And I thought I wasn't going to write another mummy fic after Ardeths
Birthday. Don't ask, I got the idea from listening to "Weird" Al Yankovic's
song "Germs". Thus forth, this story is known as "Ardeths Paranoia of
Germs" BTW if you don't know who Lackey is, he's one of Ardeths Lackeys
(obviously)
~Ribbetfrog
Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Mummy' or 'The Mummy Returns' and I sincerely apologize for what I'm about to do to some of the characters in those movies.
Lackey: Walks into the living room of the sand cave, and sees Ardeth huddling in the corner of the room, with a bottle of Lysol being gripped tightly in his hands What the...? Sees Discovery Channel on, with the guy on the screen saying that germs are everywhere ...Oh dear...
Ardeth: Sees Lackey walk in AHHHHH! Get away from me you walking piece of bacteria!
Lackey: approaches cautiously Sir... put down the Lysol...nice and easy... the germs can't hurt you...wait...they can...but... SCREW IT! GET OUT OF THE CORNER ARDETH! That's probably the most germ-infested place in the cave!
Ardeth: Screams and dives under the couch
Lackey: Sir, there's just as many germs there...
Ardeth: Dives under a rug
Lackey: Sir, don't make me repeat myself...
Ardeth: Then where aren't there any germs?
Lackey: I dunno, ask Imhotep, he was always the smart one.
/Imhotep's Tomb/
Ardeth: /walks in/ Anyone here?
Imhotep: Greetings, any reason why your disturbing my eternal rest when you know waking me up could possibly cause the devastation of the earth?
Ardeth: AHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU 2000 YEAR OLD GERM INFESTED DUST BALL!
Imhotep: Hey ma homie, dis is ma crib, love it or leave it ma brutha.
Ardeth: Stop talking trash man, your 2000 years old and not ghetto.
Imhotep: don't rub it in. Anywho, is there a reason you're here?
Ardeth: Douses tomb with Lysol Yeah, whats the cleanest place you can think of?
Imhotep: A cloning lab.
Ardeth: but. it's the 1930's... We don't even know what cloning is yet, and nothing will be cloned for another sixty yea-ow!
Imhotep: Hmm...?
Ardeth: Something just smacked me when I was pointing out the erro-OW! It happened again!
Imhotep: Don't provoke in a creepy tone Theeeee voooiiiiicccceeeee
Ardeth: ...right... anyway, where is this... 'cloning lab' you speak of?
Imhotep: Its right over there. points to a sand cave right outside his tomb
Ardeth: Wow... that's freakishly convenient...
Imhotep: Yea, but don't question the plot or in a creepy tone Theeeee voooiiiiicccceeeee will get you.
Ardeth: ...right... well, I'm off to the cloning lab!
Imhotep: Ok, have fun!
Ardeth walks out of the cave, and into the cloning lab
Ardeth: sees the cloning machine Oooooh... shiiiiiiiny... I think I'll hit the big red button!
does so, and activates the cloning machine, thus making a clone of himself Ooooh... Hi me!
Ardeth #2: Hi! clones self again
Ardeth #3: Howdy! clones self over and over
Ardeth #47: Hello!
Ardeth #102: Hey! theres lots of me's!
Ardeth #195: Hi!
Ardeth #206: sigh The machine broke...
Original Ardeth: So no more clones?
Ardeth #206: Nope.
Original Ardeth: sigh Oh well...
Lackey: suddenly walks in Hmm... Ardeths camels keep trampling all the lackeys, so I guess I'll have to clone myself to make more... pauses Ardeth? What are you doing in my cloning lab?
Original Ardeth: Umm... nothing?
Lackey: sees all 206 Ardeth clones Oh... my... eyes widen WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO ARDETH?
Ardeth: guiltily Uh... well, you see there was a big red button, and so... yeah...
Lackey: beginning to twitch How... how... how many are there?
Ardeth: err... two hundred and six...
Lackey: two...two... two hundred and six Ardeths... faints
Ardeth: ...uh... Lackey? poke Lackey? jab
Lackey: suddenly comes to ARDETH! IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF THOSE CLONES NOW, YOU'RE GROUNDED!
