BEFORE ANY OF YOU WOULD MOVE ON TO THE CHAPTER ITSELF, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS AN INTERLUDE.
Yep, yep... A bit weird that I have an interlude when I don't even have a prologue (Now wait a minute- Do you REALLY need a prologue to have an interlude or an epilogue?) Whatever. I just want to shed some light on my concept on 'friendship.'
Certain bonds can never be broken, it is proven even in our Chemistry class (can't get away from Chem even if I'm in college... DANG!) And most of the time, there are really no words to describe such a relationship because more often than not, the beautiful things in this world are those that we could never merely simplify; we can never really put them into words or into writing... But I'll do my best in this chapter. Please bear with me.
------------
Disclaimer: SquareSoft and Sony's Final Fantasy VII characters and locations were used in this story for non-profitable entertainment purposes. No infringement intended.
Shades of Gray
Interlude One: Silent Gratitude and Things that are more Important than Dreams
The virgin snow covered everything under its pure white mantle that those in sight were akin to mere scribbles on an artist's almost blank canvas. The picture that came to mind was that of peace- all was well and all was content. And to most people's delight, Christmas was coming. It was a perfect portrait only the gods could have created...
Apollo had barely begun riding his sun chariot across the cerulean sky and yet, the town was bustling with numerous activities. There were groups of Christmas shoppers trudging over here, and some others over there; an entrepreneur trying to sell his wares to a passerby while the mall attendants were busy opening up... And in Indulgence, a lone figure steps out of her room, all dressed up and prepared to face the freezing breath of the December wind.
The hallway blinds kept all traces of light from entering this pleasant home, shrouding it in a hazy kind of darkness and adding a gloomy touch to the immediate surroundings. Nonetheless, it had a contradicting effect -depressing shadows existing with the light and warmth only friendship and love could bring. Ironically, for Tifa, the dark was a fitting companion; it comforted her through silence, calmed her unbridled paranoia and gave her time to think things over. Still, she'd never -ever- choose it over any of her friends...
Halfway down the stairs, a soft but distinct chain of melody flowed from the living room, filling Tifa with warmth that she could only recognize as the sense of nostalgia. Her relaxed walking turned into hurried steps as she allowed her curiosity to get the better of her. And there she saw the sight that would soften even the cold heart of the most compassionless man.
Two figures were seated side-by-side, one noticeably much smaller than the other. The bigger one, Tifa's dear friend, Cid Highwind, was playing the piano. The very same callused hands that wielded the powerful Venus Gospel were now caressing the black and white ivories with the light and passionate touch of a proud father holding his child. His fingers lightly stroked the keys, creating music for his lone audience, Marlene Wallace.
Mesmerized by the beauty of what she was seeing and hearing, Tifa watched quietly, not daring to announce her presence or make some noise that would only break the mood. Standing by the bar, concealed in the shadows, she continued drenching her soul in the beauty of the hobby that she had long abandoned and had almost forgotten... But just as suddenly as she had been spellbound by the alluring tune, it stopped. And she couldn't have been more disappointed.
"That- That was beautiful Cid." Tifa said as soon as she found her voice. She walked over to her friends and gave them both a bright smile, gently patting the little girl's head.
"Yes, Uncle Cid can play the piano really well!" Marlene enthusiastically nodded her head in agreement with her favorite aunt, bouncing her brown curls up and down. She turned around and looked at Tifa with her wide chocolate eyes. "I had a nightmare that somebody was robbing your house, Aunt Tifa. And I woke up when I heard someone walking in the hall, but I saw that it was only Uncle Cid."
Cid let out a short bark of laughter that was loud enough to surprise anyone. "Da li'l kid gave me quite a scare earlier. I thought a ghost snuck up on me!"
Marlene shook her head, waving an admonishing finger under the pilot's nose. "There are no ghosts, Uncle Cid! We could have seen even one already if they are real."
"Oh?" Cid's forehead creased as if deep in thought, but then managed to give Tifa a sly wink when Marlene wasn't looking. "So then, der're no tooth fairies...?" The little kid shook her head. "No... monsters under da bed?" Again, she shook her head 'no.' "Then, der're no angels?" This earned him a giggle from the six year old.
"You're silly, Uncle Cid. Of course there are angels!"
Tifa couldn't help but wonder how Marlene came to differentiate angels from what she had concluded as the nonexistent others. "You've met an angel?"
