Disclaimer: You know, it hurts having to say this… I have no claim whatsoever on the Harry Potter characters. *sob* Are you happy now, you blood sucking legal fiends???
A/N: I hate school. A lot. I have so much homework already, and I've only been back for two days. So if updates become sparse, that's why, and I'm very sorry. Blame my teachers, and whatever bright spark thought it would be fun to invent GCSEs. But hey… 1 B, 3 As and an A* so far, so it can't be that bad! Never Ending Notebooks belong to Arabella (HqoW), and skint in slang for 'lacking in money' in case that's too English for you.
Dear Ms Granger,
Once more, we feel the need to remind you of just how pathetic you are. Think about it: you are hiding in the girls' loos so that you won't have to talk to one of your best friends, who you also happen to be in love with. It does not get more pathetic that this. Although staying hidden in a toilet cubicle is a good start, we still recommend you crawl into a small closet and stay there.
Yours sincerely,
The Association of Teenagers
Dear Ms Granger,
You have been hiding in here for three hours now, and no one has come to look for you. Why is this? Because they don't care. You are insignificant. You do not matter. Give it up right now.
Yours etc,
Cold Hard Truth Association
Hermione,
OK… so much happened in that last letter I'm still trying to catch my breath. I mean, you admit to being perdidamente for one of your best friends, you make up after having a big argument, you are both completely humiliated by your arch nemesis (ok, maybe I'm exaggerating that part a teensy bit…) and then you ASSAULT said arch nemesis? AGAIN??? Firstly, when did this happen the first time? Do you make a habit of attacking nasty insulting boys? If you do, I totally support you, it just shocked me a bit, that's all. I can't believe you made him bleed… I would love to be as brave as you and just WHAM, hit someone 'round the head like that. Not just for the hell of it, you understand, but if they totally deserved it, like that Malfoy guy.
And as for what you said about Ron… I promise that not one word of it will ever pass my lips. Seriously, I know exactly what you're going through (well, kinda…) and I would never tell anyone. Ever. That doesn't mean I won't talk to you about it though… Tell me more about him! All I know is that he's a little bit rash, has a sense of humour (paisley! I will never look at paisley the same way again) and he likes the Chudley Cannons. What does he look like? What's he act like when he's not arguing with you? These are all vital things I need to know in order to discern whether or not he is good enough for you.
If you're really sure you want to hear more about the soap opera that is my life… here it is. Soap opera may be a slight exaggeration, as no one overacts and nothing of interest ever happens, but still, it was the best I could come up with. Lorena Extrano (remember her?) has developed an obsession with our new Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Professor Mono. For most other girls, this would mean fantasising from afar (there are many who do this… he IS very nice looking), but for Lorena… well, she has to be different. She has taken to following him around the school, hiding behind pillars and statues, taking photos of him. She's hung them all up over her bed, which is creepy, cuz they all watch you as you walk around the dorm room. And cuz, you know, she's stalking him!
Jaime Profundidad-Oculta is much the same as usual. He's being his usual quiet self, although he is speaking up a bit more, usually to say something so amazingly smart or witty that everyone is taken aback.
And Alfonso Listo… where to begin? Remember I said I understood your problems? Well… yes. This would be why. Don't make me say it, you know what I mean. He's so damn NICE it's almost driving me crazy. I mean, I could go completely crazy and yell at him, and he'd just sit there and look sad, but he wouldn't get mad at me. NOTHING I do seems to make him mad. It's turned into some kind of crazy mission for me, to try and make him angry, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to fail.
It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it? I hope you have a lovely day and get many beautiful presents.
Lots of love and Birthday Wishes,
Lorena
Charms Notes
Ron?
Hermione?
You didn't pay any attention to what Malfoy said, did you?
What thing that Malfoy said?
You know exactly what I'm talking about. In the corridor. When I hit him.
You hit him??? Again??
Yes, didn't you already know that? Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, you're not talking to me.
I'm not? Cuz I was under the impression that that was what I was doing this very second… And I didn't know you hit him. Why didn't you tell me? You know I love to hear about triumphs over our dear friend Draco…
Don't be sarky. You're not really talking to me. I don't like it. I thought I did tell you? And you could have even watched if you hadn't been too busy stalking off in the other direction ignoring me. Anyway, it's not something to be proud of.
