A/N: Okay, if you've made it this far, you're surely familiar with Nuns With Pens as mentioned in Chapter 2. You now have to recall the nuns in the balcony from that chapter, and then familiarise yourself with the Dark Angel Discussion/Fanfic board, The Broken World. Yes? Great. Read on...
A Sordid Little Tale
By Enigma and Sorrow
(Chapter Three is 99.9% written by Enigma coz Sorrow's a procrastinator)
"What the hell is taking her so long?"
Alec sat with the others, twirling Max's keys around his index finger. He had been hanging around the girl way too much because he could feel the tingle of a sudden mood swing approaching and the fact that there was some old codger (no, not Logan, another old codger) on stage wailing about his memories, was not helping the swing. Didn't this old fart realise that he had absolutely nothing to do with this story?! That he was simply a tool of comic relief? One that the writers of this story are now realising is completely lame?! But we couldn't have Logan as the only old codger who makes a fool of himself right? Oh screw it, of course we can!
REWIND!!!!
"What the hell is taking her so long?"
Alec sat with the others, twirling Max's keys around his index finger. He had been hanging around the girl way too much because he could feel the tingle of a sudden mood swing approaching. He looked down at the keys and suddenly threw them on the table.
"Whadid you do that for?"
Original Cindy threw him a confused and slightly worried glance.
"I think they're possessed."
"Possessed with what?"
"Her bad moods!"
"Boy you are trippin'! Have another drink."
A glass of scotch was immediately slid across the table, Alec's hand sure to stop it from slipping over the edge. He looked up at Biggs, who gave him a wink.
"Thanks buddy."
"No worries." Biggs then delivered a glass to all remaining members of the group. "By the way, when Max is done, I found a number for us to do. Something that'll bring back old memories."
Alec could tell by the mischievous grin on Biggs's face, that it would be fun. How could he refuse? He gave him a nod and returned the grin, before taking a sip of his drink.
There were now seven empty Scotch bottles on the table. Thank god they were good at stealing, because they were going to empty the bank balance tonight.
"So Cindy," CeCe finally spoke up for what seems to be the first time during this story, "Are you going to grace us with a tune tonight?"
"The stage ain't big enough for Original Cindy."
She pouted and shook her head as she finished the statement.
"And the room isn't big enough for us all to run and hide!"
Sketchy ducked as OC's hand came swooping for his head, the group laughing as he fell of his chair, legs and arms sprawling across the floor. CeCe was the first to stop laughing and look to the stage.
"Well, could you sound any worse than that?"
An extremely monotone sound came wafting over the airways.
I hate the world today
Max stood in the centre of the stage like a lost child. Her knuckles glowing white as she clenched the microphone tightly, her eyes not lifting off the ground.
You're so good to me, I know
But I can't change
Alec couldn't believe it. He'd never seen her so scared! He shrugged it off though, because the way she was speaking, rather than singing those words…he knew she couldn't claim to kick his ass in this game!
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Sketchy got to his knees and looked across at his friends.
"OC's worse than that!"
Then he promptly crawled under the table, avoiding Cindy's boot.
"Shud'up fool!"
Cindy wanted to watch everything Max did as she sang the song. People say when one sings you can see through to their soul, see exactly what they want. Cindy wanted to know who Max was directing these words to and by the look on Alec's face, even though he tried to hide it, he wanted to know the same thing.
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the other side
Max slowly lifted her head and glance briefly in Alec's direction, the words she just spoke bringing memories of the night he comforted her.
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
I'm all rolled into one
Max was finally starting to get the hang of it. The monotone started to become a little less mono and a little more duo. Her voice raising up and down until finally she was singing along to the melody.
I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
I'm a child
I'm a mother
She shrugged her shoulders at the last couple of lines and laughed, getting into it more. Cindy, Biggs, CeCe and Sketchy all started to laugh and clap along with the song, Sketchy throwing in some wolf whistles along the way. Slowly the entire crowd joined in.
Alec sat there staring at her and the way she was suddenly coming alive. That was until he caught a glimpse of Logan returning back to the fray, causing him to suddenly want to pick up the bike keys and shove them in his eye.
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Why was Alec looking so annoyed? Huh! She must have been better than him! Another score for Max! (Yes Alec and Max scoring! Sounds good doesn't it?!) But what Max couldn't understand is why she didn't suddenly have a group of followers. A group of Tibetan Monks dressed in green would have been nice! Worshiping her every move!
