A/N: Another new chapter. Please excuse the unabashed use of Bored of the
Rings phrases. They do not belong to us. If you don't know which they are,
what kind of life have you been living!? Get out from under that rock!
Legolas: Gimli, how can they have a computer under a rock?
Shut up Legolas. Anyway, I do.
Legolas: Good point.
Anyway, on with the chapter, in which Elrond counsels and needs to be counselled....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Life of Elrond- chapter Three!
The Council of Elrond (Nuh!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor! Middle-earth stands upon the brink of DESTRUCTION! None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate this one DOOM! Bring forth the Ring erm... what's your name?"
"Frodo, my Lord." answered the Hobbit mentioned in the previous chapter.
"Frodo, yes."
Frodo walked forward and placed the Ring on the small plinth in the middle of the porch.
"So it is true..." murmured the Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back.
There was a general muttering among the council members. The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back stood up. "It is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this Ring? Long has my father the Steward of Gon....."
By this point, Elrond had stopped paying attention, as had many others, and glanced around.
'Hm...' he thought to himself, 'There's The Smelly Man Who Fancies My Daughter, smelly, dirty and scruffy as usual... who else is here? Ah, there's The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard... otherwise can't tell the difference... erm... The Elf Who Bleaches His Hair, he's always getting in the way... The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back, hasn't he shut up yet? Gandalf The Interferring Old Busybody and That Hobbit Called Frodo With Unnaturally Big Eyes. Eru, what a rabble!'
Elrond jumped as The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back raised his voice. "Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy! Let us use it against him!"
"You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone, it has no other master!" Aragorn growled in a raspy 'american' voice.
"And what, would a *ranger* know of this matter?" sneered Boromir, annoyed that he was being referred to in the dialogue as The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back.
Suddenly, from behind Boromir, the Bleached Blonde Elf (Legolas) leapt to his feet and yelled with far too much enthusiasm. "THIS IS NO MERE RANGER!!!! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him you allegiance."
'Yeah, that's his name!' Elrond thought.
"Aragorn!" Boromir turned, in awe, "*This* is Isildur's heir?"
"An heir to the throne of Gondor!" Legolas blurted out in a sort of boffy know-it-all sort of way.
"Havro daid, Legolas." Aragorn said.
Legolas looked shocked, "NO! That's DISGUSTING!"
Elrond looks offended. He knew exactly what Aragorn had said and didn't like very much. He was going to have to have words with him about using that sort of language in public.
"Legolas, I asked you to sit down!"
"No you didn't, you told me to !&^%&%*&$!!" Everyone at the council gasped in disgust, except Frodo, who went 'eurgh!!! What does that mean?'
"Never mind," Gandalf said, "You wouldn't understand."
Elrond decided this was high time to distract them from their dirty thoughts, "You have only one choice!" he said loudly and convincingly, "The Ring must be destroyed."
"Then what are we waiting for!?" The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard (Gimli) leapt up and smacked the Ring with his battle-axe. The axe broke and he flew across the porch.
"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin," Elrond intoned in a dramatic voice, trying not to laugh, "By any craft that we here possess." 'Now for the best bit!' he thought excitedly, 'My dramatic speech!', "It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast BACK into the Firey Chasm from whence-"
"Daddy!"
"-came." Arwen ran in, holding a jug. Everyone in the council became very interested in their feet, except Legolas who became very interested in his hair, and Gandalf who leant 'casually' over Frodo to listen in. [A/N: Like we said before, he's not a very good actor] Frodo began to hum. Gandalf elbowed him sharply.
"OW!" Frodo protested, "What was that for!?"
"Ssssh!" Gandalf said hissily.
"Daddy, you didn't finish your water this morning!" Arwen scolded.
"YOU just ruined my speech!"
"Well you're still wearing my dress."
"One: it's not a DRESS it's a ROBE. Two: it's not the same one because I can hardly be seen in a ROBE covered in wine!"
"It's my dress, Daddy. You're just disguising it as a robe. Daddy, I'm afriad I'm going to have to send you to your room."
"Arwen, I'm busy!"
"I don't care if you're busy! They'll just have to wait for you won't they?"
Aragorn grinned at Elrond, who glared back at him. "That is SO UNFAIR!" he cried angrily, "You're so MEAN to me, Arwen!"
"Go to your room." Arwen told him, sternly.
"Phwuh!" said Elrond, for lack of anything better to say, and stormed off.
"I'm sorry everybody," Arwen told the Council sweetly, "You'll all have to come back tomorrow." Everyone left, except for Aragorn who sat there still grinning like a maniac, and Glorfindel who was giving Arwen death glares.
"Er... hello, Glorfy! Bye bye, Glorfy!" Arwen scarpered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legolas's Author's Note: Wheee this was fun.
Gimli's Author's Note: I'm hungry.
Legolas: Me too. By the way, it was only with great pain that I allowed myself to be called The Elf Who Bleaches His Hair.
