* denotes thought

() denotes song

song: Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve

Title: Sweet Dreams, Kathryn.

Author: Mocha

Rating: R

(Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony that's life... Try to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die. I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down... You know the one that takes you to the places where all the things meet, yeah)

Kathryn rolled out of the bed, effortlessly. She felt as if all life had been taken from her. *Well, it has hasn't it?* She walked over to the mirror on her vanity and looked at herself. Her hair was disheveled. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Mascara streaked her face, giving her a gothlike look. She looked like a crazed beauty. She flinched as she continued to look in the mirror. No longer did she see her sad reflection, but the cold, staring eyes of all the people that had attended Sebastian's funeral. Oh, how mercilessly had they stared at her. Didn't they understand she did all those things to survive in the game? *I can't believe how smug, that bitch, Annette, looked when she saw how everyone treated me.* Was this Sebastian's last act of revenge? He had gotten her even after death. He had made everyone hate her, him and that gay journal . She saw them move in on her, she heard the accusing voices yelling at her. For a moment while she stood in front to the church unmoving, not speaking, she looked beyond the angry glares. She thought she saw a vision of Sebastian standing under an Oak tree. She blinked and he was gone. Her attention was brought back to the people in front of her. The glares continued. Some people stared at her in disbelief.

"NO!" Kathryn screamed into the empty room. "NO, NO, NO!"

She picked up a bottle and threw it at the mirror, smashing it. She fell to her knees as new tears flowed down her face.

"DAMN YOU, SEBASTIAN!" she screamed.

Was this the great Kathryn Merteuil?

**********************************************

(No change, I can change, I can change, I can change, but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold. But I'm a million different people from one day to the next... I can't change my mold , no,no,no,no,no,no,no)

He knew that he was taking a risk even being there, but even "death" was going to make him miss this. He had stood under the large oak tree. She had walked out the church in such a big huff. She was prepared to give her "better than thou" speech, but when she got to the front of the church she stopped dead in her tracks. Everyone looked up from the books they were reading. They glared at her. Cecile walked innocently up to Kathryn and handed her one of the books. What she saw had made her pale. It was Sebastian's journal. She opened it up and began to read it. What she saw brought tears to her eyes. She looked up from the book and she looked towards the tree where he was at. He turned around and walked away before she realized that it wasn't just an illusion. He got into his rental car and drove away. He was almost ready to begin his new life with Annette. His sweet, beautiful Annette who had wept with joy when she realized that he would live, who had helped scheme up this plan. It had taken a lot of money and time, but it was worth spending the rest of his life with Annette. He couldn't help but wonder how Kathryn was taking this all now. Maybe later on he'd her a little visit.

**********************************************

(Well I've never prayed, But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah. I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah. I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now. But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.)

Kathryn laid in the middle of the floor starting at the ceiling. Who would she play with now? Now, that Sebastian was gone who would she tease? She glimpsed the book that Cecile had handed her earlier peeking from under the bed. She couldn't resist the urge to read it, again. She opened the book and turned the pages slowly. *So, this is what he thought of me? And all this time I thought he loved me.* She sighed deeply and threw the book back under the bed. She giggled to herself. Her parents were out, now. They had left the maids strict instructions to not let her out of their sight. Her dear loving parents. Their son just died and they attend a social function, anyway. Besides it wouldn't be proper to just cancel at the last minute and at such a needy time. Sebastian wouldn't want that. Oh, how she wanted a hit of heroin. Tonight, she was going to attend her final party, the last ball. She got up and walked into the bathroom. She was going to make them regret that they had ever turned on her. She would have the last laugh.

**********************************************

(No change, I can change, I can change, I can change, but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold. And I'm a million different people from one day to the next I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no,no,no)

"Annette, I'm home." Sebastian yelled into the empty house.

He looked on the table that was sitting in the hallway it was a note from Annette telling him she had went to her parents house and that she would be home later. *Well, what in the hell will I do now?* He walked around the empty house. *Maybe I will pay Kathryn a visit.*

"Poor Kathryn, what a noble mind is she o'erthrown." Sebastian said aloud to himself quoting a line from Hamlet.

(Have you ever been down? I can change, I can change..)

He had loved her once, long time ago. Was that actually love or more of infatuation? He didn't know. The love he felt for her was different from the love he felt for Annette. He had to look at her one last time to make things final. He drove to the house he use to call home. He slipped by the sleeping maid. She was probably suppose to be watching Kathryn. He crept into her room. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

"Kathryn?"

**********************************************

(Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life. Trying to make ends meet, try to find somebody then you die. You know I can change, I can change, I can change, but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold. And I'm a million different people from one day to the next. I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no,no,no)

She had taken a bath and freshened up. She put on her toiletries. She went to the closet and picked out a crimson dress. It was strapless. It was corset style dress with a ballroom gown skirt. She put it on and admired how beautiful she was in it. She put on her makeup carefully and pinned her hair up into a neat little chiffon. She danced around the room. She sat down at her table and took out some stationary. She wrote a note:

Life sucks, now that Sebastian's not here. So why should I be here? -Kat

She laid on the bed and took all the pills that she had found in her mother's medicine cabinet. Good old mother the valium addict. She followed each pill she swallowed with a champagne. She laid on her bed. She could feel herself get drowsy.

"Kathryn?"

She heard his voice.

"Sebastian, I got beautiful just for you."

Sebastian rubbed Kathryn's hair.

"We can be together forever now. Kiss me Sebastian." She whispered.

"But Kathryn......" Sebastian said as his eyes misted.

"Please, kiss me Sebastian."

Sebastian leaned over and kissed Kathryn softly on the lips. He kissed her on the cheek. He rested his cheek against hers.

"In this eternal sleep we call death, what dreams may come?" Kathryn said softly.

"Kathryn, I'm not dead." Sebastian whispered in her ear.

Not dead, not dead the words echoed in her ears. She tried to open her lips to curse him to hell and back, but she was too weak.

*Not dead....* A tear slowly slid down her face as she took her last breath.

(We've got ya sex and violence melody and silence
Have you ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)