Power Rangers Amazing Race. . .from the Alphas' POV
A PRAR Special
Alpha 5: First off, it's Power Rangers NOT so Amazing Race. I don't even know why I let these people talk me into doing the show; I regret it more and more everyday. But basically, I needed money, bad. That damn floating head basically treated me like a slave. I was standing there, in Angel Grove Park praying that they would at least have a few sensible rangers on the show. I was excited when I saw Billy and Trini; I knew they wouldn't let me down. Secretly I was routing for them all the way. As I introduced each of the teams one by one, only one word came to mind. . .psychos. . .all psychos. The producers basically picked up every schizophrenic ranger and threw him or her on the show. I knew it was going to be a long race.
Alpha 6: I came along during the third episode, Alpha 5 needed to seek some help. He had a nervous break down. So I gladly filled in. Boy I had no idea what I was getting into. I should have let that seven-year-old host. He wouldn't have lasted a day though; Jen really had something against him. As you may have noticed both of us have lost our catchy little phrases and perky attitudes. Now it's the quicker the teams get kicked off, the better.
Alpha 5: In all seriousness, what a bunch of freaks.
Alpha 6: I mean come on, let's take a look at these teams.
Alpha 5: Don't' even get me started on Leo and Mike. Leo's just a dumb ass and Mike went along for the ride. Believe me Alpha, if you were here when they were, you would have had a break down too. When I saw those two I wanted to quit right then and there. God and you should have seen them trying to solve the first clue. . .it wasn't even a hard clue! Everyone and their dog could have figured that out. But no, not Leo and Mike. . .like seriously are you kidding me here?! It didn't even occur to them that they drove off in the totally opposite direction. I'm still not even sure where exactly they flew to. Mike could have had some real potential as a good racer. His downfall was picking his brother as a partner. . .and listening to him.
Alpha 6: Seriously star?! Come on now.
Alpha 5: I know. . .then later on when I was at the pit stop my cell rang. . .damn Carter. Mr. I'm not gonna shoot you, it's wrong. Blah blah blah.
Alpha 6: God damn good rangers. Why aren't they ever evil?
Alpha 5: Well they are sometimes. . .but then they just remember their friendships and get healed.
Alpha 6: And that was the end of Leo and Mike until Leo showed up on the third space shuttle.
Alpha 5: I still don't know how he got on the shuttle. Now that shuttle had some real competitors on it. Until Billy snapped. . .
Alpha 6: Billy just lost it.
Alpha 5: I thought he was the sensible one too.
Alpha 6: I guess he couldn't take the stupidity. We can still hear muffled yells on our radar screen. That's how we know they're still alive.
Alpha 5: That's when we decided not to split anyone up anymore. Of course then more complications occurred.
Alpha 6: Jen wasn't too happy with the decision not to split up everyone.
Alpha 5: It scares us when Jen's not happy. . .and she's never happy.
Alpha 6: So anyway, we were in a separate room from the teams, because we frankly can't stand them. We were coming into the room where they were, to inform them about the next leg of the race. . .
Alpha 5: AND WE GOT PUKED ON!!! And then I ended up with a moron passed out on top of me!
Alpha 6: Then Jason started babbling on and on about not moving the evidence.
Alpha 5: Yeah then he decided he's a detective or something and started giving everyone crazy names.
Alpha 6: The next thing I knew, everyone was dressed in old fashion clothes and Jason was interrogating people in a broom closet.
Alpha 5: It all ended up being some big conspiracy against Tommy and Jason.
Alpha 6: We eliminated Ransik, Nadira, Andros, and Karone for breaking rule #8 and trying to kill Tommy and Jason.
Alpha 5: We let a lot of things go on this race, but I'll be damned if anyone gets away with breaking my rules!
Alpha 6: After that whole entourage, we finally landed on Animariuim.
Alpha 5: That was basically the last time we saw Cole and Maya. And I still don't know who the hell broke my door.
Alpha 6: Tommy and Jason spent about an hour trying to drag Kat and Emily over to the vines.
Alpha 5: I was getting fed up so I finally just called everyone over.
Alpha 6: We decided to pick a name out of a hat. We picked Wes. And he decided that it would be better for the teams to parachute down instead of simply flying down on the plane with us.
Alpha 5: We spent the entire flight down laughing over the fact that we picked Wes.
Alpha 6: He's all peer pressure. The only names we really had in the hat were Tommy, Jason, and Wes. We knew they would pick parachute for sure.
Alpha 5: So we were waiting at the bottom and one by one everyone started making their way down.
Alpha 6: I'm surprise they figured out how to use the parachutes. Tommy and Jason came down screaming some surfing slang and Jen cursed the whole way down.
Alpha 5: Jen has rage.
Alpha 6: A lot of rage.
Alpha 5: God and then the singing. . .why does everyone sing on this show?
Alpha 6: And where does the music come from?!
Alpha 5: We give Lord Zedd props.
Alpha 6: Anyone else in his position would have quit a long long time ago, but he's still in it.
Alpha 5: I hope he goes all the way.
Alpha 6: Me too. So then we counted to see if everyone had landed but it turned out we were missing Jungle Fever.
Alpha 5: I GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK! That's like tenth injury I've gotten in this race, and I'm not even a competitor. Bodyguard. . .I need a bodyguard.
Alpha 6: That ordeal left us with five teams until team IC decided that they didn't want to race unless they could come in sixth place.
Alpha 5: So they did some poem, quit, and decided to become Lord Zedd Cheerleaders. Seriously, Zedd takes a lot of crap.
Alpha 6: Now he's got four cheerleaders. Good luck to him.
Alpha 5: So that leaves us with our final four. And only one episode left.
Alpha 6: Let's take a look at these teams and how they got to where they are now. . .
Alpha 5: Let's start with Jason and Tommy. They're not really the brightest of people. Their fiancés are definitely their brains.
Alpha 6: Don't really know why they didn't get kicked off yet. Basically I think it's a mix between crazy plans and singing. . .a lot. . .
*********************************************
Tommy and Jason's Greatest Moments
**********************************************
Alpha 5: Well um that's lovely, girls. Our next team is Tommy and Jason. And it sounds like you two have some explaining to do. Ay yi yi.
Tommy: Heh. Yeah the fiancés are mad at us.
Jason: See we were simply trying to explain to the girls that if the two of us were partners, we'd be such a strong team that no one would be able to beat us. Thus we would win the million dollars.
Tommy: And then we would be able to open our own karate. . .
(Jason elbows him)
Tommy: Ow! What was that for?
Jason: Bro, remember the plan.
Tommy: Oh yeah, the plan. Thanks bro. As I was saying then we could use the money to buy our fiancés gifts? Uh yeah that's it. . .right bro?
Jason: Yeah bro.
Tommy: Bro.
Jason: Bro.
*****************
Jason and Tommy: BRO!!!!
Ernie: Oh no not them two again!
Tommy: Hey Kat, Emily wanna watch me and Jason do karate? It'll be just like old times!
Kat: Tommy, the race. Remember?
Tommy: The what?
Jason: Em, check me out!!! Hi ya!
Emily: Jason. . .the race!
Jason: Aww man. . .I wanna karate!
*******************
(Tommy and Jason finish their juice first and Ernie hand them their clue.)
Tommy: Deee. . .tourrrr. Bro, what's a detour?
Jason: I have no idea bro.
Tommy: We better wait for the girls.
(The boys go over to Kat and Emily and look at them.)
Kat: What now?
Tommy: Help?
Kat: Oh Jesus. You two are hopeless.
Jason: Em, what's a detour?
********************
Tommy and Jason: Eh?
Alpha: This roadblock is entitled, "Row, Row, Row, Your Boat"
Jason: Gently down the stream!
Tommy: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
******************
Tommy: (singing) Sailing, sailing, over the (pauses and looks around) tiny lake. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala. . .
******************
Tommy and Jason: (singing to the tune of Daisy)
Kat and Emily
Give us your answer due
We're half crazy
All for the love of you
Trini: Half crazy?! Yeah right more like totally. Plus that doesn't even rhyme
Billy: Affirmative those two are definitely totally off their rockers.
Kat: Hey! We think it's sweet.
Emily: Yeah four eyes! Leave them alone!
Tommy and Jason: AS WE WERE SINGING BEFORE WE WERE SO RUDELY INTERUPTED. . .
It won't be a stylish marriage
We can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet
Upon a seat
Of a bicycle built for two.
(They look over at the girls and give them a cheesy grin as they continue to sing the whole way to Mariner Bay.)