Gimli: I wasn't too keen on The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard, myself. But Elrond doesn't like us so there.
Legolas: Gimli, how can they have a computer under a rock?
Shut up Legolas. Anyway, I do.
Legolas: Good point.
Anyway, on with the chapter, in which Elrond counsels and needs to be counselled....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Life of Elrond- chapter Three!
The Council of Elrond (Nuh!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor! Middle-earth stands upon the brink of DESTRUCTION! None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate this one DOOM! Bring forth the Ring erm... what's your name?"
"Frodo, my Lord." answered the Hobbit mentioned in the previous chapter.
"Frodo, yes."
Frodo walked forward and placed the Ring on the small plinth in the middle of the porch.
"So it is true..." murmured the Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back.
There was a general muttering among the council members. The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back stood up. "It is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this Ring? Long has my father the Steward of Gon....."
By this point, Elrond had stopped paying attention, as had many others, and glanced around.
'Hm...' he thought to himself, 'There's The Smelly Man Who Fancies My Daughter, smelly, dirty and scruffy as usual... who else is here? Ah, there's The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard... otherwise can't tell the difference... erm... The Elf Who Bleaches His Hair, he's always getting in the way... The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back, hasn't he shut up yet? Gandalf The Interferring Old Busybody and That Hobbit Called Frodo With Unnaturally Big Eyes. Eru, what a rabble!'
Elrond jumped as The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back raised his voice. "Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy! Let us use it against him!"
"You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone, it has no other master!" Aragorn growled in a raspy 'american' voice.
"And what, would a *ranger* know of this matter?" sneered Boromir, annoyed that he was being referred to in the dialogue as The Man With The Dinner Plate On His Back.
Suddenly, from behind Boromir, the Bleached Blonde Elf (Legolas) leapt to his feet and yelled with far too much enthusiasm. "THIS IS NO MERE RANGER!!!! He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him you allegiance."
'Yeah, that's his name!' Elrond thought.
"Aragorn!" Boromir turned, in awe, "*This* is Isildur's heir?"
"An heir to the throne of Gondor!" Legolas blurted out in a sort of boffy know-it-all sort of way.
"Havro daid, Legolas." Aragorn said.
Legolas looked shocked, "NO! That's DISGUSTING!"
Elrond looks offended. He knew exactly what Aragorn had said and didn't like very much. He was going to have to have words with him about using that sort of language in public.
"Legolas, I asked you to sit down!"
"No you didn't, you told me to !&^%&%*&$!!" Everyone at the council gasped in disgust, except Frodo, who went 'eurgh!!! What does that mean?'
"Never mind," Gandalf said, "You wouldn't understand."
Elrond decided this was high time to distract them from their dirty thoughts, "You have only one choice!" he said loudly and convincingly, "The Ring must be destroyed."
"Then what are we waiting for!?" The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard (Gimli) leapt up and smacked the Ring with his battle-axe. The axe broke and he flew across the porch.
"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin," Elrond intoned in a dramatic voice, trying not to laugh, "By any craft that we here possess." 'Now for the best bit!' he thought excitedly, 'My dramatic speech!', "It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast BACK into the Firey Chasm from whence-"
"Daddy!"
"-came." Arwen ran in, holding a jug. Everyone in the council became very interested in their feet, except Legolas who became very interested in his hair, and Gandalf who leant 'casually' over Frodo to listen in. [A/N: Like we said before, he's not a very good actor] Frodo began to hum. Gandalf elbowed him sharply.
"OW!" Frodo protested, "What was that for!?"
"Ssssh!" Gandalf said hissily.
"Daddy, you didn't finish your water this morning!" Arwen scolded.
"YOU just ruined my speech!"
"Well you're still wearing my dress."
"One: it's not a DRESS it's a ROBE. Two: it's not the same one because I can hardly be seen in a ROBE covered in wine!"
"It's my dress, Daddy. You're just disguising it as a robe. Daddy, I'm afriad I'm going to have to send you to your room."
"Arwen, I'm busy!"
"I don't care if you're busy! They'll just have to wait for you won't they?"
Aragorn grinned at Elrond, who glared back at him. "That is SO UNFAIR!" he cried angrily, "You're so MEAN to me, Arwen!"
"Go to your room." Arwen told him, sternly.
"Phwuh!" said Elrond, for lack of anything better to say, and stormed off.
"I'm sorry everybody," Arwen told the Council sweetly, "You'll all have to come back tomorrow." Everyone left, except for Aragorn who sat there still grinning like a maniac, and Glorfindel who was giving Arwen death glares.
"Er... hello, Glorfy! Bye bye, Glorfy!" Arwen scarpered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legolas's Author's Note: Wheee this was fun.
Gimli's Author's Note: I'm hungry.
Legolas: Me too. By the way, it was only with great pain that I allowed myself to be called The Elf Who Bleaches His Hair.
Gimli: I wasn't too keen on The Dwarf With The Big Red Beard, myself. But Elrond doesn't like us so there.