A/N: Thanks to the nuns who let us adapt the words in their replies to the Jensen Sings thread. Now if you were really observant, you could figure out who's who... Nuns With Pens (Jensen-centric Fan Fiction): http://nunswithpens.hyperboards.com/index.cgi
A Sordid Little Tale 2
"Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream. About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know. "
Max sat stunned, she had no idea where any of this was coming from, but she had never expected that Alec would appear to enjoy this so much. Her surprise increased tenfold when he began to sing.
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
"Oh. My. God."
Max turned to the group, eyes ablaze. "This isn't right! This isn't a proper song - it's the asshole song!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have called him that before huh?" OC laughed at her friend's behaviour. What had she been expecting from the guy - a sappy love song?
"But… but…" Max looked about ready to either jump on the floor kicking and screaming or…cry.
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
oh no no way uh-uh
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
Alec was really getting into the lyrics, and the crowd appeared to be enjoying it too. This karaoke thing was really addictive. Perhaps after this, he'd sing another song…
Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
He stared straight at Max, noticing that she appeared to be fuming - once again. *Let this be a lesson to you.*
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)
Over at another table, Logan was sitting with Normal - who appeared to be hitting on him. But then, he couldn't be sure. He had no previous experience in the mating game to compare this to. Never would he admit to anyone that his marriage had been arranged by sympathetic parents.
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.
Was Alec making up these lyrics just to take the piss out of him? It wasn't enough that he'd stolen his girl and left him to be pawed by this geek beside him, but now he was taking the mickery out of him in a song to boot!
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
Alec was sure to pause on the last line. He zoned in on Max, making it seem that the room was entirely black and they were the only ones in it, lights glowing around them. OC, Biggs, CeCe and Logan looked as though they we're watching a tennis match. Heads turning as each opponent took their shot, but the ball was in Alec's court and Max never had a chance.
NAAAAH!
I'm an Asshole!
Max's face was painted red with fury. She was mentally taking everything back. She wasn't sorry, not for anything. And he really was an Asshole!
A smile crept across Logan's face. Seemed things weren't so smooth in relationship land. Maybe he still had a chance to woo Max back. I wonder what kind of pre pulse wine they serve here. Maybe a cheese soufflé as well?
Logan's thoughts were interrupted as Normal's hand came to his shoulder.
"I can't believe he's singing this song. That boy is so far from being an asshole." Logan reluctantly turned his attention back to Alec. "He is pure perfection. Certainly too good for Missy Miss there. She deserves someone more…dull."
Logan shifted slightly.
"Say, didn't you two used to have a thing?" Normal didn't let him answer. "Just listen to him."
A. SS. HO. LE.
A. SS. HO. LE.
"It amazes me though."
"What does Normal?" Logan couldn't believe how loud the music was in this place. He had to speak in a voice he just didn't think was as sexy as his usual husk.
"The heat between those two."
Normal indicated Max and Alec, still staring burning holes into one another, oblivious of all others in the room.
Logan was about to be sick.
"I saw it at the strip club that time. Miss sitting on Alec smooth, extraordinary lap. Running her hands through his hair."
Everybody! A. SS. HO. LE!
The entire club was now joining Alec is his spelling bee.
Logan's eyes widened when he registered what Normal had just said. "What strip club?"
"The one that Alec used to go to all the time. Blowfish something, in Sector 9. Ask Max, she works there one night a week." Normal shuddered at the thought.
Logan could not believe what he was hearing. It seemed that Max and Alec's relationship had been going on for much longer then he had thought. And right under his nose! It was going to be harder then he thought to get her back, but he had a plan.
"Excuse me Normal."
Logan got up from his bar stool and headed for the back of the stage.
Max's face began to cramp as she clenched her jaw tighter. This was supposed to be a humiliating experience for Alec and instead, the entire crowd was singing along with him, OC included and it was her debt pay out that he was enjoying! The only person other then herself not spelling out Alec's true nature was Sketchy and Max could only guess that was because he didn't know how to spell it.
I'm an asshole
And I'm proud of it.
Alec couldn't help himself.
"That one was for you Maxie."
He blew her a kiss and proceeded to bow at the admiration the crowd showed him through their cheers.
Max shot her head towards Original Cindy.