***********************
(Still outside by the bikes Tommy, Jason, Emily, and Kat are beating the crap out of Trini and Billy.)
Tommy: And that's for interrupting our song! (Punches Billy in the stomach)
Jason: And that's for making fun of us. . .I think. (Punches Billy in the face, breaking his glasses.)
Tommy: Ha! Now four eyes is only two eyes! How ya like that two eyes?!
(Kat slap Trini and Emily pushes her to the ground)
Kat: And that's for making fun of our fiancés
(Billy and Trini lay there in pain as the final teams approach.)
Tommy: Come on girls let's go inside.
(They pick up the girls and carry them in stepping on Billy and Trini along the way.)
Jason: And that's for using big words that no one understands to make us feel more dumb.
Billy: (struggling for breath) Dumber, not more dumb, dumber.
(Jason kicks him in the head causing Billy to black out.)
Jason: Shut up!! Ha!! Who's smarter now?! (Raises his hands in triumph)
****************
Jason and Tommy: (singing) HOME, HOME OF THE TREYS!!
WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY!
******************
Jason and Tommy: (singing) HOME, HOME OF THE TREYS!! (Emily and Kat smack them in the head) OW! What was that for?!
Emily: For being you!
Kat: Now go sit quietly over there for a little bit and we'll get you guys some candy.
Jason: Candy WHOO!
Tommy: YES!
****************
Kat: (giving the boys each a lollipop) Here you are boys.
Emily: Now be good until it's time to go race again.
Tommy and Jason: Kay! (Singing) LOLLIPOP! LOLLIPOP! OH LOLLY LOLLY LOLLY! LOLLIPOP! BA DUME DUME DUME DUME!
*****************
Tommy: TAXI! Get it bro.
(Jason dives in front of the cab causing it to come to a halt. Tommy opens the door and throws the passenger out of it. )
Tommy: Girl's we gotta taxi! Let's go!
******************
Jason: Finally, now for my plan.
(Mission Impossible music starts to play as Jason sneaks around the room to get the pencil he dropped two inches away from him. . .)
Zedd: What the. . .AH! (Jason pops up behind him)
Jason Dunnnnnnnnna Dunnnnnnnnnna Dun Da
*********************
Jason: You were gold, but then I was gold, but then you were gold again. Crazy. We were both gold. And when we morphed we would say "Gold Ranger Power". Hey and do you remember the staff? It was the Gold Ranger's staff. Which I was by the way. Not the staff. . .the gold ranger.
TOW: Oh. . .my. . .god. Would you shut up?! HERE! Just take the clue.
Jason: Cool Bro. Hey did you know I was the gold ranger too?
********************
Jason: And then I told Trey I was the Gold Ranger too and he just gave me the clue! Cuz we got that Gold Ranger bond!
Tommy: That sounds so awesome bro!
Jason: Oh it was. . .BEST CHALLENGE EVER!
Tommy and Jason: YEAH! Body slam
**********************
Tommy and Jason: (jumping in circles around Kat and Emily) CANDY!! CANDY!! CANDY!!!
Kat: I think you two need a break
Tommy and Jason: NO!!!
(Music starts to play outta nowhere.)
Emily: Here we go again.
Tommy and Jason: We know girls who are tough but sweet
They give us candy so they can't be beat
They have the things that we desire
Sets our empty tummies on fire
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
Gonna eat it when the sun goes down
Aint no finer sugar in town
You're the stuff, what the doctor ordered
So sweet, you make our mouths water
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
Candy on the beach there's nothing better
But we eat candy when we're wearing sweaters
If we had candy that'd be fine
We want candy all the time
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
Candy in the morning time
Candy in the hot sunshine
Kat and Emily can't you see
That all we want is some candy
Candy in the morning time
Candy in the hot sunshine
Kat and Emily can't you see
That all we want is some candy
Tommy: NOW!!!
**********************
Jason: Huh? Now, I am (holds up sign) Detective 00Jason. . .Private I.
Jen: You mean eye.
Jason: That's what I said. . ."I". See it's right here. . .on my sign.
***********************
Jason: Na na na na na!! You're off the race!! And we're not! Na na na na na.
**********************
Emily: Ya know the more money we spend getting you candy, the less money is left over to start up a dojo.
Jason and Tommy: Wha?!
Jason: What dojo?!
Tommy: Ya know, the DOJO!
Jason: Shut up bro. . .we hate dojos.
Tommy: Yeah. . .bleh. And we're so NOT gonna spend the prize money on one.
Jason: Bro, stop giving away the plan.
Tommy: What?! I so didn't give away the plan. I said we're NOT gonna spend the prize money on a dojo. The plan is that we are. . .duh.
Kat and Emily: NO DOJO!
Jason: Dammit bro!
Wes: Can I help ya build a dojo?!
Jason: What dojo?!
Tommy: We're not building one. . .we're buying one.
Jason: BRO!!
Wes: HEY! You're trying to exclude me!
Tommy: No we're not bro, I swear.
Wes: Yes you are!! That's it! I'm spending my prize money to help you guys buy a dojo too!!! You're not leaving me outta this one!
Jen: OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!!
Wes: But I wanna build a dojo!!
Tommy: Not build. . .buy.
Jason: BRO!!! You're blowing the plan.
Emily: Give it up Jason, we know.
Jason: Know what?!
Wes: I wanna DOJO!!
Tommy: I just wanted some candy.
*********************
Alpha 6: Yeah there's Tommy. . .on a surfboard. . .with Kat clinging on to him.
Tommy: (landing) Surfs up dudes!
Alpha 5: Christ. . .Oh and here comes the other two.
Jason: (landing) KOWABUNGA!!!
*****************
Alpha 5: Then we have Rita and Zedd.
Alpha 6: if Zedd sticks with it, he could go all the way. I say he cuz he's the whole team. Rita just sort of sits there.
Alpha 5: Like I said before, I give him props. He has put up a lot in this race.
Alpha 6: Let's take a look. . .
****************************************
Rita and Zedd's Greatest Moments
****************************************
Goldar: Go Rita!
Rita: Would you two go away? You're giving me a headache!
Rito: ED! ED! He's our man, if he can't do it no one can!
Zedd: ZEDD! Lord Zedd.
Rito: And don't worry Ed, we'll be cheering you on every step of the way!
Zedd: What have I gotten myself into? I used to be the most evil person in the universe and now I'm racing with Power Rangers. I think I'm the one that's getting a headache!!
Rito: GOOOOOO! ED!! (Does a cheerleading jump)
***********************
Rita: Faster Zeddy, faster. You're letting the fat one pass you!
Zedd: Be happy I'm carrying you down. (Then he starts to mumble under his breath.) She's not the one holding on for dear life to a tiny rope with a middle-aged woman on her back. . .
*************************
Rita: Stroke Zeddy, stroke! Put some muscle into it.
Zedd: Easy for her to say, she's not the one doing anything.
Rita: And don't' get splashed, you'll rust.
Zedd: grrrrrrr.
*********************
Rita: Dig Zeddy, dig!
Zedd: Why is it that I'm the only one peddling a two-person bike?
Rita: You can't expect me to do it, I'm wearing pumps.
*********************
Rito: Gimme an E!
Goldar: E!
Rito: Gimme a D!
Goldar: D!
Rito: What? That spell?
Rito and Goldar: ED!!!
Zedd: ZEDD! LORD ZEDD!
Rito: GO ED! GO ED! ED ED ED ED!!
Zedd: Forget it, forget it. I'm going inside.
Goldar: WHOOOOO! GO get em Tinsel Teeth!!
Zedd: (shudders) Oh god. I need an aspirin.
**********************
Lightspeed Rangers: Welcome to Mariner Bay!
Zedd: Whatever.
Alpha: Rita and Zedd, you're team number one!
Rito: WHOO HOO! Way to go Ed! You won! Where's the money?!
Goldar: Maybe it's inside the trashcan.
(Goldar goes over to Alpha and tries to pry his head off. )
Goldar: Rito, I need a can opener!
Alpha: Ay yi yi! Get the hell away from me. First of all it's only the first leg of the race. Secondly, I AM NOT A TRASH CAN FULL OF MONEY!!! BODYGUARD! I NEED A BODYGUARD!
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: I feel your pain Alpha. I know what it's like to have morons following you around all the time.
**************************
Rito: ED! ED WAKE UP!
Zedd: (growling) WHAT IS IT NOW?!
Goldar: Aren't you supposed to go race now?
Rita: Move it tinsel teeth! We gotta go now!
