So much for 'Far too soon for your liking.' But the server failure gave me
time to work, so here is Chapter 3:
* * *
Rincewind sat down in the library, and, making sure no one was there, pulled the armor out of the bag he had kept it in. He examined the gloves first. They appeared normal enough, except for that hole in the wrist that shot rope. He put on and curved his hand back slowly. A piece of rope shot out and wrapped itself around a ladder used for reaching the higher books. Well, at least he had gotten used to that. He wiggled his fingers, and rays of light fantastic shot out the end. So far so good. He put the glove back in the bag and pulled out a boot. They looked normal enough, too, with the exception of small circular indentation on the heel. Rincewind picked up the glove again, and noticed a ring on one finger. He put it on and willed it to do something. It shot out a ball of purple light, which suddenly assumed the form of a sandwich. Rincewind, who had been absentmindedly thinking of lunch, stared at it in astonishment. He tried a bowl of soup, a book, and a crossbow, which shot an effervescent arrow into a bookcase. Rincewind took the glove off and stuffed it back in the bag. The Luggage, uncaring of the affairs of Men, obediently got up and followed Rincewind out the door. Rincewind knew what he had to do. He was going to sell the armor and be done with it. * * *
There was a binging noise. Zaxton put down his copy of the Times and looked expectantly at Hex, which was sketching out blueprints, followed by a piece of paper with an incantation on it. Zaxton looked both over critically and then smiled "Excellent," he said, and walked hurriedly out of the room, pushing the golem along in front of him. He wanted to catch the seventh dinner course. * * *
Twoflower and his daughters came to a stop in front of an inn on the outskirts of Ankh-Morpork. "We'll sleep here tonight," explained Twoflower, " and tomorrow we'll find Rincewind." * * *
Rincewind was still, technically, a student wiz(z)ard, and decided to see if his dorm room was still empty before he left in the morning. He walked into the main building and eventually found it. He put his ear to the door. There were voices, and he turned to leave, but their heartfelt conversation caught his attention. "This Professor Zaxton guy creeps me out." "Yeah, me too. He looks like he drinks alum to start the day." "And his weird ideas about Magical Implements. I tell you this guy isn't all there." Rincewind pulled his ear away from the door and thought. He had never much liked Magical Implements class. True, Magical Implements were the only magical items he could operate, but they still scared him. And no one was called Professor- it hadn't been used for years! Rincewind went back to the library, steeped in thought. * * *
Across Ankh-Morpork, a buggy was pulling into the city. It held three occupants, and one of them was complaining. "Mom, why do we have to do this? I was almost certain I could call up a spirit right this time!" "Eric, we have been through this before. Your father's business meeting is in Ankh-Morpork, and we have to go with him." "Uh-Huh," said the third figure, which was busily re-reading the speech he had made for the meeting. The buggy rumbled off into the city. Eric sighed. Life was like that- nothing was fair. He had learned that, if nothing else, from Rincewind. * * *
The next day dawned bright and clear, over a period of several hours. The first people on the streets- related to us, of course; some people never leave the streets- were Twoflower and his increasingly rebellious daughters. "Come on, father, we need breakfast!" "But Rincewind is probably up and about making the world a better place already!" They rounded a corner and nearly collided with a teenage boy whose face looked not unlike the surface of the Moon. "Oh, sorry about that sir," he said, and made to leave. "Excuse me," said Twoflower to Eric's retreating back, " We were looking for a nice man named Rincewind- do you know where he lives, by chance?" Eric turned around suddenly, and- seemingly in compensation- stared at them for several seconds with a slew of emotions vying for facial expression before choking out "Rincewind lives HERE!?" "Why yes." "I always knew this was a City of Sin, but you mean actual demons live in Ankh-Morpork!?" Twoflower became stern. "Now see here, Rincewind is a good friend of mine. You are NOT to go calling him a demon, you hear! He's a wizard, and a good one!" Eric's face collapsed into complete anarchy at this point. "So what he told me WAS true- he's not a demon!" Eric now looked embarrassed. "What on the Disc would have made you think that?" Eric thought for a moment, and then his eye caught on Butterfly. She was about his age, and he suddenly realized she was probably the prettiest thing he had ever seen in person. She would be horrified to hear he had called up Rincewind instead of a Succubus or a gift-bestowing demon[1]. He viewed a mental picture of himself and realized that she probably already was horrified. He decided to avoid the actual story and add a layer of pearl to the grain of grit by shrouding it in mystery. "It's a long and complicated story. We were both nearly killed several times, and I'd rather not talk about it. Come on, we can look for him together." If nothing else, Eric was glad he had not stayed in the hotel room. * * *
