Decisions of the Heart
Chapter Three
By Baine
Email: lady_baine@yahoo.com
Written: December 31, 2002
Posted: February 23, 2003
Summary: "So, Momo, it's time to choose. Who's
it gonna be, him or me? You can't have us both,
you know..."
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Special thanks:
Quickening—Thanks for your help with absolutely everything. You helped me with
all the little "quirks" and, well, let's face it…if you hadn't posted the
second chapter to "Artistic License," this STILL wouldn't be up. After all, a
deal IS a deal……….now write chapter three and I'll type chapter four! ::grins::
Chibi—Thanks for placing the lyrics! You rock my world :winks:
Liz—The lyrics are exactly what I wanted. You spoil me rotten….and I love you
dearly ^.~
Azurite—What can I say? You continuously amaze me! ^_^
Fin—Thanks for the title! It's been so hard to get a title for this baka story…….::sighs::
Enjoy, minna!
~~Disclaimer: Peach Girl belongs to Miwa Ueda. In the Japanese version, Kiley is really Kairi, but since
everyone knows him as "Kiley," he'll be Kiley in my fanfic ^_^
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*I'm in love with Nurse Misao…*
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"I don't believe
you, Kiley! Stop LYING to me!" Tears fill Momo's eyes as she raises her hand and slaps me. Her eyes
widen in shock momentarily, then she shakes her head
and runs off…away from me.
**************************************
I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
**************************************
I stare after her
retreating back solemnly. "I'm truly sorry, Momo.
This is all for the best, though, you'll see."
Did that really just happen? There isn't any evidence to show that Momo was
actually here…Maybe I imagined the whole incident…
But, no. I'm still clutching a worn-out photograph in
my hand. I turn it to face me and stare down into Misao
Aki's face. I run my finger over the picture, memorizing it once more.
Aki was my first love. At least, I thought she was at the time. She was the
first girl who ever saw me for myself. When I was with her, the words
"Ryo's Brother" didn't seem to be tattooed onto my forehead. She made
me feel…special.
Of course, she never did see me as anything more than a friend…I was caught in
a love triangle with her and my brother. As always, Ryo came out on top.
Truth be told, my feelings for Aki were never real. I'd had a case of puppy
love. I had been infatuated with the idea of being in love and pretended that
our friendship was something more.
Even now, it's hard to reflect upon that period of my life without
feeling nostalgic. I remember the day I found out that she was in love with
Ryo…my heart stopped beating and I felt like had bomb had exploded. Nothing
would ever be the same again. Life as I knew it had ceased to exist. From that
day forth, I promised never to give my heart to another again.
I slip the photograph into my pants pocket, not bothering to put
it back in my wallet.
**************************************
You know I'd do that for you
Why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
**************************************
I began to date around, no longer worried about preconceptions. I was coined
the school playboy. I had a date every weekend. I never showed up at an event
without a girl at my side.
Then along came Momo. In the blink of an
eye, she managed to turn my world upside down. The girl makes me
feel…indescribable. She dredges up old feelings I never intended to
reveal...even to myself. Once buried, I had expected them to stay hidden forever.
Too scared to admit all that I was feeling, I treated Momo the way I would treat any of the girls I date. Again, Momo proved to be different. She never has been one to take
my shit. Flirting, teasing, innuendo…while it kept my heart safe, it forced her
away from me. I guess I thought that by helping her get Toji,
she'd see me in a better light. In her eyes, I wouldn't be such a bad guy
anymore.
Momo has the power to hurt me. She can shred my
heart to pieces with a toss of her head. That's why I'm so afraid. I don't want
to be hurt again. As for Momo…well, she can be pretty
fickle. For the longest time, it was nothing but Toji
this and Toji that. Toji, Toji, Toji. And now she fancies
herself to have feelings for me?
She can't. If she was really ever in love with him, she wouldn't fancy herself
to have feelings for me now. If she's so unsure of herself, what's to say she
won't go back to Toji once she's seen what life with
me is like?
**************************************
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
**************************************
No, Toji is her first love, the one she's destined to
be with. I would just be the rebound boyfriend.
I finger the outline that the photograph makes in my pants pocket.
Today I made her cry. Me, Okayasu Kiley.
I had that effect on her.
She may cry now, but tomorrow she'll be back in Toji's arms…where she belongs.
I don't know. Maybe I screwed everything up. I mean, maybe what Momo said was the truth. Maybe she really has put Toji behind her. Maybe it is me she's interested in now.
…Or maybe I'm just letting my heart think she would really choose
me to soften the blow.