(Zedd gets out of bed and follows Rita out of the Aquabase still wearing his pajamas.)
Zedd: Haven't they ever heard of sleep around here?
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOO ED!
******************************
Zedd: What the. . .AH! (Jason pops up behind him)
Jason Dunnnnnnnnna Dunnnnnnnnnna Dun Da
Zedd: Get the hell away from me!
(Jason walks over to the sign up sheet)
Jason: (thinking to himself) The perfect crime! Now all I have to do is take their names off this one and put it over here and replace mine over here, but in pen so they can't do what I'm doing. (Says out loud) Not that anyone is smart enough to think of such a (tries to think of a word for smart) cleaver plan.
Zedd: CLEVER!
Jason: That too! (Yelling) OKAY BRO, GIRLS, YOU CAN STOP TALKING TO THEM NOW. I FINSHED MY PLAN!
****************************
Zedd: You're telling me that I have to ride all the way to Triforia with four whiny women, the three stooges, and tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Goddamn why don't you just kill me now and save me the misery.
Rito: GOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: (shudders) Get away from me.
*****************************
Zedd: Why you? Try why me! I can't take another minute with these fools. (Looks over at the five dancing morons and shudders.)
****************************
Zedd: Oh thank god. I didn't think I could take much more of them.
Rita: Come on Zeddy! Go get the clue!
Zedd: Right because you're incapable of walking over to the rainbow flag.
Rita: DIG ZEDDY DIG!
(Zedd shudders and walks over to the route marker and takes out a clue along with Kat and Tommy.)
Zedd: Road block.
**********************
Rita: Get a move on Zeddy.
Zedd: Once, just once I'd like to have her atleast offer to do a task. Oh well, atleast I'll get some peace for a bit.
Rito: Don't worry Ed. I'll be with ya the whole time to keep you company.
Zedd Oh bloody hell.
Rito: GOOOOO ED!
***********************
Alpha 6: Rita and Zedd you're team number three.
Rita: We were first last time! What the hell is wrong with you Zedd?!
Zedd: Right. It's all my fault. Let's not even mention the fact that you did NOTHING the whole race!
Rito: GOOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: I'll go Ed you.
Goldar: Touchy.
Rito: WHOO!
***********************
Zedd: Look at those two morons over there. So young, so careless, so dumb. But they're happy. Rita I wanna be happy!
Rita: Can it tinsel teeth I'm trying to nap.
Zedd: Yeah but when I'm sleeping it's go go go. . .dig Zeddy dig.
Rito: We can make you happy Ed.
Goldar: We can do you a cheer along with our new friends.
Zedd: You two have friends? Do I even want to know?
Rito: Hold on Ed, we'll go get them.
(Rito scurries away and as when he comes back the sounds of trumpets blare.)
Zedd: Oh cripe.
Eric: I'm Eric.
Merrick: I'm Merrick.
Eric and Merrick: Our names rhyme.
Rito: I'm Rito.
Goldar: I'm Goldar.
Zedd: I UNFORTUNATELY ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE! HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO CHEER ME UP?!
Rito and Goldar: Our names don't.
All four: The four of us will sing. Until we can bring. . .you. . .cheer!
Zedd: I'm happy. See happy, happy. Get away from me.
Rito: I don't see you smiling.
All four: Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your face!
Goldar: What ya gonna do? Say what ya gonna do?
Zedd: I'm smiling! I swear just get away from me! Damn this metal face!
All four: Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your face!
Goldar: What ya gonna do? Say what ya gonna do?
***********************
Rito: Ed! Check us out!
Zedd: Germ?!
Eric: NO! These are letters standing for our names.
Merrick: G for Goldar, E for Eric, R for Rito, and M for me. . .MERRICK!
************************
Lord Zedd: I know who did it, but I don't' want to tell you. This is far too entertaining.
Jason: I don't need you're help anyway!
Lord Zedd: Yes you do.
Jason: SHUT UP! You're free to go, and oh yeah you're wife didn't do it either.
************************
Zedd: Oh cripe. Out of all the names that had to be picked, they had to go and choose "peer pressure".
Wes: What?!
***********************
Goldar: Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away
If you can use, some exotic booze
There's a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly away
Zedd: Shut up! Why is my parachute near all of yours?!
Eric: Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru
In lama land, there's a one man band
And he'll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me, we'll float down in the blue
Zedd: I need some kind of breeze!!!
Rito: Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied
We'll just glide, starry eyed
Once I get you up there, I'll be holding you so near (grabs Zedd)
Zedd: Get off me!!
You may here, angels cheer - because were together
Zedd: Rita help me!
Rita: Ha ha ha not a chance Zeddy! (Lands)
Zedd: (blows air to try to get some sort of breeze started) Ahhh!! BREEZE! I need a breeze.
Merrick: Weather wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words, and we'll beat the birds
Down to Acapulco Bay
It's perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
All four: Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away (lands)
Zedd: Why do I always get stuck with the most annoying travel arrangements?!
***********************
Eric: All we wanted to do in the race,
Merrick: Was finish in sixth place.
Eric: We didn't care about money.
Merrick: This is so not funny.
Eric: We were rangers number 6 not 5,
Merrick: And now our dream is no longer alive.
Eric: So now we will no longer race, it's over, it's dead.
Merrick: Instead we will tag along, cheering for Rita and Zedd!
Rito and Goldar: Alright! Cool!
Zedd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
***********************
Alpha 5: Poor Lord Zedd. I don't even think he wanted to be here in the first place and now he has four cheerleaders and a wife that does nothing. Yet he is still going strong in this race.
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ED!!!
Alpha 6: Where the hell did you come from?! Oh never mind. But yes I think everyone at home can agree with me when I too say go Ed.
Alpha 5: Then we have Jen and Wes.
Alpha 6: Jen is angry, she yells a lot. Wes just wants to be like Tommy and Jason. Somehow it works for them.
**************************************
Jen and Wes' Greatest Moments
**************************************
Jen: DID I SAY YOU COULD GO DANCE?! NO!! THERE YOU GO AGAIN THINKING YOU'RE THE LEADER! I'M THE LEADER!!
Wes: Sorry.
Jen: It's okay. Go ahead Alpha introduce us.
Alpha 5: But I already did.
Jen: What?! When?!
Alpha 5: When you were yelling.
Jen: OH NO! I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKE A KOOK ON THIS SHOW. WE ARE GOING TO LOOK LIKE A NICE, NORMAL, FUNCTIONAL COUPLE. INTRODUCE US AGAIN!!
Alpha 5: Umm but. . .
Jen: NOW!!!
************************
Jen: LET'S GO! MOVE IT GRAMPA! WHO THE HELL TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DRIVE?!
************************
Jen: So why don't you just hop on your big wheels, go home, and watch some barney. Oh and by the way, there is no such thing as Santa Claus!
(Justin throws the clues up in the air and runs away crying.)
Justin: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
**********************
Jen: EXPLAIN IT AGAIN!
Alpha 5: But. . .
Jen: NOW!!!!!!!!!!
***********************
Wes: Can I have some candy too Jen?
Jen: NO!
Wes: (sings sadly) I want candy. I want candy.
*************************
Wes: I wanna go Jen.
Jen: Hell no! You think I'm going to send you to answer questions?! I'm going.
(Wes sits down on the ground in defeat and starts sulking.)
************************
Alpha 6: Jen and Wes you're team number one.
Jen: Naturally.
Wes: WHOOOOOO! Can I have some candy now Jen?
Jen: NO!
************************
Wes: Why can't I ever have candy Jen? I want some candy! Tommy and Jason get candy.
Jen: You've been hanging around them two too much lately. If Tommy and Jason jumped off a bridge would you?!
Wes: Tommy and Jason jumped off a bridge?! When? Why wasn't I included?! This is not fair!
Jen: It was hypothetical. . .forget it!
Wes: But I want candy!!!!!
Jen: Tommy and Jason told me they hate candy.
(Wes looks over at Tommy and Jason who are chugging giant pixy stix )
Wes: Hey! They're eating candy now! And they SO didn't jump off a bridge! You lied to me! I WANT CANDY!
Jen: Crap. Ummm. . .they're just pretending to like candy to trick you into eating it. But you're smarter then that right?
Wes: Smarter then what? They're trying to trick me?!
Jen: Uh huh exactly.
Wes: Well I'll show them! Gimme a carrot!
Jen: Here ya go.
(Wes walks over to Tommy and Jason)
Wes: TAKE THIS! (Bites into the carrot) HA!
