-Chapter Eleven-
Damage is done now
"Susan! Susan! Randi, have you seen Lewis?"
Oh God, not Weaver, not now! I've just been puked, spat and peed on by two different patients in, what, ten minutes and one of Kerry's tirades isn't really what I need now. I dodge in the lounge, hoping Randi is telling her aliens have abducted me. Oh-oh, bad idea: Luka and Elizabeth are here giggling like two stupid teenagers in love. The new ER couple isn't something I can stand right now so I retreat tactically. Hell, even Kerry is better that that crap. They have been acting weirdly for the last week, conspiring and whispering in each other' s ear all the time. Hurgh, makes me wanna puke. They are attached at the hip. Every time I see them it feels like someone is stabbing me. I see Kerry approaching me and I put on a brave little soldier expression on my face.
"Kerry, are you looking for me?"
"Actually yes. Listen, I need to talk to you, privately. Can we go into the lounge?"
"Err, no, there are Elizabeth and Luka there. The drug lockup is better."
"Jeez, those two are glued together lately. Have you noticed?"
I have, Kerry, I fucking have. "So, what do you need to tell me?"
She fidgets with her hands awkwardly, almost shyly. Usually Kerry is very outspoken, I wonder what this is about. She clears her throat and whispers, raising the volume of her voice as she speaks "Uhm, this is confidential information, Susan, I haven't told anyone yet, so I hope you'll be discreet. Anyway, Sandy and I have decided to give another shot at motherhood after all and I am, err, pregnant. Fourteen weeks at the moment. Since my history I have decided that I need to cutback on my hours and rest more."
I nod "Of course, I understand, Kerry. I am so happy for you both. Congratulations." I am glad for real, I feel sympathetic with my boss for once.
"Don't jinx us, Susan." She replies sarcastically. I can see she cares about this baby so much. "Anyway, the problem is I can't carry the load of being Chief of the Emergency services anymore. I'm asking you to be Acting Chief of the Emergency services until my return from maternity leave. Robert is fine with that and it won't be long, six months at the latest. I'm asking you as a personal favor, there's no one else up to the job. Luka has never been interested in power positions and lacks the assertiveness required, Carter is too green and Chen isn't the best candidate after the mess she did when she was chief resident. So I-"
"Don't worry, Kerry. I'm glad to be able to help you."
She smiles warmly and gratefully. Oh my gosh, I'm experiencing my first Kerry-Weaver-the-human-being-as-opposed-to-the-heartless-all-business-boss! Cool! Acting Chief of Emergency services. This sounds good. My power-trip could turn out to be quite an interesting experience after all. I walk out of the drug lockup whistling cheerfully, I refrain from singing because I'm so tuneless, only to bump into Luka tenderly leaning into Elizabeth to whisper God knows what cheesy compliment in her ear. He actually has the nerve of looking at me as he do so. Schmuck! So much for my perky mood.
Romano is the next person I spot. Great. Out of the frying pan into the fire.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, look who's coming my way!" he cheerfully exclaims "Here she comes, Susan Lewis, our gracious new Acting Chief of Emergency services!"
"Hi Robert. Guess Kerry told you I accepted."
"No, she didn't, but I saw her ecstatic face as she was on the phone, probably with that tough firefighters of hers. Good to have you with us, the heartless bureaucrats!"
"Oh yeah, I feel so heartless as of late, Robert." Yup, I definitely wouldn't have any scruple nor second-thoughts in killing off those two Eurodocs.
"Well, let me take you to the first test for your remorseless bureaucrat conscience, Susan! Anspaugh planned a meeting to introduce you to the mixed blessings of public health management. David Morgenstern has called in sick, so I am back to my old stomping grounds, even for a day only. Upsy you go!" he says as he pushes me in an elevator.
