Warning: I have rated the story a PG-13 because there will be an eventual
Harry/Draco slash pairing. So please avoid this fic if you do not like the
idea of a same sex romantic pairing.
Disclaimer: Everything is the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just a humble dog not even worthy of dusting her shoes.
A/N: I know I haven't updated this fic for ages, my sincere apologies to everyone. LOTR slash and a sudden Remus obsession are to blame. The next chapter will be posted in about a week. Thanks to Connie for beta-reading this chapter!
The Untold Want
Chapter 6: Crawling over Broken Glass
Harry just couldn't bring himself to admit to Ron and Hermione that Malfoy had kissed him, but he narrated everything else, with his head bowed and his cheeks flushed, feeling oddly embarrassed. He told them how Malfoy had sneaked into the Gryffindor common room pretending to be Ron, probably wanting to cause friction between them, or to learn their secrets.
Hermione had insisted, as the righteous prefect she is, on informing Professor McGonagall about it, but Harry reminded her of their own polyjuice incident during the second year. They would never find substantial evidence against Malfoy and in addition, would probably end up in an awkward situation, having to explain how they managed to have expert knowledge of the effects of a potion taught only during the seventh year.
Ron had insisted on breaking Draco's face, but Harry reminded him of Crabbe and Goyle. He calmed them both down with promises of some ingenious revenge plan. He wasn't lying, he repeated to himself constantly, he was just concealing a part of the truth. People are allowed to have their secrets, and what was going on between him and Malfoy was a personal duel; it had nothing to do with friends or teachers, Gryffindor or Slytherin.
But he knew he would have to deal with Malfoy soon and the prospect darkened the otherwise pleasant trip to Hogsmeade the following day. And what a beautiful day it was, pale clouds sliding across a glittering blue sky, the light breeze making the tree leaves rustle a joyous tune. On one of those crystal-clear mornings, how the world appeared so true and real… no hidden meanings, no dark secrets, everything just blossoming under the warm sun.
They aimlessly strolled along the narrow streets of Hogsmeade for hours, breathing the fresh air that tasted of freedom, enjoying the way the autumn carpet of brown leaves crunched underfoot. The twins had joined them in their walk but when their footsteps brought them in front of Zonko's they elbowed each other, eyes shining with mischief.
'See you later Captain!' Ron shouted cheerfully, proud of his new-found status as the official Gryffindor keeper. Fred grinned and waved at them before following George into the joke shop.
'Right' Hermione said. 'Now let's go to Ollivander's.'
'No, no, no!' Ron interrupted her. 'Honeydukes first.' Harry nodded enthusiastically while Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes in disapproval.
Honeydukes, holy altar of chocolate, mighty church of candy. 'Yum,' thought Harry. 'Some ice-mice first and a couple of Peppermint Toads. Even Cockroach Clusters, why not? Coconut ice-cream sounds good, and perhaps a few lime green jelly slugs.' Seamus was in Honeydukes too, but he was too busy to notice them, embroiled as he was in an argument with Dean, who insisted that blood-flavored lollipops were only good for vampires, and that Seamus was a very, very sick person.
'Have you bought enough sweets? Can we finally go and get my new wand now?' Hermione said impatiently, tugging at Ron's robes. They agreed and with a sigh of disappointment they abandoned the sugary kingdom, casting longing glances around them before they exited.
The branch of Ollivander's at Hogsmeade was smaller but less dusty and better lit than the one in London. The shop assistant was a young and handsome wizard, all dazzling smiles and courteous bows. 'He reminds me of Lockhart' Ron grumbled in Harry's ear, watching Hermione beam whenever he talked to her.
Half an hour later the shop was a battlefield, piles of empty boxes and half-broken chairs on the floor, wands everywhere. Ron and Harry had almost fallen asleep, slouched on the velvet armchairs, awakened only by the occasional explosion.
KABOOM!
'Oh dear, what a difficult customer' the young wizard exclaimed, wiping his sweaty forehead. He disappeared in the back of the store, searching for a new wand. 'Look,' Hermione laughed at Ron's exasperated face. 'There's no need for you two to waste your entire day here. Why don't you go to Three Broomsticks for a nice butterbeer and I'll join you when I'm done?'