*********************
Wes: IT'S NOT FAIR! First they jumped off a bridge without me. Then they lied about hating candy to trick me into eating a carrot, and now they're singing without me!! THAT'S IT!!! (Runs over to Kat and yanks the pixy stix out of her hand) I'll show all of you!!!
Jen: NOOOO!!!
*********************
Wes: Oh dear. . .I don't feel so good.
(Wes makes a mad dash for the bathroom but does quite make it. Instead he runs right into the Alphas and throws up all over them. )
Jen: THIS IS WHY I SAID NO CANDY!!
Wes: Sor. . .
(Wes begins to say sorry to Jen, but cuts himself off as he passes out and falls on top of Alpha 5.)
Alpha 5: Oh HELL!! I'm covered with barf and have a man on top of me! Get him off. . .NOW!!
************************
Wes: SHE MADE ME EAT A CARROT!!!
************************
Alpha 6: Alpha and I are taking the plane. In the spirit of the game, we decided to randomly pick a name out of a hat. Whoever we pick, gets to decide if all of you will come on the plane or jump.
Alpha 5: Okay let's see here (picks out a name) Wes.
Jen: Say airplane Wes!
Kat: Come on Wes, this isn't funny.
Emily: I am NOT parachuting.
Wes: Uhh. . .
Tommy and Jason: PARACHUTE! PARACHUTE!
Wes: Uhh. . .
Jen: WES!!! PLANE!!!
Tommy and Jason: PARACHUTE! PARACHUTE!
Wes: Parachute.
Jen: YOU STUPID $%^#
*****************
Wes: I wanna surfboard!
Jen: (mumbles under her breath) I'll #$#%ing give you a god @%#*ing damn surf %@&#ing board.
Wes: What?
Jen: Nothing. (Under her breathe) bastard.
*****************
Alpha 6: And here comes Jen and Wes. . .crap, she's pissed.
Jen: (landing) $#^& AND ANOTHER THING. . .
Alpha 5: TV-Y7!
Jen: I'll #$%#ing TVY7 YOU! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US THERE STRANDED WITH NO IDEA HOW TO PARACHUTE!! %#$ $@%# #@$%@#$%@#%@#%^@!!!
Wes: (landing) Sorry Jen.
*******************
Alpha 5: She really scares me.
Alpha 6: Me too. I try not to get on her bad side, but EVERYONE'S one her bad side.
Alpha 5: Now for our final teams. . .the girls.
Alpha 6: They're smart, but they have NO psychical ability what so ever.
Alpha 5: Just don't cross them. They'll get Tommy and Jason after you.
Alpha 6: That's all they ever do. It's like a damn dog whistle. . .
****************************************
Kat and Emily's Greatest Moments
****************************************
Alpha 5: Potato, potato. And as for our square dancers, I don't know who's worse. . .the three amigos over there or the girls that are actually in love with them. I mean who in their right mind would want to marry these three?!
(Jen and Emily glare daggers at Alpha as a giant grin creeps up on Kat's face.)
Jen: What are you smiling about? He's making fun of us.
Kat: Yeah I know and I'm gonna make him regret it. Just follow my lead okay.
(Kat gets a really sad expression on her face and starts to fake cry.)
Alpha 5: Oh shit. . .she's gonna. . .dammit.
Kat: TOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!
(Emily and Jen look at each other, shrug, and do the same as Kat.)
Emily: JAAAAAASSSSSSSSOOOOOOONN!!
Jen: WEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!
(All three boys stop dead in their tracks at the sound of the girls calling.)
Tommy, Jason, and Wes: I'll save you!!
(The boys run over to the girls to see what the problem is.)
Kat: (sobbing) He. . .he was saying horrible things about us!
Jason: Who?
Emily: Al. . .sob. . .pha.
Jen: (sobbing) Uh huh.
(All three boys turn towards Alpha 5 and begin to charge at him.)
Alpha 5: Oh God dammit.
(Alpha starts to run away but the boys catch up to him and drag him over to where the girls are standing.)
Tommy: Apologize to the ladies now, or we'll go ninja on your ass!!
Alpha 5: Okay! Okay! I take it back I'm sorry girls.
Tommy: Good and you better not EVER say another bad thing about any of the girls again or I'll show you why Rita chose me to be the green ranger.
(The girls smile triumphantly and hug the boys.)
Emily: Our heroes!
Jen: We love you guys. (whispers to Kat) I'll have to try using that more often.
Kat: (to Jen) I'm telling you, works like a charm every time.
******************** (At Stone Canyon Cliff. . .)
Emily: What do you think, should we repel or walk?
Kat: Dunno. Repelling would be faster that's for sure.
Emily: Yeah but do have any idea how?
Kat: No. But I bet the boys do. . .TOMMY!!
Tommy: I'll save you!
Kat: No, I'm fine I just need a small favor. . .
**********************
(Back at the cliff, Tommy and Jason are repelling down, with Emily and Kat on their backs.)
Emily: This is why we're going to marry them. I knew they were good for something.
Kat: Yeah we gotta keep them around for a while so they can do all the hard stuff for us.
Jason: What's that girls?
Kat and Emily: Nothing!
******************
Kat: For the love of. . .
Emily: (getting out of her boat) Don't complain. You're not the one who had to listen to that the entire boat ride there and back.
************************ Jason: Bro!!!
Tommy: Bro!!
(They put the girls down and body slam each other)
Kat: Well I guess we shouldn't complain.
Emily: Yeah they did carry us in.
*************************
Kat: Emily go! Hurry up and sign us up for that shuttle!
(Emily leaps out of the taxi and rushes to the paper, signing her and Kat up for the first shuttle. Jason and Tommy run over to the sign up sheets and see that there is no room on the first shuttle. . .)
********************************
Kat: He has a plan?
Emily: I don't even want to know.
**********************
Jason: Em. . .Kat. . .I need your help.
(The girls groan and reluctantly walk over to Jason.)
Emily: Okay what is it now?
Jason: Karone's getting to suspicious.
Kat: What?
Jason: I mean. . .I need you to go find what Karone likes in a guy. See ah my buddy umm my buddy Bill has a thing for her.
Emily: But Billy goes out with Trini.
Jason: Not Billy, Bill. Please?
Kat: Okay but you owe us.
***********************
Kat: They don't even make sense when they talk anymore. Words come out but it makes no sense at all.
Emily: I know it amazes me. I just try not to dwell on it.
***********************
Jason: Never mind. Kat and Em, you're the maids. Fifi and Gigi.
Kat: Why the hell are we maids?
Jason: Go with it. . .trust me on this one. . .the maids never do it. Plus you have maid outfits on. . .duh!
Emily: O-K, but which one am I Fifi or Gigi?
Jason: Uhhh. . .Gigi cuz Jason and Gigi start with the same letter.
Emily: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
***********************
Jason: What were you two doing at the time of the crime?!
Kat: I was going to get you candy.
Emily: Remember you and Tommy. . .
Jason: Dr. Thompson.
Emily: Oh Christ. . .you and Dr. Thompson had just finished singing and dancing around saying you want candy.
Kat: So I went over to the table where the candy was to get it for you two.
Jason: And the candy was poison!! You were trying to kill us!!
Emily: No we weren't! We're engaged to you and Tom. . .Dr. Thompson, why would we try to kill you?!
Jason: Cuz you don't' want us to open a DOJO! I mean crap. . .I didn't say Dojo.
Kat: You are NOT opening a Dojo! Anyways we were with you and Dr. Thompson all day so we couldn't possibly poison the candy. It was just lying on the table.
Jason: Is there anyone that can vouch for your supposed alibi?
Emily: You and Dr. Thompson.
Jason: Bro! Come here!
Tommy: Yeah bro.
Jason: Were Gigi and Fifi with us all day?
Tommy: Yeah bro.
Jason: Hmmm, interesting.
***************************
Kat and Emily: NO DOJO!
***************************
Tommy: That looks so cool!
Jason: Em Let's try that!!
Tommy: Yeah Kat come on!!
Kat and Emily: NO!
***************************
Emily: I really don't wanna jump.
Kat: Either do I.
Emily: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Kat: You know I am. . .TOMMY!!
Emily: JASON!!!!
Tommy and Jason: I'LL SAVE YOU!!!
******************************
Alpha 5: And there you have it folks. That's our final four.
Alpha 6: I can't believe it. It's really almost over.
Alpha 5: Finally, we can get the hell away from these people.
Alpha 6: Just one more episode.
Alpha 5: Thank you folks and good night.
