Chapter Six: Close But No Cigar

Hours later, long after her Eureeka moment, Cordelia found herself pretty amazed at how well the day had gone. Buffy and Dawn had left to spend some time with their father and frankly, Cordy thought things started to improve about that time. She and Willow had taken Connor to the park. Willow seemed to be warming up to her. I never thought the day would come when I would be actively trying to get Willow Rosenberg to like me. But Cordelia was realistic. She didn't have many girlfriends and the circumstances of her life made it hard to make new friends. And Willow, it was turning out, wasn't so bad. They had talked, really talked. Cordelia surprised herself when she had told Willow about the demonization—everybody at AI had agreed it was an unnecessary detail that the group from Sunnydale didn't NEED to know. Willow had talked a little about how much she missed Tara…and magic. Cordy knew it was like the visions—Willow's magic was what allowed her to help people and now that was gone—she could definitely relate.

When they came back from their walk they found Gunn and Angel playing video games with Xander, and the only blood being drawn was on the TV screen (thankfully). Cordelia and Xander continued to bicker for most of the day, and neither of them would have had it any other way. He was annoying and could be crude but she still saw glimpses of why she had once allowed herself to love him.

Fred and Wes had basically locked themselves in Wesley's office. Willow asked what they were researching and it was then Cordelia realized that she didn't know. Those two were being awfully tight-lipped. It couldn't be a prophecy or anything big, because then they would have told everyone. Cordelia shrugged it off, figuring they would tell her if it was anything involving the words apocalypse or Armageddon.

The day had actually gone by rather quickly. To an outsider, the group hanging out might not have seemed like a big deal, but that's because they never spent twenty minutes removing William the Bloody's black nail polish. Early evening found the hotel comparatively empty. Fred and Gunn had taken Willow and Xander of a whirlwind tour of LA (Xander wanted to go see real-life hookers). Wes was making a taco run and Spike had disappeared to god knows where.

All in all, not such a bad day.

It had, however, been exhausting. That's why it was 7 pm and Cordelia was sprawled on the lobby couch with her feet laying in Angel's lap. Connor was wriggling around on a blanket they had placed in front of the couch, seemingly fascinated with trying to suck on his toes. They had spent the past several minutes in lovely, comforting silence.

"You know, this wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be," Angel said, echoing Cordy's thoughts.

"Tell me about it. I had a heart-to-heart with Willow. And trying to give Spike a makeover was like the most fun I've had since Christmas."

"I can beat that. I got to instruct Xander on how to change a diaper. I wish I could have videotaped it. And I never threatened him with physical violence, not once."

Cordelia nodded that she was proud of him. "Still," Cordy added, "once every three years."

"Oh yeah, that's more than enough quality time." They both laughed. Angel looked down as he noticed that he had been stroking Cordelia's ankles. All that soft brown skin. "One day I'm going to figure out how you see the sun about as often as I do and you stay so tan," he commented.

Angel was tracing small patterns on her skin, which in turn were creating small explosions in Cordelia's head. Who knew your ankle was an erogenous zone? Cordelia smiled slyly. "That's my secret."

"Is all this color from when you went away with Groo," Angel asked. Cordelia held her breath, hoping more questions wouldn't follow. Of course, they did. "Speaking of that, you never really did tell me what happened."

"That's my secret too," Cordy replied. She didn't feel like meeting Angel's eyes just then, so she turned her head to look at Connor.

"Cordy, you go away with the Groosalug, you come home after less than a week, and all you tell us is that Mexico was very pretty and that Groo went back to Pylea. You can't just leave it like that."

"Oh, I believe I can leave it exactly like that." Cordy was feeling very nervous but she didn't know if it was from the inquisition or the fact that Angel was still running his fingers over her ankles.

"What happened?" Angel just wanted her to answer the damn question. And it wasn't just the fact that he needed to make sure that Groo was gone for good. There was also just the plain and simple fact that she hadn't confided in him. And that's what they were supposed to do. Confide in each other. "I know you told Fred something about an epiphany." Cordelia merely sighed. "Did Groo do something to upset you? Did he hurt you?" Angel's whole body tensed at the thought.

Seeing how riled up Angel was getting, Cordelia struggled into a sitting up position, keeping her feet in Angel's lap. "No, Angel," she put her hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. "Groo, he didn't do anything wrong."

Angel had to make sure she was physically okay. Even if it meant asking, "Was it, um, the com-shuck, did you—."

"Please tell me you aren't about to ask whether it was good for me."

