This is just something that came to me in a drug-induced state…no, actually, I was just bored and decided to write something that isn't supposed to be that serious. Anyways, yeah…here we go.
The characters and the idea of Ranma ½ is not owned by me in any way so don't come to my cardboard box lined with bubble-wrap demanding that I pay up because I have no money because Spooky Donkey ate it all. Darn that stupid donkey….
On with the fiction from the depths of stupidity. =D
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She blinked her eyes in disbelief. Surely they were playing a trick on her again.
Like that time she drank too much Pina Colada and saw Ryoga and Mousse making
out on her couch. Of course, she figured that one out quickly since she didn't
own a couch.
When she saw that the large wooden crate was still in front of her, she concluded that it was not the case. Ukyo Kuonji placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head to the side in thought. She had not ordered anything recently from eBay. After Konatsu had used her credit card without permission to order mountains of tasteless Sailor Moon donjinshi, she had opted to do her online bargain-hunting elsewhere. The okonomiyaki chef cleared her thoughts again and stared at the large box made of wood. It was rather large, reaching a good meter or two above her head, enveloping the girl in its shadow. The girl sighed. The mailman probably delivered the mysterious item to her restaurant.
Either that or either Shampoo or Kodachi decided to send her another "present" to call a truce.
Ukyo removed her large battle spatula from the clasp in the back of her bandolier and gingerly prodded the crate with it before jumping back, ready to combat Kodachi's alligator and/or Maomorin. They would not take her by surprise again. However, neither reptile nor giant bride-seeking feline appeared when the wooden compartment's sides fell outward, creating loud clattering noises as a result of her prodding. Perhaps she had eaten Super Soba a while back. Who knows or cares? It fits with the story.
She blinked again.
"Alright, what the hell is this?!"
Dancing at Ucchan's
By Silver Vaporeon
"What did you say? I am afraid, I wasn't listening." The male kunoichi looked up from his latest issue of a trashy teenage girl magazine to his boss and love of his life. It was still early in the morning and so he was still in his pink flannel pajamas which were patterned with the outlines of tiny blue teddy bears. Ukyo sighed, tired from her climb up the stairs and from her roommate's strange feminine preferences for said magazines and night attire. She repeated herself.
"There's some strange machine parts outside. Can you put that down and help me carry them in?" she asked while gesturing for her employee to put down the magazine that had littered mail-in subscription postcards all over her floor. Konatsu beamed and stood up, casting his reading material aside. It hit the wall and a cloud of subscription cards and cheap sample perfume packets exploded in the tiny shared room.
"Anything to make you happy, Lady Ukyo!" the feminine man smiled broadly, standing proudly in his pink pajamas. Ukyo gave a weak smile back, trying very hard to suppress the urge to beat Konatsu silly with her large cooking utensil. However, she needed his help at the moment and the male ninja would not be much use if he were unconscious.
"…yeah, follow me. It's sorta heavy."
Barely after she had finished her sentence, her eyes sensed a pink blur had zoomed past her and dashed down the stairs. Seconds later, she heard banging and clanging sounds of heavy objects being moved and put inside the building. Cautiously, Ukyo made her way down the wooden steps leading down to the restaurant area of the building to see Konatsu organizing the machine parts that had arrived in the giant crate. Hearing his employer finish descending the steps, he stopped fiddling around with the pieces of metal and bowed.
"I am sorry that I have not figured out how to assemble this strange contraption yet, Lady Ukyo," he said softly. Ukyo blinked.
"…it's alright, Konatsu. Thank you for moving everything in for me…in a good amount of time. And stop bowing like that, it makes me nervous," Ukyo said. Ever since she took the timid ninja under her wing, he had been bowing enough times to make an emperor feel guilty. Konatsu bowed again in apology.
Ukyo walked over and picked up the instructions manual and flipped it open, hoping to discover what the machine was. Her eyes shrank into simple black dots. What she saw were lines of characters that consisted of lines and circles quite unlike the Japanese and bits of Engrish that she was accustomed to reading. The okonomiaki cook flipped from cover to cover, finding that all the pages were covered in the same text with diagrams illustrating the pages that she assumed talked about how to assemble the strange contraption. She sighed and turned to Konatsu.
"Do you know how to read Korean?"
"No. Forgive me for not being able to, Lady Ukyo. Should I sign up for a class?" Konatsu replied. The girl sighed and shook her head.
"No, it's fine. I just wanted to know if you did," Ukyo replied. She looked at the diagrams that were on a good amount of the pages. "You know what? I think we can assemble this by just looking at these diagrams. It's still early so let's figure this thing out."
~*~*~
Some time later….
