Part 8
Sam had been quiet for at least a minute after he'd told them he had to tell them something. CJ gently shook his arm and he turned to look at her.
"I'm just trying to come up with how to tell you this," he mumbled.
Josh smirked. "What? You're getting married?"
Sam blushed and looked down. "No."
Josh sighed. "Then what is it? Is it gossip?"
CJ playfully hit Josh on the arm and it seemed as if she had forgotten her problems, at least for the minute. Sam took a deep breath.
"Okay, here we go. Are you two happy with the lives you are living?"
CJ laughed nervously. "Sam, what kind of question is that?"
"Just answer it, please. Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with how it turned out?"
CJ shrugged. "Okay, I'm not answering that."
Josh had also lightened up since Sam had entered the room and now he was smiling from ear to ear. "Okay, then I'll go!"
"Great," CJ whispered to Sam who couldn't help smiling slightly.
"Yes, I am!" Josh stated. "I've worked in the White House for eight years. Now I'm working for Senator Seaborn who will become President in a couple of years. I have a beautiful and amazing wife and beautiful kids who fortunately got her looks."
CJ giggled silently.
"CJ?" Sam said.
CJ groaned and put a hand to her forehead. "Come on, guys! You know my answer to that. I've never enjoyed PR yet I've worked with it for years. Now I'm working with a political TV-program that isn't that fun either. In my professional life I've had eight amazing years, the ones in the White House."
"Naturally," Josh cut in. "Oh, you know what we could do? We'll hire you, won't we Sam?"
CJ smiled slightly. "Thanks Josh but I don't want to be in D.C. right now. Even though it's been years that city still has too many bad memories."
"Not only bad," Josh said with an innocent smile.
"Not all but my last years there were just horrible. I just wanted to leave even though I was doing what I'd always dream of."
"So, you're not that happy?" Sam asked.
CJ began to get irritated and she didn't understand where Sam was going with this.
"Yes!" She said loudly. "Do you want me to spell it out for you? What do you want to hear? That my personal life's been shit my entire adult life?"
"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled looking away. "I just... I'm trying to make this easier for you two to understand."
"By making CJ angry?" Josh said, nervously looking at CJ who glared at him.
Sam smiled a little. "I'm just saying...Yeah, we had a great time in the White House but I'm just thinking; What if we hadn't taken the jobs at the campaign? What if we hadn't won?" He continued quietly. "It sure would have made things easier."
CJ put her hand on his arm and waited for him to look at her. "Sam, what are you trying say?"
Sam shrugged and looked down. "I haven't lived the life I've wanted. I'm a scam and a fraud."
Josh looked confused at him, raising his eyebrows. "Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Hadn't I worked with this I'd probably be prouder of who I am by now. I'd probably live with someone I love deeply." He looked up at them and smiled innocently. "A man."
Josh raised his eyebrows and looked stunned at Sam. CJ smiled slightly then bent forward to kiss him on the cheek.
"That's good, Sam," she said quietly. "I mean, that you're finally saying it out loud."
Sam looked suspiciously at her. "You knew? Have you talked to Toby?"
CJ looked confused at him first now remembering her conversation last night with him. She smiled a little to herself as she thought of how Toby had fooled her. It had been one of the few times that she had fallen for it.
"Sam, it was brought up when I and Toby talked last night. I was the one who brought it up but he made everything in his power to make me think you weren't so he hasn't done anything wrong here."
Sam smiled and then let out a sigh of relief as if he had been afraid of Toby letting him down. Then he peeked over at Josh who still hadn't said anything. He looked worriedly at him.
"Josh?" He said quietly.
Josh looked at him and then got out of bed. "Sam, how long have we known each other?"
"Since we were in our twenties," Sam said not understanding why Josh brought that up now.
Josh began pacing in front of the bed. "And how long have you known you're gay?"
"Since high school," Sam said, as his cheeks became redder.
Josh stopped pacing and crossed his arms over his chest. He opened his mouth several times but nothing came out. He put a hand to his forehead and looked down and then at Sam again.
"How, how could you not tell me anything?"
Sam shrugged and looked away. "I don't know. I guess I thought you'd think different of me."
"Well I am!" Josh said and CJ wasn't sure if she'd ever heard him that hurt and serious. "Not about the fact that you're gay but the fact that you've kept this a secret for so long. I thought we were friends, Sam!"
Sam avoided looking at Josh and nervously began to fidget with his hands. Josh put his hands on his sides looking as if he was waiting for Sam to say something. When he didn't he just nodded once and then left, slamming the door after him.
"Ouch," CJ said quietly.
"Yeah," Sam agreed sadly.
CJ began smiling and pushed her shoulder against his. "So, do you have a boyfriend at the time?"
Sam shyly shook his head.
"Want to go with me tonight and find a bar with lots of liquor, get drunk and hit on some men?"
Sam blushed and shook his head and CJ smiled softly.
"Come on! You need to go out and get some! I know I do. How long was it since you had a boyfriend?"
Sam blushed even more and looked away as he mumbled something.