Ardeth: But... you can't ground me... You're my lackey!
Lackey: Whatever. Just. Get. Rid. Of. Them.
Ardeth: Ah... sure!
Lackey: Go. Now. Get rid of them.
Ardeth: Right! Leaving now! runs out with the two hundred and six clones behind him
Lackey: Sigh Ah well. Now to clone myself...
Outside the cloning lab/sand cave
Ardeth: Lets see... what's a quick way to get rid of two hundred and six clones of myself...
Ardeth #172: No Ardeth! You can't kill us!
Ardeth: Why not?
Ardeth: #172: uh...
Ardeth #36: Because it wouldn't be very nice?
Ardeth: Hmm... I guess it isn't... I've got an idea! I can send you all to Hollywood! They made two movies about me, so maybe they can make some about you!
Ardeth #95: Really? To Hollywood then!
The Ardeths run to catch the next flight to Hollywood
Ardeth: Well, that takes care of that story... now back to the 'ole sand cave. walks home
Epilogue The Ardeth clones starred in many movie, including:
'Ardeth the Pyro'
'Ardeth Falls in Love'
'Ardeth and Fido Get Married'
'Ardeth Has A Tea Party'
'Ardeth's Bachelor party'
'Ardeth Learns To Read'
'Ardeth Falls in the Nile'
'Ardeth Gets Trampled By Camels'
'Ardeth Finds Evy's Makeup'
'Ardeth Goes to Vegas'
'Ardeth and Ardeth's Excellent Adventure'
'The Camel Whisperer'
'Camel Race'
'Z.I. Zero Intelligence'
'Camel Wars'
'Camel Wars: Ardeth #34 Strikes Back'
'Camel Wars: Return of the Med-Jai'
A Very Ardeth Christmas
And so, Ardeth's clones lived happily ever after, despite the fact that in later years, several movie producers stole the plots of their movies, changed them around a little and made millions off of them.
A/N: Yup, another Ardeth story. By the way, after I finished listening to "Germs" I listened to "I Think I'm A Clone Now" so... yea. ~ribbetfrog
Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Mummy' or 'The Mummy Returns' and I sincerely apologize for what I'm about to do to some of the characters in those movies.
Lackey: Walks into the living room of the sand cave, and sees Ardeth huddling in the corner of the room, with a bottle of Lysol being gripped tightly in his hands What the...? Sees Discovery Channel on, with the guy on the screen saying that germs are everywhere ...Oh dear...
Ardeth: Sees Lackey walk in AHHHHH! Get away from me you walking piece of bacteria!
Lackey: approaches cautiously Sir... put down the Lysol...nice and easy... the germs can't hurt you...wait...they can...but... SCREW IT! GET OUT OF THE CORNER ARDETH! That's probably the most germ-infested place in the cave!
Ardeth: Screams and dives under the couch
Lackey: Sir, there's just as many germs there...
Ardeth: Dives under a rug
Lackey: Sir, don't make me repeat myself...
Ardeth: Then where aren't there any germs?
Lackey: I dunno, ask Imhotep, he was always the smart one.
/Imhotep's Tomb/
Ardeth: /walks in/ Anyone here?
Imhotep: Greetings, any reason why your disturbing my eternal rest when you know waking me up could possibly cause the devastation of the earth?
Ardeth: AHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU 2000 YEAR OLD GERM INFESTED DUST BALL!
Imhotep: Hey ma homie, dis is ma crib, love it or leave it ma brutha.
Ardeth: Stop talking trash man, your 2000 years old and not ghetto.
Imhotep: don't rub it in. Anywho, is there a reason you're here?
Ardeth: Douses tomb with Lysol Yeah, whats the cleanest place you can think of?
Imhotep: A cloning lab.
Ardeth: but. it's the 1930's... We don't even know what cloning is yet, and nothing will be cloned for another sixty yea-ow!
Imhotep: Hmm...?