"Dere you go- dat'll be thirty dollars." Zaxton took the gloves, boots and helmet from the troll and pressed the money into his hand. He walked out of the black smith's smiling an evil grin. As soon as he had the golem outfitted with some devices of his own design, Ankh-Morpork was going to either cooperate or fall. The decision was Vetinari's * * *
"Get your sausages! Get your breakfast sausages inna bun! Get 'em while they're hot!" That would have to have been when they were still part of whatever animal Dibbler had culled them from, and, as most of the Ankh- Morpork population knew that, he wasn't doing too well that morning. Suddenly, a figure, followed by a chest with many tiny legs ran up to him, holding a bag that clinked as he ran. The figure stood there panting for a while and then straightened up. "Morning, Throat!" "Who are you?" "Rincewind. Listen, I have something to sell you." "That's my job, Mr. Wind." "Now, look here." Rincewind pulled out some pieces of the armor. "Listen, I have here some armor that will-" "Are you going to buy a sausage?" "No. Now listen, this-" "Then go away. Get your hot sausage! Get your hot breakfast sausage inna bun!" Rincewind walked away. He was burdened with useless armor that had the ability to make a man a- a- a Super-Hero! And in his hands it was a useful as a life raft in the desert. Rincewind walked away. He was going to abandon this junk in an alley and forget the whole thing. * * *
Back in Unseen University, Professor Zaxton hummed quietly as he affixed the combination sand-blaster/fire launcher to the golem's left hand. He tightened the bolts and moved to the right hand, where he bolted on the crossbow. He put on the helmet and tapped on the golem to see if- yes, the hearing transmission mechanism worked. Plinks clinked in his ears. Perfect. Taking off the helmet, he sat down and briefly looked over the Chem, which, in summary, said: If it moves, sandblast it. If it is not killed or does not run away, shoot warning shots. If it persists or attacks You, go at it with Flames and Arrows. Satisfied, Zaxton opened the top of the golem's head and dropped the Chem inside. "Hello, Psedosoldier. I am Professor Zaxton, your master and creator. Do you understand? "Yes, Professor Zaxton." Zaxton had been forced to give the golem a voice as there was no room for its usual slate board of communication. "Excellent!" cried Zaxton ecstatically, then, to himself, "Whom do I kidnap for bait?" * * *
There you go, the third installment- R&R!
The Shadow
P.S.- Could someone please explain to me why the list of Discworld books inside the front cover has "Eric" as written with Josh Kirby? Did he win a contest or something? Or is he one of Mr. Pratchett's friends? ----------------------- [1] A seductive female demon and most of the Hells' political force, respectively. See "Eric"
Rincewind sat down in the library, and, making sure no one was there, pulled the armor out of the bag he had kept it in. He examined the gloves first. They appeared normal enough, except for that hole in the wrist that shot rope. He put on and curved his hand back slowly. A piece of rope shot out and wrapped itself around a ladder used for reaching the higher books. Well, at least he had gotten used to that. He wiggled his fingers, and rays of light fantastic shot out the end. So far so good. He put the glove back in the bag and pulled out a boot. They looked normal enough, too, with the exception of small circular indentation on the heel. Rincewind picked up the glove again, and noticed a ring on one finger. He put it on and willed it to do something. It shot out a ball of purple light, which suddenly assumed the form of a sandwich. Rincewind, who had been absentmindedly thinking of lunch, stared at it in astonishment. He tried a bowl of soup, a book, and a crossbow, which shot an effervescent arrow into a bookcase. Rincewind took the glove off and stuffed it back in the bag. The Luggage, uncaring of the affairs of Men, obediently got up and followed Rincewind out the door. Rincewind knew what he had to do. He was going to sell the armor and be done with it. * * *
There was a binging noise. Zaxton put down his copy of the Times and looked expectantly at Hex, which was sketching out blueprints, followed by a piece of paper with an incantation on it. Zaxton looked both over critically and then smiled "Excellent," he said, and walked hurriedly out of the room, pushing the golem along in front of him. He wanted to catch the seventh dinner course. * * *
Twoflower and his daughters came to a stop in front of an inn on the outskirts of Ankh-Morpork. "We'll sleep here tonight," explained Twoflower, " and tomorrow we'll find Rincewind." * * *
Rincewind was still, technically, a student wiz(z)ard, and decided to see if his dorm room was still empty before he left in the morning. He walked into the main building and eventually found it. He put his ear to the door. There were voices, and he turned to leave, but their heartfelt conversation caught his attention. "This Professor Zaxton guy creeps me out." "Yeah, me too. He looks like he drinks alum to start the day." "And his weird ideas about Magical Implements. I tell you this guy isn't all there." Rincewind pulled his ear away from the door and thought. He had never much liked Magical Implements class. True, Magical Implements were the only magical items he could operate, but they still scared him. And no one was called Professor- it hadn't been used for years! Rincewind went back to the library, steeped in thought. * * *