The meeting is boring to death. Really. I think I am gonna be the first case of human auto-combustion ever medically observed. That or I am going to end up bored to death, quite literally. I squint my eyes and focus on Donald's face but his words all blur into a monotonous stream and my brain automatically tunes them out after a while. I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier so I try to concentrate on something to keep myself awake. Ok. Let's try with all the steps of a thoracotomy. Nothing. It doesn't work. Right then Robert comes to my rescue. He's sitting next to Anspaugh but he pushes himself backwards so that the surgeon can't see him. Then he starts to do all sort of funny faces behind Donald's back. I struggle to keep my face straight but it's so damn hard. I see Robert's having fun. And so am I. I'm gonna burst out into laughter soon if he doesn't stop it. I try to hold my breath and as I result I go as red as a beetroot. Donald raises an eyebrow quizzically at me. He must be thinking I am having some sort of seizures. That or I am experiencing muscular spasms. Possible diagnosis comprehends cancer too. Donald turns to his side and Robert stops in his track and scratches his head nonchalantly. He's got a damn nerve!
"Well, I think that's all. Do you have any doubts or questions, Dr. Lewis?"
I take a deep breath to try and get my breathing back to normal and as I do so a small chuckle still escapes my lips. Damn Robert!
"I am pleased to see that you found my introduction picture actually funny, Dr. Lewis. I thought I had been a bit too long perhaps but evidently you liked the speech just fine."
"I found it very interesting as well, Dr. Anspaugh. Enlightening really."
"Good. You can all go then. Let me tell you one more time that we all think you're a great add to our team, Susan. And please call me Donald. We are all on a first name basis, here."
"Thank you, Donald."
As we exit the room Robert gallantly keeps the door open for me. "You are pure devil, Robert!"
"Oh come on, you looked like you needed a bit of a cheer up!"
"Yeah, but I definitely didn't need to make a fool of me in front of Anspaugh!"
"No one found his little speech more interesting than you, you pleased him very much. Don't worry, Susan."
"If you say so."
"Listen, do you know by any chance if Elizabeth is still on tonight?"
"Nope. She went already home. Told me she had plans for dinner."
"No. Don't tell me. Let me guess, with-"
"Luka."
"-Kovac."
We say and sigh at the same time.
"I dare say your ruthlessness has much to do with those two, huh?"
I nod.
"Tell me you find them as much disturbingly disgusting as me, Susan."
"Nicely put, Robert. Couldn't have found better words to describe how I feel when I see them together myself."
"You're officially my new best buddy then."
I laugh. "You can be so funny when you don't wanna bug people, you know Robert?"
"Make a woman laugh and she'll be yours. Page two. Right after never joke on a woman's hair, dress or menstrual period."
" I am all yours."
"Well, what about dinner to my place? I was gonna ask Lizzie but you're not a bad second choice."
"I don't mind being your makeshift solution, Robert."
"Ah! Gotta love a lady that can pocket up."
I grab his arm and we start walking arm in arm "Shall we go then, Robert?"
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To say that Robert's dinner was delicious is an understatement. He really can cook. Now we're sitting in his cozy studio. He has a beautiful house, a bit too conservative for my tastes but still beautiful. I mean, the fire place, the wooden studio, the old china service in the antique glass display cabinet. A bit too old Europe for me. Bet Elizabeth loves it. We're not talking much, I guess because we're too wrapped up in our own thoughts. Luka and Elizabeth respectively. Robert gets up from his armchair and takes out a liquor from a cabinet.
"Wanna some, Susan? It's a wonderfully aged Porto, from 1989. An excellent year. A patient gave it to me as a gift when I took out a kidney-stone form him once."
"Just a tad, Robert. The best I can expect from my patients is puke, spit or feces, I am afraid."
"Can't get tired of saying I prefer my patients anesthetized."
The Porto is really excellent. I wash the glass down in a moment. Robert pours more for me and himself without asking. Conversation runs freely now. I guess the alcohol has untied our tongues and knocked down our defenses. We end up complaining about our two favorite colleagues, who seem to be in this sort of idyll as of late. The Porto flows freely as well to console us. The bottle is soon empty. Like a magician taking out a bunny from his top hat, Robert scoops out another bottle of Porto.
"Ta da! God bless recurrent calculi! That man, who happened to be in the wine trade, had to be hospitalized other three times for gallstones!"
I laugh. We finish the second bottle quickly. I try to get up but my legs are wobbly. Shit, I drank way too much. No way I'm gonna drive home like this. I'd better call a cab. Robert must have read my mind because he says "I don't think you should drive home, you can sleep, here. I have a spare bedroom upstairs. Here, let me help you." He takes my hand and gets me to my feet.