Ardeth: Something just smacked me when I was pointing out the erro-OW! It happened again!
Imhotep: Don't provoke in a creepy tone Theeeee voooiiiiicccceeeee
Ardeth: ...right... anyway, where is this... 'cloning lab' you speak of?
Imhotep: Its right over there. points to a sand cave right outside his tomb
Ardeth: Wow... that's freakishly convenient...
Imhotep: Yea, but don't question the plot or in a creepy tone Theeeee voooiiiiicccceeeee will get you.
Ardeth: ...right... well, I'm off to the cloning lab!
Imhotep: Ok, have fun!
Ardeth walks out of the cave, and into the cloning lab
Ardeth: sees the cloning machine Oooooh... shiiiiiiiny... I think I'll hit the big red button!
does so, and activates the cloning machine, thus making a clone of himself Ooooh... Hi me!
Ardeth #2: Hi! clones self again
Ardeth #3: Howdy! clones self over and over
Ardeth #47: Hello!
Ardeth #102: Hey! theres lots of me's!
Ardeth #195: Hi!
Ardeth #206: sigh The machine broke...
Original Ardeth: So no more clones?
Ardeth #206: Nope.
Original Ardeth: sigh Oh well...
Lackey: suddenly walks in Hmm... Ardeths camels keep trampling all the lackeys, so I guess I'll have to clone myself to make more... pauses Ardeth? What are you doing in my cloning lab?
Original Ardeth: Umm... nothing?
Lackey: sees all 206 Ardeth clones Oh... my... eyes widen WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO ARDETH?
Ardeth: guiltily Uh... well, you see there was a big red button, and so... yeah...
Lackey: beginning to twitch How... how... how many are there?
Ardeth: err... two hundred and six...
Lackey: two...two... two hundred and six Ardeths... faints
Ardeth: ...uh... Lackey? poke Lackey? jab
Lackey: suddenly comes to ARDETH! IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF THOSE CLONES NOW, YOU'RE GROUNDED!
Ardeth: But... you can't ground me... You're my lackey!
Lackey: Whatever. Just. Get. Rid. Of. Them.
Ardeth: Ah... sure!
Lackey: Go. Now. Get rid of them.
Ardeth: Right! Leaving now! runs out with the two hundred and six clones behind him
Lackey: Sigh Ah well. Now to clone myself...
Outside the cloning lab/sand cave
Ardeth: Lets see... what's a quick way to get rid of two hundred and six clones of myself...
Ardeth #172: No Ardeth! You can't kill us!
Ardeth: Why not?
Ardeth: #172: uh...
Ardeth #36: Because it wouldn't be very nice?
Ardeth: Hmm... I guess it isn't... I've got an idea! I can send you all to Hollywood! They made two movies about me, so maybe they can make some about you!
Ardeth #95: Really? To Hollywood then!
The Ardeths run to catch the next flight to Hollywood
Ardeth: Well, that takes care of that story... now back to the 'ole sand cave. walks home
Epilogue The Ardeth clones starred in many movie, including:
'Ardeth the Pyro'
'Ardeth Falls in Love'
'Ardeth and Fido Get Married'
'Ardeth Has A Tea Party'
'Ardeth's Bachelor party'
'Ardeth Learns To Read'
'Ardeth Falls in the Nile'
'Ardeth Gets Trampled By Camels'
'Ardeth Finds Evy's Makeup'
'Ardeth Goes to Vegas'
'Ardeth and Ardeth's Excellent Adventure'
'The Camel Whisperer'
'Camel Race'
'Z.I. Zero Intelligence'
'Camel Wars'
'Camel Wars: Ardeth #34 Strikes Back'
'Camel Wars: Return of the Med-Jai'
A Very Ardeth Christmas
And so, Ardeth's clones lived happily ever after, despite the fact that in later years, several movie producers stole the plots of their movies, changed them around a little and made millions off of them.
A/N: Yup, another Ardeth story. By the way, after I finished listening to "Germs" I listened to "I Think I'm A Clone Now" so... yea. ~ribbetfrog