End Show
Alpha 5: First off, it's Power Rangers NOT so Amazing Race. I don't even know why I let these people talk me into doing the show; I regret it more and more everyday. But basically, I needed money, bad. That damn floating head basically treated me like a slave. I was standing there, in Angel Grove Park praying that they would at least have a few sensible rangers on the show. I was excited when I saw Billy and Trini; I knew they wouldn't let me down. Secretly I was routing for them all the way. As I introduced each of the teams one by one, only one word came to mind. . .psychos. . .all psychos. The producers basically picked up every schizophrenic ranger and threw him or her on the show. I knew it was going to be a long race.
Alpha 6: I came along during the third episode, Alpha 5 needed to seek some help. He had a nervous break down. So I gladly filled in. Boy I had no idea what I was getting into. I should have let that seven-year-old host. He wouldn't have lasted a day though; Jen really had something against him. As you may have noticed both of us have lost our catchy little phrases and perky attitudes. Now it's the quicker the teams get kicked off, the better.
Alpha 5: In all seriousness, what a bunch of freaks.
Alpha 6: I mean come on, let's take a look at these teams.
Alpha 5: Don't' even get me started on Leo and Mike. Leo's just a dumb ass and Mike went along for the ride. Believe me Alpha, if you were here when they were, you would have had a break down too. When I saw those two I wanted to quit right then and there. God and you should have seen them trying to solve the first clue. . .it wasn't even a hard clue! Everyone and their dog could have figured that out. But no, not Leo and Mike. . .like seriously are you kidding me here?! It didn't even occur to them that they drove off in the totally opposite direction. I'm still not even sure where exactly they flew to. Mike could have had some real potential as a good racer. His downfall was picking his brother as a partner. . .and listening to him.
Alpha 6: Seriously star?! Come on now.
Alpha 5: I know. . .then later on when I was at the pit stop my cell rang. . .damn Carter. Mr. I'm not gonna shoot you, it's wrong. Blah blah blah.
Alpha 6: God damn good rangers. Why aren't they ever evil?
Alpha 5: Well they are sometimes. . .but then they just remember their friendships and get healed.
Alpha 6: And that was the end of Leo and Mike until Leo showed up on the third space shuttle.
Alpha 5: I still don't know how he got on the shuttle. Now that shuttle had some real competitors on it. Until Billy snapped. . .
Alpha 6: Billy just lost it.
Alpha 5: I thought he was the sensible one too.
Alpha 6: I guess he couldn't take the stupidity. We can still hear muffled yells on our radar screen. That's how we know they're still alive.
Alpha 5: That's when we decided not to split anyone up anymore. Of course then more complications occurred.
Alpha 6: Jen wasn't too happy with the decision not to split up everyone.
Alpha 5: It scares us when Jen's not happy. . .and she's never happy.
Alpha 6: So anyway, we were in a separate room from the teams, because we frankly can't stand them. We were coming into the room where they were, to inform them about the next leg of the race. . .
Alpha 5: AND WE GOT PUKED ON!!! And then I ended up with a moron passed out on top of me!
Alpha 6: Then Jason started babbling on and on about not moving the evidence.
Alpha 5: Yeah then he decided he's a detective or something and started giving everyone crazy names.
Alpha 6: The next thing I knew, everyone was dressed in old fashion clothes and Jason was interrogating people in a broom closet.
Alpha 5: It all ended up being some big conspiracy against Tommy and Jason.
Alpha 6: We eliminated Ransik, Nadira, Andros, and Karone for breaking rule #8 and trying to kill Tommy and Jason.
Alpha 5: We let a lot of things go on this race, but I'll be damned if anyone gets away with breaking my rules!
Alpha 6: After that whole entourage, we finally landed on Animariuim.
Alpha 5: That was basically the last time we saw Cole and Maya. And I still don't know who the hell broke my door.
Alpha 6: Tommy and Jason spent about an hour trying to drag Kat and Emily over to the vines.
Alpha 5: I was getting fed up so I finally just called everyone over.
Alpha 6: We decided to pick a name out of a hat. We picked Wes. And he decided that it would be better for the teams to parachute down instead of simply flying down on the plane with us.
Alpha 5: We spent the entire flight down laughing over the fact that we picked Wes.
Alpha 6: He's all peer pressure. The only names we really had in the hat were Tommy, Jason, and Wes. We knew they would pick parachute for sure.
Alpha 5: So we were waiting at the bottom and one by one everyone started making their way down.
Alpha 6: I'm surprise they figured out how to use the parachutes. Tommy and Jason came down screaming some surfing slang and Jen cursed the whole way down.
Alpha 5: Jen has rage.
Alpha 6: A lot of rage.
Alpha 5: God and then the singing. . .why does everyone sing on this show?
Alpha 6: And where does the music come from?!
Alpha 5: We give Lord Zedd props.
Alpha 6: Anyone else in his position would have quit a long long time ago, but he's still in it.
Alpha 5: I hope he goes all the way.
Alpha 6: Me too. So then we counted to see if everyone had landed but it turned out we were missing Jungle Fever.
Alpha 5: I GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK! That's like tenth injury I've gotten in this race, and I'm not even a competitor. Bodyguard. . .I need a bodyguard.
Alpha 6: That ordeal left us with five teams until team IC decided that they didn't want to race unless they could come in sixth place.
Alpha 5: So they did some poem, quit, and decided to become Lord Zedd Cheerleaders. Seriously, Zedd takes a lot of crap.
Alpha 6: Now he's got four cheerleaders. Good luck to him.
Alpha 5: So that leaves us with our final four. And only one episode left.
Alpha 6: Let's take a look at these teams and how they got to where they are now. . .
Alpha 5: Let's start with Jason and Tommy. They're not really the brightest of people. Their fiancés are definitely their brains.
Alpha 6: Don't really know why they didn't get kicked off yet. Basically I think it's a mix between crazy plans and singing. . .a lot. . .
*********************************************
Tommy and Jason's Greatest Moments
**********************************************
Alpha 5: Well um that's lovely, girls. Our next team is Tommy and Jason. And it sounds like you two have some explaining to do. Ay yi yi.
Tommy: Heh. Yeah the fiancés are mad at us.
Jason: See we were simply trying to explain to the girls that if the two of us were partners, we'd be such a strong team that no one would be able to beat us. Thus we would win the million dollars.
Tommy: And then we would be able to open our own karate. . .
(Jason elbows him)
Tommy: Ow! What was that for?
Jason: Bro, remember the plan.
Tommy: Oh yeah, the plan. Thanks bro. As I was saying then we could use the money to buy our fiancés gifts? Uh yeah that's it. . .right bro?
Jason: Yeah bro.
Tommy: Bro.
Jason: Bro.
*****************
Jason and Tommy: BRO!!!!
Ernie: Oh no not them two again!
Tommy: Hey Kat, Emily wanna watch me and Jason do karate? It'll be just like old times!
Kat: Tommy, the race. Remember?
Tommy: The what?
Jason: Em, check me out!!! Hi ya!
Emily: Jason. . .the race!
Jason: Aww man. . .I wanna karate!
*******************
(Tommy and Jason finish their juice first and Ernie hand them their clue.)
Tommy: Deee. . .tourrrr. Bro, what's a detour?
Jason: I have no idea bro.
Tommy: We better wait for the girls.
(The boys go over to Kat and Emily and look at them.)
Kat: What now?
Tommy: Help?
Kat: Oh Jesus. You two are hopeless.
Jason: Em, what's a detour?
********************
Tommy and Jason: Eh?
Alpha: This roadblock is entitled, "Row, Row, Row, Your Boat"
Jason: Gently down the stream!
Tommy: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
******************
Tommy: (singing) Sailing, sailing, over the (pauses and looks around) tiny lake. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala. . .
******************
Tommy and Jason: (singing to the tune of Daisy)
Kat and Emily
Give us your answer due
We're half crazy
All for the love of you
Trini: Half crazy?! Yeah right more like totally. Plus that doesn't even rhyme
Billy: Affirmative those two are definitely totally off their rockers.
Kat: Hey! We think it's sweet.
Emily: Yeah four eyes! Leave them alone!
Tommy and Jason: AS WE WERE SINGING BEFORE WE WERE SO RUDELY INTERUPTED. . .
It won't be a stylish marriage
We can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet
Upon a seat
Of a bicycle built for two.
(They look over at the girls and give them a cheesy grin as they continue to sing the whole way to Mariner Bay.)
***********************
(Still outside by the bikes Tommy, Jason, Emily, and Kat are beating the crap out of Trini and Billy.)
