I updated!!!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own any Tapdogs troupes. I do not own Wesley Wyndham-Price (can't spell his name either). I could go own like this for hours. I own NOTHING. Well, except the Spanish people.
A/N 'I love cake' is from That 70s Show. Thanks Haz! I knew you were good for something… No Percy yet… he's gonna be in the next chapter!. Also, I believe an apology is in order… cuz there was no chapter last week, I've had maths coursework (transforming seal flippers – I don't think I'll ever look at seals in the same way again), which took up pretty much all of my waking hours, AND my internet isn't working. Bad things always come in threes… so I'm waiting for a third…
Dedicated to The Bard, because without his writing of Macbeth, I would never be able to go and see Sean Bean in less than two months. Mmmm… Beanie goodness…
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Ron?
What's this? Hermione writing a note in a LESSON?? A lesson where you LEARN STUFF??? OK, who are you and what have you done with the real Hermione?
Don't joke about things like that. I'm worried about Harry.
Join the club. He's spent the whole lesson just staring at the chapter about Wizarding Law. That's not natural.
You really have no sense of when its inappropriate to make jokes, do you?
Excuse me for trying to bring a little light relief into out lives. HARRY appreciates it.
Yes, I'm sure he does. Anyway, I think we should try and do something to cheer him up.
Hermione, no offence, but I don't think that much could really cheer him up. Unless you've somehow come up with a way to bring Cedric back to life and destroy the greatest Dark Wizard for a century.
I know, but we should try something. Otherwise he'll just sit there and brood, and it's a well-known fact that if people are allowed to brood for long enough, they either turn evil, go mad, or start falling in love with their worst enemy.
And I have an inappropriate sense of humour?
I'm not joking, Ron! Who knows what he's thinking? He could be blaming himself for last year, he could be worrying about You-Know-Who, he could just be feeling sad and teenagery. We have to do something to draw him out from his thoughts, if only for a little while.
Ron?
Ron???
I'm thinking. Give me a minute.
That's a very long minute.
You can't hurry genius.
I have it!
What?
We treat him to something at Hogsmeade!
It took you 7 minutes and 36 seconds to come up with THAT? And it's still extremely vague.
It's a work in progress.
Well, it's better than nothing I suppose.
Dear Hermione,
Hello. I am Alfonso. Elena is in the bed. Senora Cicatrizarse is looking after her. She had a nasty experience with a Mord de Muerte. I'm sorry, I do not know the English. She was going to the sick room, but one of them was in a corridor, and she ran, and she now has a bad head. She hit against the wall. The Mord de Muerte was no longer there. Professor Sabio says that he thinks it was not a too bad thing – it was probably just a single one. Everyone is very terrified though, and no one is alone. Elena wanted me to write to you to tell you why she has not written. She wanted me to write what she said, but she is asleep now, and so I am writing. But she said that she will write soon, when she is allowed to. She also said not to worry about run (I do not know what she meant), and that it is a beginning. I hope you understand.
Love,
Alfonso
Elena,
I've just got the letter Alfonso sent. Are you alright?? I'm worried sick over here! A Mord de Muerte? I can't be certain, but is that a Death Eater? A follower of You-Know-Who? In your school? I couldn't quite tell from what Alfonso said. What happened? Did he attack you? What was he doing? What did he look like? I'm sorry about all the questions, I just can't believe it… a Death Eater in your school? And your professor isn't worried? I haven't heard much about Death Eater activity overseas – I thought it was mainly taking place in Britain, but I suppose, now that I think about it, it must be having some effect abroad. And I suppose, at the Quidditch World Cup there must have been some foreign wizards under the hoods.
That was one of the most terrifying experiences in my life. All that confusion and panic, stumbling over tents and burnt out campfires in the dark, seeing the floating muggles silhouetted against the night sky, and then losing Ron's brothers and sister. And Malfoy, he said that they were after people like me. Muggle-borns. He said that they were the ones the Death Eaters hated the most, and that if I hung around, they'd get me too. They'd point their wands at me, and soon I'd be twirling around in the sky, my robes over my head, the hooded figures pointing and jeering. It was horrible.
