Disclaimer: Is there anyone here who doesn't realise what fanfic is? You know… fiction, written by fans, who DO NOT OWN the characters they are writing about?
A/N I'm worn out and slightly stressed out, so many apologies if the chapter turns out to be craptacular. Oh, and Hermione has been driven to a few more rude words than usual by our most darlingest, most favouritist redheaded fool. Sorry.
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Dear Hermione,
Your hair looks shocking today. It is even frizzier than usual – and we always thought it was physically impossible for hair to stick out at a 90-degree angle from people's heads! But you, you have proved us wrong. And what were you thinking with that mini-fringe? Really, we feel that you are in desperate needs of our services. Send us an owl sometime.
Yours,
The Director
International Department of Hairpieces, Toupees and Wigs
Dearest, most Darlingest Hermione,
I am in a sickly sweet mood today, so please, bear with me. Good to hear you had a nice birthday. And as for your presents, well… I think you're being spoilt! I can't believe how many people bought you presents – you never told me you were that popular. Not that I thought that you were a social retard or anything… I just never realised how many friends you had. Like Hagrid. Who's Hagrid? And Viktor? What ball? I get the feeling I really missed something here. But it sounds like our dear friend Ron is jealous of Viktor… As in, Viktor has something that Ron wants? Such as… you? Just a theory. Unless Ron has some other reason to hate him. Like, how do you know Viktor? Do you go to school with him? And as for staying with him… well, I don't know really, cuz I don't know who he is, but you certainly don't seem that certain, so that may be a good indication of how you feel. Tell me more about him and I'll try to help.
Eyes like a storm-tossed ocean? You have got it really bad… he does sound nice though. And fiercely loyal too. He seems to be good enough… but if he gives you any trouble, you just tell me, and I'll set Matthew on him. He may only be 10 years old, but he is VICIOUS. Seriously, he went through a phase of biting anyone who came within two foot of him – and he almost always drew blood. I have scars all the way along both arms to testify to that. He'll sort Ron out.
Just so you know, I am of the opinion that attacking Malfoy (twice) is an unbelievably good thing. Humiliating you, calling you a Mudblood, taunting Ron for not having money (as if money or family make you who you are! The cheek of it!), trying to get Hagrid fired, calling him pathetic… I'm just surprised that you've only hit him twice! What about Ron and Harry? Have they hit him? You said Ron rarely passes up on a chance to hit him… that boy is definitely growing on me! You can date him if you want. You have my blessing…
Oh, so many dot-dot-dots. Teachers are getting fed up of finding them in my essays. Professor Impaciente says that if she finds one more she will put me straight into detention for a month. Which, if you ask me, is overreacting just a little bit… There I go again, dammit. Anyways…
Nothing much is happening here. Still haven't managed to make Alfonso mad. Lorena still insists on following Professor Mono around everywhere. Jaime managed to string together two sentences in front of a complete stranger yesterday. Will wonders never cease?
Well, better be going now. Late night, early morning and whatnot.
Love and Certain Infuriatingly Nice Boys,
Elena
Defence Against the Dark Arts Notes
So, Hermione, where'd you get the necklace?
What, did I hit a sore spot?
Is this about Vicky?
His name is Viktor!
Oh, sure, stand up for Vicky.
CALL HIM VIKTOR!!
Fine. So, is this necklace from VIKTOR?
That's none of your business.
So it's none of my business now, is it? None of my business if one of my best friends is going to go stay with some poncey Quidditch star for Christmas?
What are you talking about?
Don't play innocent. I've seen the letter.
You READ my LETTER????
I have a right to know.
You have a RIGHT??? You have a right to go snooping around in my belongings and reading my PRIVATE letters?? I don't believe you sometimes.
Where you ever going to tell us?
Look, Harry needs you at Christmas! You can't just go off gallivanting around with… with… that THING. He goes to DURMSTRANG. That place is full to the brim of Death Eaters! They're the enemy!
Viktor is not the enemy! And besides, he doesn't even go to Durmstrang any more. He left, remember? He's 18 years old.
And you're only 15. He's too old for you.
I'm SIXTEEN, Ron. Old enough to make my own decisions without you sticking your abnormally large nose into my private business.
Well excuse me for caring.
Hermione,
That's right, he did just write: 'Excuse me for caring'. He CARES Hermione. And what do you do? You yell at him and insult his nose. What a lovely friend you are. He's just worried. He's under a lot of stress this year. You are not helping. Here he is, one of his best friends in mortal danger at every turn, three brothers and both parents at the forefront of the movement against Voldemort, and he's trying to protect you. You couldn't make it easier for him, could you? You are a callous bitch. You do not deserve friends like him.
Yours,
Guilt Unlimited
Hermione,
You were in the right. He read your private letters. And it wasn't as though it was by accident. He purposely searched through your belongings and took it out of the envelope and READ IT. He had no right whatsoever. And then to try and make you feel guilty by telling you he did it because he CARES? What a load of crap. He's a nosey bugger who deserved absolutely everything you said.
Yours,
Support On Demand Ltd
HERMIONE!!!! OVER HERE!! CONCERNED FRIENDS!!
Hermione, you and Ron are fighting again. Why? Tell us, maybe we can help. Or at least it might make you feel better.
