A/N: Wheee! A new chapter! Glasses of water at the ready! Let the madness
commence.
Poor Elrond.
We own nothing. Once again, it owns us. Poor it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Life Of Elrond- Chapter Two
Many Meetings ("Welcome to Rivendell, Mr Anderson...")
P.S. That was not part of the story. We just couldn't resist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"His strength returns..." Elrond muttered, watching Frodo and Sam cuddle each other on the porch.
"That wound will never fully heal, he will carry it for the rest of his life." Gandalf said.
"Oh, Gandalf, you're SO pessimistic!" Elrond moaned.
Gandalf looked offended, "You can talk! You've always been more pessimistic than me!" Gandalf said.
"I'm not pessimistic!" Elrond huffed, "Listen!" he put on a deep voice, "'And yet to have come so far still bearing the Ring, the Hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to it's evil.' See!?"
"'That Hobbit' has a name. But anyway, it is a burden he should never have had to bear, we can ask no more of *Frodo*." Gandalf said loftily.
"Gandalf," Elrond almost exploded, "The Enemy is MOVING! Sauron's forces are MASSING in the EAST! His Eye is FIXED on RIVENDELL! And SARUMAN you tell me, has BETRAYED US! Our list of ALLIES grows THIN!!!!"
Elrond took a few deep breaths, before walking slowly over to a jug and goblet, and poured himself a glass of wine. He was about to take a sip when a cry echoed through the door.
"Daddy! I've found your water outside, what's it doing there?" Elrond spluttered and the wine went all down his front. Arwen came in just as Gandalf has a convenient coughing fit.
"Arwen!!!!" Elrond screamed, "That was your BEST DRESS! I- I- I mean MY BEST ROBE!!!"
"Cough cough." Said Gandalf. Being a powerful Istari doesn't make him a good actor.
"Anyway Daddy," said Arwen, unperturbed, "You shouldn't be drinking wine. Grandma says it's bad for you!"
"Interferring old bint..." Elrond muttered to himself, "Grandmother has no business poking her nose into what I do every day!" he said aloud, with as much dignity as he could muster.
"What do you do everyday?" Gandalf said, curiously.
"That is none of your business, you interferring old busybody!" Elrond exclaimed.
"What is it with me being a busybody?" Gandalf said, looking hurt, "Is it printed on my hat or something?"
"Daddy drink your water."
"I don't want to!"
"Daddy, you have to take it!"
"No I don't!"
"Daddy, I'll make Elladan and Elrohir force-feed it to you."
"No you won't!"
"Daddy, I'll get Glorfindel to sing to you!"
"I'll plug my ears!"
"Daddy, I'll get Gandalf to put a magic spell on you!"
"I don't care!"
"Daddy?"
"What!?"
"I'll tell Grandma."
"OKAY! FINE! I'll drink it!"
Elrond reluctantly drank the water, then thrust the glass back at Arwen, "There! Will you GO now!?"
"Yes, Daddy. Just one more thing..."
"What NOW!?"
"If that IS my dress, you've spilt wine on then I'm going to kill you!"
Elrond huffed and puffed indignantly, "Well.... YOU stole my tiara!"
"That's beside the point."
"Just... go away!! GLORFINDEL! SHE'S IN HERE!"
There was a yell from the distance, "I'm gonna KILL you, Arwen!!!!!"
Arwen scarpers.
The conversation resumes, "Gandalf, the Ring cannot stay here."
Gandalf looked over the balcony. A tall man with a dinner plate strapped to his back cantered in on a big bay horse, looking around nervously. A party of Elves arrived on a group of typically clean grey horses [A/N: We will, under no circumstances, accept the phrase 'white' when dealing with horses. They do not exist. So there], and a group of dwarves, walking as per usual.
"This fate belongs to all of Middle-earth," Elrond continued happily, under the belief that Gandalf was listening, "They must decide now how to end it. The time of the Elves is over, my people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we're gone? The Dwarves? They hide in their mountains, seeking riches they care nothing for the troubles of others. [Gimli's Authors Note: And what do we do with those riches? WE MAKE HOUSES FOR YOU LOT so stop complaining! Sheesh!]"
Gandalf looked up, after catching the last of the sentence, and said: "It is in Men, that we must place out hope." [A/N: Okay, your funeral.]
Elrond paused, looking disgusted, "Men? Men are *weak*. Duh, Gandalf, what age are YOU living in?"
Gandalf grinned, "You're half-man, does that mean you're weak?" Gandalf said.
"I have Elven-strength! I chose an Elven-life! So there!" Elrond replied. "The Race of Men is failing, it's pride and dignity forgotten. It is because of Men the Ring survived. I was there, Gandalf, I was there three thousand years ago..."
"God you're old." Gandalf said.
[Insert flashback of previous chapter here]
"There is no strength left in the world of Men, they are scattered, divided, leaderless!" Elrond conveniently forgot about Théoden, Denethor, Imrahil, and many other great leaders of Men.
"There is ONE who could unite them, one who could reclaim the Throne of Gondor." Gandalf said.
"He turned from that path a long time ago," said Elrond stubbornly, "He has chosen *eggsile*."
"You really don't like him, do you?" Gandalf said.
"No." Elrond replied flatly.
"Well then why on earth did you adopt him!?" Gandalf said.
"He was... cute when he was a baby." Elrond mumbled, embarassed.
"Somehow, I find that very hard to imagine." Gandalf said, "I can't think why." he added sarcastically.
They leave for the council. Which is conveniently located in the next chapter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legolas's Authors Note: I hope you like it, we spent ages writing mainly because we were in stitches and also because Sam called us on the phone.
Gimli's Author's Note: For some bizarre reason we find the phrase 'Gandalf said' quite hilarious, so please excuse us.