"That wasn't good enough. Make him pay again. Something different!" OC looked at her wide eyed. "Make him pay Cindy. You beat him in a bet and now he's basking in the glory of showing his true self! Make. Him. Pay!"
"Down girl!" OC could not believe how worked up Max was getting. "That was my debt and the boy paid it. I wasn't to know that he'd enjoy himself so much."
"How can you be satisfied? I would-"
OC put a hand to Max's mouth.
"I told you I wasn't changin' camps for no boy, so I don't wanna know what you would do to him." OC couldn't help her smirk. Max's confused look confirmed that there was definitely something there to talk about later. "Look Boo, Alec looked like a fool! He will not live that performance down for a long time. He just went with it and had some fun. Maybe you should do the same. Lighten up Max. Please."
Original Cindy took her hand in hers and gave her a soft smile.
Max would think about it.
She watched as Alec handed the microphone back to the MC. He patted him on the back and whispered something in his ear. The MC pointed behind stage and Alec shoulder shook as he chuckled and brought a hand to his face, rubbing his forehead. A large smirk moved across his face as he shook his head and walked of the stage.
He moved across to his companions and gave them a sparkling smile.
"Who woulda thought that hot boy could get a crowd goin'?"
"Ah, Cindy, what can I say…I have hidden depth."
He shot a look to Max, his face becoming all too serious for her comfort. She fidgeted in her seat as his eyes rested heavily upon her. She quickly glared up at him.
"Nice choice."
"Thought you'd like it." He gave her smug grin.
"It was fitting."
She crossed her arms and legs and looked away from him. Alec sat down next to her with a sigh. He leant in close to her, whispering in her ear.
"I wonder how fitting the next performance will be."
Max gave him a quizzical look.
Alec sat back and took a drink of his scotch, Biggs, CC and Sketchy patting him on the back and hounding him about his performance. Alec never taking his eyes of Max.
"Ladies and Gentlemen…"
Alec smiled through his glass and gestured to the stage. Max turned around slowly.
"I would now like to present…"He turned to behind stage and question the next performers name.
"Logan with…"
He looked at his palm card.
"A Song for Max."
The MC shrugged his shoulders and walked off stage, handing Logan the microphone as he left.
Logan fumbled with the microphone and dropped it on the floor, causing a spin tingling screech to fly through the room. The crowd showing their appreciation through collective, painful moans. Logan quickly picked it up, the screeches continuing.
"I…uh…sorry." He gave a quick nerd filled smile.
Max sunk in her seat as Logan began to clear his throat and declare the song to her. Two songs for her in a row…couldn't Alec get back up there? She turned to Logan's predecessor, her lips in full pout, her eyebrows high.
Alec couldn't help it. He was ready to start laughing hysterically, but that puppy dog face, those large brown eyes. They were enough to melt the iceberg that the titanic hit. Instead he slide his seat forward and put his hand to her shoulder. A gesture that caused all other Jam Pony members to look at one another and smile.
"Max…"
Her body shivered again and Alec put a hand to her back and slowly rubbed the shiver away.
"This is for you, my one and only true love."
It was more then a shiver this time. It was a convulsion. Alec moved his hand across her back more rapidly and looked warily at his other friends. Unfortunately they couldn't control their emotions. They were in fits of laughter. He shot them a fierce look and they shut their mouths in unison.
Their silence didn't last long. In fact, as the words began to leave Logan's mouth, Alec was unsure if he could control himself. It was just… so… sad.
Thank heaven for little girls
for little girls get bigger every day!
"Oh my god." Max head sunk against her chest and her hand covered her face.
Thank heaven for little girls
they grow up in the most delightful way!
"Alec?!"
Max was waving her arm at her side, never moving her head from her chest. He placed a glass of scotch in her hand and moved closer as she gulped it down. He didn't know exactly what to do. He knew what he wanted to do and that was take her in his arms right there, but fear of stepping over his boundaries tamed his urge. He thought that the hand on her back was about all she would allow. That and a refill.
Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin'
Logan had the cheesiest grin on his face and he was prancing around the stage like a fairy, kicking his legs out to the side, basking at what he thought was his glory moment. The plan of all plans. The song to get his little girl back. He was so enthralled in his moment that he was oblivious to Max's reaction. He thought she was crying with joy. So happy that she was unable to speak, a hand to her head, hiding her tears.
