Disclaimer: I don't own the WWE. I don't own skittles. I own some skittles,
but not all skittles. I wish I did. I wouldn't keep running out. I'm not an
acutal psychiatrist. I haven't even decided what I'll be if I ever grow up.
Hey? Remember me? I wrote "Until Daddy Comes Back", that fic with wrestlers having to babysit a fourteen year old that definitely DOES NOT need a baby sitter. I need a chauffer. Anyway, go and read it if you like this one! This may suck. This may really suck. I'm sorry if it does. Please review!!!
[A girl is seen hanging up a sign. She's wearing jeans and a T-shirt that says "Fed Up". She steps back from the door where she was putting up the sign, smiles, and walks into the office behind the door. The sign says 'Doctor Is In'.
She sits down at her desk, and opens up a laptop. A little schedule program has the words "Mr. Mohndeynite; 2:00" on it. The girl minimizes the schedule and starts a game of solitaire. Her watch beeps, signifying that the time is 2:00.
There's a knock on the door.]
Girl: Come in.
[A man -or woman, can't really tell- in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a big hat walks in. The girl sees this person has a muscular build.]
Girl: ...Mr. Mohndeynite?
Mr. Mohndeynite: Yes. Are you...
Girl: The psychiatrist? Yes. Dr. Kylrane. You may sit over in the red chair. [She motions towards a big red recliner. The man sits down and removes the coat and hat.] Ah, as I thought. You should come up with a more creative name, Mr. Van Dam.
RVD: [takes off his sunglasses] What can I say, Doctor? I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam! Any fake name's cool if you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: ...That's nice. Ahem...now, why do you feel you needed to see me?
RVD: Vince McMahon ordered all of us to go see a shrink. You were on the list.
Kylrane: Really? That's all? Damn. I hoped you people might have some blackmail worthy shit hidden away or something...
RVD: I know we've never met, but I feel like I know you.
Kylrane: [grins evilly] Locker room talk about some brat? Was it Booker T, Nowinski, or...nah, Kane wouldn't do that. Jeff neither, I gave him my skittles...
RVD: Huh? What...wait a minute...don't tell me, I KNOW THIS ONE!...You're the kid who Vince was sending wrestlers to baby sit!!
Kylrane: Well, yeah. I'm amazed you figured it out. I underestimated you. [opens laptop, and starts playing solitaire again]
RVD: [whines] C'mon! I want to have a real...uh...you know...doctor me! Be a shrink! Show me the papers with the black all over it so I can say what I think it is!
Kylrane: [doesn't look up] You mean you want to see ink blots?
RVD: I want the whole shrink experience!!
Kylrane: You actually want a psychological evaluation. You're kidding me, right?
RVD: No. I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: [thinks silently for a few minutes] Hm...are you currently high?
RVD: I'm on a sugar high. I ate five packs of Sweet and Low on the way here.
Kylrane: [shrugs] My brother does that. I'm used to it. But how come you're not bouncing off the walls?
RVD: I'm cool, calm and collected! Remember, I'm-
Kylrane: [interrupts] I know, I know! You're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam. Just...uh...hey, do a split. Then I'll start the session.
RVD: That's cool. Everything's cool when-
Kylrane: SHUT UP AND DO THE DAMN SPLIT!
RVD: Ok. [Jumps off of the chair and lands in a split on the floor.] Easy! Now lets do the psycho-ology stuff.
Kylrane: My friend calls it that. Psycho-ology. Makes me wonder if he's high too. Anyway...[takes out ink blots] What does this look like?
RVD: [stares hard, squints, etc] I can't see clearly. It's all blurry. It just looks like a big black blob.
Kylrane: [flips the ink blot to look at it, and then turns it back to RVD] It IS a big black blob.
RVD: No, seriously! Even your face is blurry.
Kylrane: [studies RVD for a minute] Don't you wear glasses?
RVD: Yeah.
Kylrane: That's the problem.
RVD: Well, what can we do other than the black blobs?
Kylrane: [Reaches into her pocket and takes out a bag of skittles. She opens the bag and retrieves a green one.] Ah, my favorite. [She pops it into her mouth and relaxes.]
RVD: What was that for?
Kylrane: I'm assuming you're always calm due to what ever the hell you've been smoking. I calm down by eating skittles. [Takes out another one.] Bleah. Grape. [Holds it out to RVD] Want it?
RVD: [shakes his head] Can we please do some psychology stuff?
Kylrane: [gulps down the candy] Describe your childhood.
RVD: Ok. Um...well, I was a dorky kid in a little town in Michigan.
Kylrane: Don't tell me you grew up in Detroit! Detroit is so cool!
RVD: Battle Creek.
Kylrane: [loses excitement] Oh. I think I heard about that town in my American History classes...
RVD: It's known for cereal. Anyway, I liked jumping off stuff. I'd jump off the boat, jump off the diving board, jump off the roof, jump off the teacher, jump off the desk, jump off the...
Kylrane: [is typing as he's talking] So you've pretty much enjoyed...jumping off of stuff your whole life?
RVD: Yeah. Sometimes, I'd pick up the teacher and throw her around.