I walk downtown aimlessly, ignoring the people who pass me by, not
even taking note of the small boutiques that line the street. There used to be
a time that I would walk these streets and walk on any pretty girl with
breasts. Not now. Not today. Instead of seeing pretty girls, all I can see is
her.
**************************************
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
**************************************
The girl selling sushi on the sidewalk has Momo's
tan. The woman walking in front of me has her hair. Wu Annie blows a kiss from
a life-size poster on the bus that passes by on the street.
Even this celebrity reminds me of Momo.
With an image of her torso stretching from the back of the bus to the front of
it, Wu-sama lies languidly on a beach blanket. A
sultry pout accentuates her face as her hair spreads around her as though it's
being blown by the wind. She may not look like Momo,
but she has the same poise. Her attitude is reminiscent of Momo's.
Even the old man on a park bench reminds me of her as he shakes
his fist at a couple of kids who are aggravating him. Momo
always shook her fist at me like that.
I come to a stop in the middle of the town square.
Even though it's the end of September and the days are growing
colder, the fountain hasn't been turned off. Water still cascades in an elegant
arc, making a bubbly sound as it hits the basin of the fountain.
A mother hands her two small children some yen, which they clutch
to their chests as they close their eyes and make a wish before throwing the
coins into the fountain.
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Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
**************************************
If only life were that simple. If only I could wish for the fountain to rinse
away my insecurities and remove the sticky veil that clings to my eyes.
I brush off the dirt that lines the fountain's base and sit down.
I stare at my reflection dancing on the water's surface. Worry lines stretch
across my face and my mouth is puckered in an unbecoming fashion. I force
myself to smile, but it comes out as a grimace.
I long to reach my hand into the water and create a
disturbance that will cause my reflection to break up. I clutch my hands
together and hold them in my lap as I watch the thinning crowd of people pass
me by.
I sit all afternoon, even after the sky begins to gray and darken.
The crowd that was milling through the town square has dissipated; few people
remain in the vicinity.
I replay the day's conversation with Momo in my mind
for what feels like the millionth time and curse at myself for being so rash. Momo had seemed so sincere…and her tears definitely
couldn't have been faked. I had made her cry. Again.
Deep down, I know Momo will be happier
with Toji in the long run. He's good for her. He can
take care of her better than I ever could. That's why I keep pushing her back
to him, even though it tears me apart to do so.
My heart is selfish. I want to keep Momo
to myself, even though I know that I'll never cause her anything but turmoil.
So far I've been strong enough to resist my own heart.
**************************************
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
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And in that instant…I know.
All this time I've thought that Momo has
been running from her heart…only to realize that it's been me who has been
running all this time. I've been too afraid of admitting to myself how much I
care for her because I don't want her to stomp on my heart.
I fabricated my feelings for Aki, drawing on emotions I never
truly had to begin with. I lied to Momo and showed
her my 'evidence' to ward her off…and it worked.
Momo is gone. After this, there's no way she'll
ever forgive me. To her, I no longer exist. She is no longer a part of my life.
She never will be again. All because I'm too afraid of
getting hurt.
I look up at the darkening sky and allow the chilly autumn breeze
to caress my face.
**************************************
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
**************************************
This is for the best. It really is. She'll go back to him. They belong
together, like Romeo and Juliet. No, wait…Bad example.
They're more like Ken and Barbie. The prince and princess will be reunited and
they'll live happily ever after.
Momo isn't the right girl for me. She deserves the
prince, not the pauper.
I sigh wistfully and look down at my darkening reflection once
more. "Well, Kiley, my boy…It's time to move on."
I shake my head at the sorrowful look on my reflection's face.
"This is what happens when you let a girl into your heart. Either way, you end
up hurt."
**************************************
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
**************************************
I pull myself from the base of the fountain and stand up. It really is getting
late. Who knows what kind of wackos will come out of
the word work once the sun has set?
My foot grinds against a rock on the ground. I bend over and pick
it up. It's small and gray. I throw it into the fountain, watching with pleasure
as my reflection dissipates into a thousand ripples.
Being noble can be awfully bittersweet. This is for the best. From
now on, I have to pretend that she doesn't exist. She'll get the hint soon
enough.
I finger the picture in my pocket once more. It's time to put the
past behind me and look to the future. It's time to go home.
**************************************
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?
**************************************
**Note: Wu Annie is the actress who plays Momo's
character (sketch, really) in the Taiwanese Drama of "Peach Girl." ::grins::
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Finished December 31, 2002
Song: ~"Running Away," Hoobastank~
(Like it? Hate it? I'm the one to talk to! Email lady_baine@yahoo.com today!)
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BAINE
*:. . *