Thank heaven for little girls
thank heaven for them all,
no matter where no matter who
for without them, what would little boys do?
Alec couldn't believe it. How could the man be so foolish? That exoskeleton obviously didn't enhance any part of his brain, in fact it may just hamper it!
He slowly glanced across the room and saw looks of disgust. Nobody was laughing anymore, this was…sick. A grown man singing 'thank heaven for little girls' to his so called one true love? Alec couldn't even begin to fathom Logan's current mental state. Or his need to possibly be in jail.
Thank heaven... thank heaven...
Thank heaven for little girls!
The music stopped and so did the strangled cat.
A cricket could be heard screaming in fear in the corner.
The audience sat in silence.
Max took a hold of Alec's arm and squeezed tightly.
"Please tell me he's finished."
It was lucky Alec had superhuman hearing, as Max's question was barely spoken. He spoke at the same level.
"Yeah Max. He's finished."
Alec looked around at Biggs and CeCe. He gave them a quick nod and a jerk of the head. They signalled their understanding and ran to the stage.
Max turned to Alec, pale as a ghost.
"Please tell me I heard wrong?"
"You heard wrong?" Alec shrugged his shoulders as he answered, unsure whether it would help or where to go next. His safest bet seemed to fall back on a classic, humour. "He was singing 'thank heaven for lovely curls."
He gave her a smile and a nod. She looked at him blankly.
"I don't have curls."
"No…you don't." Alec hadn't thought of that. "But you did! Last year, I saw them in the publicity shots that are used as part of the family album. You know the ones that are basically screen caps and the producers decide that they will pass as an everyday photo?"
Max continued to stare at him.
"Uh…" He saw Biggs signalling to him in the corner of his eye. He gave him a subtle acknowledgement and grabbed Max by the shoulders. "Look, I can't quite remember… oh Cindy told me."
He turned Max around to OC. "Why don't you two discuss the inappropriateness of telling me unnecessary information and while you're at it, have another drink."
With that he turned and walked into the crowd.
Biggs ripped the microphone from Logan's hands and watched CeCe drag him further back stage. He waited for Alec to approach, then began to talk. They needed to get the crowd back in the mood.
"Ok, my friend CeCe and I are going to do a bit of an uplifting number and…Sketchy," He point out his hand to indicate Sketchy's position in the room. "Is going to come and join us."
Sketchy, hearing his name, jumped to his feet and scuffed to the stage. Obviously excited that the new Jam Pony members wanted him to join in what ever they had planned. He just hoped they was no spelling needed.
Alec nodded his thanks to Biggs and CeCe, as they waited for Sketchy. CeCe was busy organising a song for them to sing, but Biggs returned the gesture.
Hearing the upbeat tune of what he would later find out to be a Swedish group called Abby or something, Alec knew he was safe to finish the straggled cat off, without being noticed.
"Where'd you go?"
Max had obviously downed more then one drink since Alec was gone. He looked at Cindy, who held up eight digits. Alec nodded and smiled. He was impressed. Plus the scotch would help flood out the bug that so frequently crawled up Max's butt.
"Bathroom."
"The bathroom is that way Alec." Max pointed to the opposite direction he came from.
"Uh…that's where it is. Well I couldn't find it so I just went outside."
"Arggh! That's disgusting!"
He couldn't win! If he was to tell her where he really was, she'd yell at him. Make something up to protect her, she yells at him anyway.
"Yes Max, it is disgusting and I feel terrible about it."
He sat down and sulked.
"Well all this talk of bathrooms has given me the need." Max stood from her chair and turned to Cindy. "Need to go?"
OC shook her head. Max shrugged her shoulders and walked off, Original Cindy scooting her chair over to Alec immediately.
"Tell Original Cindy where you really were!"
"I had to pee. Is that so hard to believe?"
"You may be a genetically engineered uber-stud, but you ain't foolin' Original Cindy."
Alec went to grab the bottle of scotch and pour himself a drink. Original Cindy's hand swooped across the table and took it from him.
"Geeze Cindy. Sure you're not from Manticore?"
She gave him a stern look as he tried to reach for the bottle again.
"Fine. I paid Logan a little visit. Now can I have my drink?"
OC didn't give him the bottle, instead she poured the glass herself and handed it to him.
"That's my boy."
Alec turned his head in confusion, shrugged his shoulders and gulped down his scotch.
