-Chapter Four-
Full moon, Friday night
As I swing past the nurses station of the surgical floor I check my daily surgical schedule. I notice that the bowel resection I was going to do with Robert has been ticked off and so have all my surgeries with him. I stop Shirley and ask her for an explanation.
"Didn't you get the memo, Dr. Corday?"
"What memo?"
"The one saying Dr. Anspaugh has suspended Dr. Romano from surgery until further notice. Rumor has it until he recuperates full use of his arm. If he ever does, that is."
"Oh."
I snap myself out of my bewilderment "Who's covering for him?"
"Edson or Pratt, I'd have to check on that, Dr. Corday."
Great. I couldn't say who's worse of the two smug young smart-asses. After a hellish shift with both Pratt and Edson, who has spent the whole time harassing me trying to hit on me, apparently unaware that I'm nearly old enough to be his mother, I decide to check on Robert. I'd better ring him up first. I take out my mobile phone and dial Robert's number.
"This is Robert Romano speaking. Leave a message after the tone only if it is really important otherwise I won't bother to call you back. Beep."
Typical Robert. " Robert, it's me, Elizabeth. Pick up if you're there. I wanna drop by and see if you're ok."
"Hi Lizzie. How nice of you to think of checking on me but, please, don't bother to come. I might not be the best company right now."
"Bollocks! I'll be there in ten minutes."
"I love it when you swear in that British way of yours, Lizzie!"
"Don't be a bloody twat, Robert!"
"See? You did it again!"
He hangs up on me.
It didn't take me long to get here although I'm now standing nervously on Robert's doorstep. I'm wondering if I had a good idea after all. It's not like Robert and I see each other socially. It's too late anyway, he's waiting for me. I ring the bell and the barking of a dog scares me a bit. I remember he has one though, a quite big one, although I can't seem to remember for the life of me what race it is. I was never into dogs.
Robert opens the door and orders "Quiet, Gretel!"
It's too late, though. The big dog jumps on me and knocks me down. Hurgh! This horrible beast is licking my face! Bleah, how disgusting!
"Crikey!"
Robert helps get her off me and helps me to my feet-
"She likes you, Lizzie."
"Really." I spit out still quite disgusted, wiping my face with a Kleenex.
"So what brings you here, Lizzie dear?"
"Shirley told me you were forced to take a leave of absence and I wanted to see how you are taking it, Robert."
"Not well, Lizzie, as you can surely imagine. You must be loving Anspaugh, right?"
"Don't be bloody silly, Robert! Working with you might not be exactly my cup of tea but I care for you, believe it or not!" I spit out indignantly.
"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm not used to people liking me, Lizzie. And I did warn you that I might not be in the mood for company."
"Is it the reason why you're keeping me on your doorstep forever, Robert?"
"Sorry Lizzie, come on in."
I step inside. I'm gladly surprise to see that Robert's house doesn't match the stereotype of a messy bachelor's pad. It is quite essential but well- furnished and elegant instead. It reminds me a bit of an old English cottage.
"Wanna drink something, Lizzie? Did my house pass your test? I saw how you were looking around."
"With an excellent mark, I daresay."
"I am fond of my house nearly as much as I am eager to cut people open, Lizzie."
"I can see. A Bloody Mary would be fine."
"Let's go to my studio. There's a fireplace there and I'm sure you'll find it quiet cozy."
His studio is a cozy wooden room, full of books, for real. A stereo is softly playing some country music.
"Robert, I didn't know you were into country music. You always ask for classical music in the OR."
"I found Beethoven more suitable for surgery but deep down I'm a Yankee. What can I say?"
We chat for a while and Robert asks me to stay for dinner.
"I really would love to but I gotta get back home to Ella."
"Oh, come on, go get her, Lizzie."
I'd be really glad to spend this Friday night with Robert instead than with a little girl that can only make noises and "Mama, baba" an another few words she made up. Conversation isn't much stimulating. "Maybe I don't have to do that. The nanny lives a few blocks nearby and she could take her here on her way home."
I take out my mobile and dial my home number to tell Cheryl to bring Ella here, along with diapers and baby food.
"So what do you like for dinner? My specialty is maccheroni and cheese."
"You cook, Robert?"
"Yeah, and I am actually good at it, or so I am told. I cook, tidy up the house, do the chores and earn the big bucks. I can't understand why the ladies haven't landed me yet."
"Me neither."
The doorbell rings. It's Cheryl with Ella. I take her in my arms "Hi, sweetheart!"
We sit on the couch as Robert works busily in the nearby kitchen. Gretel sniffs all around my baby and I don't like it at all. She's so big she could take one of Ella's arms off with a single bite. Luckily the dog seems to like my daughter and she licks her tiny hand. Ella gurgles with happiness and reach out her hands toward the dog. I'm afraid she's gonna stick her fingers in Gretel's eyes but she just caresses her nose.