My legs are definitely too much wobbly sand I feel so lightheaded. The room suddenly starts to spin fast around me and I loose my balance. Robert catches me but our heads collide with a loud thud. We just stand there, trying to absorb the nasty blow, foreheads touching. The next thing I know we're kissing. Devouring each other more like it. Robert tastes like Porto and spices. Quite good actually. We stand on the spot and try to strip off without pulling away. Our clothes fall disorderly on the floor. I don't know how but my bra lands a bit too close to the fireplace and catches fire. Robert puts it out trampling on it and we laugh. I guess we both need to let the steam and the frustration off. We make love a bit forcefully on the quite spacious armchair. Getting laid is wonderful, I was crazy to do without it for so long. I have this gut feeling I am gonna regret this later but for the meantime I just turn off the voice of my conscience and abandon myself to the mounting feelings. As we come together he moans "Lizzie!" but I am not disappointed or hurt. I mean, it's not that I want this to be a declaration of eternal love. This is just body heat, that's what it is. Robert collapses over me and I breathe deeply to get back to my normal respiration. Robert leans off the armchair and grabs a blanket he had conveniently nearby. I fall into a dreamless sleep.
The following morning I have the mother of all hangovers and my head feels like it's about to fall off my neck. Not that I wouldn't mind it, at least this fucking headache would be over. Robert is still sleeping, naked, over me. I carefully sneak free from under him and I pick up my scattered items of clothing. Shit, my favorite bra is ruined. I get dressed quickly and get out of the house, which suddenly seems so oppressive, leaving him there.
I suddenly feel so cheap. Hell, I am a single woman, I have every right to have one night stands. Because that's definitely what I want this to be. A rather enjoyable but unrepeatable experience. I have a bitter taste in my mouth and the uncomfortable sensation I cheated on Luka. Hey, we just shared a kiss and right now he's probably hopping in Elizabeth's bed. What's wrong with my conscience today? The feeling of irreparableness doesn't leave me, though. Damage is down now.
Upcoming Damage is done now.review if you want it up faster!
"Susan! Susan! Randi, have you seen Lewis?"
Oh God, not Weaver, not now! I've just been puked, spat and peed on by two different patients in, what, ten minutes and one of Kerry's tirades isn't really what I need now. I dodge in the lounge, hoping Randi is telling her aliens have abducted me. Oh-oh, bad idea: Luka and Elizabeth are here giggling like two stupid teenagers in love. The new ER couple isn't something I can stand right now so I retreat tactically. Hell, even Kerry is better that that crap. They have been acting weirdly for the last week, conspiring and whispering in each other' s ear all the time. Hurgh, makes me wanna puke. They are attached at the hip. Every time I see them it feels like someone is stabbing me. I see Kerry approaching me and I put on a brave little soldier expression on my face.
"Kerry, are you looking for me?"
"Actually yes. Listen, I need to talk to you, privately. Can we go into the lounge?"
"Err, no, there are Elizabeth and Luka there. The drug lockup is better."
"Jeez, those two are glued together lately. Have you noticed?"
I have, Kerry, I fucking have. "So, what do you need to tell me?"
She fidgets with her hands awkwardly, almost shyly. Usually Kerry is very outspoken, I wonder what this is about. She clears her throat and whispers, raising the volume of her voice as she speaks "Uhm, this is confidential information, Susan, I haven't told anyone yet, so I hope you'll be discreet. Anyway, Sandy and I have decided to give another shot at motherhood after all and I am, err, pregnant. Fourteen weeks at the moment. Since my history I have decided that I need to cutback on my hours and rest more."
I nod "Of course, I understand, Kerry. I am so happy for you both. Congratulations." I am glad for real, I feel sympathetic with my boss for once.
"Don't jinx us, Susan." She replies sarcastically. I can see she cares about this baby so much. "Anyway, the problem is I can't carry the load of being Chief of the Emergency services anymore. I'm asking you to be Acting Chief of the Emergency services until my return from maternity leave. Robert is fine with that and it won't be long, six months at the latest. I'm asking you as a personal favor, there's no one else up to the job. Luka has never been interested in power positions and lacks the assertiveness required, Carter is too green and Chen isn't the best candidate after the mess she did when she was chief resident. So I-"
"Don't worry, Kerry. I'm glad to be able to help you."