"…If I had to figure out another 'part Z ? part A', I think I would have snapped," Ukyo commented, wiping the sweat from her brow. Konatsu pushed the machine into a corner and plugged it into an outlet. The machine came to life, emitting a short yet loud accented sound from its speakers. The lights flashed and the small screen in the middle of the bulk of the machine turned on. Both Ukyo and Konatsu looked at the screen for more clues to what the machine was but only saw more of the dash-and-circle characters of the Korean language appear for a few seconds before they faded into darkness. Loud music began to play and Konatsu jumped back behind Ukyo who had brought out her own battle spatula in front of her in case the machine really was booby-trapped and would explode at any minute. Of course, she knew if it did explode, a mere giant spatula probably wouldn't protect her but it was still a comforting thing to know that she had something to try to protect herself with. And maybe Konatsu. He hadn't bugged her in a while.
"DDR MAX! FULL MIX!" a loud American-sounding voice boomed from the speakers. Ukyo and Konatsu quickly ducked behind the counter in fear. They peaked out when nothing else seemed to have happened. The lights of the machine flashed in a frenzy and the small screen of the contraption displayed a menu in more Korean. Minutes passed and the machine did not do anything else though the lights were very irritating to the eyes. She cautiously stepped onto the metal platform and leaned against the support bar. She tilted her head, trying to make sense of the strange Korean text. The only thing she could recognize was "FREE PLAY" which was displayed at the bottom of the screen in big white English letters. Ukyo didn't know what "FREE PLAY" really stood for in English but she knew from her early school days that when those letters appeared, a person could play a game for free. And there was no harm in playing a free game….
Ukyo pressed the flashing button on the left since it was on the left side where she was and the same short accented sound boomed again, followed by the same English-speaking voice that said something that she couldn't understand. She guessed to select the picture of a demented robot rabbit creature that appeared to be made out of teal-colored boxes. Another menu popped up and she randomly selected one of the choices. Soon after, the screen displayed a list of items in English. She scowled. It wasn't fair that the creators of the game made her feel stupid by giving her written instructions in Korean and then lists and verbal instructions in English.
She put a foot on the panel on her left side to see what would happen and the list started scrolling, reminding her of a modified roulette. She lifted her foot up and the scrolling stopped, landing on one of the choices. As soon as it had stopped, an English song started blasting from the speakers. It was hideous so she experimented again with the scrolling.
"…It's my generation-"
"-Da da de dum da de-!-"
"-Sweet little-"
She finally stopped at one that she considered decent and selected it by pushing the button in front of her again. The screen grew dark and gradually lit up again. Four white outlined arrows lined the top of the left side of the screen. Applause and cheering were heard but quickly faded.
"Are you ready?" the voice asked her. At least she knew what that meant. She leaned against the support bar, waiting to see what would happen. The song which she had chosen started playing as soon as the voice and the imaginary audience's cheers faded.
"…The last she ever did saw him…carried away by a moonlight shadow, he passed on worrying and warning…carried away by a moonlight shadow…" a wavering but clear feminine voice started singing. At the same time, arrows started appearing at the bottom of the screen, moving upwards in a constant stream. Tiny red "boo" messages appeared as they continued upwards and disappeared at the top of the screen as they passed the arrows. Ukyo looked down to see the arrows on the pink and blue panels under her feet indicated the arrows on the screen: up, down, left and right. She tapped the "up" panel and the outlined "up" arrow responded. She pressed it again as a colored "up" arrow approached the outlined one and a small "good" in blue text appeared.
"I think I sorta got this figured out, Kontatsu," Ukyo said and stomped on the right arrow panel, receiving an "almost" text message. At least it was better looking than the "boo"s. Konatsu reached behind his back and brought out two tiny fans.
"Lady Ukyo, you are so smart!" he cried. At that exact moment, the screen turned black and the word: FAILED filled the screen. Konatsu immediately stopped cheering and put the fans away.
"I-it's alright, Lady Ukyo…it's my fault that you have failed to complete the machine's commands. You shouldn't listen to that evil machine, so come and dry your tears."
Ukyo stared at Konatsu, her eyes perfectly dry. He was such a strange person.
She turned her attention back to the screen which had returned to its original menu picture and tilted her head. Sure she did not understand the function of the game but failing the first round had given her the feeling of incompleteness; that she had to try again to win back the victory that she had failed to obtain the first time. It was just like gambling with the Gambling King; the more you lost, the more you played and the more you played….
Ukyo put a hand to her chin, stroking it in businessman-like manner, a small smile playing on her lips. Perhaps the hunk of metal would be of some use to her after all.
***********
The first part! Yay! I suck! It wasn't even that funny. But still review because
that makes me very happy. We writers who don't saturate our writings with
Ranma/Akane WAFF have feelings too, you know. =P