'Are you sure?' Harry wanted to ask but he didn't have time, because Ron had grabbed his arm and they were running like the wind out of the shop.
Three Broomsticks was warm and pleasant, Rosmerta was as pretty and polite as always and the butterbeer was sweet and frothy. But three words from Ron were enough to make Harry suddenly feel uncomfortable. 'Malfoy is here.'
His eyes scanned through the room till they finally focused on a table at the corner, half hidden in the shadows. He first recognized Crabbe and Goyle, then he noticed the slim figure between them, silvery blonde hair glinting in the dim light of the bar. There were quite a few empty glasses on the table in front of them, they seemed to be in a rowdy good mood, Malfoy was narrating something that made them all laugh out loud in amusement.
Blaise Zabini walked in, threw his bag on an empty chair and sat with them. 'Rosmerta, a butterbeer for Blaise!' Malfoy shouted cheerfully and went back to his narration.
Harry stood up.
'Ron, wait here.'
'Harry, I...'
'I want to speak to him alone. Come only if you see me in trouble.'
He slowly approached the table, feeling Ron's eyes boring holes in the back of his head. The Slytherins immediately stopped laughing when he came closer, rolling his sleeves up as if preparing for combat. Zabini waved at him reluctantly but the others didn't stir. Malfoy looked at him for a split second, then he lowered his eyes to his drink.
'I need to talk to you Malfoy.'
Draco raised an inquiring eyebrow and slouched on his chair, exchanging sarcastic glances with Crabbe and Goyle.
'In private' Harry added, trying to make his voice sound firm and confident. Malfoy hesitated, then heaved himself to his feet, calming Crabbe and Goyle with a nod.
'Stay here.' he said with authority.
Draco walked ahead, and Harry followed him outside and round the corner of the bar. 'So' he asked with a faint smile, folding his arms across his chest. 'What seems to be the problem?'
'You know very well.'
'Enlighten me.'
Harry was about to explode with anger, he clenched his fists, trying to control himself. 'Yesterday you came to the Gryffindor common room, after disguising yourself as Ron and you kissed me. You kissed me!'
Malfoy smirked. 'I swear your imagination is running wild Potter. How could I possibly disguise myself as the ugly Weasel? You need to start separating- '
Harry interrupted him. 'I won't believe your lies any more. It was you yesterday and it was you hovering outside the Gryffindor window.'
'You got any proof of that?' Malfoy pretended to yawn and started examining his fingernails.
'I don't need proof. I know. You know. And don't think I won't retaliate'
Malfoy seemed slightly uncomfortable now, losing in poise and Harry felt more confident.
'I know it was you. I know all about the polyjuice potion and its effects. I don't need to prove anything 'cause unlike you I'm not going to call my dad whining, or run to the professors and complain.'
Draco was silent, but his hands were slightly trembling.
'You won't ruin my friendship with Ron, Malfoy.'
'Friendship?' Draco laughed mirthlessly. 'I don't give a damn about your precious friendship. The extend of you ignorance is impressive Potter. You think that's the reason I kissed you? I kissed you because-'
Harry's eyes widened, because he suddenly and completely understood. It was like a puzzle that you'd been toying with for hours, and then you find that single missing piece you'd been searching for from the start, and the picture becomes clear. The gates to his memory crashed down and a thousand images washed over him, a thousand bitter words, a thousand brushes in empty corridors. An enormous and intricate web that finally made sense.
Malfoy hovering outside the window, his expression unreadable, whispering Harry's name. Malfoy staring at him with dead eyes, a frozen wraith in the middle of the classroom. Malfoy screaming 'I'll kill you!', his voice dripping with jealousy and desperation.
'Because you wanted to...' Harry gasped in shock.
'Ten points to Gryffindor. It took you long enough to figure that out. You stupid jerk, everyone knows. Half of the professors know, they've seen the way I stare at you. Even your mudblood friend suspects something. And you have the nerve now... I strongly suggest you get out of here before I hex you.'