"Baba." Ella says. It's her word for water.
"Yes," I reply "Her nose is wet. It's a good thing. It means Gretel is healthy."
"'Etel." Ella repeats after me.
The dog barks in acknowledgment.
"Looks like someone is making friends here." Robert calls out from the kitchen.
"She likes your dog. And Gretel likes her back."
"My puppy has a killer instinct. She can tell good from bad people right away."
I nod, wondering how you could call this enormous ball of fur a puppy.
"Pasta's ready."
I walk into the kitchen and I find out Robert has romantically lit a candle in the middle of the table. He surprisingly has a high chair too.
"Do you have a secret son, Robert?"
"Who knows? Maybe there's a little Romano somewhere. I'm afraid there's a more mundane explanation, though. Carmelita, my housekeeper, has a son and she often brings little Raul here. I have a crib in the spare room too."
I put Ella into her seat "Could you please keep my maccheroni in the oven so that it remains warm? I need to feed Ella first."
"Sure," he says putting his plate away as well. "I'll wait for you."
Ella doesn't want to cooperate, though. She wouldn't open her mouth for me. She keeps pushing the spoon away until she manages to throw her homogenized baby food all over my new shirt.
"Thank you so much, Ella." I spit out "Fine, don't eat but don't ever dream of waking me up tonight because you're hungry! Got that?"
"I can't blame her, Lizzie. I wouldn't wanna eat that tasteless mush myself. Can I try?"
"Sure. Hope you have quick reflexes, Robert, you'll have to dodge flying spoonfuls of food, I'm afraid."
He takes out our plates and chops some of his maccheroni into tiny bits. The he take some in a spoon and wave it invitingly under Ella's nose. She sniffs it suspiciously but open her mouth. She gulps it down and open her mouth again, hungrily.
"Ah-ah! A new fan of Romano haute-cuisine!" he exclaims triumphantly.
I laugh. "This is really delicious, Robert. You absolutely have to give me the recipe."
"It wouldn't be the same without my magic touch. I'll bring you some to County from time to time, if I ever get back to the hospital, that is."
"Bollocks! You'll be a wonderful surgical residents' supervisor, Robert. I know Anspaugh offered you that position."
"I might take it up. Bossing that weasel of Edson around is better than staying home, wriggling my thumbs I guess."
"I thought you liked him. He's kind of your natural heir in the OR."
"Nah, he might be a bastard like me but he lacks the superior surgical skills and the snarky attitude. He's a self-righteous chap who takes himself too seriously."
"You're right. And I'd miss you so much, Robert."
"Be careful, Lizzie. I can hold everything you say against you."
"Yeah, remind me of what I just said next time you make want to kick things, you really have a knack for pushing my buttons, Robert."
I take Ella to bed in the spare room and Robert and I chat a little bit. The crackling fire is so warm; the brandy Robert has offered me and the tiredness of the long day of work have the best of me. I drift off to sleep. When I wake up it's almost one AM. Robert has put a blanket around me but he is nowhere to be seen. I walk upstairs and I find him struggling to strap a clean diaper on Ella with one hand.
"I changed Raul many times but it's really hard to do with only one hand. Ella's been really cooperative, though."
"Robert Romano as a dad. This is definitely something I haven't quite pictured before." I exclaim helping him out. "It's weird, Ella usually doesn't like being touched by strangers."
" I am a surgeon, -was- probably, and I have the most gentle touch, Lizzie." I nod and stifle a yawn.
"I can see you're tired and sleepy. I changed the sheets of the bed. You can sleep here tonight. One of Carmelita's dress is on the nightstand."
"Thank you, but I need to get Ella to sleep before."
"I can do that."
I nod and go to the bathroom to get changed. I feel silly in this girly, flowery dress too big for me and quite self-conscious as well. This Carmelita must be shorter and fatter than me, because her dress his exposing generous portions of my terribly milky legs and chest. I hate my complexion, I'm ghastly pale and I have freckles all over my body. Robert doesn't pay attention to me though. He is busy rocking Ella and singing some country tune to her. I slide into the bed. Robert sings very well and his lullaby makes me fall asleep even before Ella.
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Luka rings my doorbell and I grab my purse and take one last, long look at myself in the entrance mirror. I am wearing a black spaghetti strap dress and heeled shoes. Maybe I'll get another wonderful massage from Luka. A necklace of pearls is all the jewelry I'm wearing. I don't wanna overdo it, this is not a proper date, but I wan to make an impression on Luka's family. And on him, sure. Outside my apartment Luka and a younger man who's his spitting image wait for me. Behind them there's a fair girl.
Luka's brother outstretch a hand and I shake it. "Nice to meet you, Susan. I'm Goran. It's good to see my big brother shows some taste in women after all."
"Oh, shut up!" Luka exclaims, blushing. Then he says something in Croatian. Insults probably. He's still as red as a beetroot. He's adorable.
