Part 10
Josh carefully placed the chess-table of glass on the coffee table then sat down in a chair.
"Who's playing?" He asked, looking at Jed, Sam and Toby.
Jed grinned and looked at Sam. "Up for the challenge?"
Sam sighed sadly then smiled and nodded.
"Sam, if you don't beat him you'll never become President," Josh teased.
Sam glared angrily at him. Toby moved closer to Sam.
"I'll help you."
Sam smiled thankfully and then looked at Jed. "Black or white?"
"Black."
"Let the games begin!" Josh said loudly and got irritated looks from everyone.
Sam thought for a minute before making his move.
"Tough call," Toby said sarcastically.
"I wonder what's taking CJ so long," Abbey said suddenly.
Jed put down the tower he held in his hand and smiled softly at her.
"She'll be back soon, honey."
As if she had heard them the door opened and CJ and Leo entered. Leo looked a bit uncomfortable, standing close to the door. Sam and Josh looked nervously at each other then at Toby.
CJ smiled slightly. "Look who I found. Maybe you can have like a chess- tournament or something."
She walked over to them pulling Leo with her. Jed moved over on the couch to make space for him. Jed briefly put his hand on Leo's shoulder and they exchanged their silent apologies to each other.
CJ yawned loudly. "I'm going to bed now."
She turned around and was at the door when Abbey called her name.
"Will you stay?"
CJ stood still for a moment before turning around to look at them. "I don't know."
"Should someone go and talk to her?" Sam asked innocently after she had closed the door.
"Yes!" Jed and Abbey said at the same time and glared at Toby.
Toby seemed numbed. He was still looking at the closed door and he showed no sign of that he'd heard the others talk. Then he rose and put down his glass on the table.
"I'll be right back."
Toby slowly walked up the stairs doing his best not to think. If he did he knew his mind would convince him that he shouldn't do this. When he stopped outside her door he knocked even before he had stopped walking. He nervously scratched his neck as he waited for her to say something or open the door. After a while he knocked again.
"CJ?" He said softly. "It's Toby."
"Yeah, I can see that."
Toby quickly turned around and pressed his back against the door. "CJ!"
"No, Santa Claus."
She walked over to the door causing Toby to quickly move away. She opened it and then turned at him.
"Did you want something or are you just going to... you know, standing there?"
He looked innocently at her then brushed his hand against her arm. She flinched as if his touch had burnt her and in a way it had. She closed her eyes and stepped aside, allowing Toby to enter her bedroom. She closed the door and walked over to the bed. Toby nervously sat down in a chair.
CJ sighed and did her best not to look at him. "Listen, Toby, I'm kind of tired. I just had a quite intense discussion with Leo and I don't know if I can take one more tonight."
Toby shrugged. "Then when? CJ, you're leaving tomorrow morning. Were you planning on telling me that?"
CJ rose angrily and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, actually I wasn't! I thought that's what we do! We leave each other without saying goodbye!"
She sank back down on the bed and covered her face with her hands. When her shoulders began shaking slightly Toby carefully sat down next to her on the bed. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She looked down at her hands that now were resting in her lap. "Yeah, well you should be. Toby, I don't understand you. How could you let me work with the man who had separated us? I just want some kind of explanation. I think I deserve that."
He put a stray of hair behind her ear and briefly looked down. "Yeah, you do."
He was quiet for a while and the more he thought of it, he realized he had no answer for her.
"Have you forgiven Leo?" He asked instead.
She shrugged. "I did my best. Toby, you've had years to deal with this. I found this out just this morning. And I wasn't even supposed to know!"
"I thought it didn't matter. Not now."
"I told him there are no harsh feelings but he knows that there is. But I'm thinking about what you said earlier at dinner. He's dying soon, Toby. Real soon and I'm not letting him die without my forgiveness."
"It's not honest."
"I can't find it in a month!" She snapped.
Toby held up his hands as if to defend himself. "Yeah, I know."
Toby's cell phone rung. He sighed and planned on turning it off when he saw who it was. "Hello?"
"Hi daddy!"
Toby smiled softly. "Eliza... How are you?"
"Fine. When are you coming home? Mom makes me eat vegetables."
Toby chuckled quietly and glanced over at CJ. "Listen, honey, I'll be home in just a couple of days and then we'll go to McDonald's or somewhere else with greasy food."
"Yay!"
"Honey, I have to go but I'll call you tomorrow. Tell your brother I love him, okay?"
"I love you, daddy."
Toby looked at CJ who looked questioningly at him.
"And I love you," he said looking at her.
CJ quickly looked away as Toby turned the phone off.