'Since when?' Harry interrupted him.
'Since forever Potter. Since forever.'
'But it doesn't make sense' he managed to whisper. Malfoy had been nothing but horrible to him for all these years.
'What do you think love is Potter? Watching the sunrise together, raindrops on roses, butterflies in your stomach? You need to get over all those romance novels you've been reading recently. It's an old scar that doesn't leave no matter how hard you rub the skin, it's cold wind blowing from an open window making your hair rise and your skin prickle. I don't want to hold your hand, I don't want to be your friend, I don't give a damn if you are happy. I want you.'
Harry took a step back, feeling threatened by Draco's words and not knowing why. Nausea welled up in him, he braced one arm against the wall, wishing that all this was some sort of dream he could snap out of. He closed his eyes, waiting for the annoying buzz of the alarm clock. It didn't come.
'I want you to be with me. I don't want you to talk to anyone else. I don't want you to touch anyone else. I don't want you to dream of anyone else. Why should you, when I only dream of you?'
Draco ran his fingers through his hair, his face twitching in frustration.
Despite all the terrible things that had happened between them over the years, he couldn't stop himself from feeling sorry for Malfoy as he stood there lost and abandoned. 'Draco-' he said gently, trying to offer a shred of comfort.
But something in the tone of his voice seemed to offend Malfoy. He glanced at him with red eyes, despair replaced with anger.
'I don't want your pity!' he screamed. 'Go! Leave now! I'll hex you! I'll...'
Without a warning Malfoy was on him, fast as a whiplash. Harry felt himself being pushed against the cold and moist wall, a hot mouth sealed over his, there was a sound of cloth ripping, as Malfoy's fingers tore his collar. He felt it again, the way he had felt the day before, when Malfoy had tried to kiss him after polyjuicing himself into Ron. It was the same but somehow different, for those lips weren't chapped but soft and cold and Draco's skin had a fresh scent of mint and crushed tree leaves, not sweat.
It was there again, only stronger now, that strange sensation that made him feel somehow... It wasn't only anger that catapulted him into action but fear too. He shoved Draco roughly away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 'Let me go Malfoy!' he shouted, ribs heaving with deep, shuddering breaths.
But Draco wouldn't give up so easily. 'You won't deny me!' he hissed, fingernails digging deep into Harry's shoulder. Harry fought to get rid of him, kicking and pushing but subconsciously trying not to hit Draco too hard. He thought he had the upper hand in the struggle when suddenly the back of his head slammed against the stone wall with a dull thud and Malfoy's wand was shoved so hard under his jaw he felt it was going to break into his skull.
He screwed his eyes shut angry and afraid, and pressed his lips tightly, trying to think of a way to get the wand out of his pocket. Fingers wrapped around his jaw, trying to nudge his mouth open, a tongue flickered out, licking him. The lips that were pressed against his own had a strange, salty taste. Draco's mouth tasted of tears. Then the wand was removed from his jaw, the hand that was clutching his shoulder eased its grip.
Something cold touched his cheek, reminding him of the Niveus potion splashing on him during Snape's lesson, but it was only Draco's hand, caressing his face.
'Damn you Potter' he whispered brokenly, the voice of someone forced to crawl over broken glass on his hands and knees. 'Why does it have to be like this?'
Then came a long, long moment of silence.
He opened his eyes the merest of slits. Malfoy was not looking at him any more but somewhere behind his shoulder; a small smile played on his lips. 'Hello Granger' he said. 'Care to join our little gathering?'
Hermione stood there with wind-blown hair, mouth gaping open, her eyes wide with shock. Malfoy hid the wand in his pocket, his hand rested on Harry's face for a moment, as if reluctant to break the touch, then he backed away and stormed off. The dark robes swirled just above his black leather boots as he turned the corner sharply and disappeared. His footsteps still echoed for a few moments, then they died away.
Harry looked at Hermione. She held a long elegant box dressed with crimson velvet.
'So you got a wand at last.' he said weakly, the pain from Draco's fingernails still throbbing on his skin.
'Nine inches, centaur hair, mahogany.' She smiled with a mere twitch of the lips.