Kylrane: Damn. Didn't you like...get detention?
RVD: Suspension. Anyway, I started getting into the martial arts. So I incorporated some of those elements from my childhood into my career today.
Kylrane: That's it?
RVD: What did you expect?
Kylrane: Do you do drugs?
RVD: No. I take HAPPY PILLS!!!
Kylrane: ...I'm not even going to delve further.
RVD: Wha?
Kylrane: Nevermind. Um...how'd you come up with the thumb thing. You know. [Does the thumb thing] R-V-D?
RVD: Oh! Well, I just like pointing to myself with my thumbs.
Kylrane: [Types in more stuff. Her fingers fly to the letters I-N-S-A-N-E] One more question, and you can go. I'm not perverted or anything, my dad was laughing like a lunatic one night and pointed this out to me. [She turns red. It's that feeling like you know you'll get in trouble if you ask the question but you have to ask it anyway. She takes a deep breath.] Why do you sweat from your ass during matches?? My dad said there's always a wet spot there in your tights...damn that's embarrassing.
RVD: [shrugs] That's ok. I've been asked that. It's cool, when you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: So you know you've got this problem?
RVD: Yeah. It's because I do high kicks and flying stunts. Stuff like that makes me sweat there. It does happen to other people.
Kylrane: [At the mention of "other people", Kylrane gets excited. Her hands are prepared to type out any information.] OOH! WHO? WHO?
RVD: Just...other people. It doesn't show as much for them because my tights are made out of a different material than the usual.
Kylrane: Can't you tell me?
RVD: Then I'd have to kill you.
Kylrane: Aww, damnit. Oh well. That was fun, wasn't it?
RVD: I guess. [He gets up and starts putting on his trench coat.]
Kylrane: Why do you wear that?
RVD: So people don't know I'm going to a shrink.
Kylrane: [pouts] Now I'm hurt.
RVD: No you're not.
Kylrane: Ok, I'm not. Bye, and could you refer me to the other wrestlers?
RVD: Yeah, sure! It's cool when you're [thumb thing] RVD!
Kylrane: Right...[Closes door after he leaves] Damn, why the hell did I become a psychiatrist?! I should have gone with the business thing like daddy...
[She sits down at the desk and opens a drawer. It's full of skittles. She gets a handful and stuffs it into her mouth.]
Kylrane: Wewax. Wewax. [Translation: Relax. Relax. She goes to door, and turns the sign over. It reads "Doctor Is Out"]
Sorry if that was REALLY REALLY bad. Review if you want. If people like it, I think I'll continue. It's just an idea that's been floating around in my twisted mind. :)
Hey? Remember me? I wrote "Until Daddy Comes Back", that fic with wrestlers having to babysit a fourteen year old that definitely DOES NOT need a baby sitter. I need a chauffer. Anyway, go and read it if you like this one! This may suck. This may really suck. I'm sorry if it does. Please review!!!
[A girl is seen hanging up a sign. She's wearing jeans and a T-shirt that says "Fed Up". She steps back from the door where she was putting up the sign, smiles, and walks into the office behind the door. The sign says 'Doctor Is In'.
She sits down at her desk, and opens up a laptop. A little schedule program has the words "Mr. Mohndeynite; 2:00" on it. The girl minimizes the schedule and starts a game of solitaire. Her watch beeps, signifying that the time is 2:00.
There's a knock on the door.]
Girl: Come in.
[A man -or woman, can't really tell- in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a big hat walks in. The girl sees this person has a muscular build.]
Girl: ...Mr. Mohndeynite?
Mr. Mohndeynite: Yes. Are you...
Girl: The psychiatrist? Yes. Dr. Kylrane. You may sit over in the red chair. [She motions towards a big red recliner. The man sits down and removes the coat and hat.] Ah, as I thought. You should come up with a more creative name, Mr. Van Dam.
RVD: [takes off his sunglasses] What can I say, Doctor? I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam! Any fake name's cool if you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: ...That's nice. Ahem...now, why do you feel you needed to see me?
RVD: Vince McMahon ordered all of us to go see a shrink. You were on the list.
Kylrane: Really? That's all? Damn. I hoped you people might have some blackmail worthy shit hidden away or something...
RVD: I know we've never met, but I feel like I know you.
Kylrane: [grins evilly] Locker room talk about some brat? Was it Booker T, Nowinski, or...nah, Kane wouldn't do that. Jeff neither, I gave him my skittles...
RVD: Huh? What...wait a minute...don't tell me, I KNOW THIS ONE!...You're the kid who Vince was sending wrestlers to baby sit!!
Kylrane: Well, yeah. I'm amazed you figured it out. I underestimated you. [opens laptop, and starts playing solitaire again]
RVD: [whines] C'mon! I want to have a real...uh...you know...doctor me! Be a shrink! Show me the papers with the black all over it so I can say what I think it is!
Kylrane: [doesn't look up] You mean you want to see ink blots?
RVD: I want the whole shrink experience!!
Kylrane: You actually want a psychological evaluation. You're kidding me, right?