A warm palm ran over Alec's back and caused him to jump in surprise. I didn't realise Max had that much to drink…
Turning to face her with a grin, he instead encountered the adoring face of none other than Normal, his expression slightly maniacal from a few too many drinks perhaps.
"Oh Normal heh!" Alec jumped back and nearly overturned his stool in eagerness to escape his boss's grasp. "Uh.. How's it, uh, going? You look pretty beat dude. Isn't it time you head home?"
Normal's eyes lit in a way that scared Alec more than his touch had. "Why hot stuff, is that an invitation?"
Alec looked to OC for help but she merely smiled and raised her eyebrows suggestively. Where was Max?
Normal stepped forward, intent on cornering his prey once and for all. His golden boy was playing hard to get but tonight he refused to take no for an answer. Missy Miss wasn't around to help him now…
"What do ya think you're doing tryin'a chat up my boy?"
The sudden appearance of Max to his left, did nothing to halt Normal. The way those two argued, she should think of him as doing her a favour.
"You don't fool me Missy Miss. You don't appreciate nor deserve my golden ray of sunshine. Why don't you just give up and stop pretending huh?"
"What are you talking about?" Alec lunged around Normal and grabbed Max, drawing her to him. "There's no pretending going on here!"
Max found herself locked in an embrace with Alec as he swung her into his arms and gripped his hands across her back in what was almost a bear hug. Her arms flailed uselessly above his head until she finally gained control of herself and grudgingly wrapped them around the back of his neck.
"See that's my girl!" OC was watching this little drama unfold from the sidelines, and couldn't help but give her team a bit of encouragement. God, if the girl could just wipe that look of pained humiliation off her face and enjoy herself…
"Oh look at you two!" Normal waved his hands in disgust. "You can barely stand to touch each other? I can't imagine how you'd get down to the nitty gritty - nor do I want to imagine."
Seeing an opportunity too good to resist, OC walked over to stand between the two warring parties.
"These two are animals, trust me. I swear they have cat DNA in them or somethin'. I gotta find myself a fine shorty to take me home each night just so I can get some sleep!"
Ignoring the filthy looks Max was trying to subtly send her way, OC gave Alec a wink and continued. "You think these two ignite flames when they argue? You ain't seen nothing when they kiss!"
Original Cindy could feel Max boring holes into the back of her with a variation of the above mentioned fire, as she pushed the play one step further… Turning towards the X5's, who still stood entangled within each other's arms, she smiled wickedly as she spoke.
"Why don't you demonstrate boo?"
Max suddenly lost her ability to breath.
"Yeah, why don't you?" Alec smiled down at Max, who stared wild eyed up at him, like a deer caught in headlights.
"Hey Max, are you okay? You're not gonna pass out or puke on me are ya?" Alec tilted her chin up and forced her to look at him, concern evident in his eyes. This little game had gone on long enough. He lowered his voice and spoke gently. "It's okay, we were only joking."
"See! What did I tell you? It's all a farce." Normal shook his head intrigued by their strange behaviour. He had to hand it to these two - they never failed to amuse him.
Alec looked up to see his disciple step forward, drawn in by the scent of a total fabrication and he quivered from the predatory glint in Normal's eyes.
God, if only Max would just give it up already… He looked down at her, half pleading with his eyes for her to kiss him. Ensuring himself it was to get rid of Normal, not some yearning to actually be intimate with her.
Max looked up at the man in her arms, her mind in a whirl. This was… Alec! How could she stomach kissing him? This was the man who annoyed her with his womanising, stupid jokes, irritating laughter and very presence… morning and night. The man who she looked down on as one would look down on a roach crawling across the floor. Who she had tried to squash like said bug, time and time again.
But as she turned her head away and thought about Logan, she realised if she could handle sticking her tongue down his throat, then Alec shouldn't be a problem…
Eyeing up his full soft lips, she caught herself leaning towards them and hesitated. What the hell was she doing?
"Max!"
The sudden jolt to her senses by the harsh crispness of this new voice, startled Max and caused her to jerk her head back, eyes widened in shock as she realised just how close she'd come to losing herself to Alec.
His face instantly became a mask at her reaction, but not before she witnessed something much more human pass over his features. Something resembling the doomed look of a man who had just bared his heart and had it painfully dismembered from the rest of his body.
