Koimonogatari
Warning(s) - Yaoi/shounen-ai, angst. If you don't know what that means, you are strongly advised to leave. All flames will be publicly ridiculed at your expense.
Disclaimer - I don't own YGO, I just mentally undress Seto Kaiba. *licks her lips*
Chapter 3
Naimenteki Kyou
naimenteki kyou - inner turmoil
Bakura had been feeling uneasy lately; his hikari had since last Friday completely shut off the link between them. Ryou had been keeping something from him; he was sure of this. He had attempted to force open the link the day before, and Ryou had closed it before he could learn much. In the instant the link was open, however, he perceived that Ryou had an injury of some type and had tasted blood. Something was wrong, dreadfully wrong, and Ryou refused to enlighten him. It shouldn't have hurt him as badly as it did; he had done nothing to deserve Ryou's trust, after all.
He had betrayed Ryou's trust too many times, he'd hurt him too much. It was no wonder then, that Ryou didn't love him. If only Ryou could understand what made him do the things he did. If only he could tell him. He couldn't; it would bring him closer to Ryou. He couldn't risk it.
How much pain had the pharaoh brought him? It was too great to imagine. The pharaoh had been a cruel, merciless man. He had enslaved his parents to toil in the construction of his pyramid, one that he would never use. He had taken his sister and himself as pleasure slaves, and later, had offered his lover to the gods. When Bakura had finally escaped, he was forced to leave his sister behind, burdened with the pharaoh's unborn child.
Forced to become a tomb robber, he had barely eked out a living, if you could call it that. There were tomb robbers more experienced than he, more skilled. He had lived at night, hidden by shadows for fear of capture, and from that humble beginning had become the best in the trade. With each theft, he felt himself become number to the pain, and he welcomed it.
In his travels he had met a kindred soul, an assassin by the name of Malik -- oh, how he had lusted for the boy! Malik, with the exotic blond hair and violet eyes, had been the very embodiment of sex. That was all that it really had been, lust, not love. Malik had given him no more than mere physical satiation, but Bakura had embraced the illusion anyway.
Even this the pharaoh had to take away, he thought bitterly. The pharaoh had worn down his defensive shield layer by layer, until he lay naked and vulnerable so that he could once again experience the pain to which he once thought himself immune. He'd been captured and informed that his sister had died in childbirth, then scourged to within a breath of his life; even then, the pharaoh had not had the mercy to finish him. He had instead been sealed inside the Sennen Ring to grieve his losses for five thousand more years.
How could the pharaoh, after all he had done, expect him to accept that he had changed? He was beginning to; despite the grudges he held. Never before had he hesitated to kill him, given the chance, and not even he knew why he did. Perhaps it was a result of his aibou's relationship to the pharaoh's.
Perhaps it was his relationship to his own aibou.
Bakura steeled himself. He could no longer let anything, anyone, cause him pain any longer. If he allowed himself to love Ryou, he could only be hurt. Ryou had the gift of a mortal, a short but sweet life, a mere blink of an eye in Bakura's. He could wake up one morning, trapped within his soul room to grieve for his hikari for all eternity; and eternity, he knew, was much longer than a mere five thousand years.
No matter what happened, he could not, would not fall in love with Ryou, he thought savagely. But it was too late. He already had.
Bakura sat down heavily on the edge of Ryou's bed and suppressed a deep sigh. He could feel his resolve weaken already. He closed his eyes wearily; like Ryou, and because of Ryou, he hadn't gotten much sleep either.
His hikari had unknowingly roused him from his sleep at half past three this morning. He had materialized at Ryou's bedside, concerned. Ryou moaned in his sleep, as if in pain; his sheets had slid down to tangle about his waist with his writhing. Bakura thought it best to wake his aibou and reassure him that it was all a nightmare, and recoiled in surprise.
"Aishiteru! Aishiteru..." Ryou breathed in his sleep. Bakura realized, rather embarrassed, that the dream hadn't been a nightmare after all, but a pleasant dream indeed, to say the least... He wondered whom his hikari was dreaming of. Could it perhaps be... him? he mused. No, it couldn't be... He didn't know whether Ryou liked boys or not... and besides, why was he concerned anyway? He didn't love Ryou, did he?
But he wanted him.
Before he could stop himself, Bakura reached out and gently caressed Ryou's cheek with his fingers. His skin is so smooth, he thought to himself. His lips retraced his fingers' path. Ryou sighed contentedly in his sleep.
Bakura felt that if he stayed any longer, he would never be able to leave. He returned to his Ring, determined to forget the entire episode, but he could not. Here he was again, sitting at the edge of Ryou's bed newly outfitted in crisp white sheets, agonizing over what he had seen and heard last night. Ryou's "Aishiteru! Aishiteru..." haunted him relentlessly. He longed to hear these words from Ryou's lips, when he was awake.
He heard the quiet click of the front door; Ryou was home from school. Bakura didn't know if he could face him today. He'd never felt so insecure in his life, for he knew that the more he felt for Ryou, the more he had to push him away.