"What was that?" CJ asked loudly.
He looked up at her but avoided her eyes. "I've only had one boyfriend, CJ, and that was in high school." CJ's mouth was half-open and stayed that way for several seconds until Sam gently pushed up her chin. "Holy shit!" She said when she finally had found her ability to speak again. "You seriously need to go out and get some!"
*
Toby nervously moved in his chair. He didn't know how to begin. Looking at Leo made him remember everything that had happened the last time they were alone in a room and all the anger he had buried for years.
He cleared his throat as he decided to go soft at first. "I want to apologize for what I said to you the last time we talked."
Leo let out a cloud of smoke as he leaned back in the chair and sighed. "Yeah, well, you weren't exactly lying. I only had my work, Jordan had just left me, Mallory wasn't speaking to me and yeah, I was, I am a drunk with no feelings."
"You know what? I don't believe that." When Leo didn't say anything he continued. "Jed has been the only constant in your life the past 20 years and the only one you've trusted fully. You'd do anything for him."
Leo snorted and looked at him. "What do you know? What do you know about that?"
Toby shrugged. "CJ," he said simply.
Leo put a hand to his forehead and remained silent for a while. Toby just looked at him waiting for him to say something. When Leo finally put down his hand he took a deep breath before turning to him.
"Toby, I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "What I did, what I asked you to do wasn't fair. I never should have put you in that situation. I've been thinking about it everyday since you left. I've been thinking about how I hurt two adopted family members. How I made CJ just as miserable as I made my ex-wife." He sighed. "I've been so angry with myself, myself and my pride. I've been angry with myself for not finding you and asking you to come back." He paused a few seconds for air. "Yesterday night I was rude to you because I was surprised over how you could treat me so nicely after what I've done."
It seemed as Leo finally was done. He lit another cigar and then looked at the glass on the table between them again.
"What's the point?" He said. "I mean seriously, I'll be gone in a month anyway, what does it matter if I spend my last time drunk?"
He hadn't expected Toby to answer so he was surprised when he heard his voice.
"Because then you'd lose. We don't lose," he said simply. Then he waved with his hand in the air. "I accept your apology," he mumbled.
Leo smiled slightly and looked thankfully at him. "And I accept yours."
He held out his hand and Toby took it. Leo looked relived and smiled.
"Thank you, Toby. Thank you for coming here." He snorted. "Funny how you're the only one who's not angry with me now."
Toby smiled slightly and put his hand on Leo's arm. "I'll take care of it."
Tbc.
2003-03-02
Sam had been quiet for at least a minute after he'd told them he had to tell them something. CJ gently shook his arm and he turned to look at her.
"I'm just trying to come up with how to tell you this," he mumbled.
Josh smirked. "What? You're getting married?"
Sam blushed and looked down. "No."
Josh sighed. "Then what is it? Is it gossip?"
CJ playfully hit Josh on the arm and it seemed as if she had forgotten her problems, at least for the minute. Sam took a deep breath.
"Okay, here we go. Are you two happy with the lives you are living?"
CJ laughed nervously. "Sam, what kind of question is that?"
"Just answer it, please. Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with how it turned out?"
CJ shrugged. "Okay, I'm not answering that."
Josh had also lightened up since Sam had entered the room and now he was smiling from ear to ear. "Okay, then I'll go!"
"Great," CJ whispered to Sam who couldn't help smiling slightly.
"Yes, I am!" Josh stated. "I've worked in the White House for eight years. Now I'm working for Senator Seaborn who will become President in a couple of years. I have a beautiful and amazing wife and beautiful kids who fortunately got her looks."
CJ giggled silently.
"CJ?" Sam said.
CJ groaned and put a hand to her forehead. "Come on, guys! You know my answer to that. I've never enjoyed PR yet I've worked with it for years. Now I'm working with a political TV-program that isn't that fun either. In my professional life I've had eight amazing years, the ones in the White House."
"Naturally," Josh cut in. "Oh, you know what we could do? We'll hire you, won't we Sam?"
CJ smiled slightly. "Thanks Josh but I don't want to be in D.C. right now. Even though it's been years that city still has too many bad memories."
"Not only bad," Josh said with an innocent smile.
"Not all but my last years there were just horrible. I just wanted to leave even though I was doing what I'd always dream of."
"So, you're not that happy?" Sam asked.
CJ began to get irritated and she didn't understand where Sam was going with this.
"Yes!" She said loudly. "Do you want me to spell it out for you? What do you want to hear? That my personal life's been shit my entire adult life?"
"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled looking away. "I just... I'm trying to make this easier for you two to understand."
"By making CJ angry?" Josh said, nervously looking at CJ who glared at him.
Sam smiled a little. "I'm just saying...Yeah, we had a great time in the White House but I'm just thinking; What if we hadn't taken the jobs at the campaign? What if we hadn't won?" He continued quietly. "It sure would have made things easier."
CJ put her hand on his arm and waited for him to look at her. "Sam, what are you trying say?"