"Max, I'm sorry for offending you earlier."
Beside her stood Logan, cheesy grin on face and scraps of potato peel decorating his receding hairline. He held a soufflé out before him as one would make an offering to a God. Cindy snatched the soufflé from him, pissed that he'd interrupted her plan.
Max wrinkled her nose as the subtle aroma of fresh urine and decaying root vegetables wafted from him.
"God Logan, have you been playing in the sewers again?"
Alec cleared his throat and turned away, exchanging a quick look with Cindy as he did so.
"So… who's up for the next song?" OC turned back to the transgenics, hoping to change the subject.
"And who wants this…" Pausing to look around at the dank quality of the bar they were in, OC was at once filled with curiosity. "Where the hell did you get this thing Logan?"
With a puzzled look, Logan shrugged. They stared down at the soufflé and shrugged in unison. It was indeed a mystery.
"Well, knowing Logan, he probably pulled it out of his ass." Alec chuckled and waited for Max to whack him.
Surprisingly, she stood shaking in silent laughter. Obviously, it had been a long night for the poor girl. Perhaps she needed some more alcohol. In a karaoke bar, you could never have too much of the mind numbing substances.
"Hey Max, I have an idea. How bout you sing!" Alec's devilish grin widened at the thought. He knew the perfect song for her…
"Oh no, I am not getting up and making a fool of myself!" Max shook her head vigorously as Alec and OC descended towards her like hungry cat's upon spotting a mouse. As they closed in for the kill she moved back and shrank into a vacant seat, her eyes searching the room desperately for some means of escape. There was none.
"Come on Maxie - live a little!" Alec reached forward and snatched her hand before she had a chance to wrap it around the arm of her chair and grinned widely as her face contorted surprised horror.
"Hell no!" She dug her feet into the floor and leaned back into the chair as Alec in turn strained backwards, trying to propel her from the seat. "Go and annoy someone else for a change!"
As much as she had no desire whatsoever to move away from her safe little retreat, it was difficult to seriously be annoyed with Alec as he stood over her looking for all the world like a kid in an amusement park. But he was so irritating! The way he would try and infect her with his enthusiasm for… life, pester her with his ever constant grin, provoke her with his senseless babble and… oh God, were his eyes actually twinkling?
To her right, Max heard Logan clear his throat loudly like a school teacher hinting for the class to sit down and be quiet. Max glanced towards him and caught the fierce expression on his face as he attempted to glare Alec into submission. *God, he's such a - *
"Sad sack Max!"
"Huh?" Max snapped her head back towards Alec, her eyebrows knitted together in sudden concern. What was he doing getting inside her head?
"I said you're such a sad sack Max. Come on, you may be surprised to find you have a hidden talent?" He quirked his eyebrows suggestively and nodded towards the stage where Sketchy and Normal were now running through their third incantation of 'Love Shack' for the night.
"Uh-huh. I've heard my boo sing in the shower." OC took a long skull from her handle of beer before adding, "She may have talent but it ain't for singing."
"Hey!" Max's scowl instantly returned to her face and Alec playfully swatted their friend before giving an exaggerated sigh.
"Cindy! The idea is to get her up and have fun - not to encourage her to sit here like some vengeful demon fresh from the 7th circle of Hell!"
"Give it up hot boy." OC gestured towards the expression on Max's face. "She's only up for fun when it involves taking the mickey out of you."
"Hey, I can handle that!" Alec's energy level bounced back up as an idea sprung to mind. "We can both sing a duet or something…"
He laughed as he side-stepped the boot that came flying at his shins from Max's direction.
"You're not getting me singing no song! And you're certainly not getting me singing a duet - with you!"
"Wanna bet?" Alec stepped forward and grabbed her other hand which she had carelessly forgotten to tuck behind her back.
"Haven't you learnt your lesson about making bets with us Alec?" OC shook her head in amusement. "Who knows what cunning form of humiliation we can cook up for you next? Maybe Normal will lend us his gladiator suit?"
Alec gulped at the thought of having to wear something that Normal had not only produced sweat in, but had done so for him, his Golden Boy…his Macho Man. Alec shuddered the thought away and spoke with an upbeat tone.
"I'm willing to take that chance." With a jolt of his arms Alec pulled Max to her feet, his laughter increasing as her eyes widened at his action.