Max shook the thought from her mind.
I'm your hell
I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Max followed Alec line of vision and saw Logan had returned to the bar. Her stomach plummeted and her voice returned to the single boring tone. She had kept the song going as she stared, if only to stop herself from heaving onstage.
So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
With those two lines, Alec knew who she was singing the song to. He grabbed his glass and took a good long swig, turning his back on the scene and plastering a fake smile on his face.
"I gotta go use the bathroom."
Alec stood and gave the group a smile, then left the room. OC was going to follow him, but she didn't see the use. Plus she was interested to see Max's reaction when she turned back and…there it was!
Max returned her eyes to the people in the room who were still young enough to have a sufficient resting heart rate, her friends. But he was missing. The one person she wanted there and he was gone.
OC saw the look of loss and confusion in her eyes and she knew all her suspicions of the night were true. She had to save her friend from crumbling in front of the crowd, so she stood to get Max's attention. She signalled a phone to her ear and pointed out the door, indicated that Alec had to take a call.
A smile shifted over Max's face once more as her voice picked up and she got back into the song, the crowd right there with her.
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Logan suddenly felt a pleasing sensation run along his body. *Today won't mean a thing huh? I may need to be a stronger man? Well I do those weights all the time, no matter how pathetic they make me look. But maybe I should do more? Perhaps ballet? I hear you get amazing definition.* The satisfying sensation continued and he closed his eyes and leant back into it.
Normal was only trying to support the poor guy! It was so obvious that Max had been singing to Alec! Why was he suddenly leaning into his arm and…did he just purr?!
Staring wildly across the room for means of escape, Normal tried to grab someone's attention - anyone's attention. But his lay-about employee's at the table were unaware of his dilemma. Or rather, they were pretending to be unaware. When it came to Normal or Logan, it was better to feign ignorance.
Instead all eyes were focused on Max who upon believing Alec to simply be on the phone, had put a sudden zest into the chorus once more.
I'm a bitch
I'm a lover
Perhaps it was because she could relate to the first line so well, but as Max's eyes darted expectantly back and forth from the door, she began to bellow the lyric's in the hope that Alec would cut short his call and return to the room once more.
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Alec could hear her screeching from the bathroom, mixed with laughter and cheers. Why was he so surprised? She wouldn't notice him if he'd punched her square in the face, and he'd done that on the odd occasion. What he needed to do was get over her. And there was no better way than finding himself a fine honey to take home for the night.
His mind firmly set on his plan, he zipped himself up and returned to the main room. He glanced across the stage to see Max laughing. She then glanced in his direction, turned her whole body to face him and spoke her next line softly.
You know you wouldn't want it any other way.
*Damn. Maybe he'd need two girls to get over her.*
The MC moved across to Max, removing the microphone from her hand and giving her a quick pat on the back.
"That was beautiful sweetheart. Where going to take a quick break whilst I dig around for the next oldie."
Everyone looked at Logan.
Max came almost skipping back to the table, obviously happy with her performance. OC had to laugh, they say that karaoke can be intoxicating and Max had the bug! Now she just had to get Alec to understand that, as the usual male fool he was, he misunderstood what went down! Her Boo was singing to him, loud and clear. She was baring her soul and he was draining the lizard! Typical! Though she grinned at the thought that she would be able to lay claim to finally getting the two love sick puppies together. Even if she had to chain them to a bed. (Yep, we like that thought too!).
Just as Max was about to take a seat, Original Cindy held up a hand. "Boo, before you sit your fine ass down, do you think you could fetch us another pitcher?"
Max glanced at the multitude of empty bottles and half filled pitchers of beer on the table. Still in her happy mood however, she shrugged her shoulders and moved to the bar.
"Another pitcher thanks!"
She held her hand towards the bartender, who gave her a nod. She bounced on her feet a little, fingers tapping against the wooden bench. She suddenly wished that she hadn't had so much to drink that night, because if she was slightly more sober, she would have felt him approaching well before he was breathing down her neck. She quickly spoke with great urgency.
"Make that two pitchers and a bottle of Tequila!"
The stale air moved across the base of her scalp hanging there like the annoying occupant that released it. Max closed her eyes tightly, wishing him to disappear. Maybe if she stepped back just that little bit, she'd touch him and be able to blame it on her drunkenness. But than she did suppose his very timely death may dampen the evening. She had another song she wanted to sing.