Sam shrugged and looked down. "I haven't lived the life I've wanted. I'm a scam and a fraud."
Josh looked confused at him, raising his eyebrows. "Sam, what are you talking about?"
"Hadn't I worked with this I'd probably be prouder of who I am by now. I'd probably live with someone I love deeply." He looked up at them and smiled innocently. "A man."
Josh raised his eyebrows and looked stunned at Sam. CJ smiled slightly then bent forward to kiss him on the cheek.
"That's good, Sam," she said quietly. "I mean, that you're finally saying it out loud."
Sam looked suspiciously at her. "You knew? Have you talked to Toby?"
CJ looked confused at him first now remembering her conversation last night with him. She smiled a little to herself as she thought of how Toby had fooled her. It had been one of the few times that she had fallen for it.
"Sam, it was brought up when I and Toby talked last night. I was the one who brought it up but he made everything in his power to make me think you weren't so he hasn't done anything wrong here."
Sam smiled and then let out a sigh of relief as if he had been afraid of Toby letting him down. Then he peeked over at Josh who still hadn't said anything. He looked worriedly at him.
"Josh?" He said quietly.
Josh looked at him and then got out of bed. "Sam, how long have we known each other?"
"Since we were in our twenties," Sam said not understanding why Josh brought that up now.
Josh began pacing in front of the bed. "And how long have you known you're gay?"
"Since high school," Sam said, as his cheeks became redder.
Josh stopped pacing and crossed his arms over his chest. He opened his mouth several times but nothing came out. He put a hand to his forehead and looked down and then at Sam again.
"How, how could you not tell me anything?"
Sam shrugged and looked away. "I don't know. I guess I thought you'd think different of me."
"Well I am!" Josh said and CJ wasn't sure if she'd ever heard him that hurt and serious. "Not about the fact that you're gay but the fact that you've kept this a secret for so long. I thought we were friends, Sam!"
Sam avoided looking at Josh and nervously began to fidget with his hands. Josh put his hands on his sides looking as if he was waiting for Sam to say something. When he didn't he just nodded once and then left, slamming the door after him.
"Ouch," CJ said quietly.
"Yeah," Sam agreed sadly.
CJ began smiling and pushed her shoulder against his. "So, do you have a boyfriend at the time?"
Sam shyly shook his head.
"Want to go with me tonight and find a bar with lots of liquor, get drunk and hit on some men?"
Sam blushed and shook his head and CJ smiled softly.
"Come on! You need to go out and get some! I know I do. How long was it since you had a boyfriend?"
Sam blushed even more and looked away as he mumbled something.
"What was that?" CJ asked loudly.
He looked up at her but avoided her eyes. "I've only had one boyfriend, CJ, and that was in high school." CJ's mouth was half-open and stayed that way for several seconds until Sam gently pushed up her chin. "Holy shit!" She said when she finally had found her ability to speak again. "You seriously need to go out and get some!"
*
Toby nervously moved in his chair. He didn't know how to begin. Looking at Leo made him remember everything that had happened the last time they were alone in a room and all the anger he had buried for years.
He cleared his throat as he decided to go soft at first. "I want to apologize for what I said to you the last time we talked."
Leo let out a cloud of smoke as he leaned back in the chair and sighed. "Yeah, well, you weren't exactly lying. I only had my work, Jordan had just left me, Mallory wasn't speaking to me and yeah, I was, I am a drunk with no feelings."
"You know what? I don't believe that." When Leo didn't say anything he continued. "Jed has been the only constant in your life the past 20 years and the only one you've trusted fully. You'd do anything for him."
Leo snorted and looked at him. "What do you know? What do you know about that?"
Toby shrugged. "CJ," he said simply.
Leo put a hand to his forehead and remained silent for a while. Toby just looked at him waiting for him to say something. When Leo finally put down his hand he took a deep breath before turning to him.
"Toby, I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "What I did, what I asked you to do wasn't fair. I never should have put you in that situation. I've been thinking about it everyday since you left. I've been thinking about how I hurt two adopted family members. How I made CJ just as miserable as I made my ex-wife." He sighed. "I've been so angry with myself, myself and my pride. I've been angry with myself for not finding you and asking you to come back." He paused a few seconds for air. "Yesterday night I was rude to you because I was surprised over how you could treat me so nicely after what I've done."
It seemed as Leo finally was done. He lit another cigar and then looked at the glass on the table between them again.
"What's the point?" He said. "I mean seriously, I'll be gone in a month anyway, what does it matter if I spend my last time drunk?"
He hadn't expected Toby to answer so he was surprised when he heard his voice.
"Because then you'd lose. We don't lose," he said simply. Then he waved with his hand in the air. "I accept your apology," he mumbled.
Leo smiled slightly and looked thankfully at him. "And I accept yours."
He held out his hand and Toby took it. Leo looked relived and smiled.
"Thank you, Toby. Thank you for coming here." He snorted. "Funny how you're the only one who's not angry with me now."
Toby smiled slightly and put his hand on Leo's arm. "I'll take care of it."
Tbc.
2003-03-02