They stared at each other in silence.
'Disaster' she said.
To be continued
Disclaimer: Everything is the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just a humble dog not even worthy of dusting her shoes.
A/N: I know I haven't updated this fic for ages, my sincere apologies to everyone. LOTR slash and a sudden Remus obsession are to blame. The next chapter will be posted in about a week. Thanks to Connie for beta-reading this chapter!
The Untold Want
Chapter 6: Crawling over Broken Glass
Harry just couldn't bring himself to admit to Ron and Hermione that Malfoy had kissed him, but he narrated everything else, with his head bowed and his cheeks flushed, feeling oddly embarrassed. He told them how Malfoy had sneaked into the Gryffindor common room pretending to be Ron, probably wanting to cause friction between them, or to learn their secrets.
Hermione had insisted, as the righteous prefect she is, on informing Professor McGonagall about it, but Harry reminded her of their own polyjuice incident during the second year. They would never find substantial evidence against Malfoy and in addition, would probably end up in an awkward situation, having to explain how they managed to have expert knowledge of the effects of a potion taught only during the seventh year.
Ron had insisted on breaking Draco's face, but Harry reminded him of Crabbe and Goyle. He calmed them both down with promises of some ingenious revenge plan. He wasn't lying, he repeated to himself constantly, he was just concealing a part of the truth. People are allowed to have their secrets, and what was going on between him and Malfoy was a personal duel; it had nothing to do with friends or teachers, Gryffindor or Slytherin.
But he knew he would have to deal with Malfoy soon and the prospect darkened the otherwise pleasant trip to Hogsmeade the following day. And what a beautiful day it was, pale clouds sliding across a glittering blue sky, the light breeze making the tree leaves rustle a joyous tune. On one of those crystal-clear mornings, how the world appeared so true and real… no hidden meanings, no dark secrets, everything just blossoming under the warm sun.
They aimlessly strolled along the narrow streets of Hogsmeade for hours, breathing the fresh air that tasted of freedom, enjoying the way the autumn carpet of brown leaves crunched underfoot. The twins had joined them in their walk but when their footsteps brought them in front of Zonko's they elbowed each other, eyes shining with mischief.
'See you later Captain!' Ron shouted cheerfully, proud of his new-found status as the official Gryffindor keeper. Fred grinned and waved at them before following George into the joke shop.
'Right' Hermione said. 'Now let's go to Ollivander's.'
'No, no, no!' Ron interrupted her. 'Honeydukes first.' Harry nodded enthusiastically while Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes in disapproval.
Honeydukes, holy altar of chocolate, mighty church of candy. 'Yum,' thought Harry. 'Some ice-mice first and a couple of Peppermint Toads. Even Cockroach Clusters, why not? Coconut ice-cream sounds good, and perhaps a few lime green jelly slugs.' Seamus was in Honeydukes too, but he was too busy to notice them, embroiled as he was in an argument with Dean, who insisted that blood-flavored lollipops were only good for vampires, and that Seamus was a very, very sick person.
'Have you bought enough sweets? Can we finally go and get my new wand now?' Hermione said impatiently, tugging at Ron's robes. They agreed and with a sigh of disappointment they abandoned the sugary kingdom, casting longing glances around them before they exited.
The branch of Ollivander's at Hogsmeade was smaller but less dusty and better lit than the one in London. The shop assistant was a young and handsome wizard, all dazzling smiles and courteous bows. 'He reminds me of Lockhart' Ron grumbled in Harry's ear, watching Hermione beam whenever he talked to her.
Half an hour later the shop was a battlefield, piles of empty boxes and half-broken chairs on the floor, wands everywhere. Ron and Harry had almost fallen asleep, slouched on the velvet armchairs, awakened only by the occasional explosion.
KABOOM!
'Oh dear, what a difficult customer' the young wizard exclaimed, wiping his sweaty forehead. He disappeared in the back of the store, searching for a new wand. 'Look,' Hermione laughed at Ron's exasperated face. 'There's no need for you two to waste your entire day here. Why don't you go to Three Broomsticks for a nice butterbeer and I'll join you when I'm done?'
