A/N: This fanfiction is dedicated to Klose, the one who started me off in fanfiction writing and still keeps me going, as well as, to Lucrecia LeVrai, for all those lovely reviews in my first fanfiction J As the title suggests, this is from Seymour's POV and are his thoughts throughout the entire game. Different thoughts are seperated by "~~~~~~~~~~" Enjoy…
Random thoughts of a Guado
It has finally happened, I have finally "died" under the hands of that pitiful mortal. Too long have I waited for this day, to be freed from myself, freed from my greed of power. I do not regret my actions, they were not of my free will. If I had been more in control, surely Yuna would have loved me then…surely…it is too late now. I am never coming back.
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I plead for someone to send me, I hope she comes soon, I can wait no longer…I yearn for her love, yet I will not receive it. I was fated not to, because of my greed for power. I do not blame mother, she did not mean for this to happen. She will help them defeat me…hopefully they're successful.
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Mother, she…she loved me, wanted to protect me from this world. I only wished that she had listened to me. Perhaps, she had thought that I was too young to think on my own, how wrong she was. Now, I am corrupted, filled with a mad desire for power and overwhelmed in my conquest to be Sin. I wonder as I look down upon my bloodstained hands… what have I become?
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I killed him…my very own father. I watched as his very life was drained out of him and saw him writhing in agony. In my heart, I was filled with my grief yet thoughts of insane pleasure raged through my mind…I was going to obtain the power that I so rightfully deserve. Being a maester was not the ultimate goal, but nonetheless I would be one step closer to succeeding…
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Tromell knows…he does not realise that I have found out his secret. I will go to him tonight, and hopefully persuade him against telling the others. I know he will keep it within the guados, yet one can never be too sure.
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I stared at him out of the corner of my eye as the sending was being performed. He looked sad. He should be, Jyscal was my father and his Lord…foolishness, death is a part of life. I was the deliverer; I was the one who ended his suffering and grief. He should go down on his knees and thank me…
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Luca…the place where I met her. She was a vision of loveliness and her beauty astounded me. It was obvious that she was a summoner, yet… my heart wanted to love her, but I was powerless against my own mind. I knew what I would do before it even came to me, my mind had already decided her fate.
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No one knew that day, but I was the one who unleashed the fiends at the blitzball stadium. For the first time, my heart actually agreed with my mind. This was for the best, the people's admiration for me would be a great advantage in my quest for power. After all, had I not been the one who had saved them?
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Yuna…why? Why must you make this so difficult for me? It would be easy for me to finish off your guardians, but how do you expect me to lay my hands on you? I imagined my bloodstained hands draining the life from your pure heart…it is unbearable. But, if this is the only way, then so be it. Give me all you got…
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Yuna, the embodiment of beauty. Surely, nothing could go wrong today. I scanned the place and looked with satisfaction at the massive number of warrior monks we had with us. If your pathetic guardians came, they would be weak and defenseless, or so I thought…yet they did come…pathetic creatures. Did they think they could "save" you?
I laughed at your ignorance as you took out your staff from behind you. Did you really think that your plan would work so smoothly? Yet, you risked marriage just for a chance to send me and I was filled with a sense of awe and admiration. I think it was then that my love for you became so strong that it hurt me inside as my heart clashed so strongly against my mind.
A wave of emotions flowed through me as I kissed you. I knew this was not of your own free will, but I didn't mind…I thought that maybe you would change your mind if you knew how much I loved you. I had broken my promise when I ordered for the death of your guardians, but they deserved it…meddling insolent fools. Besides, if you had no more guardians, then you would have only one choice for your final aeon…
I heard a cry from behind and my heart leapt into my mouth as I saw you standing so worryingly close to the ledge…just one step more and…I had no choice but to make them drop their weapons. I think it happened when I saw you wipe away the kiss that I had given you, our marriage vow; my heart just shattered into a million pieces as I realised I could never have you. Then, you did the unexpected, you leapt off as you told your guardians to go. I think I too felt like committing suicide then…was I so detestable? Would you rather be linked to death, then to me? I looked over the ledge, alas, you had not killed yourself after all, Valefor had saved you and I was glad. But, why did you look at me with so much hatred?
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I was astonished to see her standing there, arguing with the crusaders to grant her passage. I smiled slightly, she looked cute when she was angry. A thought struck me…if I requested them to allow her passage, she would be indebted to me! I gave a slight smile. There were some problems but I finally managed to persuade the crusader to grant her passage. Stupid Crusaders, what did they think they were doing, questioning a maester?
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I could not believe the amount of courage she had in her, and I was envious. Why were the two of us so similar and yet so different? It was an honour to fight alongside her, although it was just a simple battle against a useless sinspawn. I remember our conversation after that, as I told her to take me as her pillar of strength, just like Lady Yunalesca had her Lord Zaon. I don't know if it was my heart or my mind which spoke then. Most certainly, it was my mind, after all, Yunalesca had made Zaon her final aeon and he had become Sin, still there was something somewhere inside which really wanted her to rely on me as a lover would…
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She was going to pass through Guadosalam and Tromell was going to invite her to meet me as planned. I was in my chambers when they informed me of her arrival and I rushed to the great hall. Tromell was already there with them, praising me…hah! I wondered if it was genuine praise at all… Her guardians were obviously filled with awe as I showed them my replica of Zanarkand, but that was not my main objective as I looked down at Yuna…soon I was going to show her something she would never forget. It was not long before what I had anticipated finally came…the scene of Yunalesca and her Lord Zaon. This was it…I was going to propose to her…
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So, this was what my fate had for me. To die under her hands… I saw as she ran towards me, and I wondered whether she was displaying her pity or her love for me. Deep inside, I really wanted to believe she loved me, just like I had loved her, but I didn't deserve her love…I didn't deserve anything…I wanted to let it all go, to let myself go…my mind had other plans. Yuna did not manage to send me after all, as I awoke in my own body in my chambers…
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A/N: Right, as you can see this is not in any sort of chronological order because as the title suggests, these are the random thoughts of Seymour Guado throughout the whole game. I hope you have enjoyed this, just as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Anyway, the whole marriage scene is one thought and Yuna is referred to as "you" in the marriage thought and the thought before that as opposed to other parts of this fanfiction. In the "first" thought, death is in "" because he died 4 times right? So that is his final "death". Also, I know I have left out several scenes but I might be having a next chapter for this if it is well received that is J Reviews are very much appreciated. J