~ glossary ~
hikari - light, as opposed to dark (yami)
aibou - companion
Author's Note:
Thank you so much for your reviews!!! *flattered* 4 reviews in the first day! This chapter was supposed to be combined with the next one, but I couldn't find a way to make them merge seamlessly and I didn't want to disappoint you by posting really late. Finals are coming up, and I'm stressing over the English Honors final which is likely to be an essay. *sweatdrops*
So you see, Bakura does love Ryou... and things do get better from this point forward. Especially in the next chapter... watch for some Bakura & Ryou interaction ... involving some hot oil ... vanilla-scented if you must know... hehe I hope I didn't give away too much. (But no yummy chapter unless you R&R.)
~~~~~~~~~~
By the way, there was one fanfic that I was totally addicted to... it was titled "Submit to Me" and was a Seto x Jou lemon that took place in ancient Egypt where Seto was a high priest and Jou was a slave. If anyone knows the author of this fic and/or where to find it, I'd really appreciate it if someone told me.
While I was reading fanfics here at mediaminer, I've discovered that an amazingly large number of people have no idea how to pronounce the names of the characters. So here's a mini tutorial:
there are only five vowel sounds in japanese, not like in english where for instance "o" can be pronounced as in "cottage" or as in "obey".
"a" is always pronounced the same way it is in "father"
"i" is always pronounced the same way it is in "think"
"u" is always pronounced the same way it is in "truth"
"e" is always pronounced the same way it is in "send"
"o" is always pronounced the same way it is in "horse"
there are NO exceptions to this rule (yes, that does mean the english pronunciation of "kamikaze" and especially "karaoke" among other things is incorrect.)
when an "o" is followed by an "u", as in "ryou", the "ou" is read as a long "o" sound; ryou DOES NOT rhyme with "you". this also applies to "jounouchi". by the way, even through ryou may look like it is two syllables, it is actually only one. this particular sound may be difficult to pronounce for some people, but it's not impossible.
bakura - the accent is on the "ba" syllable, not on "ku" as it is in the english dub. so it's BAkura, not baKUra.
since there is no difference between l and r in japanese, malik and marik sound the same. i just use them to distinguish the two characters.
sometimes translators change the way a character's name is spelled, to make in look better. for instance, heero yuy was originally hiiro yui.
anyways, to wrap this all up, i'd like to say that i'm not japanese, i'm not a japanese expert, i'm not fluent, i've just taken some japanese in high school. but don't worry; i'm very sure that everything in this tutorial is true. ^^
Warning(s) - Yaoi/shounen-ai, angst. If you don't know what that means, you are strongly advised to leave. All flames will be publicly ridiculed at your expense.
Disclaimer - I don't own YGO, I just mentally undress Seto Kaiba. *licks her lips*
Chapter 3
Naimenteki Kyou
naimenteki kyou - inner turmoil
Bakura had been feeling uneasy lately; his hikari had since last Friday completely shut off the link between them. Ryou had been keeping something from him; he was sure of this. He had attempted to force open the link the day before, and Ryou had closed it before he could learn much. In the instant the link was open, however, he perceived that Ryou had an injury of some type and had tasted blood. Something was wrong, dreadfully wrong, and Ryou refused to enlighten him. It shouldn't have hurt him as badly as it did; he had done nothing to deserve Ryou's trust, after all.
He had betrayed Ryou's trust too many times, he'd hurt him too much. It was no wonder then, that Ryou didn't love him. If only Ryou could understand what made him do the things he did. If only he could tell him. He couldn't; it would bring him closer to Ryou. He couldn't risk it.
How much pain had the pharaoh brought him? It was too great to imagine. The pharaoh had been a cruel, merciless man. He had enslaved his parents to toil in the construction of his pyramid, one that he would never use. He had taken his sister and himself as pleasure slaves, and later, had offered his lover to the gods. When Bakura had finally escaped, he was forced to leave his sister behind, burdened with the pharaoh's unborn child.
Forced to become a tomb robber, he had barely eked out a living, if you could call it that. There were tomb robbers more experienced than he, more skilled. He had lived at night, hidden by shadows for fear of capture, and from that humble beginning had become the best in the trade. With each theft, he felt himself become number to the pain, and he welcomed it.
In his travels he had met a kindred soul, an assassin by the name of Malik -- oh, how he had lusted for the boy! Malik, with the exotic blond hair and violet eyes, had been the very embodiment of sex. That was all that it really had been, lust, not love. Malik had given him no more than mere physical satiation, but Bakura had embraced the illusion anyway.
Even this the pharaoh had to take away, he thought bitterly. The pharaoh had worn down his defensive shield layer by layer, until he lay naked and vulnerable so that he could once again experience the pain to which he once thought himself immune. He'd been captured and informed that his sister had died in childbirth, then scourged to within a breath of his life; even then, the pharaoh had not had the mercy to finish him. He had instead been sealed inside the Sennen Ring to grieve his losses for five thousand more years.
