Chapter 6: First day of DADA
Professor Moldy stood outside in the courtyard, feeling alone. It was five am, and he couldn't go back to sleep. He had been thinking about what that boy, Harry had said. Moldy paced around the yard like he was a mad scientist, and he still couldn't figure out why Harry had scared him so much. Was Harry a homo, or was he just a weird kid that blurts out things that he doesn't mean? Maybe I'm a homophobe, Moldy thought. He suddenly caught sight of a very tired professor Sculder trudging across the field. "Are you alright? You look like you haven't slept in ten years, Sculder."
"Uh huh," Sculder replied.
"What happened in your house?"
"The kids were going crazy. So this one guy, Drako Malfoy, came up to me and led me down to the dungeons and showed me all these drugs that belonged to the dark lord, and, and, and . . ."
"It's okay." Moldy put his arm around Sculder, who was now crying because of her lack of sleep and horrible encounters. "I'm here, and the kids won't bother me."
In only an hour or so, the students began to arrive, and Moldy and Sculder began to teach, even though they had never done such a thing like this in their lives. Moldy took out his new wand and aimed at a tree, "Conspiracy torso!" The tree lit up with amazing colour and died. "Now you try," Moldy instructed.
He saw the children's failed attempt at the 'conspiracy torso' trick. He sighed. Sculder spoke up, "here's something a bit easier: ALIEN AUTOPSY!" Sculder raised her wand at the sky and down came a UFO. The class cheered.
"How about THIS?" Moldy asked, "XXX PORN!" A naked Dumbledore appeared in the clouds. The crowd oohed and awed.
"You wanna go, punk?" Sculder yelled at Moldy.
"Sure, you clit-licking daughter of a bastard!" Moldy shouted.
"ALIEN COCK!" Sculder screamed.
But Moldy blocked the attack with, "PETER PAN PUSSY!"
"GIGANTIC FRENCH ABDUCTION!" That one hit Moldy hard.
He got up quickly and yelled, "CONSPIRACY HOMOSEXUAL!"
But Sculder counteracted it with, "CONSPIRACY HETEROSEXUAL!"
Their little battle went on and on for about three hours, and by then their class had become much larger than it was originally. Moldy and Sculder suddenly looked around, seeing that they had just wasted three hours battling each other in front of small impressionable children. But it was too late to clean up their acts, for along came Dumbledore to settle their little battle.
"Fight the future!" Dumbledore cried, making everything transform back to their original form. He looked toward the two meddling professors, with an evil glint in his eye. "Professors. I will not tolerate such actions! All DADA classes are postponed until next Thursday."
Moldy and Sculder looked at each other in awe. "Dumbledore, sir, can I get an opinion in?" Moldy asked.
"Yes."
"Sir, what you just said -now let me put this exactly as I feel- was utter and complete BULLSHIT!"
"You know what Moldy. I think it's great you have an opinion of your own. You may scrub the toilets for the next three weeks, and no supper for the next five days."
"Kiss my ass!"
Then the kids chimed in, "Yeah! Kiss his ass!" Then they all began to chant, "Kiss his ass! Kiss his ass! Kiss his ass!" over and over again until Dumbledore literally got up on stage and professor Moldy let him kiss his ass.
It was an amazing session, seeing their headmaster kiss a grown man's behind. The students were very intrigued by this act of homosexuality. And to tell the truth, it turned Harry Potter on.
End of Chapter 6
=== Normally I would say something about squishing Scully, but I just want to say I'm sorry for spelling 'Draco' wrong. I've learned. ===
Professor Moldy stood outside in the courtyard, feeling alone. It was five am, and he couldn't go back to sleep. He had been thinking about what that boy, Harry had said. Moldy paced around the yard like he was a mad scientist, and he still couldn't figure out why Harry had scared him so much. Was Harry a homo, or was he just a weird kid that blurts out things that he doesn't mean? Maybe I'm a homophobe, Moldy thought. He suddenly caught sight of a very tired professor Sculder trudging across the field. "Are you alright? You look like you haven't slept in ten years, Sculder."
"Uh huh," Sculder replied.
"What happened in your house?"
"The kids were going crazy. So this one guy, Drako Malfoy, came up to me and led me down to the dungeons and showed me all these drugs that belonged to the dark lord, and, and, and . . ."
"It's okay." Moldy put his arm around Sculder, who was now crying because of her lack of sleep and horrible encounters. "I'm here, and the kids won't bother me."
In only an hour or so, the students began to arrive, and Moldy and Sculder began to teach, even though they had never done such a thing like this in their lives. Moldy took out his new wand and aimed at a tree, "Conspiracy torso!" The tree lit up with amazing colour and died. "Now you try," Moldy instructed.
He saw the children's failed attempt at the 'conspiracy torso' trick. He sighed. Sculder spoke up, "here's something a bit easier: ALIEN AUTOPSY!" Sculder raised her wand at the sky and down came a UFO. The class cheered.
"How about THIS?" Moldy asked, "XXX PORN!" A naked Dumbledore appeared in the clouds. The crowd oohed and awed.
"You wanna go, punk?" Sculder yelled at Moldy.
"Sure, you clit-licking daughter of a bastard!" Moldy shouted.
"ALIEN COCK!" Sculder screamed.
But Moldy blocked the attack with, "PETER PAN PUSSY!"
"GIGANTIC FRENCH ABDUCTION!" That one hit Moldy hard.
He got up quickly and yelled, "CONSPIRACY HOMOSEXUAL!"
But Sculder counteracted it with, "CONSPIRACY HETEROSEXUAL!"
Their little battle went on and on for about three hours, and by then their class had become much larger than it was originally. Moldy and Sculder suddenly looked around, seeing that they had just wasted three hours battling each other in front of small impressionable children. But it was too late to clean up their acts, for along came Dumbledore to settle their little battle.
"Fight the future!" Dumbledore cried, making everything transform back to their original form. He looked toward the two meddling professors, with an evil glint in his eye. "Professors. I will not tolerate such actions! All DADA classes are postponed until next Thursday."
Moldy and Sculder looked at each other in awe. "Dumbledore, sir, can I get an opinion in?" Moldy asked.
"Yes."
"Sir, what you just said -now let me put this exactly as I feel- was utter and complete BULLSHIT!"
"You know what Moldy. I think it's great you have an opinion of your own. You may scrub the toilets for the next three weeks, and no supper for the next five days."
"Kiss my ass!"
Then the kids chimed in, "Yeah! Kiss his ass!" Then they all began to chant, "Kiss his ass! Kiss his ass! Kiss his ass!" over and over again until Dumbledore literally got up on stage and professor Moldy let him kiss his ass.
It was an amazing session, seeing their headmaster kiss a grown man's behind. The students were very intrigued by this act of homosexuality. And to tell the truth, it turned Harry Potter on.
End of Chapter 6
=== Normally I would say something about squishing Scully, but I just want to say I'm sorry for spelling 'Draco' wrong. I've learned. ===