in those passionate nights he would crawl secretly into his bed covers and slowly make mad love to him. He was surprised that every time he did it, the other boy silently consented to his actions. They also had their minor arguments by the day, sometimes it's about who will pay for the break fast or lunch bill or where to hide shadow from the daily housekeeping. At one point, Van made a comment that it is cruel to treat the organoid by hiding it in the box and he could probably set it free somewhere were no one will notice it.
"Why do you even bother? He is not your organoid. I can do pretty much what I wanted." Raven snapped, it was pretty futile to argue with Van however, since the other pilot has always something to say. But what he said that day, made sense to him for the first time. It was like an answer that pierced to his heart,
"You might be skilled pilot yourself, Raven. I admit to that. But I can't say you know much in life---do you?"
-continued-
**TOO short---onwards to the next chapter!**