'Are you sure?' Harry wanted to ask but he didn't have time, because Ron had grabbed his arm and they were running like the wind out of the shop.
Three Broomsticks was warm and pleasant, Rosmerta was as pretty and polite as always and the butterbeer was sweet and frothy. But three words from Ron were enough to make Harry suddenly feel uncomfortable. 'Malfoy is here.'
His eyes scanned through the room till they finally focused on a table at the corner, half hidden in the shadows. He first recognized Crabbe and Goyle, then he noticed the slim figure between them, silvery blonde hair glinting in the dim light of the bar. There were quite a few empty glasses on the table in front of them, they seemed to be in a rowdy good mood, Malfoy was narrating something that made them all laugh out loud in amusement.
Blaise Zabini walked in, threw his bag on an empty chair and sat with them. 'Rosmerta, a butterbeer for Blaise!' Malfoy shouted cheerfully and went back to his narration.
Harry stood up.
'Ron, wait here.'
'Harry, I...'
'I want to speak to him alone. Come only if you see me in trouble.'
He slowly approached the table, feeling Ron's eyes boring holes in the back of his head. The Slytherins immediately stopped laughing when he came closer, rolling his sleeves up as if preparing for combat. Zabini waved at him reluctantly but the others didn't stir. Malfoy looked at him for a split second, then he lowered his eyes to his drink.
'I need to talk to you Malfoy.'
Draco raised an inquiring eyebrow and slouched on his chair, exchanging sarcastic glances with Crabbe and Goyle.
'In private' Harry added, trying to make his voice sound firm and confident. Malfoy hesitated, then heaved himself to his feet, calming Crabbe and Goyle with a nod.
'Stay here.' he said with authority.
Draco walked ahead, and Harry followed him outside and round the corner of the bar. 'So' he asked with a faint smile, folding his arms across his chest. 'What seems to be the problem?'
'You know very well.'
'Enlighten me.'
Harry was about to explode with anger, he clenched his fists, trying to control himself. 'Yesterday you came to the Gryffindor common room, after disguising yourself as Ron and you kissed me. You kissed me!'
Malfoy smirked. 'I swear your imagination is running wild Potter. How could I possibly disguise myself as the ugly Weasel? You need to start separating- '
Harry interrupted him. 'I won't believe your lies any more. It was you yesterday and it was you hovering outside the Gryffindor window.'
'You got any proof of that?' Malfoy pretended to yawn and started examining his fingernails.
'I don't need proof. I know. You know. And don't think I won't retaliate'
Malfoy seemed slightly uncomfortable now, losing in poise and Harry felt more confident.
'I know it was you. I know all about the polyjuice potion and its effects. I don't need to prove anything 'cause unlike you I'm not going to call my dad whining, or run to the professors and complain.'
Draco was silent, but his hands were slightly trembling.
'You won't ruin my friendship with Ron, Malfoy.'
'Friendship?' Draco laughed mirthlessly. 'I don't give a damn about your precious friendship. The extend of you ignorance is impressive Potter. You think that's the reason I kissed you? I kissed you because-'
Harry's eyes widened, because he suddenly and completely understood. It was like a puzzle that you'd been toying with for hours, and then you find that single missing piece you'd been searching for from the start, and the picture becomes clear. The gates to his memory crashed down and a thousand images washed over him, a thousand bitter words, a thousand brushes in empty corridors. An enormous and intricate web that finally made sense.
Malfoy hovering outside the window, his expression unreadable, whispering Harry's name. Malfoy staring at him with dead eyes, a frozen wraith in the middle of the classroom. Malfoy screaming 'I'll kill you!', his voice dripping with jealousy and desperation.
'Because you wanted to...' Harry gasped in shock.
'Ten points to Gryffindor. It took you long enough to figure that out. You stupid jerk, everyone knows. Half of the professors know, they've seen the way I stare at you. Even your mudblood friend suspects something. And you have the nerve now... I strongly suggest you get out of here before I hex you.'
'Since when?' Harry interrupted him.
'Since forever Potter. Since forever.'