"No, you, I, I just…"

Cordelia put her hand on top of his, which was actually still on top of her leg. "Look, it's no biggie. I just came to, oh, realize certain things. I was on this perfect trip with this perfect looking guy and all of the sudden I was wondering why I had to keep reminding myself that everything was perfect. And that got me wondering why I had to keep telling myself that Groo was endearingly naïve, not just dumb as rocks. And I realized how hard it was, what with all the reminding and telling myself stuff. It was too hard. Love, I mean, not that I'm the expert, but I don't think love should be so hard. It should be something you just…slide into. It should be like coming home." Cordelia looked down at their still joined hands and shivered slightly. "So I told Groo that it wasn't him it was me, we bought some souvenirs, and I sent him home. The end." Cordy let out a dramatic breath and laid back on the couch.

Angel was smiling widely. Nice to know I don't have any competition. I mean, it's nice to know if I wanted to make a move on Cordelia like that, I wouldn't have any competition. Okay, now I'm lying to myself. Great. All of the sudden Angel had a thought. He frowned. "Soooo, this epiphany of yours. Was it the kind of epiphany that one has while walking solo on the beach at sunset or—."

"Or?"

"Or did it happen post, you know, like me, with Darla?" Did you have sex? Was there nekkidness with the Groosalug? Were someone else's hands in places that only mine should be touching?

"Angel, you just want raunchy details. It's none of your business whether I commed when we shucked, or whether any shucking went on at all."

Woman, that is so completely not an answer to my question. "I'm not looking for details. I'm just saying that, hey, with those teeth and his lack of experience with women from this dimension, I could understand if it ended with a perfect despair-induced epiphany."

I should probably be defending Groo's skills in the sack, or at least look angry. But it was hard to worry about Groo's honor when Angel's fingers were tracing higher and higher up her leg. He had to know what he was doing. His thumb was running over that spot right above her knee. That couldn't be an accident. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, sex with Groo. "Angel!"

"What! There weren't a whole lot of cows in Pylea for him to practice on. It's understandable."

Cordelia was having issues with breathing. Angel was definitely leaning towards her now. His eyes held this intent look, like he was after something. And he was looking at her. "Uh, wha, what's understandable?" Cordy asked.

Angel's eyes were hooded and he had this sexual smirk on his face that Cordelia had never seen before. It made her insides go all liquidy. Oh shit! Now his hand was on the soft skin of her inner thigh. He was in a restricted area.

"It's understandable, if you didn't, you know. I mean, not ALL champions can be good," his hand went a half inch higher, "at everything."

Cordy knew she was staring and with her mouth hanging open she probably looked like a wide-eyed fish. He hit a particularly sensitive spot and she couldn't hold in a gasp. As gasps went, it sounded an awful lot like a moan. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and Angel's eyes flared with what looked suspiciously like desire and—

In walked Buffy and Dawn. Cordelia swung her legs off Angel and yanked her skirt down. Angel didn't move, he just sat there, clenching his teeth. How many times is this gonna happen? Is there some sort of rule, are we not allowed to ever get to the good part?


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Buffy came in and set her shopping bags down by the stairs, while Dawn headed straight for the baby. For some reason, Buffy still hadn't felt comfortable enough to hold Connor. She wasn't much of a baby person but she had never actually felt afraid to pick up a child before. This child. I'm just scared to pick up this child. His very existence only increased the general sense of confusion she had felt since they walked in the door. Dawn, however, had no such qualms. By the time Buffy walked over to the couch, Dawn was playing airplane with Connor and telling Cordy and Angel about their day. I don't like how that sounds. Cordy and Angel.

"So, Cordy, my dad's new girlfriend told me I should dye my hair blonder. Whatcha think?" Dawn asked.

Cordelia noted Buffy standing behind the young girl, shaking her head 'no'. "Well you know, Dawnie, I really wouldn't suggest it. Not because you're too young or anything," she added when Dawn's face fell. "It just wouldn't work so well with your coloring. Besides, if you're not trying to catch the eye of any ensouled vampires, why bother with the bleach?"

Buffy coughed. "By the way, Cordelia, have I mentioned how much I LOVE the highlights."

Cordy looked down. She was getting soft in her old age. She had walked right into that one. She snuck a peak over at Angel. Maybe he hadn't heard. Yeah, cause those vampires, it's not like they have super hearing or anything. Angel was smirking and Cordy had the weirdest urge to stick her tongue out at him. So she did. Did he just gulp?

Spike walked out of the basement. His knuckles were torn and bloody and Angel guessed he had been the one to break the punching bag. He seemed to be in a better mood though. Spike had gotten progressively moodier once Buffy left. Seemed fine now though.