She turned to him slowly, her eyes almost rolling into her brain. "What!"
Original Cindy got a hold of Alec as he returned to the table. His eyes were on the bar and OC knew he was looking at her girl. A smile moved across her face than disappeared as she suddenly started poking into the Alec's chest.
"What the hell were you doin'?! She listened to you sing and you go off to take a leak?"
Alec gave her an annoyed look, as though he was looking at his younger sister, trying to get a rise out of him. As he spoke his voice was high pitched.
"I had to go!"
"You just pissed in the alley and by the smell of him, all over Logan!"
Alec couldn't suppress the laugh, that was a good one.
"You know what they say Cindy, you open the flood gates…"
He shrugged at her and lifted his palms innocently in to the air. Cindy slapped him across the arm and he gave her a hurt look. Actually it did hurt him a little. Just how much had he drank?
"Listen fool" She got on tiptoes and pointed a finger to his face. "You and I are going to sit down and have a long talk about Max."
Alec rolled his eyes and jammed his hands into his pockets, releasing a low groan as he did so.
"Look OC, I'd love to, but Biggs is calling me over."
Alec spoke the last word a little louder than usual, so that when OC turned her head in Bigg's direction (and she did), he was a step ahead and waving Alec over. Alec shrugged his shoulders once more and gave Cindy a mischievous look.
"Sorry Cin', but when duty calls?"
Alec turned slightly and started to walk backwards, his eyes moving across to the bar once more. As he turned he shook his head and Original Cindy caught what she thought was a disappointed expression across his features. She swung her head to the bar, her entire being slouchy as she saw Logan hovering over Max, both engaged in, what seemed to Cindy, a rather heated argument. She glanced back to Alec, who was now moving with Biggs towards the stage. She threw her hands in the air and pleaded to the heavens!
"Why'd they make 'em such love fools?"
She plonked herself back in her chair, pout fixed on her face.
"What's wrong OC?"
Sketchy slid his chair closer to her, resting his glass on the table.
"Nothin'. Absolutely nothin'.
"Leave me alone Logan!"
Max's eyes were wide and fierce. As music started up in the background again, she glanced to the stage to see Alec and Biggs perched in front of the crowd once more.
"But Max?"
"No Logan! I want you to leave me alone."
The two men on the stage (yes that's right, men. Not the scrawny excuse for a human being that stood in front of her, breathing his stale deathly breath and brushing his thinning comb over flatter against his scull. Men!), started to laugh as the music continued. Finally they began their song.
Her name was Lola, She was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress right down to there
The two X-5's were in fits of laughter as they sung the song, everyone else oblivious to the reason why they were enjoying themselves so much. (But we know, because we've seen LAtR, but Max hasn't heard about Lola yet, so it's an in joke that we can poke fun at her about later!)
"But Max I can be a stronger man for you. Just like you sang to me."
She would meringue and do the cha-cha.
Steam belted from Max's face.
And while she tried to be a star…
"I DIDN'T SING TO YOU! I SANG TO ALEC!"
The room went silent after Max yelled at the top of her lungs. A loud thump, followed by a high pitched screech drifted through the club as Alec's microphone hit the floor, a shocked look settling on his features.
Max stared blankly at Logan, the flush of her face slowly disappearing. Logan's face grew heavy and his eyes watered. Suddenly he burst into tears and ran out of the bar, his legs flaying behind him like a girl. Laughter rocketed through the club, the entire crowd pointing towards the door. But things dropped back to silence when Logan returned into the room, his face laced with tears.
"Normal!!!" He screamed like a selfish child and looked around the bar, but Normal was no where to be seen. Logan jumped up and down on the spot, turned and stormed out of the bar.
(Just for the sake of our readers here's a little more to his story. Logan was so upset that night that he couldn't even find Bessie to comfort him, so he had to walk home. But whilst crossing the road a large cement truck drove passed and knocked him down. The cement truck was followed by a steamroller and Logan was flattened like a cartoon. But of course that wasn't enough to kill the annoying creep, so suddenly a wild mob ran out, all wearing M/A shirts and started to rip his body limb from limb. They then took the body parts to separate areas of the earth and burnt and buried him, so that he would never return.)