Please write back as soon as you possibly can, I want to know if you're alright – I'm worried ragged about you. Write SOON. Tell Senora Cicatrizarse that it's imperative that you write to me the second that you get this letter. I'm sure she'll understand.
Yours worriedly,
Hermione
LAVENDER, YOU ON FOR TONIGHT?
Seamus, I'm not passing your love notes on to Lavender.
AW, PLEASE?
No.
GO ON, I'LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU WITH RON.
Excuse me?
I'LL, YOU KNOW, GIVE YOU A GOOD INTRODUCTION.
I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
OF COURSE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT…WINK.
Seamus, you don't just write 'wink' at the end of sentences.
WELL, HOW ELSE AM I MEANT TO SHOW THAT I'M BEING SNEAKY?
Well, if you were really being sneaky, you wouldn't have to write 'wink' because I'd know that you were being sneaky.
RIGHT. ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON TO LAVENDER?
If I do, will you stop trying to be sneaky?
MAYBE. WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
I'll pass your note to Lavender. We've been over this already.
OH. SO WILL YOU PASS THIS ON TO LAVENDER?
If you stop being sneaky. Honestly, why is this concept so confusing to you??
IT'S NOT. IT'S JUST FUNNY TO WATCH YOU GET ANGRY AT A PIECE OF PAPER.
Oh, hilarious. Now I'm definitely not passing it on to her.
I'M SORRY… PLEASE?
No. Go away, I'm trying to take notes.
IF YOU PASS IT TO HER, I WON'T TELL RON THAT YOU WERE STARING AT HIM ALL MORNING OVER YOUR SCRAMBLED EGGS.
I wasn't staring.
OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T… WINK.
Stop trying to be sneaky!
AND OF COURSE, I WON'T TELL HIM ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING IN YOUR SLEEP LAST NIGHT…
I wasn't saying anything!
THAT'S NOT WHAT LAVENDER SAYS.
I wasn't!
MAYBE, BUT RON DOESN'T KNOW THAT, DOES HE?
You can't prove anything.
SO? WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST PASS THE NOTE TO LAVENDER?
Fine.
Hermione,
You are obvious. So obvious that SEAMUS has noticed. Seamus who doesn't even notice when his shoes are on the wrong feet. Seamus who didn't notice when he singed off half of his eyebrows. Seriously, this is a major cause for panic. If Seamus has noticed, then Lavender and Parvati definitely know, and Harry probably does… and probably Dean and Neville… and Ginny and Fred and George…and the teachers! Oh dear Lord, the teachers know everything! They must have noticed… your life is over. Remember, we still have some of the world's top plastic surgeons on standby to transform you into Juanita… and plane tickets to South America… or you could use a portkey! That costs nothing if you know how to do it. Just give us the word…
Yours,
Perfect Time To Panic Ltd
Ms Granger,
The teachers have far more important things to worry about than you. Do you really think that they care about your boring little 'love life' (and we use the term very loosely)? You are almost completely insignificant. In fact, you are COMPLETELY insignificant. No one cares. Get over yourself.
Yours,
Cold Hard Truth Association
Dear Mum and Dad,
I'm so happy for you! A little sibling! That's great! Do you know if it's going to be a boy or a girl? Are you going to find out? How soon until you find out? Can I come with you? Do you have an exact date for the baby? Wow! I'm so happy!
Do you think they'll be magical? I don't know what happens in muggle-born families – whether they take after the parents or the siblings… I've heard of both happening – little Colin Creevey's brother is a wizard too, but Harry's mum's sister was completely muggle. Do you suppose there is any way to find out? I should go to the library. I'm sure they would know.
Mum, Persephone and Jason are lovely names, but are you sure that you don't want to get away from whole Greek mythology theme? And Persephone… well, it's a very pretty name, but it's a bit unusual, don't you think? Why don't you call them something normal, like Peter or Lucy, or some other perfectly normal name that won't get them mocked at school?
I hope you're all well at home, be sure to get lots of rest, Mum, and remember to stay away from coffee, and under no circumstances must you EVER go near alfalfa sprouts. Are we quite clear?? Dad, make sure she's careful. School's fine, lots of work, but we're coping okay. Well, most of us are. Certain redheads refuse to take anything seriously… well, anything work related. Harry isn't too good either, but at least he has an excuse.