Across Ankh-Morpork, a buggy was pulling into the city. It held three occupants, and one of them was complaining. "Mom, why do we have to do this? I was almost certain I could call up a spirit right this time!" "Eric, we have been through this before. Your father's business meeting is in Ankh-Morpork, and we have to go with him." "Uh-Huh," said the third figure, which was busily re-reading the speech he had made for the meeting. The buggy rumbled off into the city. Eric sighed. Life was like that- nothing was fair. He had learned that, if nothing else, from Rincewind. * * *
The next day dawned bright and clear, over a period of several hours. The first people on the streets- related to us, of course; some people never leave the streets- were Twoflower and his increasingly rebellious daughters. "Come on, father, we need breakfast!" "But Rincewind is probably up and about making the world a better place already!" They rounded a corner and nearly collided with a teenage boy whose face looked not unlike the surface of the Moon. "Oh, sorry about that sir," he said, and made to leave. "Excuse me," said Twoflower to Eric's retreating back, " We were looking for a nice man named Rincewind- do you know where he lives, by chance?" Eric turned around suddenly, and- seemingly in compensation- stared at them for several seconds with a slew of emotions vying for facial expression before choking out "Rincewind lives HERE!?" "Why yes." "I always knew this was a City of Sin, but you mean actual demons live in Ankh-Morpork!?" Twoflower became stern. "Now see here, Rincewind is a good friend of mine. You are NOT to go calling him a demon, you hear! He's a wizard, and a good one!" Eric's face collapsed into complete anarchy at this point. "So what he told me WAS true- he's not a demon!" Eric now looked embarrassed. "What on the Disc would have made you think that?" Eric thought for a moment, and then his eye caught on Butterfly. She was about his age, and he suddenly realized she was probably the prettiest thing he had ever seen in person. She would be horrified to hear he had called up Rincewind instead of a Succubus or a gift-bestowing demon[1]. He viewed a mental picture of himself and realized that she probably already was horrified. He decided to avoid the actual story and add a layer of pearl to the grain of grit by shrouding it in mystery. "It's a long and complicated story. We were both nearly killed several times, and I'd rather not talk about it. Come on, we can look for him together." If nothing else, Eric was glad he had not stayed in the hotel room. * * *
"Dere you go- dat'll be thirty dollars." Zaxton took the gloves, boots and helmet from the troll and pressed the money into his hand. He walked out of the black smith's smiling an evil grin. As soon as he had the golem outfitted with some devices of his own design, Ankh-Morpork was going to either cooperate or fall. The decision was Vetinari's * * *
"Get your sausages! Get your breakfast sausages inna bun! Get 'em while they're hot!" That would have to have been when they were still part of whatever animal Dibbler had culled them from, and, as most of the Ankh- Morpork population knew that, he wasn't doing too well that morning. Suddenly, a figure, followed by a chest with many tiny legs ran up to him, holding a bag that clinked as he ran. The figure stood there panting for a while and then straightened up. "Morning, Throat!" "Who are you?" "Rincewind. Listen, I have something to sell you." "That's my job, Mr. Wind." "Now, look here." Rincewind pulled out some pieces of the armor. "Listen, I have here some armor that will-" "Are you going to buy a sausage?" "No. Now listen, this-" "Then go away. Get your hot sausage! Get your hot breakfast sausage inna bun!" Rincewind walked away. He was burdened with useless armor that had the ability to make a man a- a- a Super-Hero! And in his hands it was a useful as a life raft in the desert. Rincewind walked away. He was going to abandon this junk in an alley and forget the whole thing. * * *
Back in Unseen University, Professor Zaxton hummed quietly as he affixed the combination sand-blaster/fire launcher to the golem's left hand. He tightened the bolts and moved to the right hand, where he bolted on the crossbow. He put on the helmet and tapped on the golem to see if- yes, the hearing transmission mechanism worked. Plinks clinked in his ears. Perfect. Taking off the helmet, he sat down and briefly looked over the Chem, which, in summary, said: If it moves, sandblast it. If it is not killed or does not run away, shoot warning shots. If it persists or attacks You, go at it with Flames and Arrows. Satisfied, Zaxton opened the top of the golem's head and dropped the Chem inside. "Hello, Psedosoldier. I am Professor Zaxton, your master and creator. Do you understand? "Yes, Professor Zaxton." Zaxton had been forced to give the golem a voice as there was no room for its usual slate board of communication. "Excellent!" cried Zaxton ecstatically, then, to himself, "Whom do I kidnap for bait?" * * *
There you go, the third installment- R&R!
The Shadow
P.S.- Could someone please explain to me why the list of Discworld books inside the front cover has "Eric" as written with Josh Kirby? Did he win a contest or something? Or is he one of Mr. Pratchett's friends? ----------------------- [1] A seductive female demon and most of the Hells' political force, respectively. See "Eric"