Goran introduces me to his wife, Iani?a. She looks really shy or maybe she just doesn't speak English very well. Her slightly bulging stomach informs me she's pregnant, not very far along, though.
We all get into Luka's car. Goran is very sparkling and talkative. He jokes all the time and tells me merciless and embarrassing anecdotes about Luka's childhood. Iani?a sits quietly in the front seats while Luka pretend to be busy driving although I can see his ears are red from embarrassment.
"And so our mom kept crying, how do you say in English, Luka?"
Iani?a stifles a laugh and Luka snorts "I'm not gonna translate that! Cut it out Goran!"
"Oh, I remembered. So she was crying while he ran naked all around the room 'In the potty, do it in the potty, Luka!' I thought my dad was gonna die since he couldn't breath because he was laughing so much!"
I'm afraid I am gonna die as well. I have tears in my eyes.
"This is not fair!" Luka snaps "Let's talk about that time you peed in your pants because I told you that you had been adopted, huh?"
"How could you believe that? You look so much alike."
"He was a wicked older brother and I was little and stupid."
"You still are!"
The two brothers don't stop teasing each other until the lights go out in the theater. It's weird yet funny seeing Luka's bright and funny side for once. He is not Dr. Gloom and Doom after all. The ballet is wonderful but Iani?a and Goran can't enjoy it much because she's feeling sick.
"Why do they call it morning sickness?" Goran complains as she walks his wife to the ladies room "She has it all the time, not only in the morning!"
Luka has a somewhat pained expression as he watches the couple walking away. It must be hard for him seeing his brother having a family. I can't help myself and I squeeze his hand in sympathy. He smiles sadly yet gratefully at me, appreciating my gesture.
When it is all over they drive me home. Luka gallantly walks me to the door. Goran rolls down his window. "Aren't you gonna give the lady a kiss, bro?"
Luka gives him a look. Then he blushes as he quickly brushes my lips. I feel on cloud number nine and I'm ready to gratefully kiss Goran.
"Sorry you have had to put up with him. I promise next time we go out it will be better."
I struggle not to jump with joy. There will be another time! Anyway I'm feeling good-natured toward Goran in this very moment. I owe him a big one. "I think he's funny."
"You didn't live with him 24/7 for about twenty years. Iani?a is a saint but I'm afraid she wont' last long."
I wave them goodbye. I really like Goran. I definitely like Luka better though.
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The following day a delicious smell of hot coffee wakes me up. Robert is bringing me my breakfast to bed with a tray.
"Good morning, sleepy head. I hope you hadn't an early shift because I let you sleep. You look like you needed it."
"I'm not on until twelve."
"Good, I was thinking of getting in with you and talk to Anspaugh. I'll take that teaching slot, for the time being. It's better than staying here swallowing in self-pity."
"This is the Romano I know" and love, I add only in my mind. If I tell him he'll never give me a break.
" Ladies and gentleman, Rocket is back. Ella woke up at six AM sharp. I took her downstairs and warmed up her bottle."
"Thank you, Robert."
"No problem Lizzie, I'm a morning person. I also made you breakfast but I didn't know what you normally take so I settled for the whole English thing."
He scoops warm buttered toast, hot coffee, eggs and bacon, hot tomatoes, tea with milk that from the smell is original Earl Grey and orange juice. Wow, full red carpet treatment.
"Thank you Robert, I haven't had such a great breakfast in years. You do have a promising career as a chef, or as a stay home dad, as you prefer."
"Too bad I don't have any kids. Or is it a proposal, Lizzie? This is so sudden!"
I chuckle and spatter crumbles all over the pillow.
"You're cleaning that mess."
Ella cries from downstairs and Robert goes get her. The three of us sit on the bed. Robert snatches a bite from my toast and plays with Ella. We look like a happy family.
I haven't felt this good since Mark's death.
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My jaw drops when I see Elizabeth enter the ER with an unnaturally cheerful Romano in tow. He's holding Ella very, paternally. I can't find any other word to describe it. Only that's an adjective that clearly doesn't go well with Rocket Romano. Or not? They look quite happy, almost a family. I remember Luka's words and make a mental note to bet on a date on the nurses' pool. There must be one going on for sure. Maybe Elizabeth has a thing for baldies, who knows?
"Can I take her to daycare, Lizzie?"
"Sure. See you later Robert, I'm covering the ER today."
"Maybe our paths will cross. I'll tag along with Edson today and I'll make sure I make the most pleasure out of making his work life miserable."
"I don't doubt that, Robert. Bye sweetheart!"
She got me scared for a moment but as I see Romano gently twisting Ella's hand in a hello-like gesture I realize she referred to her, not Romano. I gather he has taken up that teaching position after all. Romano a teacher? Hurgh! But take Carter for example. He's one of the best doctor I know. Maybe great surgical skills are enough. Benton's teaching style wasn't exactly accommodating and helpful. I remember Carter gave him a lousy grade in his trauma rotation evaluation. But that was Haleh's fault as well and he took it all back when Benton got him the surgical sub-I. I don't wanna be in the shoes of those poor surgical residents anyway.