'But it doesn't make sense' he managed to whisper. Malfoy had been nothing but horrible to him for all these years.
'What do you think love is Potter? Watching the sunrise together, raindrops on roses, butterflies in your stomach? You need to get over all those romance novels you've been reading recently. It's an old scar that doesn't leave no matter how hard you rub the skin, it's cold wind blowing from an open window making your hair rise and your skin prickle. I don't want to hold your hand, I don't want to be your friend, I don't give a damn if you are happy. I want you.'
Harry took a step back, feeling threatened by Draco's words and not knowing why. Nausea welled up in him, he braced one arm against the wall, wishing that all this was some sort of dream he could snap out of. He closed his eyes, waiting for the annoying buzz of the alarm clock. It didn't come.
'I want you to be with me. I don't want you to talk to anyone else. I don't want you to touch anyone else. I don't want you to dream of anyone else. Why should you, when I only dream of you?'
Draco ran his fingers through his hair, his face twitching in frustration.
Despite all the terrible things that had happened between them over the years, he couldn't stop himself from feeling sorry for Malfoy as he stood there lost and abandoned. 'Draco-' he said gently, trying to offer a shred of comfort.
But something in the tone of his voice seemed to offend Malfoy. He glanced at him with red eyes, despair replaced with anger.
'I don't want your pity!' he screamed. 'Go! Leave now! I'll hex you! I'll...'
Without a warning Malfoy was on him, fast as a whiplash. Harry felt himself being pushed against the cold and moist wall, a hot mouth sealed over his, there was a sound of cloth ripping, as Malfoy's fingers tore his collar. He felt it again, the way he had felt the day before, when Malfoy had tried to kiss him after polyjuicing himself into Ron. It was the same but somehow different, for those lips weren't chapped but soft and cold and Draco's skin had a fresh scent of mint and crushed tree leaves, not sweat.
It was there again, only stronger now, that strange sensation that made him feel somehow... It wasn't only anger that catapulted him into action but fear too. He shoved Draco roughly away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 'Let me go Malfoy!' he shouted, ribs heaving with deep, shuddering breaths.
But Draco wouldn't give up so easily. 'You won't deny me!' he hissed, fingernails digging deep into Harry's shoulder. Harry fought to get rid of him, kicking and pushing but subconsciously trying not to hit Draco too hard. He thought he had the upper hand in the struggle when suddenly the back of his head slammed against the stone wall with a dull thud and Malfoy's wand was shoved so hard under his jaw he felt it was going to break into his skull.
He screwed his eyes shut angry and afraid, and pressed his lips tightly, trying to think of a way to get the wand out of his pocket. Fingers wrapped around his jaw, trying to nudge his mouth open, a tongue flickered out, licking him. The lips that were pressed against his own had a strange, salty taste. Draco's mouth tasted of tears. Then the wand was removed from his jaw, the hand that was clutching his shoulder eased its grip.
Something cold touched his cheek, reminding him of the Niveus potion splashing on him during Snape's lesson, but it was only Draco's hand, caressing his face.
'Damn you Potter' he whispered brokenly, the voice of someone forced to crawl over broken glass on his hands and knees. 'Why does it have to be like this?'
Then came a long, long moment of silence.
He opened his eyes the merest of slits. Malfoy was not looking at him any more but somewhere behind his shoulder; a small smile played on his lips. 'Hello Granger' he said. 'Care to join our little gathering?'
Hermione stood there with wind-blown hair, mouth gaping open, her eyes wide with shock. Malfoy hid the wand in his pocket, his hand rested on Harry's face for a moment, as if reluctant to break the touch, then he backed away and stormed off. The dark robes swirled just above his black leather boots as he turned the corner sharply and disappeared. His footsteps still echoed for a few moments, then they died away.
Harry looked at Hermione. She held a long elegant box dressed with crimson velvet.
'So you got a wand at last.' he said weakly, the pain from Draco's fingernails still throbbing on his skin.
'Nine inches, centaur hair, mahogany.' She smiled with a mere twitch of the lips.
They stared at each other in silence.
'Disaster' she said.
To be continued