Lots of love,
Hermione
Hermione, why are you so happy today?
It's nothing, Harry.
C'mon, it must be something…
Do you promise to keep it quiet?
Hermione… if this is another one of those secrets you keep from Ron…
Oh no, Ron can find out, I'll tell him.
Okay… I promise?
My mum's pregnant!
That's great Hermione!
Your mum's pregnant???
Ron, don't just grab the paper like that. Yes, she is pregnant. The baby's due in about seven months time, and then I'll be a big sister!
Just don't encourage your parents – one is more than enough.
But your family's great… I'd love to have as many siblings as you.
Trust me, you don't - it may seem like fun for a little, but after a while you'd like some piece and quiet.
Well, I'd still like some other siblings in the house.
Do you know if it'll be a boy or girl yet?
I don't. My parents might – they haven't replied yet. I kind of hope it's a boy – my mum wants to call the baby Persephone if it's a girl.
No offence, but why would she be so cruel?
She likes Greek mythology. That's why I'm called Hermione.
She could call the boy Icarus. Or Poseidon. Or Zeus.
Please Ron, never ever talk to my mother about baby names.
Hermione!
Hello! Long time no write! Senora Cicatrizarse has finally let me out of her supervision and so once again I am free to do what I please. Well, as long as I don't get out of this bed. Which does restrict me a little. In fact, it restricts me a lot – all I can do it read, write and talk. Sometimes I really wish I was a Muggle, with those funny little machines with the pictures. Can't for the life of me remember what they're called, we learnt about them in Muggle Studies. I could really do with one of them right now.
Don't worry about me – I'm fine! A little embarrassed, but fine. Okay, maybe a little worried too… as far as I know, Spain was pretty much left out of the war with Voldemort last time, and so a Death Eater, right here in this castle is a really bad thing. Sure, there were a few attacks and things before, but nothing anywhere near as bad as what it was like in England. That's why I started running as soon as I saw him. Other people saw him, but they probably haven't heard all the horror stories I have. I had an Uncle who was an Auror who used to tell me all sorts of things about the people he captured, and what they had done. My parents were never too pleased with him though, cuz they didn't think it was the kind of thing you should tell little girls. He died a few years ago now – a nasty accident with a Cleansweep 5 – but those stories… they were horrible. So when I saw this hooded man standing about 20ft away from me, I just turned and sprinted as fast as I possibly could, and I was in such a panic, so I wasn't really looking where I was going… and, well, there was a wall… I'm sure you can guess the rest. So here I am with two black eyes (I hit my nose – Senora Cicatrizarse could clear them up in a minute, but she hasn't) and a jarred arm (she's giving me fizziotherapy or some other Muggle nonsense – honestly, is this woman a witch or what??). And I'm still recovering from a bout of the flu – the reason I was coming down here in the first place. So that is why I've not written for a while (in case you couldn't tell from Alfonso's hasty scribble). We're learning English in Foreign Studies at the moment (this penpal scheme's meant to help us), which Alfonso absolutely loves – he was delighted when I suggested that he write to you for me. Since I already speak English, Professor Plasta has set me the task of 'increasing my vocabulary', which basically means reading the dictionary. So I now know what someone means when they talk about the quiddity of a quixotic fopdoodle. In case you're wondering, it's the essence of a naively idealistic insignificant fool. Which would probably be his naively idealistic insignificant foolishness, but hey, that doesn't matter. I'm learning long words!
I have so many of your letters to reply to… give me a sec, I'll go through them again.
Okay, 4 in total…well, I'll start from the beginning. Why did you suddenly decide to forgive Ron? I didn't understand that. But I'm kind of glad you did. I don't like it when you two are fighting, cuz, well, I just don't like it when people fight. It's not nice. But if you two didn't fight, you wouldn't have such interesting making up scenes… BUTTERBEER??? That boy is bloody ODD. But it is kinda cute that he tried to say it… I don't care what you think, I really do think he wanted to say 'you', but you've gotta admit, it is scary. I mean, what if you laughed in his face? I know you wouldn't, but he doesn't know that does he? Why don't you try? I mean, the boy CLEARLY likes you. I can tell that from hundreds of miles away, so I really don't know how you still seem to be almost completely oblivious. You two are HOPELESS. Really, cupid himself would have trouble with you. I don't even stand a chance.
