Hey people! What's up? Well, here's the first chapter to the Harry Potter Dating service! The Date is.... Tanya Maxwell &Sirius Black (older)! Now you're all probably wondering who created Tanya, well Tanya Maxwell did!! Now, not only that, but my character Lane Snake will follow you through out your date inserting rude and annoying comments! Let the mayhem begin!

Disclamers: Deity owns Lane Snake, the reviewers own their characters, and J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter!



******************(In the Great Hall)*********************

All the characters on the Dating list stand around in the Hall waiting to be called up to what they had dubbed "The Gallows". Lane Snake ran through the doors brandishing a piece of paper.

"Okay! I got the first date!" She stopped in the middle of the hall, "And the victim will be...Sirius Black!"

"YES!" The Young and Old Severus did a High-Five.

"Shut up Snape."

"And it is the old Sirius." said Lane.

The Young Sirius pointed to the older and said, "HA HA."

"Great, who will I be dating."

"Tanya Mule...wait...I mean Maxwell, sorry, your date will take place in the Womping Willow tunnel, you better get going." Lane folded up her paper and then took out a couple of Galleons, "Here, you're getting paid to do this."

"Cool." Sirius walked out of the Hall, ignoring the two Snapes who were laughing manically at him.

*****************(Down by the bay, where the watermelons grow...)*********(A.K.A. The Lake)*******

Tanya carefully combed her dark hair one last time and then checked her makeup carefully, she couldn't believe she would actually be dating Sirius Black!

Several women sigh.

"Shoo! Scat!" Tanya chases them away; HE would be arriving soon. And he did.

"Oh Tanya! My beautiful Tanya!" yelled Sirius jumping from a nearby tree, "You are more beautiful then..."

"Then what?" said Tanya in a sultry tone.

"I can't say Tan, I was only paid enough for ONE line." Sirius waved his arms around and whistled a tune in a pointed manner.

Lane Snake sighed and jumped from the bushes, "Here," she dumped a bag of galleons in his hand, "that should last for the entire date." She then walked back into the bushes.

"Okay, as I was saying...You are more beautiful then a Flobberworm!"

This comment was less then flattering, but coming from Sirius Black...

The women sigh again.

"Damn it!" came Lanes voice, "GO AWAY!"

The women all walked away grumbling.

"Anyway..."

"Lost for words, Black?"

"Are you going to follow us all through the entire date?!" cried Tanya indignantly.

"Yes."

Just ignore her, come on Tan, let's get to the Willow."

"Hey Siri, you want to hear a riddle?"

I LOVE riddles!" A extra bag of Gold fell from the trees into Sirius's waiting hand,

"Okay, So why did the dead baby cross the road?"

"Yum..."

"Because it was stapled to the chicken! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Yum...yeah...ha ha," Sirius laughed weakly, "Say Tan, that was a rather Slytherin rid-" Tanya screamed and lunged at Sirius, knocking them both into the tunnel, they landed with a slight THUMP.

"A SLYTHERIN RIDDLE!" screamed Tanya, "ARE YOU NUTS?!?!?!?! I...HATE....SLYTHERINS!!!! MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

*******************(Great Hall)*****************

Everyone in the hall was conversing quietly when a distant scream reached their ears.

"Sounds like Sirius's date is going well." said Ron as the sound of maniacal laughter reached everyone.

Harry nodded. (No they were NOT being sarcastic!)

*****************(The Gallows)******************

As soon as she was done throwing Sirius into walls and screaming, Tanya said, "Come on Siri! Let's go farther into the tunnel!"

"Right, tunnel, to the liiiiight, must go to the liiii-" Lane smacked him, "What? Oh, right, Tan let's go."

The two walked to the very end of the tunnel (well, Sirius stumbled) before they stopped.

Tanya grabbed Sirius's hands and looked deep into his unfocused eyes, "Oh Siri, I've had such a wonderful time so far! I think we should kiss!" Tanya grabbed his head and moved it to hers but...she had forgotten today was the full moon.

"HOOOOOOWL!" Remus Lupin ate her whole.

"Thanks Moony." said Sirius faintly.

Remus burped and went back into the Shrieking Shack.

"Well...she didn't last long." said Lane, with her hand on her hips, "Great, that means less money for me, well, back to the Great Hall we go."

****************(Great Hall)********************

When Lane and Sirius walked (limped in Sirius's case) in the hall it became quiet.

"How'd it go Sirius?" asked Harry.

"Well, let me put it this way, if you thought those answer the reviewer's questions fics were bad, this is 50 time worse."

"Great, just great." said James, "They bring back to life for the sole purpose of making me miserable for others entertainment."

"Don't worry, you don't have a very big chance of getting picked Potter." said the younger Snape.

"Well," said Lane, "Everyone can go back to where ever you came from until next time! SEE YA!"

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MUAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Your date will be something like that, only funnier! And longer! So, tell me if you liked it or not! And more participants are welcome! WE NEED BOYS!!!!! Also, for those of you who asked NOT to be paired to a girl, fear not! However, if you do not say anything, it will be random and a girl will be paired with a girl or a boy with a boy! If you don't want that then say so! The next chapter will be out in a while! Get ready! SEE YA

-Deity & NemesisMuse (Dark Mage of Death)