Tommy: And that's for interrupting our song! (Punches Billy in the stomach)
Jason: And that's for making fun of us. . .I think. (Punches Billy in the face, breaking his glasses.)
Tommy: Ha! Now four eyes is only two eyes! How ya like that two eyes?!
(Kat slap Trini and Emily pushes her to the ground)
Kat: And that's for making fun of our fiancés
(Billy and Trini lay there in pain as the final teams approach.)
Tommy: Come on girls let's go inside.
(They pick up the girls and carry them in stepping on Billy and Trini along the way.)
Jason: And that's for using big words that no one understands to make us feel more dumb.
Billy: (struggling for breath) Dumber, not more dumb, dumber.
(Jason kicks him in the head causing Billy to black out.)
Jason: Shut up!! Ha!! Who's smarter now?! (Raises his hands in triumph)
****************
Jason and Tommy: (singing) HOME, HOME OF THE TREYS!!
WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY!
******************
Jason and Tommy: (singing) HOME, HOME OF THE TREYS!! (Emily and Kat smack them in the head) OW! What was that for?!
Emily: For being you!
Kat: Now go sit quietly over there for a little bit and we'll get you guys some candy.
Jason: Candy WHOO!
Tommy: YES!
****************
Kat: (giving the boys each a lollipop) Here you are boys.
Emily: Now be good until it's time to go race again.
Tommy and Jason: Kay! (Singing) LOLLIPOP! LOLLIPOP! OH LOLLY LOLLY LOLLY! LOLLIPOP! BA DUME DUME DUME DUME!
*****************
Tommy: TAXI! Get it bro.
(Jason dives in front of the cab causing it to come to a halt. Tommy opens the door and throws the passenger out of it. )
Tommy: Girl's we gotta taxi! Let's go!
******************
Jason: Finally, now for my plan.
(Mission Impossible music starts to play as Jason sneaks around the room to get the pencil he dropped two inches away from him. . .)
Zedd: What the. . .AH! (Jason pops up behind him)
Jason Dunnnnnnnnna Dunnnnnnnnnna Dun Da
*********************
Jason: You were gold, but then I was gold, but then you were gold again. Crazy. We were both gold. And when we morphed we would say "Gold Ranger Power". Hey and do you remember the staff? It was the Gold Ranger's staff. Which I was by the way. Not the staff. . .the gold ranger.
TOW: Oh. . .my. . .god. Would you shut up?! HERE! Just take the clue.
Jason: Cool Bro. Hey did you know I was the gold ranger too?
********************
Jason: And then I told Trey I was the Gold Ranger too and he just gave me the clue! Cuz we got that Gold Ranger bond!
Tommy: That sounds so awesome bro!
Jason: Oh it was. . .BEST CHALLENGE EVER!
Tommy and Jason: YEAH! Body slam
**********************
Tommy and Jason: (jumping in circles around Kat and Emily) CANDY!! CANDY!! CANDY!!!
Kat: I think you two need a break
Tommy and Jason: NO!!!
(Music starts to play outta nowhere.)
Emily: Here we go again.
Tommy and Jason: We know girls who are tough but sweet
They give us candy so they can't be beat
They have the things that we desire
Sets our empty tummies on fire
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
Gonna eat it when the sun goes down
Aint no finer sugar in town
You're the stuff, what the doctor ordered
So sweet, you make our mouths water
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
We want candy
Candy on the beach there's nothing better
But we eat candy when we're wearing sweaters
If we had candy that'd be fine
We want candy all the time
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
GIVE US CANDY
Candy in the morning time
Candy in the hot sunshine
Kat and Emily can't you see
That all we want is some candy
Candy in the morning time
Candy in the hot sunshine
Kat and Emily can't you see
That all we want is some candy
Tommy: NOW!!!
**********************
Jason: Huh? Now, I am (holds up sign) Detective 00Jason. . .Private I.
Jen: You mean eye.
Jason: That's what I said. . ."I". See it's right here. . .on my sign.
***********************
Jason: Na na na na na!! You're off the race!! And we're not! Na na na na na.
**********************
Emily: Ya know the more money we spend getting you candy, the less money is left over to start up a dojo.
Jason and Tommy: Wha?!
Jason: What dojo?!
Tommy: Ya know, the DOJO!
Jason: Shut up bro. . .we hate dojos.
Tommy: Yeah. . .bleh. And we're so NOT gonna spend the prize money on one.
Jason: Bro, stop giving away the plan.
Tommy: What?! I so didn't give away the plan. I said we're NOT gonna spend the prize money on a dojo. The plan is that we are. . .duh.
Kat and Emily: NO DOJO!
Jason: Dammit bro!
Wes: Can I help ya build a dojo?!
Jason: What dojo?!
Tommy: We're not building one. . .we're buying one.
Jason: BRO!!
Wes: HEY! You're trying to exclude me!
Tommy: No we're not bro, I swear.
Wes: Yes you are!! That's it! I'm spending my prize money to help you guys buy a dojo too!!! You're not leaving me outta this one!
Jen: OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!!
Wes: But I wanna build a dojo!!
Tommy: Not build. . .buy.
Jason: BRO!!! You're blowing the plan.
Emily: Give it up Jason, we know.
Jason: Know what?!
Wes: I wanna DOJO!!
Tommy: I just wanted some candy.
*********************
Alpha 6: Yeah there's Tommy. . .on a surfboard. . .with Kat clinging on to him.
Tommy: (landing) Surfs up dudes!
Alpha 5: Christ. . .Oh and here comes the other two.
Jason: (landing) KOWABUNGA!!!
*****************
Alpha 5: Then we have Rita and Zedd.
Alpha 6: if Zedd sticks with it, he could go all the way. I say he cuz he's the whole team. Rita just sort of sits there.
Alpha 5: Like I said before, I give him props. He has put up a lot in this race.
Alpha 6: Let's take a look. . .
****************************************
Rita and Zedd's Greatest Moments
****************************************
Goldar: Go Rita!
Rita: Would you two go away? You're giving me a headache!
Rito: ED! ED! He's our man, if he can't do it no one can!
Zedd: ZEDD! Lord Zedd.
Rito: And don't worry Ed, we'll be cheering you on every step of the way!
Zedd: What have I gotten myself into? I used to be the most evil person in the universe and now I'm racing with Power Rangers. I think I'm the one that's getting a headache!!
Rito: GOOOOOO! ED!! (Does a cheerleading jump)
***********************
Rita: Faster Zeddy, faster. You're letting the fat one pass you!
Zedd: Be happy I'm carrying you down. (Then he starts to mumble under his breath.) She's not the one holding on for dear life to a tiny rope with a middle-aged woman on her back. . .
*************************
Rita: Stroke Zeddy, stroke! Put some muscle into it.
Zedd: Easy for her to say, she's not the one doing anything.
Rita: And don't' get splashed, you'll rust.
Zedd: grrrrrrr.
*********************
Rita: Dig Zeddy, dig!
Zedd: Why is it that I'm the only one peddling a two-person bike?
Rita: You can't expect me to do it, I'm wearing pumps.
*********************
Rito: Gimme an E!
Goldar: E!
Rito: Gimme a D!
Goldar: D!
Rito: What? That spell?
Rito and Goldar: ED!!!
Zedd: ZEDD! LORD ZEDD!
Rito: GO ED! GO ED! ED ED ED ED!!
Zedd: Forget it, forget it. I'm going inside.
Goldar: WHOOOOO! GO get em Tinsel Teeth!!
Zedd: (shudders) Oh god. I need an aspirin.
**********************
Lightspeed Rangers: Welcome to Mariner Bay!
Zedd: Whatever.
Alpha: Rita and Zedd, you're team number one!
Rito: WHOO HOO! Way to go Ed! You won! Where's the money?!
Goldar: Maybe it's inside the trashcan.
(Goldar goes over to Alpha and tries to pry his head off. )
Goldar: Rito, I need a can opener!
Alpha: Ay yi yi! Get the hell away from me. First of all it's only the first leg of the race. Secondly, I AM NOT A TRASH CAN FULL OF MONEY!!! BODYGUARD! I NEED A BODYGUARD!
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: I feel your pain Alpha. I know what it's like to have morons following you around all the time.
**************************
Rito: ED! ED WAKE UP!
Zedd: (growling) WHAT IS IT NOW?!
Goldar: Aren't you supposed to go race now?
Rita: Move it tinsel teeth! We gotta go now!
(Zedd gets out of bed and follows Rita out of the Aquabase still wearing his pajamas.)
Zedd: Haven't they ever heard of sleep around here?