I approach Elizabeth. "Didn't know Romano liked kids."
"He's a man of many talents." Elizabeth winks conspiratorially and mysteriously.
"All unproven" I mutter.
I walk in on Carter and Abby arguing in the lounge. I try to make an u-turn but Carter has seen me so I just try to mind my own business and sit to catch up on my paperwork. I can't help but listen, though, because they are very angry and loud.
"So when were you planning on tell me you have decided to go back to med school, huh?" Carter asks threateningly.
"I thought you would be glad. You always thought my being a nurse wasn't enough!"
"That's not the point!"
"Well, you didn't exactly consulted me when you decided to go play hero with doctors without borders!"
"That was different!"
"Oh, yeah? How?"
"We'll we weren't engaged for once!"
"I thought engagement wasn't a synonym of slavery! I'm still free to make my choices, I hope."
"Sure you are, I'd just appreciate you'd inform me when you've made a decision, that's all."
"So you can start complaining about it. No, I'm sorry but I'd rather not."
"Great way of thinking. A real couple view Abby, way to go."
"You started whining about Luka being my mentor. How many times do I have to tell you, huh? We are history. I am completely over Luka."
"He isn't though!"
I know that he isn't but I don't think it's the right time to throw my two cents in.
"Oh come on, Carter. You know he would never hit on me. He knows we are engaged and he's a way too decent man to do such a low blow, Carter."
I completely agree with Abby, but I know Carter isn't persuaded. He's being a stubborn, jealous fool.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. He's St. Luka, right?"
"You're making a fool of yourself, Carter!"
Point well taken Abby. Go girl. I'm sorry but I think Carter is completely wrong although no one asked my opinion. Well it's not my fault they're fighting in the lounge . As my wise old grandma would say, don't wash your dirty linen in public.
"Maybe I am but there are other problems. How are you gonna manage with the money? It's hard, working and being in med school at the same time. Now that you and Richard are divorced he won't be paying your fees anymore."
"And I am not asking you to. I don't want you, your grandmother or your family to buy my medical degree."
"No one bought my degree."
"This isn't what I meant, Carter!"
"But you thought it, right? And I don't think it's the right time for you to undertake such a time and energies consuming challenge, Abby. Not after your recent slip-up. You still need to get over your drinking problem after Brian beat you up. You can't ignore it."
"Oh, yeah, tell the whole damn hospital I am a fucking drunk!"
I stare intensely at the chart if front of me, embarrassed, feeling two pair of eyes on the back of my neck. I pretend to be deaf, mute and blind. It's safer this way. Never come between a man and his wife. Another saying from my grandma. She was really a wise woman, that's why she lived so long. She was ninety-two when she died.
"A recovering alcoholic." Carter points out.
"Don't hide between meaningless words, Carter! You can't tell me how to live my life. You have no right to lecture me. And I am no helpless young girl, I can take care of myself. There's no need for you to second-guess me every fucking time. Please, do me a big favor, don't talk to me for the next couple of days."
"Great! Are we in fourth grade now, Abby?" Carter snorts but she has already stormed out of the room.
He sits on the couch and lets out a big sigh. He shakes his head and says "I am sorry you had to witness this sad scene, Susan."
"What scene?" I ask too innocently. "I was really concentrating hard on this damn paperwork. I need to finish it soon or Kerry will kill me."
"Nice try, Susan, but I don't buy it. It's just that Abby drives me mad sometimes."
"It's the main drawback of great passions, Carter. We get along just fine, that's why we didn't work. No chemistry. You and Abby have lots of it instead. Since you dragged me into this, I'll tell you my two cents. She is completely right. She is a big girl and can and needs to make her own decisions. She has to tell you but she has the final saying in the matter."
"You're right, Susan, it's just that I feel like we're growing apart. She doesn't rely on me like she used to do."
"It's normal, Carter. You and Abby had this big codependency issue and I thought it wasn't a healthy thing for your relationship. You two had too much baggage and relied on each other to carry it too much. Now you're growing out of it, though, and that's positive. You need to become independent from each other. You leaned on each other way too heavily, you need to learn to stand on your won two feet."
"I don't know, Susan. Things aren't like what it used to be between us. I feel like we're losing complicity."
"Don't mix up dependency with complicity. Things change, Carter, and either you learn to live with it or you move on to a future without Abby."
"No, I definitely want to have Abby in my future. I guess you're right, Susan, thanks for the great advice."
"I am so much older than you, young man." I joke "The credit goes to my grandmother, though. She taught me all you need to know to get by in this sad, sad world."
"Sounds like a very wise woman." He mumbles.