RVD: No. I'm [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: [thinks silently for a few minutes] Hm...are you currently high?
RVD: I'm on a sugar high. I ate five packs of Sweet and Low on the way here.
Kylrane: [shrugs] My brother does that. I'm used to it. But how come you're not bouncing off the walls?
RVD: I'm cool, calm and collected! Remember, I'm-
Kylrane: [interrupts] I know, I know! You're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam. Just...uh...hey, do a split. Then I'll start the session.
RVD: That's cool. Everything's cool when-
Kylrane: SHUT UP AND DO THE DAMN SPLIT!
RVD: Ok. [Jumps off of the chair and lands in a split on the floor.] Easy! Now lets do the psycho-ology stuff.
Kylrane: My friend calls it that. Psycho-ology. Makes me wonder if he's high too. Anyway...[takes out ink blots] What does this look like?
RVD: [stares hard, squints, etc] I can't see clearly. It's all blurry. It just looks like a big black blob.
Kylrane: [flips the ink blot to look at it, and then turns it back to RVD] It IS a big black blob.
RVD: No, seriously! Even your face is blurry.
Kylrane: [studies RVD for a minute] Don't you wear glasses?
RVD: Yeah.
Kylrane: That's the problem.
RVD: Well, what can we do other than the black blobs?
Kylrane: [Reaches into her pocket and takes out a bag of skittles. She opens the bag and retrieves a green one.] Ah, my favorite. [She pops it into her mouth and relaxes.]
RVD: What was that for?
Kylrane: I'm assuming you're always calm due to what ever the hell you've been smoking. I calm down by eating skittles. [Takes out another one.] Bleah. Grape. [Holds it out to RVD] Want it?
RVD: [shakes his head] Can we please do some psychology stuff?
Kylrane: [gulps down the candy] Describe your childhood.
RVD: Ok. Um...well, I was a dorky kid in a little town in Michigan.
Kylrane: Don't tell me you grew up in Detroit! Detroit is so cool!
RVD: Battle Creek.
Kylrane: [loses excitement] Oh. I think I heard about that town in my American History classes...
RVD: It's known for cereal. Anyway, I liked jumping off stuff. I'd jump off the boat, jump off the diving board, jump off the roof, jump off the teacher, jump off the desk, jump off the...
Kylrane: [is typing as he's talking] So you've pretty much enjoyed...jumping off of stuff your whole life?
RVD: Yeah. Sometimes, I'd pick up the teacher and throw her around.
Kylrane: Damn. Didn't you like...get detention?
RVD: Suspension. Anyway, I started getting into the martial arts. So I incorporated some of those elements from my childhood into my career today.
Kylrane: That's it?
RVD: What did you expect?
Kylrane: Do you do drugs?
RVD: No. I take HAPPY PILLS!!!
Kylrane: ...I'm not even going to delve further.
RVD: Wha?
Kylrane: Nevermind. Um...how'd you come up with the thumb thing. You know. [Does the thumb thing] R-V-D?
RVD: Oh! Well, I just like pointing to myself with my thumbs.
Kylrane: [Types in more stuff. Her fingers fly to the letters I-N-S-A-N-E] One more question, and you can go. I'm not perverted or anything, my dad was laughing like a lunatic one night and pointed this out to me. [She turns red. It's that feeling like you know you'll get in trouble if you ask the question but you have to ask it anyway. She takes a deep breath.] Why do you sweat from your ass during matches?? My dad said there's always a wet spot there in your tights...damn that's embarrassing.
RVD: [shrugs] That's ok. I've been asked that. It's cool, when you're [thumb thing] Rob Van Dam!
Kylrane: So you know you've got this problem?
RVD: Yeah. It's because I do high kicks and flying stunts. Stuff like that makes me sweat there. It does happen to other people.
Kylrane: [At the mention of "other people", Kylrane gets excited. Her hands are prepared to type out any information.] OOH! WHO? WHO?
RVD: Just...other people. It doesn't show as much for them because my tights are made out of a different material than the usual.
Kylrane: Can't you tell me?
RVD: Then I'd have to kill you.
Kylrane: Aww, damnit. Oh well. That was fun, wasn't it?
RVD: I guess. [He gets up and starts putting on his trench coat.]
Kylrane: Why do you wear that?
RVD: So people don't know I'm going to a shrink.
Kylrane: [pouts] Now I'm hurt.
RVD: No you're not.
Kylrane: Ok, I'm not. Bye, and could you refer me to the other wrestlers?
RVD: Yeah, sure! It's cool when you're [thumb thing] RVD!
Kylrane: Right...[Closes door after he leaves] Damn, why the hell did I become a psychiatrist?! I should have gone with the business thing like daddy...
[She sits down at the desk and opens a drawer. It's full of skittles. She gets a handful and stuffs it into her mouth.]
Kylrane: Wewax. Wewax. [Translation: Relax. Relax. She goes to door, and turns the sign over. It reads "Doctor Is Out"]
Sorry if that was REALLY REALLY bad. Review if you want. If people like it, I think I'll continue. It's just an idea that's been floating around in my twisted mind. :)