"I'm sorry about that."
"No, no, Toby. Don't ever apologize for taking the time to talk to your children. At least not to me."
It was quiet for a moment and CJ nervously fidgeted with her hands.
"I have missed you," Toby said honestly. "I mean, I have *really* missed you. I've thought about you everyday and I don't know how many times I've thought of picking up the phone to call you but..."
"You should have," she interrupted with tears in her eyes and her voice thick.
"I was scared that you'd turn me down. That you wouldn't answer my calls, that you wouldn't answer my letters. I just left you CJ and... I'm just saying, I would have understand."
CJ smiled slightly. "I could never turn you down," she whispered. "There would definitely have been some yelling, or a lot but after the yelling... Toby, all I wanted was a call."
"Yeah, I know," he said sadly.
"I still don't understand how you could just leave without saying something to me. I mean, I could have left instead of you."
Toby looked away and thought about if he really was going to tell her everything. Then he took her hand in his. He was surprised that he let her do that and that she even squeezed his hand slightly.
"CJ, it wasn't just because of our relationship they wanted me to leave. Our relationship was the source to everything. You remember the first time Leo told us to end it?" She nodded. "You saw it yourself, Ceej. The drinking, my temper, the hostility. I let out a lot of that on you and I'm sorry about that. I really am."
She smiled softly. "It didn't matter, though. I could take that because I knew that deep down you loved me."
"Still, though." He paused and put a hand to his forehead. "You remember how you thought Leo let us be together? Well, he didn't but I told him not to say anything to you and I promised I would end it, again. When I never did and as my drinking continued he asked for my resignation instead."
CJ bit her lower lip, then stroked her hand across his cheek. "You could have stayed in D.C. Or you could have told me and I would have come with you. I would have followed you anywhere, you know that."
He nodded once. "Yeah, I do but... CJ, earlier tonight I told the President that working in the White House is the best thing you've ever done in your life and I would never rob you of the opportunity by making you leave the administration earlier than intended."
"Toby, the reason working in the White House is the best thing I've ever done was partly because of you."
Toby looked embarrassed. Then he squeezed her hand tightly. She looked down at their entwined hands, then sighed sadly.
"I'm still leaving tomorrow morning, though," she whispered.
"Yeah, I know."
Tbc.
2003-03-09
Josh carefully placed the chess-table of glass on the coffee table then sat down in a chair.
"Who's playing?" He asked, looking at Jed, Sam and Toby.
Jed grinned and looked at Sam. "Up for the challenge?"
Sam sighed sadly then smiled and nodded.
"Sam, if you don't beat him you'll never become President," Josh teased.
Sam glared angrily at him. Toby moved closer to Sam.
"I'll help you."
Sam smiled thankfully and then looked at Jed. "Black or white?"
"Black."
"Let the games begin!" Josh said loudly and got irritated looks from everyone.
Sam thought for a minute before making his move.
"Tough call," Toby said sarcastically.
"I wonder what's taking CJ so long," Abbey said suddenly.
Jed put down the tower he held in his hand and smiled softly at her.
"She'll be back soon, honey."
As if she had heard them the door opened and CJ and Leo entered. Leo looked a bit uncomfortable, standing close to the door. Sam and Josh looked nervously at each other then at Toby.
CJ smiled slightly. "Look who I found. Maybe you can have like a chess- tournament or something."
She walked over to them pulling Leo with her. Jed moved over on the couch to make space for him. Jed briefly put his hand on Leo's shoulder and they exchanged their silent apologies to each other.
CJ yawned loudly. "I'm going to bed now."
She turned around and was at the door when Abbey called her name.
"Will you stay?"
CJ stood still for a moment before turning around to look at them. "I don't know."
"Should someone go and talk to her?" Sam asked innocently after she had closed the door.
"Yes!" Jed and Abbey said at the same time and glared at Toby.
Toby seemed numbed. He was still looking at the closed door and he showed no sign of that he'd heard the others talk. Then he rose and put down his glass on the table.
"I'll be right back."
Toby slowly walked up the stairs doing his best not to think. If he did he knew his mind would convince him that he shouldn't do this. When he stopped outside her door he knocked even before he had stopped walking. He nervously scratched his neck as he waited for her to say something or open the door. After a while he knocked again.
"CJ?" He said softly. "It's Toby."
"Yeah, I can see that."
Toby quickly turned around and pressed his back against the door. "CJ!"
"No, Santa Claus."
She walked over to the door causing Toby to quickly move away. She opened it and then turned at him.
"Did you want something or are you just going to... you know, standing there?"