How could the pharaoh, after all he had done, expect him to accept that he had changed? He was beginning to; despite the grudges he held. Never before had he hesitated to kill him, given the chance, and not even he knew why he did. Perhaps it was a result of his aibou's relationship to the pharaoh's.
Perhaps it was his relationship to his own aibou.
Bakura steeled himself. He could no longer let anything, anyone, cause him pain any longer. If he allowed himself to love Ryou, he could only be hurt. Ryou had the gift of a mortal, a short but sweet life, a mere blink of an eye in Bakura's. He could wake up one morning, trapped within his soul room to grieve for his hikari for all eternity; and eternity, he knew, was much longer than a mere five thousand years.
No matter what happened, he could not, would not fall in love with Ryou, he thought savagely. But it was too late. He already had.
Bakura sat down heavily on the edge of Ryou's bed and suppressed a deep sigh. He could feel his resolve weaken already. He closed his eyes wearily; like Ryou, and because of Ryou, he hadn't gotten much sleep either.
His hikari had unknowingly roused him from his sleep at half past three this morning. He had materialized at Ryou's bedside, concerned. Ryou moaned in his sleep, as if in pain; his sheets had slid down to tangle about his waist with his writhing. Bakura thought it best to wake his aibou and reassure him that it was all a nightmare, and recoiled in surprise.
"Aishiteru! Aishiteru..." Ryou breathed in his sleep. Bakura realized, rather embarrassed, that the dream hadn't been a nightmare after all, but a pleasant dream indeed, to say the least... He wondered whom his hikari was dreaming of. Could it perhaps be... him? he mused. No, it couldn't be... He didn't know whether Ryou liked boys or not... and besides, why was he concerned anyway? He didn't love Ryou, did he?
But he wanted him.
Before he could stop himself, Bakura reached out and gently caressed Ryou's cheek with his fingers. His skin is so smooth, he thought to himself. His lips retraced his fingers' path. Ryou sighed contentedly in his sleep.
Bakura felt that if he stayed any longer, he would never be able to leave. He returned to his Ring, determined to forget the entire episode, but he could not. Here he was again, sitting at the edge of Ryou's bed newly outfitted in crisp white sheets, agonizing over what he had seen and heard last night. Ryou's "Aishiteru! Aishiteru..." haunted him relentlessly. He longed to hear these words from Ryou's lips, when he was awake.
He heard the quiet click of the front door; Ryou was home from school. Bakura didn't know if he could face him today. He'd never felt so insecure in his life, for he knew that the more he felt for Ryou, the more he had to push him away.
~ glossary ~
hikari - light, as opposed to dark (yami)
aibou - companion
Author's Note:
Thank you so much for your reviews!!! *flattered* 4 reviews in the first day! This chapter was supposed to be combined with the next one, but I couldn't find a way to make them merge seamlessly and I didn't want to disappoint you by posting really late. Finals are coming up, and I'm stressing over the English Honors final which is likely to be an essay. *sweatdrops*
So you see, Bakura does love Ryou... and things do get better from this point forward. Especially in the next chapter... watch for some Bakura & Ryou interaction ... involving some hot oil ... vanilla-scented if you must know... hehe I hope I didn't give away too much. (But no yummy chapter unless you R&R.)
~~~~~~~~~~
By the way, there was one fanfic that I was totally addicted to... it was titled "Submit to Me" and was a Seto x Jou lemon that took place in ancient Egypt where Seto was a high priest and Jou was a slave. If anyone knows the author of this fic and/or where to find it, I'd really appreciate it if someone told me.
While I was reading fanfics here at mediaminer, I've discovered that an amazingly large number of people have no idea how to pronounce the names of the characters. So here's a mini tutorial:
there are only five vowel sounds in japanese, not like in english where for instance "o" can be pronounced as in "cottage" or as in "obey".
"a" is always pronounced the same way it is in "father"
"i" is always pronounced the same way it is in "think"
"u" is always pronounced the same way it is in "truth"
"e" is always pronounced the same way it is in "send"
"o" is always pronounced the same way it is in "horse"
there are NO exceptions to this rule (yes, that does mean the english pronunciation of "kamikaze" and especially "karaoke" among other things is incorrect.)
when an "o" is followed by an "u", as in "ryou", the "ou" is read as a long "o" sound; ryou DOES NOT rhyme with "you". this also applies to "jounouchi". by the way, even through ryou may look like it is two syllables, it is actually only one. this particular sound may be difficult to pronounce for some people, but it's not impossible.
bakura - the accent is on the "ba" syllable, not on "ku" as it is in the english dub. so it's BAkura, not baKUra.
since there is no difference between l and r in japanese, malik and marik sound the same. i just use them to distinguish the two characters.
sometimes translators change the way a character's name is spelled, to make in look better. for instance, heero yuy was originally hiiro yui.
anyways, to wrap this all up, i'd like to say that i'm not japanese, i'm not a japanese expert, i'm not fluent, i've just taken some japanese in high school. but don't worry; i'm very sure that everything in this tutorial is true. ^^