I was going to go to the World Cup. Had tickets and all, but mum wouldn't let me, in case the match overran and I missed the start of the school term. I was SO annoyed. But actually kinda glad now.
Eurgh, I have to do an
essay on International Magical Co-operation, and I don't know a thing about
it. I don't suppose that you, like,
have a font of knowledge about it, do you?
You're smart, right? Please,
please, PLEASE help me.
Yours
in desperation,
Elena
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Hmm… has anyone else ever noticed how often socks are mentioned in the books? You know, they probably play some pivotal part… or not. But it'd be nice if they did.
Once again, I'm SO sorry for the lack of update, my computer's only just been fixed by BT today, so I'm finally able to post this bloody chapter. It's been ready ages, really it has. Stupid computer. Oh, my cousin just had a baby today… not relevant, but yay anyway! And this chapter IS longer than usual… I think…and there're too many letter letters. And it's a little shite and clichéd. But it exists. So yay. But sorry too. Please forgive me?
Massive thanks (and sorry for being late) to:
Hermione – I'm glad you like it so much! A little staggered, but happy all the same =) I wrote more, I really hope you didn't go insane…
Splotchy the Missing Spoon – No, I can't wait for you to be king either… and this one's longer! The counter thingy says so.
SatanicGnomes – Love the idea… you mean Steve Irwin Crocodile Hunter? He's such a fool… and I like your society too, and I wanna put it in, but I get the feeling that Ron, Harry AND Hermione would kill me, and the turtle probably wouldn't be too pleased either… and I'm so sorry for not updating, I had coursework, then right after my internet just STOPPED. Gah.
Starling – Oooh… lots of reviews! You could always borrow the Memory Trigger Society… I'm sure Ms Granger wouldn't mind. Starry starry night… Vincent is the saddest song ever =(
Luisa – I kept writing…
tempestuous – Fictional characters? Whaddaya mean fictional??? Embarrassing stuff about Ron? Always a good thing.
Marionette – Yeah, he was a cutie… but cuter in the books. Chris Rankin (or whatever) didn't have the glasses! He needs the Wesley glasses, dammit.
Adi – Please feel free to suggest as many names as you like =) I need names! At the moment I quite like Alexander (like the Great) for a boy… but suggest! Suggest lots!
Kaylin – Socks! They're everywhere in Harry Potter. I bet he, like, beats Voldie with socks. Or Voldie'sHermio secret weapon is socks… anyway, I may be sleep deprived too…
bitethepenguin – don't hurt Ron! Okay, maybe just a little bit. Foolish boy. And yes, do write more! You may have already by now…but hey, write more!
Quidditch, Anyone? – 98% isn't that, like, amazingly good? Ron…*sigh* so charming in his own way…
Hermione 2000 – 9th!! I so need to get tickets, like NOW, dammit.
reila robyn – you didn't die, did you? Please say you didn't die. Or catch fire. Or walk in front of anything by accident…
Kirjava – I live in London. Well, London suburbs. FUN… *cough*
Aerowynn – My parents like Carole King… actually, so do I… but they don't like the Beatles! Mad! I've been listening to the soundtrack to A Hard Day's Night for like two weeks now… SO good. Especially I Cry Instead.
J. – I apologise humbly for insulting your gender (although some of you act like idiots a lot of the time). But the line was from That 70s Show, and I just thought the look on Hermione's face was funny… so, yeah. And Ron is like a law unto his own, cuz, I mean look how he acted at the Yule Ball… he's not great at expressing himself… anyway, defending myself over…You read my whole profile? Jeez, you were REALLY bored. And that story may take some time… I have a HELLUVA lot of coursework.
EarthWitch-14 – Um… I don't know what you should write about… something to do with Ron! Ron's always good!
pippins-gal – yes, you're great, go you. Geography… lotsa walking. But you knew that. And if you can come up with a decent reason for Draco or Snape to be involved, then sure, I'll put 'em in. Maybe. Although you did poke me all afternoon…
Now to let my little brother on. Brat.