Marlene's earnest expression couldn't keep Tifa's smile from widening. "Not really, Aunt Tifa. But I feel them around me, and I meet people that are like angels... Unlike the tooth fairy- I know it's just Papa putting gils under my pillow. Or the monster under the bed- those are just trash I hid from Papa... And ghosts... Well, I know that when people die, they return to the Planet."
It was hard to believe that such wisdom could come from a child... But it just did.
"Wow, and yer Papa taught ya all dat?" Cid, who was obviously impressed and for one reason or another also appeared very tired, asked Marlene.
"Uh-huh... He also taught me how to read books." She answered him with a smile beaming with pride. "Hey Uncle Cid, could you teach me how to play the piano, too?"
"Sure thing..." He stifled a yawn. "But probably when ya get a little older and taller. Then, ya can reach da foot pedal..." He stood up and stretched his arms high over his head- stopping all of a sudden and scowling at the little girl. "Hey, hey- I've done half of our deal, playin' da piano. Now go finish yer cereal. Der are a bloody number of people out der who starve to death-"
"Yes, Uncle Cid, I promise you I wouldn't waste any food." The little girl obediently got down on the floor, with little help from Tifa and Cid, before disappearing into the kitchen. As soon as Marlene left the two of them, Tifa gave Cid a heartwarming smile.
"Oh that was beautiful, Cid!" she wasn't able to stop herself from jumping into her friends arms and hugging him tight. "I mean, that short music was lovely -you played it wonderfully! And Marlene absolutely loved you! You're just so good with kids- And I didn't know you played the piano!" Words escaped flew from her mouth in rapid succession, barely giving her any time to breath.
He readily returned her embrace, his sleepy cobalt eyes meeting her ruby ones. "Oh, jeez, t'was nothing!" he grinned at her. "If ya must know, I even know how to play da goddamned flute! Man, I was trying out for da darned orchestra when I first met Shera-"
"Orchestra...?" Tifa pulled away from his embrace, searching his stubble-lined face for any signs of teasing or whatever. There was nothing but the distinct twinkle in his eyes. "First the piano, now the orchestra... Cid Highwind, you are just full of surprises!"
"Now wait till ya here more." He withdrew his arms around her, sat back down and patted the empty space beside him. Tifa willingly joined him. "I was really into music when I was much younger... And ya know when people get all damned obsessed right? Ya go to all those mambo-shmambos... And then on da night of one of my friggin' tryouts, der were just too many things happening in da backstage. I damn hafta step out into da back door to get some breath of fresh air- But, hell, I saw dat der was also someone with me... And then, I saw da most beautiful thing on dis planet-"
"Shera?" Tifa eagerly asked him, interested in hearing the tale of love her friend never once brought up.
"H- hell no!" Cid turned red, sputtering out the words as if they left some bad taste in his mouth. "I was talking about da moon fer crying out loud! Well... Ya got some part of it right, da person out der wit' me was Shera... But at dat time, it was da moon I fell in love with..."
Absentmindedly smiling at the pilot's words, Tifa stared at her blurry reflection on the polished wooden floor as if it could understand the things that were on her mind. "Hey Cid, I just wanted to ask if- If... Have you ever truly forgiven Shera for what she did to you?"
A period of silence ensued, neither one of them actually cherishing the sudden stillness of the other. The lively songs of the chirping birds and the sounds of Marlene's eating seemed too distant, too far away for either one of them to think of for the moment. It was as though the question had welcomed them down a long hallway of memories.
"It's only human to make mistakes, Tifa." Cid's voice was soft yet distinct enough to hear. His eyes were fixed on his worn-out bedroom slippers, and even though they held the same mischievous spark anyone would ever see from the loud pilot, Tifa could clearly make out the seriousness that he barely let the others see. "I mean, dat looney Sephiroth was a walking disaster, he clearly was a terrible nutcase I tell ya! But ya see, I know it wasn't his entire fault he ruined all of our lives- But, dang, yeah, I do put all da blame on dat bloody walkin' Jenova-head! Dat alien should have just let us all alone..." His voice trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes replacing the short flash of anger.
"But things happen for a reason... Jenova's plan to end da world must have been a blessing in disguise. Look at it dis way, we wouldn't have gotten to know each other if it wasn't up to us to save da Planet, right?"