Do we all remember the two nuns sitting on the balcony from the last chapter? No? Why? Because we've taken so damn long to update? Pfft! Well there were two nuns up there, but they've now changed into their Broken World outfits (they make them look like supermodels!) and they're suddenly noticing the lovey dovey looks that are being passed between Max and Alec. The red head turns to the girl with black hair. (We'll call the red head Enigma and Sorrow has the black hair.)
"I think it's time."
Sorrow pouted a little and sighed. "But what if White shows up? You said we could wait!"
"I don't know Sorrow, if we don't do it now, we may not get another chance. Besides, I very much doubt that White will come in here. We know where he lives, we can go there later."
"Yeah but, what if something happens to his precious head?"
"Nothing's going to happen to his head and if it does, you'll fix it! You always do!"
Sorrow sighed again and turned to Enigma. "We can't wait just another ten minutes?"
Enigma couldn't help her laughter. She remembered the day when nobody could ever take the place that Alec held in Sorrow heart (*cough cough sap sap*), but alas she had discovered White and while Enigma had to agree, he was on the very sexy side, she still found it funny.
"Look at Max, Sorrow."
Sorrow looked down at her and laughed at her. "What did she come up with a new facial expression?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. But I think she finally woke up and smelt the hottie." (Wow, Enigma didn't realise she was suddenly a part of Clueless.)
"Alright let's do it now. But you promise we'll drop by Amsey's place?"
Sorrow and Enigma smiled mischievously at one another. They both attached a rope to the climbing kits that suddenly appeared around their waists and scaled down the balcony.
As they hit the ground a shot fired through the bar and all patrons dived to the floor. Sorrow turned around and her face lit up.
"Ames!"
She bolted forward, her arms outstretch and took a flying leap at his body, causing the two to crash to the floor.
Seeing the perfect opportunity, several nuns suddenly appeared from nowhere again and ran towards Alec, but Enigma stood in their way.
"I don't think so! He's mine!"
Enigma jumped onto the stage and grabbed Alec. As this is her and Sorrow's story, the two of them were much stronger than the characters, so she managed to pull Alec along with her.
"Max!" Alec called out, but it was no use. Enigma had him next to Sorrow and White now, and their plan was almost complete.
"Oh Alec, don't bother. You're much too good for her anyway. Plus she's more than likely going to screw you over, chuck a big tanty about her and her bloody fiancé wanting more screen time and everything with just go to shit. Then you'll have to go to Dorkson's Creek and have some really bad hair do."
Alec looked confused. "Wait, her fiancé?"
Sorrow stepped forward, her arms wrapped tightly around White, who of course, wasn't complaining. "Yeah, Starfucker!"
"Starwhata?"
"Logless." Enigma answered his question whilst being unable to resist stroking his face. "Have you thought of letting yourself grow and little facial hair? And wear a beanie, I think you would look great in a beanie!"
He giggled slightly as Enigma tickled his face, then straightened himself up. "You mean Logan?"
Enigma shrugged. "Logan, Weatherly, whoever. Same ugly shithead."
"Um, girls?"
It was White that spoke as he looked warily towards a small group of young women huddling around them. (Keep in mind, that whilst this is happening Enigma is getting awfully cosy with Alec in the background. She's pulled out a rack of jackets and has him trying them all on).
One of the young girls moved forward and tried to push Sorrow away from White, his hand came to protect her, but though she didn't need it, she wasn't about to complain.
"White is ours!"
Sorrow stepped forward slightly and crossed her arms in front of her.
"Yeah you know, I don't think so. What do you think Amesy?"
Sorrow turned to her man with a smirk across her face, he returned the smile. "I know where my loyalty lies. These young girls wouldn't rewrite history for me, would they?"
"Yes we would!" One of them sparked up, causing White to give her a vicious look.
"Not like Sorrow."
The young girls pouted and began to cry when they saw White take Sorrow by the waist.
"So are we about ready to go?" Sorrow looked over her shoulder and towards Enigma, who was now measuring the width of Alec's…shoulders.
"Huh? Oh, yep. Ready to go. What about them though?"
Sorrow looked towards the rest of the characters of Dark Angel.
"Pfft!"
The two girls smiled at each other and hooked their arms around their men, walking out of the bar and leaving this silly story behind.
"So how does Vancouver sound?"
THE END!!!