Not something to be proud of??? I'm proud of it, and I didn't even do it! Tell me, did he bleed?
If I start talking to you properly again (I didn't realise I'd stopped, but hey), will you tell me?
Not much blood, but there was a trickle down his forehead…
*sigh* Almost as good as the bouncing ferret…
Hermione,
Happy birthday darling! Our little daughter all grown up… I can't believe you're sixteen! It seems like just yesterday we were bringing you home from the hospital… I do hope that you like all of your presents. I hope this reaches you in time - we had to go into Diagon Alley especially to borrow an owl. The whole family sends their love. I wish that we could see you today, it's so difficult not being able to see you on your birthday – and one as important as this as well! I hope you have a lovely day,
Love in abundance,
Mum
PS Hermione, now that you are sixteen, I hope you don't get any rash ideas. Never forget what happened to your Auntie Gretna… Have a lovely day, pumpkin – Dad
PPS Ignore your father. But don't do anything too stupid… - Mum
PPPS We have also sent presents from all your relatives on, with different owls, so I'm not sure when you'll get them.
Hermione,
16 at last… I hope you like your present, and you have a lovely day.
Harry
Hermione,
I'm going to write a long note on your present, just to prove that I am talking to you properly. I don't even know why you thought I wasn't, but seeing as it is your birthday, I am going to humour you. I can't believe that you're sixteen… that's so OLD. Hehe. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy your birthday, and don't forget that if the huge pile of sweets is too much for you… I am always here…
Ron
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You may be sixteen,
But we're older than you.
Many Happy Returns,
Gred and Forge
Hermione!
Happy happy happy HAPPY birthday! I'm so excited… I can't believe you're sixteen! Argh, I'm babbling. I hope you like the present I got you, I took ages picking it out. Ron helped, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not…
See you at breakfast,
Ginny
Hermione, dear,
Many happy returns! I hope that you are settling back into Hogwarts again, and hopefully keeping an eye on Ron and Harry. Please, please try and get Ron to work harder – he really should do well in his O.W.L.s, and he would if he would just work. Also, could you remind him to write back to me? I hope that you have a lovely day and like your present.
Lots of love,
Molly and Arthur Weasley
HERMIONE!!! OVER HERE!!! TWO NOTES FOR YOU!! ON ONE PIECE OF PAPER!!!
Hermione! Happy sixteenth! You realise what this means now, don't you? You are officially an adult (of sorts) and therefore able to do things we cannot. Have fun!
Parvati
Hermione! Happy Birthday! Hope you like the present (sorry it's only one between us… we're still skint from the holidays). Have a great day, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Lavender
Hermione,
You are sixteen at last! Many happy returns. I hope that you like my present – I did take many hours choosing it for you. It is a pity that you could not visit during the holidays. Bulgaria was empty without you. Perhaps, if it is possible, you would like to visit in Christmas? My new house is very beautiful, and at Christmas, there will be snow all around. Please write soon, and have a nice day.
Love,
Viktor
Hermione! Many happy returns of the day. Sixteen years old! And you know what that means… you can play on the MagiLottery! Hope you like the sugarquills.
Dean and Seamus
Hermione,
Happy birthday! Sorry your present isn't much – it was my Gran's birthday yesterday and I spent most of my savings on her. I hope you like it anyway, and have a lovely day.
Neville
Hermione,
Hope you are well – happy birthday! Come down to my hut tonight at seven (bring Ron and Harry too) and I'll give you my present.