"You betcha."
As I swing past the nurses station of the surgical floor I check my daily surgical schedule. I notice that the bowel resection I was going to do with Robert has been ticked off and so have all my surgeries with him. I stop Shirley and ask her for an explanation.
"Didn't you get the memo, Dr. Corday?"
"What memo?"
"The one saying Dr. Anspaugh has suspended Dr. Romano from surgery until further notice. Rumor has it until he recuperates full use of his arm. If he ever does, that is."
"Oh."
I snap myself out of my bewilderment "Who's covering for him?"
"Edson or Pratt, I'd have to check on that, Dr. Corday."
Great. I couldn't say who's worse of the two smug young smart-asses. After a hellish shift with both Pratt and Edson, who has spent the whole time harassing me trying to hit on me, apparently unaware that I'm nearly old enough to be his mother, I decide to check on Robert. I'd better ring him up first. I take out my mobile phone and dial Robert's number.
"This is Robert Romano speaking. Leave a message after the tone only if it is really important otherwise I won't bother to call you back. Beep."
Typical Robert. " Robert, it's me, Elizabeth. Pick up if you're there. I wanna drop by and see if you're ok."
"Hi Lizzie. How nice of you to think of checking on me but, please, don't bother to come. I might not be the best company right now."
"Bollocks! I'll be there in ten minutes."
"I love it when you swear in that British way of yours, Lizzie!"
"Don't be a bloody twat, Robert!"
"See? You did it again!"
He hangs up on me.
It didn't take me long to get here although I'm now standing nervously on Robert's doorstep. I'm wondering if I had a good idea after all. It's not like Robert and I see each other socially. It's too late anyway, he's waiting for me. I ring the bell and the barking of a dog scares me a bit. I remember he has one though, a quite big one, although I can't seem to remember for the life of me what race it is. I was never into dogs.
Robert opens the door and orders "Quiet, Gretel!"
It's too late, though. The big dog jumps on me and knocks me down. Hurgh! This horrible beast is licking my face! Bleah, how disgusting!
"Crikey!"
Robert helps get her off me and helps me to my feet-
"She likes you, Lizzie."
"Really." I spit out still quite disgusted, wiping my face with a Kleenex.
"So what brings you here, Lizzie dear?"
"Shirley told me you were forced to take a leave of absence and I wanted to see how you are taking it, Robert."
"Not well, Lizzie, as you can surely imagine. You must be loving Anspaugh, right?"
"Don't be bloody silly, Robert! Working with you might not be exactly my cup of tea but I care for you, believe it or not!" I spit out indignantly.
"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm not used to people liking me, Lizzie. And I did warn you that I might not be in the mood for company."
"Is it the reason why you're keeping me on your doorstep forever, Robert?"
"Sorry Lizzie, come on in."
I step inside. I'm gladly surprise to see that Robert's house doesn't match the stereotype of a messy bachelor's pad. It is quite essential but well- furnished and elegant instead. It reminds me a bit of an old English cottage.
"Wanna drink something, Lizzie? Did my house pass your test? I saw how you were looking around."
"With an excellent mark, I daresay."
"I am fond of my house nearly as much as I am eager to cut people open, Lizzie."
"I can see. A Bloody Mary would be fine."
"Let's go to my studio. There's a fireplace there and I'm sure you'll find it quiet cozy."
His studio is a cozy wooden room, full of books, for real. A stereo is softly playing some country music.
"Robert, I didn't know you were into country music. You always ask for classical music in the OR."
"I found Beethoven more suitable for surgery but deep down I'm a Yankee. What can I say?"
We chat for a while and Robert asks me to stay for dinner.
"I really would love to but I gotta get back home to Ella."
"Oh, come on, go get her, Lizzie."
I'd be really glad to spend this Friday night with Robert instead than with a little girl that can only make noises and "Mama, baba" an another few words she made up. Conversation isn't much stimulating. "Maybe I don't have to do that. The nanny lives a few blocks nearby and she could take her here on her way home."
I take out my mobile and dial my home number to tell Cheryl to bring Ella here, along with diapers and baby food.
"So what do you like for dinner? My specialty is maccheroni and cheese."
"You cook, Robert?"
"Yeah, and I am actually good at it, or so I am told. I cook, tidy up the house, do the chores and earn the big bucks. I can't understand why the ladies haven't landed me yet."
"Me neither."
The doorbell rings. It's Cheryl with Ella. I take her in my arms "Hi, sweetheart!"
We sit on the couch as Robert works busily in the nearby kitchen. Gretel sniffs all around my baby and I don't like it at all. She's so big she could take one of Ella's arms off with a single bite. Luckily the dog seems to like my daughter and she licks her tiny hand. Ella gurgles with happiness and reach out her hands toward the dog. I'm afraid she's gonna stick her fingers in Gretel's eyes but she just caresses her nose.