Tifa nodded, the smile on her face broadening. There were more to things than her friend was saying... "Cid-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't answered your question..." He put an arm around her and she leaned closer to him, feeling secure within the boundaries and feelings of friendship and love. "As I was saying earlier, dat night outside da orchestra tryouts, I fell in love with da moon. It was da most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, and dis obsession got me to have dis dream of actually being da first man to 'conquer' outer space. And after what Shera did on dat first test flight, I sorta lost it-"
"You have been pretty harsh on her." Tifa pointed out, and Cid just shamefacedly smiled at her.
"Hell, you can say it! I was really stupid then, but don'tcha go telling anyone I admitted dat, alright?" Cid squeezed her shoulder, chuckling softly. "I thought dat Shera ruined my dream... It took time for me to realize dat der are things in life more important than dreams..." He paused for a while as if deep in thought. "Heh, come to think of it, I was able to make dat dream come true!"
"I know. I was there." Tifa replied matter-of-factly, a small smile emanating from her face. She slightly shifted her position inside Cid's embrace to take a good look at her friend's face. "We were able to go into space-"
"Dat's only half of it." He grinned widely, his arm loosening its hold on her and coming to rest beside her on the seat. "I was finally able to open my eyes. And ya know, find my other half. Ya see, I told ya earlier everything has its purpose. If dat spikey headed jerk never made us go back to our families and rethink our cause for fighting... Then mebbe I wouldn't have mustered enough blasted courage to tell her I forgive her. Dat was when I realized dat silent gratitude could do no one any good... Silence is a good thing, but not when ya fail to get yer message across to da person ya love and feel for."
Tifa looked up, her gaze settling on the ivories of the piano; there was no need to seek Cid's face for a reaction. "You do love her, don't you Cid?"
"More than words could say."
"But..." His voice softened, like he was too hesitant to continue speaking. "But don'tcha go telling her dat, alright?" Tifa was only given a second to frown at what he said. "Because I'd rather go tell her myself."
Once again, Tifa was filled with the same kind of warmth she felt just a few moments ago, only this time, it didn't come from hearing the melodies on the piano. Rather, it was all due to a friend's confession and the soothing music of the heart.
-
Shades of Gray Interlude Two: Growing Up
The night had long retired, the pilot had already gone upstairs to get more sleep and yet the fist-fighter was still seated in front of the piano, in the same position as Cid had left her. Tifa sat there pondering on the things she just heard from Cid when Marlene came hopping in.
"You look so happy!" Marlene exclaimed, leaning her elbows on Tifa's knees as she observed her face. "What are you thinking of Aunt Tifa?"
"Your Uncle and I just talked about some things that made me smile and feel better." Tifa stroked the little kid's hair, gently brushing away the stray strands that fell on her pinkish cheeks. She couldn't help but wonder why speaking with Marlene was akin to having a conversation with an older, more wiser person rather than speaking with an eager child. Her eyes held some sort of maturity in them despite their youth; perhaps it was because she had been a witness to a lot of situations that someone as young as her would rarely see. Then all those years spent living in Midgar were certainly a blessing in disguise...
"Papa told me you used to play the piano..." Marlene ran her small fingers down the dusty piano. That simple gesture brought forth a sea of repressed sentiments; out surfaced a door that led to the deepest, darkest chambers of her being.
A sad smile touched her lips. "Yes, I did... It was my passion."
"But I never really saw you playing it, Aunt Tifa. Why?"
"Because..." 'I chose to forget...' As soon as Tifa heard the girl's words, her mind began traveling back to the days when she never heard of pain, never felt how it was to fall in love, never had to deal with death... Memories of piano lessons with her mom came back to her in a rush, and there were too many emotions present in her chest that she felt as though it would burst. And as if having a life of their own, her hands settled themselves on the piano keys and began narrating their tale.
This time, the music that filled the house did not have the lighthearted touch that Cid's emitted; the melody was soft and slow, the sorrow and pain could be easily felt just by hearing it. And as Tifa's slender fingers danced over the ivories, her lips parted to let out a song that had been clearly forgotten until this very moment.
"I've traveled a long road Filled with grief and pain My heart carries a heavy load It's hard for me to stay sane
"I've taken too much of this The sacrifices keep coming Yet I cannot take any risk Still, I continue hoping
"I still gaze at the stars I still wish on falling stars I still look at the night sky I still dream of you and I.
Though my dreams are mere lies Still I believe in you and I...
"I'm walking in this path alone Haven't seen the end of this dark street It's going to be a long cold journey home.
Yet I continue hoping, I keep dragging my feet
"It's hard for me to stay sane I've taken too much, had too many pain My dream of us being together is a lie And still, I believe in you and I..."
