Disclaimer: I don't own Naraku, but I do own Inuyasha on import DVD. I do this purely for fun.

Naraku hated to walk. Absolutely hated it. Being barefoot didn't help. He was shirtless, shoeless, minionless, peltless and he had a quarter sized knot on his forehead from one of Rin's rocks. He was beginning to think it couldn't get any worse when he slipped and landed face first in cow dung. The tic Sesshomaru had noticed in Naraku's left eye went into overdrive.

"KUSO!! He wiped the cow dung off his face as best as he was able. He would have to find someplace to wash up. He located a stream nearby, stripped and waded into the water. The cool water revived him somewhat and felt good on his sunburned shoulders. He took a deep calming breath. He could still turn this around. He wasn't that far now from Kaede's village. He would get what he needed from the hag, kill her, then take care of the rest of them. He smiled. His revived sense of self-confidence lasted until he discovered that someone had taken his pants.

The few travellers on the road kept a safe distance from the ranting, naked man. Times being what they were, it was best not to get involved. Naraku spotted a man on horseback who looked like he would do. He stopped the horse, snapped the man's neck before he could lift an arm to defend himself, quickly stripped him, dressed (he turned out, to Naraku's annoyance, to have tiny feet), mounted and rode for Kaede's village.

Naraku asked directions from one of the village men to Kaede's cottage. Kaede of course, was expecting him. Kagome, Inuyasha and the rest were off gathering Shikon shards. She would have to deal with Naraku on her own. But that had been the plan anyway.

"Konbanwa, Naraku."

"Don't Konbanwa me, old hag. You put a curse on me and I want it removed."

"Curse you? If I had such power, why would I bother? I'd rather stand by and watch while Inuyasha cuts you in two with the Tetsusaiga."

"I woke up in bed with your dead sister Kikyo this morning. My minions have all left me; even the Saimyoushou are missing. Sesshomaru's pet human threw rocks at me. The only bit of joy I've had today came from killing a peasant for his clothes and horse."

"You aren't wearing your baboon pelt."

Naraku's left eye, which had quieted down after he killed the peasant, began to twitch again. "Kikyo burned it."

"So ka? It was an ugly thing, anyway." Kaede stared at him over the fire. "I never noticed before, but you are a very handsome man."

"Nani?"

"You know, I had to take over the role as Miko when Kikyo died. I never got to experience a normal woman's life, a normal woman's pleasures." Kaede moved over next to Naraku. "Despite your outward appearance, you are older than me. I was but a small child when Kikyo was taking care of Onigumo." Kaede placed her hand on Naraku's thigh. Naraku stared at her with an expression that twentieth century dwellers would call classic deer in the headlights. When her hand moved further up his thigh, Naraku came back to his senses and stood up.

"IIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

Naraku screamed and ran from the cottage, almost knocking down Kagome in his haste to get as far away as possible. Kagome and the others ran into the cottage to find Lady Kaede collapsed on the floor in a laughing fit.

"You should have seen his face." Kaede said when she was able to talk again. "It worked just as you said."

"Psychological warfare. If you can't beat him, mess with his mind. It helps if the subject is not too stable to begin with. We shouldn't be bothered by Naraku for a while."

As for Naraku? Well he returned home to his empty, dark castle and proceded to go on a week long Sake bender.

Owari