She smiles warmly and gratefully. Oh my gosh, I'm experiencing my first Kerry-Weaver-the-human-being-as-opposed-to-the-heartless-all-business-boss! Cool! Acting Chief of Emergency services. This sounds good. My power-trip could turn out to be quite an interesting experience after all. I walk out of the drug lockup whistling cheerfully, I refrain from singing because I'm so tuneless, only to bump into Luka tenderly leaning into Elizabeth to whisper God knows what cheesy compliment in her ear. He actually has the nerve of looking at me as he do so. Schmuck! So much for my perky mood.
Romano is the next person I spot. Great. Out of the frying pan into the fire.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, look who's coming my way!" he cheerfully exclaims "Here she comes, Susan Lewis, our gracious new Acting Chief of Emergency services!"
"Hi Robert. Guess Kerry told you I accepted."
"No, she didn't, but I saw her ecstatic face as she was on the phone, probably with that tough firefighters of hers. Good to have you with us, the heartless bureaucrats!"
"Oh yeah, I feel so heartless as of late, Robert." Yup, I definitely wouldn't have any scruple nor second-thoughts in killing off those two Eurodocs.
"Well, let me take you to the first test for your remorseless bureaucrat conscience, Susan! Anspaugh planned a meeting to introduce you to the mixed blessings of public health management. David Morgenstern has called in sick, so I am back to my old stomping grounds, even for a day only. Upsy you go!" he says as he pushes me in an elevator.
The meeting is boring to death. Really. I think I am gonna be the first case of human auto-combustion ever medically observed. That or I am going to end up bored to death, quite literally. I squint my eyes and focus on Donald's face but his words all blur into a monotonous stream and my brain automatically tunes them out after a while. I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier so I try to concentrate on something to keep myself awake. Ok. Let's try with all the steps of a thoracotomy. Nothing. It doesn't work. Right then Robert comes to my rescue. He's sitting next to Anspaugh but he pushes himself backwards so that the surgeon can't see him. Then he starts to do all sort of funny faces behind Donald's back. I struggle to keep my face straight but it's so damn hard. I see Robert's having fun. And so am I. I'm gonna burst out into laughter soon if he doesn't stop it. I try to hold my breath and as I result I go as red as a beetroot. Donald raises an eyebrow quizzically at me. He must be thinking I am having some sort of seizures. That or I am experiencing muscular spasms. Possible diagnosis comprehends cancer too. Donald turns to his side and Robert stops in his track and scratches his head nonchalantly. He's got a damn nerve!
"Well, I think that's all. Do you have any doubts or questions, Dr. Lewis?"
I take a deep breath to try and get my breathing back to normal and as I do so a small chuckle still escapes my lips. Damn Robert!
"I am pleased to see that you found my introduction picture actually funny, Dr. Lewis. I thought I had been a bit too long perhaps but evidently you liked the speech just fine."
"I found it very interesting as well, Dr. Anspaugh. Enlightening really."
"Good. You can all go then. Let me tell you one more time that we all think you're a great add to our team, Susan. And please call me Donald. We are all on a first name basis, here."
"Thank you, Donald."
As we exit the room Robert gallantly keeps the door open for me. "You are pure devil, Robert!"
"Oh come on, you looked like you needed a bit of a cheer up!"
"Yeah, but I definitely didn't need to make a fool of me in front of Anspaugh!"
"No one found his little speech more interesting than you, you pleased him very much. Don't worry, Susan."
"If you say so."
"Listen, do you know by any chance if Elizabeth is still on tonight?"
"Nope. She went already home. Told me she had plans for dinner."
"No. Don't tell me. Let me guess, with-"
"Luka."
"-Kovac."
We say and sigh at the same time.
"I dare say your ruthlessness has much to do with those two, huh?"
I nod.
"Tell me you find them as much disturbingly disgusting as me, Susan."
"Nicely put, Robert. Couldn't have found better words to describe how I feel when I see them together myself."
"You're officially my new best buddy then."