"You have such a beautiful voice, Aunt Tifa, why did you stop?"
As if waking up from a trance, Tifa suddenly snatched her hands away from the piano and snapped her head back up to face Marlene. The young girl was looking at her curiously, expecting an answer. "I'm sorry Marlene, I stopped because don't know how the song ends..."
"It was a sad song." Marlene said softly. "But it was beautiful, Aunt Tifa."
"Thank you, my mother taught me that." That memory was vivid, so lucid, that she could remember that day in detail... how bright the sun was, how hot the weather was, how the robins chirped amongst themselves, how the warm wind blew past her light blue dress... Her mother sang that song to her only once, probably because she never wanted her daughter to relate her life to such a heartbreaking song... Quite ironic that the lyrics attached themselves to her memory, and that she was living that very same tale of sorrow as if that song was meant for her...
"You should get back to bed, Marlene. You still have to grow taller before Uncle Cid could teach you how to play the piano." Tifa scolded the little girl when she caught her stifling a yawn.
"You could teach me instead, if Uncle Cid won't, right?" Marlene asked her; she nodded. "And I'm not sleepy, Aunt Tifa." she insisted, following Tifa as she stood up from the seat, walked to the front door and pulled on her coat. "Where are you going, Aunt Tifa?"
"I'm just going to meet a friend." She answered her while wrapping the scarf around her neck. She was about to give the little girl a short lecture on keeping the door locked before bidding her goodbye but then a thought just entered her mind. "Wanna come with me?"
The sparkle in Marlene's eyes were enough to answer her, no more words were needed. And after Tifa got her all dressed up, the two of them were soon out of the house, breaths coming out of their mouths in little puffs of white clouds. The snow felt good under the soles of their boots, and the sunshine streaming down on it just made it all the more inviting.
"Aunt Tifa, can you please help me make a snowbear?" Marlene tugged on Tifa's hand, pulling her aunt towards one part of the front lawn. "Please?"
Figuring that she had all the time in the world to visit her friend, she gave in and shrugged. "Sure," she paused for a while, thinking about what Marlene just said. "Did I hear it right? You want to make a snow 'bear'?"
"Uh-huh." Marlene knelt on the ground, gathering the snow in her tiny hands. "I've seen to many snowmen, and I think it's hard to make a snow chocobo."
Tifa joined her on the ground, following the little girl's lead. "But why did you choose a bear? Don't you want to try snow bunnies? You like rabbits, right?"
"Yes I do, but I want daddy to see it. Uncle Cloud once told Papa that he looked like a marshmallow-bear in his sailor pajamas. And Uncle Cid once told me that Papa slept and snored as loud as a hibernating bear." Tifa couldn't help but laugh at that one, but she found herself listening to her laughter blending with Marlene's giggles.
When their shared laughter died down, Tifa openly observed her niece as her delicate hands worked on some sort of masterpiece. Marlene was a walking mystery; it was hard to decipher this girl's thoughts especially since she acted and thought more like an adult...
"You know, Aunt Tifa... I want to be like you."
Startled at first, Tifa was certainly flattered by what she just heard. "Thank you Marlene... But, why do you say that? I mean, don't you want to be like your dad?"
"Of course I want to be like Papa, but I don't think he'll look good in a dress." Marlene's nose crinkled in distaste and Tifa had to smile. "I want to be really pretty, as pretty as you are when I grow up, and I also want to be as strong as you... And you cook the best food!" Tifa had to laugh at that one. "Besides, it must be really fun, being able to save the world..."
Tifa laughed softly after hearing Marlene's remarks. "Hey... All those fighting and touring the world and everything... It was fun, even if we did feel like we were carrying the entire world on our shoulders-"
"But you had valid reason for feeling that, Aunt Tifa." Marlene had stopped her labor and had her full attention on her. The sunlight created a halo effect on her brown hair, and her kneeling position on the ground likened her all the more to a fallen little angel. It was a bad analogy... "Being a grown up must be really something... You know, I can't wait to start growing up!"
"Soon, little one... It shall come to you." Tifa could do nothing more but to pat her lightly on her head as a form of assurance. "But for now... Enjoy your childhood, because once you're an adult, there's no turning back. You can't choose to be a kid again if you're all grown up. And you'll have to sacrifice some of your time working instead of playing... You get me?"
Marlene had a confused frown on her face. "You make it sound so difficult, Aunt Tifa."