"Baba." Ella says. It's her word for water.
"Yes," I reply "Her nose is wet. It's a good thing. It means Gretel is healthy."
"'Etel." Ella repeats after me.
The dog barks in acknowledgment.
"Looks like someone is making friends here." Robert calls out from the kitchen.
"She likes your dog. And Gretel likes her back."
"My puppy has a killer instinct. She can tell good from bad people right away."
I nod, wondering how you could call this enormous ball of fur a puppy.
"Pasta's ready."
I walk into the kitchen and I find out Robert has romantically lit a candle in the middle of the table. He surprisingly has a high chair too.
"Do you have a secret son, Robert?"
"Who knows? Maybe there's a little Romano somewhere. I'm afraid there's a more mundane explanation, though. Carmelita, my housekeeper, has a son and she often brings little Raul here. I have a crib in the spare room too."
I put Ella into her seat "Could you please keep my maccheroni in the oven so that it remains warm? I need to feed Ella first."
"Sure," he says putting his plate away as well. "I'll wait for you."
Ella doesn't want to cooperate, though. She wouldn't open her mouth for me. She keeps pushing the spoon away until she manages to throw her homogenized baby food all over my new shirt.
"Thank you so much, Ella." I spit out "Fine, don't eat but don't ever dream of waking me up tonight because you're hungry! Got that?"
"I can't blame her, Lizzie. I wouldn't wanna eat that tasteless mush myself. Can I try?"
"Sure. Hope you have quick reflexes, Robert, you'll have to dodge flying spoonfuls of food, I'm afraid."
He takes out our plates and chops some of his maccheroni into tiny bits. The he take some in a spoon and wave it invitingly under Ella's nose. She sniffs it suspiciously but open her mouth. She gulps it down and open her mouth again, hungrily.
"Ah-ah! A new fan of Romano haute-cuisine!" he exclaims triumphantly.
I laugh. "This is really delicious, Robert. You absolutely have to give me the recipe."
"It wouldn't be the same without my magic touch. I'll bring you some to County from time to time, if I ever get back to the hospital, that is."
"Bollocks! You'll be a wonderful surgical residents' supervisor, Robert. I know Anspaugh offered you that position."
"I might take it up. Bossing that weasel of Edson around is better than staying home, wriggling my thumbs I guess."
"I thought you liked him. He's kind of your natural heir in the OR."
"Nah, he might be a bastard like me but he lacks the superior surgical skills and the snarky attitude. He's a self-righteous chap who takes himself too seriously."
"You're right. And I'd miss you so much, Robert."
"Be careful, Lizzie. I can hold everything you say against you."
"Yeah, remind me of what I just said next time you make want to kick things, you really have a knack for pushing my buttons, Robert."
I take Ella to bed in the spare room and Robert and I chat a little bit. The crackling fire is so warm; the brandy Robert has offered me and the tiredness of the long day of work have the best of me. I drift off to sleep. When I wake up it's almost one AM. Robert has put a blanket around me but he is nowhere to be seen. I walk upstairs and I find him struggling to strap a clean diaper on Ella with one hand.
"I changed Raul many times but it's really hard to do with only one hand. Ella's been really cooperative, though."
"Robert Romano as a dad. This is definitely something I haven't quite pictured before." I exclaim helping him out. "It's weird, Ella usually doesn't like being touched by strangers."
" I am a surgeon, -was- probably, and I have the most gentle touch, Lizzie." I nod and stifle a yawn.
"I can see you're tired and sleepy. I changed the sheets of the bed. You can sleep here tonight. One of Carmelita's dress is on the nightstand."
"Thank you, but I need to get Ella to sleep before."
"I can do that."
I nod and go to the bathroom to get changed. I feel silly in this girly, flowery dress too big for me and quite self-conscious as well. This Carmelita must be shorter and fatter than me, because her dress his exposing generous portions of my terribly milky legs and chest. I hate my complexion, I'm ghastly pale and I have freckles all over my body. Robert doesn't pay attention to me though. He is busy rocking Ella and singing some country tune to her. I slide into the bed. Robert sings very well and his lullaby makes me fall asleep even before Ella.
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Luka rings my doorbell and I grab my purse and take one last, long look at myself in the entrance mirror. I am wearing a black spaghetti strap dress and heeled shoes. Maybe I'll get another wonderful massage from Luka. A necklace of pearls is all the jewelry I'm wearing. I don't wanna overdo it, this is not a proper date, but I wan to make an impression on Luka's family. And on him, sure. Outside my apartment Luka and a younger man who's his spitting image wait for me. Behind them there's a fair girl.
Luka's brother outstretch a hand and I shake it. "Nice to meet you, Susan. I'm Goran. It's good to see my big brother shows some taste in women after all."
"Oh, shut up!" Luka exclaims, blushing. Then he says something in Croatian. Insults probably. He's still as red as a beetroot. He's adorable.