I laugh. "You can be so funny when you don't wanna bug people, you know Robert?"
"Make a woman laugh and she'll be yours. Page two. Right after never joke on a woman's hair, dress or menstrual period."
" I am all yours."
"Well, what about dinner to my place? I was gonna ask Lizzie but you're not a bad second choice."
"I don't mind being your makeshift solution, Robert."
"Ah! Gotta love a lady that can pocket up."
I grab his arm and we start walking arm in arm "Shall we go then, Robert?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------
To say that Robert's dinner was delicious is an understatement. He really can cook. Now we're sitting in his cozy studio. He has a beautiful house, a bit too conservative for my tastes but still beautiful. I mean, the fire place, the wooden studio, the old china service in the antique glass display cabinet. A bit too old Europe for me. Bet Elizabeth loves it. We're not talking much, I guess because we're too wrapped up in our own thoughts. Luka and Elizabeth respectively. Robert gets up from his armchair and takes out a liquor from a cabinet.
"Wanna some, Susan? It's a wonderfully aged Porto, from 1989. An excellent year. A patient gave it to me as a gift when I took out a kidney-stone form him once."
"Just a tad, Robert. The best I can expect from my patients is puke, spit or feces, I am afraid."
"Can't get tired of saying I prefer my patients anesthetized."
The Porto is really excellent. I wash the glass down in a moment. Robert pours more for me and himself without asking. Conversation runs freely now. I guess the alcohol has untied our tongues and knocked down our defenses. We end up complaining about our two favorite colleagues, who seem to be in this sort of idyll as of late. The Porto flows freely as well to console us. The bottle is soon empty. Like a magician taking out a bunny from his top hat, Robert scoops out another bottle of Porto.
"Ta da! God bless recurrent calculi! That man, who happened to be in the wine trade, had to be hospitalized other three times for gallstones!"
I laugh. We finish the second bottle quickly. I try to get up but my legs are wobbly. Shit, I drank way too much. No way I'm gonna drive home like this. I'd better call a cab. Robert must have read my mind because he says "I don't think you should drive home, you can sleep, here. I have a spare bedroom upstairs. Here, let me help you." He takes my hand and gets me to my feet.
My legs are definitely too much wobbly sand I feel so lightheaded. The room suddenly starts to spin fast around me and I loose my balance. Robert catches me but our heads collide with a loud thud. We just stand there, trying to absorb the nasty blow, foreheads touching. The next thing I know we're kissing. Devouring each other more like it. Robert tastes like Porto and spices. Quite good actually. We stand on the spot and try to strip off without pulling away. Our clothes fall disorderly on the floor. I don't know how but my bra lands a bit too close to the fireplace and catches fire. Robert puts it out trampling on it and we laugh. I guess we both need to let the steam and the frustration off. We make love a bit forcefully on the quite spacious armchair. Getting laid is wonderful, I was crazy to do without it for so long. I have this gut feeling I am gonna regret this later but for the meantime I just turn off the voice of my conscience and abandon myself to the mounting feelings. As we come together he moans "Lizzie!" but I am not disappointed or hurt. I mean, it's not that I want this to be a declaration of eternal love. This is just body heat, that's what it is. Robert collapses over me and I breathe deeply to get back to my normal respiration. Robert leans off the armchair and grabs a blanket he had conveniently nearby. I fall into a dreamless sleep.
The following morning I have the mother of all hangovers and my head feels like it's about to fall off my neck. Not that I wouldn't mind it, at least this fucking headache would be over. Robert is still sleeping, naked, over me. I carefully sneak free from under him and I pick up my scattered items of clothing. Shit, my favorite bra is ruined. I get dressed quickly and get out of the house, which suddenly seems so oppressive, leaving him there.
I suddenly feel so cheap. Hell, I am a single woman, I have every right to have one night stands. Because that's definitely what I want this to be. A rather enjoyable but unrepeatable experience. I have a bitter taste in my mouth and the uncomfortable sensation I cheated on Luka. Hey, we just shared a kiss and right now he's probably hopping in Elizabeth's bed. What's wrong with my conscience today? The feeling of irreparableness doesn't leave me, though. Damage is down now.
Upcoming Damage is done now.review if you want it up faster!