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOO ED!
******************************
Zedd: What the. . .AH! (Jason pops up behind him)
Jason Dunnnnnnnnna Dunnnnnnnnnna Dun Da
Zedd: Get the hell away from me!
(Jason walks over to the sign up sheet)
Jason: (thinking to himself) The perfect crime! Now all I have to do is take their names off this one and put it over here and replace mine over here, but in pen so they can't do what I'm doing. (Says out loud) Not that anyone is smart enough to think of such a (tries to think of a word for smart) cleaver plan.
Zedd: CLEVER!
Jason: That too! (Yelling) OKAY BRO, GIRLS, YOU CAN STOP TALKING TO THEM NOW. I FINSHED MY PLAN!
****************************
Zedd: You're telling me that I have to ride all the way to Triforia with four whiny women, the three stooges, and tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Goddamn why don't you just kill me now and save me the misery.
Rito: GOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: (shudders) Get away from me.
*****************************
Zedd: Why you? Try why me! I can't take another minute with these fools. (Looks over at the five dancing morons and shudders.)
****************************
Zedd: Oh thank god. I didn't think I could take much more of them.
Rita: Come on Zeddy! Go get the clue!
Zedd: Right because you're incapable of walking over to the rainbow flag.
Rita: DIG ZEDDY DIG!
(Zedd shudders and walks over to the route marker and takes out a clue along with Kat and Tommy.)
Zedd: Road block.
**********************
Rita: Get a move on Zeddy.
Zedd: Once, just once I'd like to have her atleast offer to do a task. Oh well, atleast I'll get some peace for a bit.
Rito: Don't worry Ed. I'll be with ya the whole time to keep you company.
Zedd Oh bloody hell.
Rito: GOOOOO ED!
***********************
Alpha 6: Rita and Zedd you're team number three.
Rita: We were first last time! What the hell is wrong with you Zedd?!
Zedd: Right. It's all my fault. Let's not even mention the fact that you did NOTHING the whole race!
Rito: GOOOOOOOOO ED!
Zedd: I'll go Ed you.
Goldar: Touchy.
Rito: WHOO!
***********************
Zedd: Look at those two morons over there. So young, so careless, so dumb. But they're happy. Rita I wanna be happy!
Rita: Can it tinsel teeth I'm trying to nap.
Zedd: Yeah but when I'm sleeping it's go go go. . .dig Zeddy dig.
Rito: We can make you happy Ed.
Goldar: We can do you a cheer along with our new friends.
Zedd: You two have friends? Do I even want to know?
Rito: Hold on Ed, we'll go get them.
(Rito scurries away and as when he comes back the sounds of trumpets blare.)
Zedd: Oh cripe.
Eric: I'm Eric.
Merrick: I'm Merrick.
Eric and Merrick: Our names rhyme.
Rito: I'm Rito.
Goldar: I'm Goldar.
Zedd: I UNFORTUNATELY ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE! HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO CHEER ME UP?!
Rito and Goldar: Our names don't.
All four: The four of us will sing. Until we can bring. . .you. . .cheer!
Zedd: I'm happy. See happy, happy. Get away from me.
Rito: I don't see you smiling.
All four: Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your face!
Goldar: What ya gonna do? Say what ya gonna do?
Zedd: I'm smiling! I swear just get away from me! Damn this metal face!
All four: Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your face!
Goldar: What ya gonna do? Say what ya gonna do?
***********************
Rito: Ed! Check us out!
Zedd: Germ?!
Eric: NO! These are letters standing for our names.
Merrick: G for Goldar, E for Eric, R for Rito, and M for me. . .MERRICK!
************************
Lord Zedd: I know who did it, but I don't' want to tell you. This is far too entertaining.
Jason: I don't need you're help anyway!
Lord Zedd: Yes you do.
Jason: SHUT UP! You're free to go, and oh yeah you're wife didn't do it either.
************************
Zedd: Oh cripe. Out of all the names that had to be picked, they had to go and choose "peer pressure".
Wes: What?!
***********************
Goldar: Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away
If you can use, some exotic booze
There's a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, we'll fly we'll fly away
Zedd: Shut up! Why is my parachute near all of yours?!
Eric: Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru
In lama land, there's a one man band
And he'll toot his flute for you
Come fly with me, we'll float down in the blue
Zedd: I need some kind of breeze!!!
Rito: Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied
We'll just glide, starry eyed
Once I get you up there, I'll be holding you so near (grabs Zedd)
Zedd: Get off me!!
You may here, angels cheer - because were together
Zedd: Rita help me!
Rita: Ha ha ha not a chance Zeddy! (Lands)
Zedd: (blows air to try to get some sort of breeze started) Ahhh!! BREEZE! I need a breeze.
Merrick: Weather wise it's such a lovely day
You just say the words, and we'll beat the birds
Down to Acapulco Bay
It's perfect, for a flying honeymoon - they say
All four: Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away (lands)
Zedd: Why do I always get stuck with the most annoying travel arrangements?!
***********************
Eric: All we wanted to do in the race,
Merrick: Was finish in sixth place.
Eric: We didn't care about money.
Merrick: This is so not funny.
Eric: We were rangers number 6 not 5,
Merrick: And now our dream is no longer alive.
Eric: So now we will no longer race, it's over, it's dead.
Merrick: Instead we will tag along, cheering for Rita and Zedd!
Rito and Goldar: Alright! Cool!
Zedd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
***********************
Alpha 5: Poor Lord Zedd. I don't even think he wanted to be here in the first place and now he has four cheerleaders and a wife that does nothing. Yet he is still going strong in this race.
Rito: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ED!!!
Alpha 6: Where the hell did you come from?! Oh never mind. But yes I think everyone at home can agree with me when I too say go Ed.
Alpha 5: Then we have Jen and Wes.
Alpha 6: Jen is angry, she yells a lot. Wes just wants to be like Tommy and Jason. Somehow it works for them.
**************************************
Jen and Wes' Greatest Moments
**************************************
Jen: DID I SAY YOU COULD GO DANCE?! NO!! THERE YOU GO AGAIN THINKING YOU'RE THE LEADER! I'M THE LEADER!!
Wes: Sorry.
Jen: It's okay. Go ahead Alpha introduce us.
Alpha 5: But I already did.
Jen: What?! When?!
Alpha 5: When you were yelling.
Jen: OH NO! I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKE A KOOK ON THIS SHOW. WE ARE GOING TO LOOK LIKE A NICE, NORMAL, FUNCTIONAL COUPLE. INTRODUCE US AGAIN!!
Alpha 5: Umm but. . .
Jen: NOW!!!
************************
Jen: LET'S GO! MOVE IT GRAMPA! WHO THE HELL TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DRIVE?!
************************
Jen: So why don't you just hop on your big wheels, go home, and watch some barney. Oh and by the way, there is no such thing as Santa Claus!
(Justin throws the clues up in the air and runs away crying.)
Justin: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
**********************
Jen: EXPLAIN IT AGAIN!
Alpha 5: But. . .
Jen: NOW!!!!!!!!!!
***********************
Wes: Can I have some candy too Jen?
Jen: NO!
Wes: (sings sadly) I want candy. I want candy.
*************************
Wes: I wanna go Jen.
Jen: Hell no! You think I'm going to send you to answer questions?! I'm going.
(Wes sits down on the ground in defeat and starts sulking.)
************************
Alpha 6: Jen and Wes you're team number one.
Jen: Naturally.
Wes: WHOOOOOO! Can I have some candy now Jen?
Jen: NO!
************************
Wes: Why can't I ever have candy Jen? I want some candy! Tommy and Jason get candy.
Jen: You've been hanging around them two too much lately. If Tommy and Jason jumped off a bridge would you?!
Wes: Tommy and Jason jumped off a bridge?! When? Why wasn't I included?! This is not fair!
Jen: It was hypothetical. . .forget it!
Wes: But I want candy!!!!!
Jen: Tommy and Jason told me they hate candy.
(Wes looks over at Tommy and Jason who are chugging giant pixy stix )
Wes: Hey! They're eating candy now! And they SO didn't jump off a bridge! You lied to me! I WANT CANDY!
Jen: Crap. Ummm. . .they're just pretending to like candy to trick you into eating it. But you're smarter then that right?
Wes: Smarter then what? They're trying to trick me?!
Jen: Uh huh exactly.
Wes: Well I'll show them! Gimme a carrot!
Jen: Here ya go.
(Wes walks over to Tommy and Jason)
Wes: TAKE THIS! (Bites into the carrot) HA!