Now, go review.
Poor Elrond.
We own nothing. Once again, it owns us. Poor it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Life Of Elrond- Chapter Two
Many Meetings ("Welcome to Rivendell, Mr Anderson...")
P.S. That was not part of the story. We just couldn't resist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"His strength returns..." Elrond muttered, watching Frodo and Sam cuddle each other on the porch.
"That wound will never fully heal, he will carry it for the rest of his life." Gandalf said.
"Oh, Gandalf, you're SO pessimistic!" Elrond moaned.
Gandalf looked offended, "You can talk! You've always been more pessimistic than me!" Gandalf said.
"I'm not pessimistic!" Elrond huffed, "Listen!" he put on a deep voice, "'And yet to have come so far still bearing the Ring, the Hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to it's evil.' See!?"
"'That Hobbit' has a name. But anyway, it is a burden he should never have had to bear, we can ask no more of *Frodo*." Gandalf said loftily.
"Gandalf," Elrond almost exploded, "The Enemy is MOVING! Sauron's forces are MASSING in the EAST! His Eye is FIXED on RIVENDELL! And SARUMAN you tell me, has BETRAYED US! Our list of ALLIES grows THIN!!!!"
Elrond took a few deep breaths, before walking slowly over to a jug and goblet, and poured himself a glass of wine. He was about to take a sip when a cry echoed through the door.
"Daddy! I've found your water outside, what's it doing there?" Elrond spluttered and the wine went all down his front. Arwen came in just as Gandalf has a convenient coughing fit.
"Arwen!!!!" Elrond screamed, "That was your BEST DRESS! I- I- I mean MY BEST ROBE!!!"
"Cough cough." Said Gandalf. Being a powerful Istari doesn't make him a good actor.
"Anyway Daddy," said Arwen, unperturbed, "You shouldn't be drinking wine. Grandma says it's bad for you!"
"Interferring old bint..." Elrond muttered to himself, "Grandmother has no business poking her nose into what I do every day!" he said aloud, with as much dignity as he could muster.
"What do you do everyday?" Gandalf said, curiously.
"That is none of your business, you interferring old busybody!" Elrond exclaimed.
"What is it with me being a busybody?" Gandalf said, looking hurt, "Is it printed on my hat or something?"
"Daddy drink your water."
"I don't want to!"
"Daddy, you have to take it!"
"No I don't!"
"Daddy, I'll make Elladan and Elrohir force-feed it to you."
"No you won't!"
"Daddy, I'll get Glorfindel to sing to you!"
"I'll plug my ears!"
"Daddy, I'll get Gandalf to put a magic spell on you!"
"I don't care!"
"Daddy?"
"What!?"
"I'll tell Grandma."
"OKAY! FINE! I'll drink it!"
Elrond reluctantly drank the water, then thrust the glass back at Arwen, "There! Will you GO now!?"
"Yes, Daddy. Just one more thing..."
"What NOW!?"
"If that IS my dress, you've spilt wine on then I'm going to kill you!"
Elrond huffed and puffed indignantly, "Well.... YOU stole my tiara!"
"That's beside the point."
"Just... go away!! GLORFINDEL! SHE'S IN HERE!"
There was a yell from the distance, "I'm gonna KILL you, Arwen!!!!!"
Arwen scarpers.
The conversation resumes, "Gandalf, the Ring cannot stay here."
Gandalf looked over the balcony. A tall man with a dinner plate strapped to his back cantered in on a big bay horse, looking around nervously. A party of Elves arrived on a group of typically clean grey horses [A/N: We will, under no circumstances, accept the phrase 'white' when dealing with horses. They do not exist. So there], and a group of dwarves, walking as per usual.
"This fate belongs to all of Middle-earth," Elrond continued happily, under the belief that Gandalf was listening, "They must decide now how to end it. The time of the Elves is over, my people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we're gone? The Dwarves? They hide in their mountains, seeking riches they care nothing for the troubles of others. [Gimli's Authors Note: And what do we do with those riches? WE MAKE HOUSES FOR YOU LOT so stop complaining! Sheesh!]"
Gandalf looked up, after catching the last of the sentence, and said: "It is in Men, that we must place out hope." [A/N: Okay, your funeral.]
Elrond paused, looking disgusted, "Men? Men are *weak*. Duh, Gandalf, what age are YOU living in?"
Gandalf grinned, "You're half-man, does that mean you're weak?" Gandalf said.
"I have Elven-strength! I chose an Elven-life! So there!" Elrond replied. "The Race of Men is failing, it's pride and dignity forgotten. It is because of Men the Ring survived. I was there, Gandalf, I was there three thousand years ago..."
"God you're old." Gandalf said.
[Insert flashback of previous chapter here]
"There is no strength left in the world of Men, they are scattered, divided, leaderless!" Elrond conveniently forgot about Théoden, Denethor, Imrahil, and many other great leaders of Men.
"There is ONE who could unite them, one who could reclaim the Throne of Gondor." Gandalf said.
"He turned from that path a long time ago," said Elrond stubbornly, "He has chosen *eggsile*."
"You really don't like him, do you?" Gandalf said.
"No." Elrond replied flatly.
"Well then why on earth did you adopt him!?" Gandalf said.
"He was... cute when he was a baby." Elrond mumbled, embarassed.
"Somehow, I find that very hard to imagine." Gandalf said, "I can't think why." he added sarcastically.
They leave for the council. Which is conveniently located in the next chapter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legolas's Authors Note: I hope you like it, we spent ages writing mainly because we were in stitches and also because Sam called us on the phone.
Gimli's Author's Note: For some bizarre reason we find the phrase 'Gandalf said' quite hilarious, so please excuse us.
Now, go review.