And Tifa could only laugh. "Well, it's really not that bad. I mean, you get to stay up late watching TV, you get to do what you want without anyone telling you what to do and what not to do... It has its privileges, but so does our childhood. Take it one step at a time, the Planet has its way of helping you mature without you noticing it..."
The little girl lowered her head, watching the snow-laden floor as she thought more about what her aunt said. "Yeah, I like being a kid... But I've always thought that it must feel really wonderful to grow up and fall in love..." Her unwavering gaze met Tifa's head on. "Like your love for Uncle Cloud."
Hearing that, coming from a child nonetheless, caused a blanket of thoughtful silence to envelope Tifa. Was it still that obvious despite the fact that she barely had the time to speak with him anymore...? Or was Marlene just too wise, far wiser beyond her years...? And did she really love him still...?
The winter breeze pushed away her troubling thoughts, caressing her cool skin with its freezing touch. She looked up just in time to see a few snowflakes floating down from the heavens. And as the wind continued whispering soothing words to her ears, the smile on her young friend's face lightened the shadows of her soul.
Added author's notes: I tried editing this, but I was not able to change anything since I was and still am so emotionally attached to this chapter. ) but if ever any of you would notice or see any mistakes, please do point it out, I shall appreciate it very much. )
Original Author's Notes: Actually, I finished this some couple of weeks (close to a month or even a little more than a month now, I think) but then I really had no way of sending it to my Beta Reader Tiy because the internet connections in this area is just so bad... The whole two interludes are both unedited, so there may be some weird parts but then I really felt that I had to post it since it's been so long and it just isn't fair to you guys. Sorry if I ended up prolonging the wait or something... --'
I'm not too sure if anybody ever noticed (or remembered) the aged piano in Chapter Nine (third paragraph, second sentence, if I'm not mistaken). I'm not even sure if those who noticed thought it would be of a significant thing... I honestly planned only to have Marlene and Tifa in here (Tifa goes down and catches Marlene attempting to play the piano), but then while I was writing the first few paragraphs, Cid just sorta popped in... I do have this little vision that Cid and Marlene have this certain 'bond' similar to Tifa's closeness to Marlene... Maybe because Cid struck me more as the father-type of guy than Barret ever did (Barret was THE friend, if you know what I mean)
So far, I think this is the longest chapter... Oh, and the first half of this also happened to have the longest title... Sorry if I bored anyone... I wanted to separate it but then I guess it wouldn't be fair if Marlene was to appear in two consecutive chapters... So, yeah, I just had to deal with the length. I do hope y'all were able to tolerate it. I think this would be the first and last time that I'd be posting multiple parts in one chapter (applicable to Shades of Gray only)... I don't really like writing lengthy sections since I think I have a tendency to go on and on... And, yeah, I just might bore you all.
Oh, can I just tell you people how hard it was to write Cid's part! Man, I didn't know at first if I should use the 'normal' language or if he should have this speech thingee like Barret's... Oh, what the heck, I didn't want to do it in the game where most of his sentences have a series of #$&. Hmm, well, at first I just used the normal language but after reading the finished product, I knew I had to revise it since it sounded and looked wrong, coming from Cid...
Let's go to the second interlude... I wasn't really comfortable with posting this one since it had my poem on it. Don't get me wrong, I DO write poems (erm, rather, I write one stanza poems... ) but then this one wasn't even planned, I never intended to have Tifa singing while playing the piano... I sorta got freaked out when my fingers started to have a mind of their own, they typed the poem in one whole sitting... Oo And if it ends up crappy, you all know it wasn't just my fault, we also have my hands to blame! If anyone wants to know, the title of the song/poem is "Still." Go figure.
I think this one wasn't as good as the first interlude. Even though I really really really love kids, I'm not really good with dealing and speaking with children. And I also don't recall ever having this kind of conversation with anyone when I was Marlene's age (I think this is what the psychiatrists/psychologists would call "Childhood Amnesia") That's why the conversation just sucked BIG TIME...
Oh... BTW, I'm currently writing two other fics (ATTEMPTING to write the next chapters of Black Soul and also making another fic, The Night a Star Fell, a gift to our dear friend Zelda6) but then again, I can't really manage my time with all these mood swings and depression and all the other problems a girl my age could have... So, I'm sorry if this chapter took so long even if I promised that it wouldn't... (the internet at home is still conking out on me...Oo) I'm just really glad some people appreciate and actually enjoy my fics.
Thank you for reading this! REALLY appreciate it.