*********************
Wes: IT'S NOT FAIR! First they jumped off a bridge without me. Then they lied about hating candy to trick me into eating a carrot, and now they're singing without me!! THAT'S IT!!! (Runs over to Kat and yanks the pixy stix out of her hand) I'll show all of you!!!
Jen: NOOOO!!!
*********************
Wes: Oh dear. . .I don't feel so good.
(Wes makes a mad dash for the bathroom but does quite make it. Instead he runs right into the Alphas and throws up all over them. )
Jen: THIS IS WHY I SAID NO CANDY!!
Wes: Sor. . .
(Wes begins to say sorry to Jen, but cuts himself off as he passes out and falls on top of Alpha 5.)
Alpha 5: Oh HELL!! I'm covered with barf and have a man on top of me! Get him off. . .NOW!!
************************
Wes: SHE MADE ME EAT A CARROT!!!
************************
Alpha 6: Alpha and I are taking the plane. In the spirit of the game, we decided to randomly pick a name out of a hat. Whoever we pick, gets to decide if all of you will come on the plane or jump.
Alpha 5: Okay let's see here (picks out a name) Wes.
Jen: Say airplane Wes!
Kat: Come on Wes, this isn't funny.
Emily: I am NOT parachuting.
Wes: Uhh. . .
Tommy and Jason: PARACHUTE! PARACHUTE!
Wes: Uhh. . .
Jen: WES!!! PLANE!!!
Tommy and Jason: PARACHUTE! PARACHUTE!
Wes: Parachute.
Jen: YOU STUPID $%^#
*****************
Wes: I wanna surfboard!
Jen: (mumbles under her breath) I'll #$#%ing give you a god @%#*ing damn surf %@&#ing board.
Wes: What?
Jen: Nothing. (Under her breathe) bastard.
*****************
Alpha 6: And here comes Jen and Wes. . .crap, she's pissed.
Jen: (landing) $#^& AND ANOTHER THING. . .
Alpha 5: TV-Y7!
Jen: I'll #$%#ing TVY7 YOU! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US THERE STRANDED WITH NO IDEA HOW TO PARACHUTE!! %#$ $@%# #@$%@#$%@#%@#%^@!!!
Wes: (landing) Sorry Jen.
*******************
Alpha 5: She really scares me.
Alpha 6: Me too. I try not to get on her bad side, but EVERYONE'S one her bad side.
Alpha 5: Now for our final teams. . .the girls.
Alpha 6: They're smart, but they have NO psychical ability what so ever.
Alpha 5: Just don't cross them. They'll get Tommy and Jason after you.
Alpha 6: That's all they ever do. It's like a damn dog whistle. . .
****************************************
Kat and Emily's Greatest Moments
****************************************
Alpha 5: Potato, potato. And as for our square dancers, I don't know who's worse. . .the three amigos over there or the girls that are actually in love with them. I mean who in their right mind would want to marry these three?!
(Jen and Emily glare daggers at Alpha as a giant grin creeps up on Kat's face.)
Jen: What are you smiling about? He's making fun of us.
Kat: Yeah I know and I'm gonna make him regret it. Just follow my lead okay.
(Kat gets a really sad expression on her face and starts to fake cry.)
Alpha 5: Oh shit. . .she's gonna. . .dammit.
Kat: TOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!
(Emily and Jen look at each other, shrug, and do the same as Kat.)
Emily: JAAAAAASSSSSSSSOOOOOOONN!!
Jen: WEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!
(All three boys stop dead in their tracks at the sound of the girls calling.)
Tommy, Jason, and Wes: I'll save you!!
(The boys run over to the girls to see what the problem is.)
Kat: (sobbing) He. . .he was saying horrible things about us!
Jason: Who?
Emily: Al. . .sob. . .pha.
Jen: (sobbing) Uh huh.
(All three boys turn towards Alpha 5 and begin to charge at him.)
Alpha 5: Oh God dammit.
(Alpha starts to run away but the boys catch up to him and drag him over to where the girls are standing.)
Tommy: Apologize to the ladies now, or we'll go ninja on your ass!!
Alpha 5: Okay! Okay! I take it back I'm sorry girls.
Tommy: Good and you better not EVER say another bad thing about any of the girls again or I'll show you why Rita chose me to be the green ranger.
(The girls smile triumphantly and hug the boys.)
Emily: Our heroes!
Jen: We love you guys. (whispers to Kat) I'll have to try using that more often.
Kat: (to Jen) I'm telling you, works like a charm every time.
******************** (At Stone Canyon Cliff. . .)
Emily: What do you think, should we repel or walk?
Kat: Dunno. Repelling would be faster that's for sure.
Emily: Yeah but do have any idea how?
Kat: No. But I bet the boys do. . .TOMMY!!
Tommy: I'll save you!
Kat: No, I'm fine I just need a small favor. . .
**********************
(Back at the cliff, Tommy and Jason are repelling down, with Emily and Kat on their backs.)
Emily: This is why we're going to marry them. I knew they were good for something.
Kat: Yeah we gotta keep them around for a while so they can do all the hard stuff for us.
Jason: What's that girls?
Kat and Emily: Nothing!
******************
Kat: For the love of. . .
Emily: (getting out of her boat) Don't complain. You're not the one who had to listen to that the entire boat ride there and back.
************************ Jason: Bro!!!
Tommy: Bro!!
(They put the girls down and body slam each other)
Kat: Well I guess we shouldn't complain.
Emily: Yeah they did carry us in.
*************************
Kat: Emily go! Hurry up and sign us up for that shuttle!
(Emily leaps out of the taxi and rushes to the paper, signing her and Kat up for the first shuttle. Jason and Tommy run over to the sign up sheets and see that there is no room on the first shuttle. . .)
********************************
Kat: He has a plan?
Emily: I don't even want to know.
**********************
Jason: Em. . .Kat. . .I need your help.
(The girls groan and reluctantly walk over to Jason.)
Emily: Okay what is it now?
Jason: Karone's getting to suspicious.
Kat: What?
Jason: I mean. . .I need you to go find what Karone likes in a guy. See ah my buddy umm my buddy Bill has a thing for her.
Emily: But Billy goes out with Trini.
Jason: Not Billy, Bill. Please?
Kat: Okay but you owe us.
***********************
Kat: They don't even make sense when they talk anymore. Words come out but it makes no sense at all.
Emily: I know it amazes me. I just try not to dwell on it.
***********************
Jason: Never mind. Kat and Em, you're the maids. Fifi and Gigi.
Kat: Why the hell are we maids?
Jason: Go with it. . .trust me on this one. . .the maids never do it. Plus you have maid outfits on. . .duh!
Emily: O-K, but which one am I Fifi or Gigi?
Jason: Uhhh. . .Gigi cuz Jason and Gigi start with the same letter.
Emily: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
***********************
Jason: What were you two doing at the time of the crime?!
Kat: I was going to get you candy.
Emily: Remember you and Tommy. . .
Jason: Dr. Thompson.
Emily: Oh Christ. . .you and Dr. Thompson had just finished singing and dancing around saying you want candy.
Kat: So I went over to the table where the candy was to get it for you two.
Jason: And the candy was poison!! You were trying to kill us!!
Emily: No we weren't! We're engaged to you and Tom. . .Dr. Thompson, why would we try to kill you?!
Jason: Cuz you don't' want us to open a DOJO! I mean crap. . .I didn't say Dojo.
Kat: You are NOT opening a Dojo! Anyways we were with you and Dr. Thompson all day so we couldn't possibly poison the candy. It was just lying on the table.
Jason: Is there anyone that can vouch for your supposed alibi?
Emily: You and Dr. Thompson.
Jason: Bro! Come here!
Tommy: Yeah bro.
Jason: Were Gigi and Fifi with us all day?
Tommy: Yeah bro.
Jason: Hmmm, interesting.
***************************
Kat and Emily: NO DOJO!
***************************
Tommy: That looks so cool!
Jason: Em Let's try that!!
Tommy: Yeah Kat come on!!
Kat and Emily: NO!
***************************
Emily: I really don't wanna jump.
Kat: Either do I.
Emily: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Kat: You know I am. . .TOMMY!!
Emily: JASON!!!!
Tommy and Jason: I'LL SAVE YOU!!!
******************************
Alpha 5: And there you have it folks. That's our final four.
Alpha 6: I can't believe it. It's really almost over.
Alpha 5: Finally, we can get the hell away from these people.
Alpha 6: Just one more episode.
Alpha 5: Thank you folks and good night.
End Show