Love,
Hagrid
Elena,
I had a lovely birthday, and I got presents from everyone! I got lots of things from my parents – books, clothes, music (although I can't use that at Hogwarts), sweets – and many things from my family too. And my friends… well, they have really outdone themselves this year. Harry got me a book called Great Witches Through History and a chocolate frog; Ron got me a book entitled Everything You Need to Know About House Elves (surprising of him really… he thinks I'm mad with this whole S.P.E.W. thing); Ron's twin brothers got me sweets, although there isn't a chance of me eating them, as they're almost certainly cursed – they want to open a joke shop when they're older; Ginny got me a beautiful hair slide –a jewelled butterfly that actually flaps its wings – which Ron helped to pick out (he gets more and more surprising every day…); Ron's parents (his family are all so generous) gave me a lovely dark purple scarf – hand knitted by his mother – and a birthday cake; Parvati and Lavender got me some enchanted nail varnish – it changes colour to match your outfit – and some Honeydukes chocolate; Dean and Seamus got me sugarquills; Neville got me a lovely little Never Ending Notebook; Hagrid gave me an assortment of his cooking experiments; and Viktor got me a necklace.
What lovely friends I have! Ron has even kept quiet about my necklace from Viktor – a minor miracle. Ron has had something against Viktor ever since I went to the Yule Ball with him last year. With Viktor, that is, not with Ron. He calls him Vicky, and while I was at Ron's house over the summer, he would make nasty comments every time I got one of his letters. He's being so nice today! I can see him glaring at my necklace when he thinks I'm not looking, but as soon as I turn around, he smiles, and he hasn't made one comment about it. I don't suppose it'll last – he'll probably yell at me tomorrow… and he'll go ballistic if he ever finds the letter – Viktor invited me to stay at Christmas. I don't know what to tell him… you have to help me. I don't even know if I want to or not.
Alfonso, eh? You don't have to worry, I won't say a word. I'm far too nice. I don't know why you're upset about him being so nice. Nice is a good thing. I'd love it if Ron was as calm and nice as that. He has an awful temper, and he's much too stubborn, so it's great when he's being nice.
Lorena is stalking her teacher? That can't be good. Do everything you possibly can to discourage her.
It's nice of you to worry whether or not Ron is good enough for me. If it helps, I'll give you a list of his assets. He's tall (very tall), lanky, and has bright red hair and freckles. He's amazingly stubborn, fiercely loyal and blushes easily. He has bluey-green eyes (like a storm-tossed ocean) and when he thinks, he sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. He's very funny, although sometimes he can be a bit too sarcastic, and he has an inferiority complex. A bad one. It's impossible to get him down on paper. Really, really impossible. Argh.
Making Malfoy bleed was not a good thing. No matter how much I may have enjoyed it. Last time I may have had an excuse – I was overworked, stressed, and he was joking about getting Hagrid fired – but that was still no excuse to smack him. Even if he did deserve it for calling Hagrid pathetic. Ron and Harry were just staring at me as though I'd grown a pair of antlers or something… it was that shocking. I'm not really the type who goes around attacking people. But I was just so angry… I have to learn to control my temper.
Ahhh… such a lovely day,
Love,
Hermione
* * * * *
Sorry there were so many birthday notes… what can I say? Hermione's very loved. Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You are all brilliant. I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but hopefully, I can write it next weekend.
bitethepenguin – thank you very much. You should read the book, it's absolutely great! Do you like penguins or hate them? Just wondering… I have a slight obsession with them…
Kaylin – Danke mucho (argh, multilingual!). Just a question… why do you have socks on your ears???
tempestuous – gracias. I'm glad you like the Spanish houses… I had hours of fun going through my Spanish dictionary (what a sad life I lead…) and decided whether to use nuts or flowers or birds or whatever, so I'm very happy someone noticed! *sings*
rock_steady13 – wow again! You actually went out and bought the book cuz of this fic? Well, I'm more than honoured. I can't even think of a word right now. And I'm also a little worried about your sanity if you think this is better than the original, but hey, not gonna argue. England is nice… but still, dangerous! A double-decker bus was hijacked at gun point on Thursday near me, so argh! And everything is TOO old. My brother's school was set up like 400 years ago, and I have to walk past a Roman villa on the way to school. It's odd. Anyway, I'm moving to USA when I'm older. Cheaper, and safer.
Melissa – grazi (I wonder how many more languages I can say thank you in…) and R/Hr reign supreme! I mean, Harry and Hermione's hair colours clash – one of the many reasons they do not suit.
Quidditch, Anyone? – gam sum ni dah! Badly spelt Korean for thank you… you really should read the book! You will love it, it's impossible not to.
Until next time…