"So children, what are we doing this evening?" he asked.

"We, as in everyone except you, are going to do karaoke," Buffy replied.

Cordy stood up. "Spike of course you are invited to Caritas with us. After all, it's just a bunch of FRIENDS, hanging out." There, we're even for that comment about the highlights.

Buffy wasn't clear on what to do. She had come to Los Angeles with very specific plans and so far nothing was turning out the way she thought it would. First of all, this was supposed to be about putting Spike behind her, about finding herself again. How could she find herself when all she saw was him? I mean, when he's always around. I did not mean that Spike is all I can see. He is not all I can see. I can see many things, things that are not Spike. Angel had just seemed so distracted. Part of what she had loved about being with him was how focused he had been on her. When she was in the room, she knew she was all he saw, all he breathed. Now, he was definitely distracted and Buffy was starting to get a good idea of what he found so distracting. Cordelia. The self-professed Dating Slayer.

It was hard to see what he saw in her. Sure, when Cordelia was ruling Sunnydale High, she was attractive to boys but that's because dating her promised an upward rise in popularity. But in LA she was very small fish in very big pond, so the appeal of that was gone.

And it's not like she wasn't still cute, but four years ago, Cordelia was so coordinated, so made up, so perfect looking. Every one of her features had always been exhibited to it's utmost potential. Now…not so much. Gone was the icy prettiness. Gone was the calculated but powerful beauty. Angel, he was a guy who appreciated beauty. So…why?

Dawn's laughter drew Buffy out of her reverie. Cordelia was holding Connor, trying to get him to show Dawn how he could stick out his tongue. When he did it, throwing in a spit bubble for an encore, Cordy laughed down at him then looked up and smiled. It was like being struck by lighting. In that moment, Buffy thought she might know why. Buffy didn't even really like the girl, but that smile was like being held by someone you loved.

A sudden burst of warmth and comfort. Who knew Cordelia had something like that inside her?

Buffy turned to see if anyone else noticed it. Spike and Angel were both looking at Cordelia with very similar expressions on their face. Like they were shocked. Like creatures like them didn't deserve to have a smile like that directed their way. A flood of jealousy ran though Buffy's blood.

But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was not knowing whether she was jealous because Cordy was being stared at by Angel…or because Spike was looking at her too.

"So, Angel," Buffy said, moving in front of him to break his Cordy-worship. "Maybe you and I could do something tonight, before we go to Caritas." She stared at Angel beseechingly. She didn't see Spike's frown or the way Cordelia moved to lay a commiserating hand on his shoulder. She didn't hear Dawn sigh in annoyance and walk upstairs. She just waited for Angel.

Angel was puzzled. Okay, so he wasn't that puzzled. He had an inkling of what was going on. Buffy was using him to make Spike jealous. Fortunately, he had better things to do than participate in that ill-fated love affair. He wanted to finish his conversation with Cordy. I can offer to make her dinner. We can go upstairs to give Connor a bath. And then we can lock the door to my room and get the hell out of this limbo we've been in. Angel realized Buffy was still waiting for an answer. "Actually—."

"Angel, you guys should do something." Cordelia couldn't believe she actually said that. But in a weird way, she was sorta proud. She had overcome all those "fight for your man" urges and just given in to the inevitable. She was like that guy, in that Casablanca movie. Who was all noble. This is the right thing to do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, yadda yadda yadda. "Go to dinner or something. For old times sake."

"Cordelia, Angel is a VAMPIRE." Buffy shook her head, like Cordy had gone retarded.

"Yeah. AND? What, he can escort people to prom and hang out at the Bronze but god forbid he pay for a nice sit down every now and then?" Cordy was not seeing the problem here.

"He doesn't eat dinner food." Buffy was having awful images of Angel sipping blood from a flask at the table.

"You're kidding. Wow! That explains why there's all this blood lying around all the time. Finally the mystery is solved. Thanks Inspector Gadget." Cordelia was getting pissed. Buffy was acting like Angel didn't know how to act in public. Like he was some kind of freak.

Angel put his hand on Cordelia's shoulder. He leaned in and, under the pretense of kissing Connor on the forehead, he whispered for her to behave. Cordelia gave a "Pffft" and rolled her eyes. Angel turned to Buffy. "Actually, dinner sounds like a nice idea. Cordy's been dying to go to this new French place. Spike, I'm sure they have an excellent wine collection."