He looked innocently at her then brushed his hand against her arm. She flinched as if his touch had burnt her and in a way it had. She closed her eyes and stepped aside, allowing Toby to enter her bedroom. She closed the door and walked over to the bed. Toby nervously sat down in a chair.
CJ sighed and did her best not to look at him. "Listen, Toby, I'm kind of tired. I just had a quite intense discussion with Leo and I don't know if I can take one more tonight."
Toby shrugged. "Then when? CJ, you're leaving tomorrow morning. Were you planning on telling me that?"
CJ rose angrily and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, actually I wasn't! I thought that's what we do! We leave each other without saying goodbye!"
She sank back down on the bed and covered her face with her hands. When her shoulders began shaking slightly Toby carefully sat down next to her on the bed. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She looked down at her hands that now were resting in her lap. "Yeah, well you should be. Toby, I don't understand you. How could you let me work with the man who had separated us? I just want some kind of explanation. I think I deserve that."
He put a stray of hair behind her ear and briefly looked down. "Yeah, you do."
He was quiet for a while and the more he thought of it, he realized he had no answer for her.
"Have you forgiven Leo?" He asked instead.
She shrugged. "I did my best. Toby, you've had years to deal with this. I found this out just this morning. And I wasn't even supposed to know!"
"I thought it didn't matter. Not now."
"I told him there are no harsh feelings but he knows that there is. But I'm thinking about what you said earlier at dinner. He's dying soon, Toby. Real soon and I'm not letting him die without my forgiveness."
"It's not honest."
"I can't find it in a month!" She snapped.
Toby held up his hands as if to defend himself. "Yeah, I know."
Toby's cell phone rung. He sighed and planned on turning it off when he saw who it was. "Hello?"
"Hi daddy!"
Toby smiled softly. "Eliza... How are you?"
"Fine. When are you coming home? Mom makes me eat vegetables."
Toby chuckled quietly and glanced over at CJ. "Listen, honey, I'll be home in just a couple of days and then we'll go to McDonald's or somewhere else with greasy food."
"Yay!"
"Honey, I have to go but I'll call you tomorrow. Tell your brother I love him, okay?"
"I love you, daddy."
Toby looked at CJ who looked questioningly at him.
"And I love you," he said looking at her.
CJ quickly looked away as Toby turned the phone off.
"I'm sorry about that."
"No, no, Toby. Don't ever apologize for taking the time to talk to your children. At least not to me."
It was quiet for a moment and CJ nervously fidgeted with her hands.
"I have missed you," Toby said honestly. "I mean, I have *really* missed you. I've thought about you everyday and I don't know how many times I've thought of picking up the phone to call you but..."
"You should have," she interrupted with tears in her eyes and her voice thick.
"I was scared that you'd turn me down. That you wouldn't answer my calls, that you wouldn't answer my letters. I just left you CJ and... I'm just saying, I would have understand."
CJ smiled slightly. "I could never turn you down," she whispered. "There would definitely have been some yelling, or a lot but after the yelling... Toby, all I wanted was a call."
"Yeah, I know," he said sadly.
"I still don't understand how you could just leave without saying something to me. I mean, I could have left instead of you."
Toby looked away and thought about if he really was going to tell her everything. Then he took her hand in his. He was surprised that he let her do that and that she even squeezed his hand slightly.
"CJ, it wasn't just because of our relationship they wanted me to leave. Our relationship was the source to everything. You remember the first time Leo told us to end it?" She nodded. "You saw it yourself, Ceej. The drinking, my temper, the hostility. I let out a lot of that on you and I'm sorry about that. I really am."
She smiled softly. "It didn't matter, though. I could take that because I knew that deep down you loved me."
"Still, though." He paused and put a hand to his forehead. "You remember how you thought Leo let us be together? Well, he didn't but I told him not to say anything to you and I promised I would end it, again. When I never did and as my drinking continued he asked for my resignation instead."
CJ bit her lower lip, then stroked her hand across his cheek. "You could have stayed in D.C. Or you could have told me and I would have come with you. I would have followed you anywhere, you know that."
He nodded once. "Yeah, I do but... CJ, earlier tonight I told the President that working in the White House is the best thing you've ever done in your life and I would never rob you of the opportunity by making you leave the administration earlier than intended."
"Toby, the reason working in the White House is the best thing I've ever done was partly because of you."
Toby looked embarrassed. Then he squeezed her hand tightly. She looked down at their entwined hands, then sighed sadly.
"I'm still leaving tomorrow morning, though," she whispered.
"Yeah, I know."
Tbc.
2003-03-09