Goran introduces me to his wife, Iani?a. She looks really shy or maybe she just doesn't speak English very well. Her slightly bulging stomach informs me she's pregnant, not very far along, though.
We all get into Luka's car. Goran is very sparkling and talkative. He jokes all the time and tells me merciless and embarrassing anecdotes about Luka's childhood. Iani?a sits quietly in the front seats while Luka pretend to be busy driving although I can see his ears are red from embarrassment.
"And so our mom kept crying, how do you say in English, Luka?"
Iani?a stifles a laugh and Luka snorts "I'm not gonna translate that! Cut it out Goran!"
"Oh, I remembered. So she was crying while he ran naked all around the room 'In the potty, do it in the potty, Luka!' I thought my dad was gonna die since he couldn't breath because he was laughing so much!"
I'm afraid I am gonna die as well. I have tears in my eyes.
"This is not fair!" Luka snaps "Let's talk about that time you peed in your pants because I told you that you had been adopted, huh?"
"How could you believe that? You look so much alike."
"He was a wicked older brother and I was little and stupid."
"You still are!"
The two brothers don't stop teasing each other until the lights go out in the theater. It's weird yet funny seeing Luka's bright and funny side for once. He is not Dr. Gloom and Doom after all. The ballet is wonderful but Iani?a and Goran can't enjoy it much because she's feeling sick.
"Why do they call it morning sickness?" Goran complains as she walks his wife to the ladies room "She has it all the time, not only in the morning!"
Luka has a somewhat pained expression as he watches the couple walking away. It must be hard for him seeing his brother having a family. I can't help myself and I squeeze his hand in sympathy. He smiles sadly yet gratefully at me, appreciating my gesture.
When it is all over they drive me home. Luka gallantly walks me to the door. Goran rolls down his window. "Aren't you gonna give the lady a kiss, bro?"
Luka gives him a look. Then he blushes as he quickly brushes my lips. I feel on cloud number nine and I'm ready to gratefully kiss Goran.
"Sorry you have had to put up with him. I promise next time we go out it will be better."
I struggle not to jump with joy. There will be another time! Anyway I'm feeling good-natured toward Goran in this very moment. I owe him a big one. "I think he's funny."
"You didn't live with him 24/7 for about twenty years. Iani?a is a saint but I'm afraid she wont' last long."
I wave them goodbye. I really like Goran. I definitely like Luka better though.
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The following day a delicious smell of hot coffee wakes me up. Robert is bringing me my breakfast to bed with a tray.
"Good morning, sleepy head. I hope you hadn't an early shift because I let you sleep. You look like you needed it."
"I'm not on until twelve."
"Good, I was thinking of getting in with you and talk to Anspaugh. I'll take that teaching slot, for the time being. It's better than staying here swallowing in self-pity."
"This is the Romano I know" and love, I add only in my mind. If I tell him he'll never give me a break.
" Ladies and gentleman, Rocket is back. Ella woke up at six AM sharp. I took her downstairs and warmed up her bottle."
"Thank you, Robert."
"No problem Lizzie, I'm a morning person. I also made you breakfast but I didn't know what you normally take so I settled for the whole English thing."
He scoops warm buttered toast, hot coffee, eggs and bacon, hot tomatoes, tea with milk that from the smell is original Earl Grey and orange juice. Wow, full red carpet treatment.
"Thank you Robert, I haven't had such a great breakfast in years. You do have a promising career as a chef, or as a stay home dad, as you prefer."
"Too bad I don't have any kids. Or is it a proposal, Lizzie? This is so sudden!"
I chuckle and spatter crumbles all over the pillow.
"You're cleaning that mess."
Ella cries from downstairs and Robert goes get her. The three of us sit on the bed. Robert snatches a bite from my toast and plays with Ella. We look like a happy family.
I haven't felt this good since Mark's death.
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My jaw drops when I see Elizabeth enter the ER with an unnaturally cheerful Romano in tow. He's holding Ella very, paternally. I can't find any other word to describe it. Only that's an adjective that clearly doesn't go well with Rocket Romano. Or not? They look quite happy, almost a family. I remember Luka's words and make a mental note to bet on a date on the nurses' pool. There must be one going on for sure. Maybe Elizabeth has a thing for baldies, who knows?
"Can I take her to daycare, Lizzie?"
"Sure. See you later Robert, I'm covering the ER today."
"Maybe our paths will cross. I'll tag along with Edson today and I'll make sure I make the most pleasure out of making his work life miserable."
"I don't doubt that, Robert. Bye sweetheart!"
She got me scared for a moment but as I see Romano gently twisting Ella's hand in a hello-like gesture I realize she referred to her, not Romano. I gather he has taken up that teaching position after all. Romano a teacher? Hurgh! But take Carter for example. He's one of the best doctor I know. Maybe great surgical skills are enough. Benton's teaching style wasn't exactly accommodating and helpful. I remember Carter gave him a lousy grade in his trauma rotation evaluation. But that was Haleh's fault as well and he took it all back when Benton got him the surgical sub-I. I don't wanna be in the shoes of those poor surgical residents anyway.