Cordelia almost had a heart attack. Sweet, adorable, completely dense vampire. How do you live 250 years and not know when you are being seduced. He thought all four of them were going to dinner. Awwwww, why is that so damn cute? Cordy saw the way that Buffy's face fell. I should be enjoying that more. But it was hard to appreciate the Slayer's frustration. It was all futile. No matter how many twists and turns the plot took, Cordelia was still sure how the story was going to end. Angel and Buffy will overcome all obstacles and blah blah blah. "I think you two should go. I want to head home and take a shower. Spike, you care to join me?"

Spike got a huge smile on his face, Buffy's jaw dropped, and Cordy swore that Angel growled. "NOT join me in the shower, join me in going back to my place. Heads out of the gutter people."

Connor had gotten squirmy so Cordelia gave him one last squeeze and put him back on the mat. "Angel, remember to tell Wesley to put on that tape we used last night." In a last ditch effort, Cordelia had put on the "Last of the Mohicans" soundtrack and Connor had magically settled. It had actually been sorta creepy. "And go over diapering with him again, and make sure he is still certified for CPR."

While Cordelia went over nine million details with Angel, Spike snuck up behind Buffy. She knew he was there seconds before he spoke She broke out in goose bumps as she felt his cool breath hit her neck, just under her ear.

"I know what you doing Slayer. You think I don't know why you came here. I suppose I should be flattered. You're so scared of what you feel for me you ran all the way to LA. Well, you can't run from me. From us. Because when you stop fighting this lost cause, I'll still be here, waiting for you." Buffy felt like she had been punched in the gut. She didn't say anything, she just shut her eyes. She kept them closed until Cordelia and Spike walked out the door.

It was shocking to realize that she and Angel were actually alone. And while the lobby of the hotel was no candlelight dinner, or even a romantic stroll through a Sunnydale cemetery, she was pretty sure now was a good time to try a little…rekindling. Angel was sitting on the couch watching his son wriggle around on the floor. She sat down next to him, curling her legs underneath her and leaning towards him slightly. She got his attention by trailing her finger slowly down his arm. That had always worked before.

"So, I'm really glad I'm going to have some time for just us, you know, you and me," she started.

From the floor, Connor made a noise. Angel's face went into worry mode and he leaned over and picked his son up. "Did that sound like a cough to you?" he asked.

Actually Buffy thought the noise had sounded an awful lot like Cordelia's patented "Pfft", but she wasn't about to tell Angel that. "I'm sure it was nothing. Angel," she tried to get him to focus, "I've really been missing you a lot lately."

Angel gave that small sheepish smile that she had seen so many times before. "I've missed you too. We didn't get to talk all that much after you…when you …the last time we saw each other. You seem a lot better now."

Buffy leaned even closer to Angel. "I am better. Just seeing you, being here like this again, it makes everything better."

Angel nodded absentmindedly. "I think I heard that sound again. That wasn't a cough right? A cough would sound more cough-y, don't you think?" Buffy sighed in answer and Angel flashed a soft shy apologetic smile. It made him look dorky and endearing and nothing at all like the soulfull brooder she fell for. "Sorry Buf, I'm doing the over-protective thing, aren't I? I can tell, you sighed just like Cordy does when I'm going overboard." Buffy's noise wrinkled. Was there some sort of rule that he had to mention Cordelia every five minutes? She didn't want to talk about what "Cordy does" or what "Cordy says." It was still throwing her for a loop hearing Angel call her "Cordy" in the first place.

Calm down Buffy. Don't get sidetracked. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and said, "Ever since, you know, this fall, I've been thinking a lot more lately, about life and love."

"Me too," Angel said, surprising her. "Ever since this little guy came along, I catch myself thinking about how much life changes in an instant, how amazing it is when life surprises you. When love surprises you."

"I don't like surprises much. In my experience, change isn't always good. I like things I can count on. Love I can count on."

Angel noticed the weird tone but he had no idea where Buffy was going with this. Was she trying to tell him about her and Spike? He knew they had slept together at least once. Judging by the amount of tension between them since they got there, it had probably happened a lot more than once. "Buffy, you know you can tell me anything." If she needed to work through her problems with Spike, he would be there for her. He owed her that much. "Seriously, I'm always here," he added.

"I just wanted to tell you…" Buffy couldn't believe it was finally going to happen. She had been waiting two days for this moment. It was now or never. There was magic in the air…

…and it smelled a lot like…dirty diapers. "I wanted to tell you that I think your son needs a change," she said with a grimace.

Angel laughed and started babbling baby talk to Connor as he rose and headed upstairs. Buffy followed slowly behind him, going to her and Dawn's room to change for dinner and mull over how close she had just come to getting what she came for.

TBC

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