Max stared in shock as she found her face suddenly inches away from Alec's, yet again. She searched her mind for some kind of insult, a way to knock him down a peg or two and force him to release her. *His eyes are definitely twinkling.*
She groaned inwardly. That wasn't the kind of thought she'd been striving for and there was no way that would remove any pegs, it would just make his high horse tired from the chips on his shoulders.
"She said she doesn't want to Alec. I think you should let her go." Logan rose to his feet and made an effort to step between them.
Alec stepped away, pulling Max with him. After all, he didn't want Logan to catch a virus or anything.
"I can speak for myself Logan!"
Max was amazed at how invigorated she felt upon suddenly sprouting a backbone. Not to mention the look on Logan's face as that single comment seemed to rip out his spine. If it wasn't for his stupid whinny exoskeleton, Max imagined he would have crumbled onto the floor in a useless heap, just continuing to get in everyone's way.
"Alright Alec. You win, I'll sing."
She laughed as his jaw practically hit the ground. Beside them, OC also turned, looking at her friend as if she'd just announced she had butt fat injected into her lips.
Finally Alec collected himself and released one of her wrists, enabling him to wrap his arm around her waist and lead her towards the karaoke machine. "That's just great Maxie! I've got just the song for you…"
She laughed, this was going to be fun. She hoped. After cringing through Alec's rendition of Asshole, how bad could it be? "What song Alec? 'I Will Survive'?"
Max had no idea what the words to the song were, but any movie she had seen featuring a karaoke moment had that song in it. Someone had to sing it right?
He chuckled before holding onto her tighter, knowing she may suddenly change her mind and run back to her little corner. "No, no, no… I found something far more appropriate for you while searching through the play list. It's a song by someone called Meredith Brookes."
He laughed at her wide-eyed, trusting expression. She'd walked straight into this one.
"…and it's called 'Bitch'."
'You ASS!"
Just as Alec anticipated, Max tried to wriggle free like a fish trying desperately to find it's way back to the ocean. He laughed as he fought to hold her still - they were getting funny looks from those surrounding them.
"You…" She spun around in his arms so that she was facing him, and pushed her hands against his chest, "Let me go Alec!"
"Oh come on - it suits you Maxie! What would you prefer to sing huh?" He plastered a serious expression on his face as he considered her other choices. "Hey how about joining Normal in Summer Lovin' "
Max stopped thrashing long enough to picture that in her head.
Alec gave a quick glance to the stage and saw Biggs and CeCe, trying helplessly to escape the clutches of Normal. That man was far from ordinary, he was a breed of his own! The two entwined transgenics looked at one another and shrugged. Biggs and CeCe had super powers, they could deal.
"So, how do the words to my song go?"
She had the same look on her face as she did when he told her there was only one way to get into the Blowfish Tavern …ooh, this was gonna be fun.
"Well Max, it's relatively simple. Just take a step outside yourself, and look at the way you treat people - namely me - on a daily basis. The words will come to you. I promise."
He gave her a wink A smug wink. God it was sexy!
Max shuddered at the sudden thought of Alec and sex…y! Sexy! She had to do something to distract him, something fast because she could feel the flushness of her thoughts engulfing her body and-
"Hang on! I'm not satisfied with you!" Max's eyes widened at her slip up. "rrr song! Your song! I'm not satisfied with your song!"
Alec shook his head at her lame attempts to cover the Freudian slip. He'd let it pass though…for now.
"Oh no, your not worming your way out of -"
"Oh of course not Alec!" She produced a sickly sweet tone in her voice. "I just think that you should sing one more song. And then it'll be my turn. I promise."
Max smiled like a fox in the company of a gingerbread man. Alec didn't buy it for one second.
"Hell no! I need some collateral."
Tapping her foot, Max impatiently waited for Alec to continue.
Alec couldn't help but gloat. He had Max right where he wanted her. Well, not quite. If they were in a hotel room and she was beneath him on a large vibrating bed - well then he'd have her right where he wanted her.
"I'll sing another song, on the condition you sing the next one. And as collateral I want the keys to your bike."
Max opened her mouth to protest, she never let anybody touch her baby. But the sudden thought of Alec perched on the leather seat, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist as they drove through the crisp evenings of the Seattle streets…
She suddenly felt herself flush again and shot an arm out to Alec, delivering him the keys.