I approach Elizabeth. "Didn't know Romano liked kids."
"He's a man of many talents." Elizabeth winks conspiratorially and mysteriously.
"All unproven" I mutter.
I walk in on Carter and Abby arguing in the lounge. I try to make an u-turn but Carter has seen me so I just try to mind my own business and sit to catch up on my paperwork. I can't help but listen, though, because they are very angry and loud.
"So when were you planning on tell me you have decided to go back to med school, huh?" Carter asks threateningly.
"I thought you would be glad. You always thought my being a nurse wasn't enough!"
"That's not the point!"
"Well, you didn't exactly consulted me when you decided to go play hero with doctors without borders!"
"That was different!"
"Oh, yeah? How?"
"We'll we weren't engaged for once!"
"I thought engagement wasn't a synonym of slavery! I'm still free to make my choices, I hope."
"Sure you are, I'd just appreciate you'd inform me when you've made a decision, that's all."
"So you can start complaining about it. No, I'm sorry but I'd rather not."
"Great way of thinking. A real couple view Abby, way to go."
"You started whining about Luka being my mentor. How many times do I have to tell you, huh? We are history. I am completely over Luka."
"He isn't though!"
I know that he isn't but I don't think it's the right time to throw my two cents in.
"Oh come on, Carter. You know he would never hit on me. He knows we are engaged and he's a way too decent man to do such a low blow, Carter."
I completely agree with Abby, but I know Carter isn't persuaded. He's being a stubborn, jealous fool.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. He's St. Luka, right?"
"You're making a fool of yourself, Carter!"
Point well taken Abby. Go girl. I'm sorry but I think Carter is completely wrong although no one asked my opinion. Well it's not my fault they're fighting in the lounge . As my wise old grandma would say, don't wash your dirty linen in public.
"Maybe I am but there are other problems. How are you gonna manage with the money? It's hard, working and being in med school at the same time. Now that you and Richard are divorced he won't be paying your fees anymore."
"And I am not asking you to. I don't want you, your grandmother or your family to buy my medical degree."
"No one bought my degree."
"This isn't what I meant, Carter!"
"But you thought it, right? And I don't think it's the right time for you to undertake such a time and energies consuming challenge, Abby. Not after your recent slip-up. You still need to get over your drinking problem after Brian beat you up. You can't ignore it."
"Oh, yeah, tell the whole damn hospital I am a fucking drunk!"
I stare intensely at the chart if front of me, embarrassed, feeling two pair of eyes on the back of my neck. I pretend to be deaf, mute and blind. It's safer this way. Never come between a man and his wife. Another saying from my grandma. She was really a wise woman, that's why she lived so long. She was ninety-two when she died.
"A recovering alcoholic." Carter points out.
"Don't hide between meaningless words, Carter! You can't tell me how to live my life. You have no right to lecture me. And I am no helpless young girl, I can take care of myself. There's no need for you to second-guess me every fucking time. Please, do me a big favor, don't talk to me for the next couple of days."
"Great! Are we in fourth grade now, Abby?" Carter snorts but she has already stormed out of the room.
He sits on the couch and lets out a big sigh. He shakes his head and says "I am sorry you had to witness this sad scene, Susan."
"What scene?" I ask too innocently. "I was really concentrating hard on this damn paperwork. I need to finish it soon or Kerry will kill me."
"Nice try, Susan, but I don't buy it. It's just that Abby drives me mad sometimes."
"It's the main drawback of great passions, Carter. We get along just fine, that's why we didn't work. No chemistry. You and Abby have lots of it instead. Since you dragged me into this, I'll tell you my two cents. She is completely right. She is a big girl and can and needs to make her own decisions. She has to tell you but she has the final saying in the matter."
"You're right, Susan, it's just that I feel like we're growing apart. She doesn't rely on me like she used to do."
"It's normal, Carter. You and Abby had this big codependency issue and I thought it wasn't a healthy thing for your relationship. You two had too much baggage and relied on each other to carry it too much. Now you're growing out of it, though, and that's positive. You need to become independent from each other. You leaned on each other way too heavily, you need to learn to stand on your won two feet."
"I don't know, Susan. Things aren't like what it used to be between us. I feel like we're losing complicity."
"Don't mix up dependency with complicity. Things change, Carter, and either you learn to live with it or you move on to a future without Abby."
"No, I definitely want to have Abby in my future. I guess you're right, Susan, thanks for the great advice."
"I am so much older than you, young man." I joke "The credit goes to my grandmother, though. She taught me all you need to know to get by in this sad, sad world."
"Sounds like a very wise woman." He mumbles.
"You betcha."