Love,
Parvati and Lavender
Parvati and Lavender,
He searched through my belongings, found a letter from Viktor, read it, and proceeded to have a go at me about it, sticking his nose in where it wasn't wanted. Bastard.
Love,
Hermione
HERMIONE!! OVER HERE!!! SUPPORTIVE NOTE!!!
Hermione, you were completely right. He shouldn't have done that. It was wrong. Sit with us in lessons if you want, so you don't have to sit near him. We don't mind.
Love,
Lavender and Parvati
PS What did the letter from Viktor say? We won't tell anyone…
Elena,
It's all a mess.
I'm fighting with Ron again. About Viktor. I was right, two days after my birthday, he just went nuts. He actually searched through my belongings to find the letter. I really can't believe he would do such a thing. And then he tells me he only did it because he CARES???? I really can't believe he had the NERVE. And then he gives me this whole thing about how Harry needs me, and I can't go off gallivanting with 'poncey Quidditch players' (poncey? Hah! Viktor Krum is NOT poncey), and the whole spiel about how Viktor's too old for me… it's two years! Well, two and a half, but still, he has no right! He makes me so mad. I really envy you for liking such a sensible, nice boy who would never blow his top like this. Now why can't I like one like that?? What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, it's not fair of me to unload all of my problems on you. I'll calm down. Give me a second.
OK, that was more than a second. Much more like a day. I've calmed down a bit. Still haven't forgiven Ron though. He keeps looking kind of hurt, like a puppy dog, the kind you just want to scream at and, and tell them to get over it and stop looking pathetic, and then maybe kick them. And tell them that if they ever go through your belongings again you'll have them bloody neutered. Argh, I'm so angry!
And as for DATING him? Hah! I'd commit homicide within a week! Forget everything I ever said about him. I hate him. Really, really hate him. Seriously, I will never forgive him. This is just one step too far. I'll find new friends. Lavender and Parvati said that I could sit with them if I wanted. THEY'D never go through my belongings. Although they do want to know what Viktor said.
Viktor. Now there's a nice, sensible, kind boy, who also happens to like ME. Why can't I like him? He's enthusiastic, interested I what I have to say, would never mock me about S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare – want to join?), would never blow up at me like Ron… So what if he lives in Bulgaria??
Remember your kind offer of setting your brother on Ron? If there was ever a time to do that, it is now. Please, if possible, send him with your next letter.
Once again, I have managed to fill a whole letter with my self-involved ramblings. I hope all your friends are well, and that you manage to make Alfonso mad soon (or that you realise that liking such a nice boy is a blessing).
Love,
Hermione
Hermione,
Remember when you borrowed 1001 Nasty Hexes and Curses for Beginners from Ron for some extra reading? Remember how you used Viktor's letter as a bookmark? And then gave the book back to Ron, with the letter still inside?
Yours,
The Memory Trigger Society
Hermione,
Ron didn't do anything wrong. He just found the letter in the book you gave him. He was trying to help. He made an honest mistake. And you, you yelled at him. You've been ignoring him for the best part of two days. You've been making him MISERABLE. See that look on his face? That little hurt puppy one that you hate so much? You put that there. And look at Harry! He looks pretty upset too. Just think, this year isn't easy for him, and he needs help and support from you both. He doesn't need you to be fighting. You know what you have to do now, don't' you? APOLOGISE. To both of them. It's the least you can do.
Yours reprovingly,
Guilt Unlimited
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Argh, they're fighting again. What is wrong with them? Why can't they just be happy???
fetch – thank you. Yes, time does move very slowly. I'm no good at figuring out time. But it should speed up a teensy bit… I mean, it's September 22nd and there's already been 6 chapters? Yeah, I think it really should speed up a little bit.
bitethepenguin – thanks *bows* I liked Great Expectations… kinda… well, it was better than any other Dickens I read… But yes! Go to B&N and buy it! I love B&Ns… I went to one when I was in America and it was like a HUGE Ottakars… I could so live in a bookshop. The stuff only seems to show up in bold when I put it in html, but even then it doesn't always work, so I'm not too sure. England… England… land of the green and scaffolding outside my window. Whereabouts in England did your mum go? Ron and Hermione… *sigh* It just makes sense! And look, a long reply to your long review…
J. – Danke Shoen (sorry, can't spell German…)
Kaylin – Ooh, what story? I wanna read stories about people with socks on their ears! Gracias!
Anne – Ah… two Katherines… what mayhem could be caused. Thank you!
Slipjig66 – Thank you. I didn't realise that 'Many Happy returns' was just a British thing… but yeah, it's used lots over here.
rock_steady13 – Thank you again! Yes, I will willingly trade with you after Uni. *does happydance* Yay! I made you read the book! I feel so proud…
Adi – Thanks! You really must read the book. An email is on it's way to force you to come back here and read more… mwhahahaha
Quidditch, Anyone? – Thank you again! *feels very happy* Have you started the book yet? And I don't think I'll be ending it anytime soon… I really don't think I could stand all that pain at once.
tempestuous – Thank you! I have attention to detail… *grins stupidly* Wanna try telling my teachers that? Please?
Bil – Thank you! (losing my voice now…) I'm glad you and you're brother both enjoyed it. Wow… I'm on your faves list… *grins more*
*yawn* I'm tired now. Next chapter will probably be out next weekend… now I must get back to making my bag!