"I have to go to the bathroom."
"Ok, I'll wait for you to get back before I start."
"Fine."
Max spoked the single word as she raced off to the ladies. She needed to cool herself off.
As Alec stood before the microphone, his eyes swept the room, searching for Max, but something else caught his eye.
*That's strange*.
His eyes reverted back to a table where a group of woman sat all dressed alike, pens in hands, and giggling much the way one would imagine a chipmunk to giggle if it were so inclined - and possibly stoned.
He eyed up their costumes, wondering why their attire seemed so familiar. And then like a snap, it came to him. *Whoopi Goldberg… Sister Act… They're nuns!* Though their attire slightly different to Whoopi's, their habits made in a light blue.
It was puzzling. Why would so many nuns suddenly be here…in a bar no less? Why were they looking at him as if he were the manifestation of God? And why was there a large pile of blue towels on the table?
Shrugging, he looked back towards the bathroom, waiting for Max, but his eyes kept coming to rest upon the nuns. *Did that one just wink at me?*
Alec grew anxious as he waited. What was taking her so long? Had she done the old 'climb out the toilet window and run away' trick?
As the patrons of the club came to notice Alec on stage, they grew silent in anticipation.
And then out from the crowd, a voice gushed with excitement, "Okay ladies, get ready to spontaneously... well you know!"
This produced a titter of giggles from the table of nuns, and Alec shot a startled glance at them, wondering which one had spoken. He guessed that it must have been the one all the others were now leaning into, laughing and patting her back.
As they noticed the strange look he was giving them, not to mention everyone else in the room, they fell quiet at last.
Alec took a step back and studied them with growing curiosity.
One met his gaze and raised an eyebrow suggestively before slowly running her tongue along her lips, causing Alec's own eyebrows to rise - towards the ceiling. The nun beside her struggled to maintain a pious expression, but was failing miserably in the attempt. Another began to twiddle her thumbs in nervous excitement, while at least two of them seemed as if they were trying to contain an urge to fly up from their chairs and fling themselves at his feet.
With a shock, Alec realised there were more nuns scattered throughout the karaoke bar and yet, he was sure they hadn't been there before he stepped on stage?
But this was nothing compared to the astonishment Alec felt when he saw the nun who had spoken earlier rest her elbows on the table, giving him full view of her hands. Hands that were wrapped in his…
"Hey!" Alec pointed at the nun. "They're my gloves!"
He was about to pursue the matter further, but a sudden movement caught his eye and he tore his thoughts away from these strange woman and his misplaced gloves, to see Max had returned from the bathroom and resumed her seat at last.
Now, the show could begin.
He gave one last glance to the one who wore his gloves. What was she doing? They were too big for her!
She was just seventeen
"Still too young for you Logan, stay away!" Alec couldn't pass that one up.
And you nun what I mean
And the way she looked was way beyond compare
As he began the song, a voice rang out above the music. "Oh my holy GOD! He's actually SINGING!"
Well she looked at me
and I could see
That before too long I fell in love with her
Looking to the source of the commotion, he noticed one of the nun's had slumped forward in her seat, her head lolling on the table.
*Oh for the love of… she just fainted!* Alec faltered in his song as he struggled to remember what he was singing about. It was hard to maintain rational thought at this point.
Across the room, one of the blue clad ladies turned to another and exclaimed, "Now that's what I call a devoted nun!"
With such a dedicated group of religious woman drooling and fainting before him, Alec couldn't help but feel like a god. Though he imagined that the drooling and the fainting wasn't at all appropriate in the nun/god relationship. Ah, what did he care? This was fun! And catching a glimpse of his friends and colleagues having a ball, made it all worth while.
I couldn't dance with another
When I saw here standing there
"Oh to have Jensen sing to me…"
With his transgenic hearing, Alec heard the pious nun sigh the words, and his jaw dropped. *Who the hell is Jensen?*
Perhaps these woman were part of some bizarre cult and Jensen was their god? But why were they here listening to him sing? Did he bear some kind of uncanny resemblance? Was this 'Jensen' 495? Surely they wouldn't have made another one of him?
*Though when you find perfection…*
Was that him, or were the nuns sending him telepathic messages?
Encouraged by their reaction to him, he began to mingle with the crowd, a wicked grin on his face.
At the table, one nun turned to her right and whispered, "Ooh, I love his voice! His voice is so pure!"
Well my heart went boom
As I crossed that room
Her companion nodded in agreement. "The man will never cease to impress me. I'm speechless!"
"If you're speechless, then why are you talking?" The nun who posed the question jumped with shock as she felt a hand take hold of her own. With a gasp, she realised it wasn't another nun, but the divine being himself.
And I held her hand in mine
As he released her hand, she swooned in her seat, her eyes glassy and far away. "He is a man of many talents..."
The next nun who had been fumbling in her bag for a pen and scrap of paper, felt a hand glide across her shoulders. Turning in her seat, she looked up into Alec's smiling face as he passed her by.
"Hey!"
He turned back to her, never failing in his lyrics, eyes wide and inquisitive.
"What are the chances of…" She flashed him a devilish grin and held out the paper towards him. He glanced down at the hastily scribbled words and shook his head as he mouthed the word 'none', indicating towards a girl who stood scowling at the back of the room.
As he turned away, the excited woman turned back to her fellow sister's, a huge grin upon her face. "He said nun!"
Oh we danced through the night
And we held each other tight
Alec looked up at Max and started towards her at last. After all, she was the one he had originally chosen the song for.
And before too long I feel in love with her
But the nun who had previously been out cold, now lunged out of her seat and dived at him.
Dodging this flying missile with transgenic ease, he looked about the room wildly for any sign of further attack, and then stepped towards Max once more …only to find himself suddenly immobilized.
Looking down, he found a woman had herself wrapped around his ankles like a pair of leg warmers. *Where did this one spring from?*
He tried to shake her off but to no avail. She crawled up his leg and to his horror, began to sob. "You're an angel!" Her eyes shone bright and clear as tears flowed down her face.
Too horrified now to finish the song, Alec looked to Max with terror in his eyes. "Maaaaxxxx!"
Springing across the room to come to his aid, Max pried the hysterical girl away from Alec and turned to pin them one of her infamous glares.
A nun jumped to her feet and clapped her hands with glee. "I definitely liked the second song best!"
Max moved her hands to her hips, attitude enveloping her body.
"Who are you people?" Expecting the women to wilt before her in fear, her voice came out like poison tipped arrows.
To her mortification, not only were they looking decidedly un-scared, but by the facial expressions, or rather, complete lack of facial expressions that they were pulling, they appeared to be taking the piss out of her!
"We're nun's moron."
Max scrunched her face at the answer. *How dare they-* Her thoughts stopped as she heard the whispers from several other nuns.
"What did you say?"
Max could have sworn she heard something about her and lack of food.
From the balcony (yes, there's a balcony - we just never mentioned it before), two nuns stood watching the scene below, exchanging clandestine winks and nudges and cackling with evil laughter.
"This song is truly… inspiring. I feel there are sneaky plans a brew…"
They winked and nudged and winked some more - this elbow prodding and rapid eye movement carrying on for several minutes until at last, they realised they were forgetting the point of the story.
"You're too subtle, I have no idea what you're talking about!"
But of course, she knew exactly what her fellow conspirator had in mind. After all, they had been making plans to kidnap Jens - Alec - uhh… whoever.. Since before this tale had begun…
Having escaped the nuns, (who had mysteriously vanished from the story as suddenly as they had appeared), Alec turned to Max.
"So, did you like the song?"
She was fuming at him for throwing himself at the near-hyperventilating army of nuns in heat, and was in no mood for enlarging his ego more than it already was. God knows he'd probably rise into the sky like a hot air balloon and be lost forever.
"Yeah sure."
Max grinned, waiting for Alec's eyes to light up before adding, "If you were Bad Billy Bass the Singing Fish."
Alec flinched as the exuberant expression fell right off his face, to be replaced by his desperately cute and lovable wounded expression. In a sad soft voice he whispered, "But I was singing it for you Max."
Sighing, she gave in to his 'kicked puppy' trip, and rolled her eyes. "Okay fine. You were great. Now, can I get my song over and done with? I don't trust you with my keys."
Amusement replaced Alec's indignity as he broke into a grin once more. "Yeah sure Max. You know where the stage is…"
Indeed she did. And she had just the right song to sum up how she felt for the annoying, no - infuriating jackass.