I laugh in the face of server failures! The fourth installment lives!
* * *
"And this is Unseen University"
Eric manages to look away from Butterfly long enough to look over the mess of random, physics-defying buildings that were Unseen University.
"This is the Tower of Art. It is rumored to be the oldest building on the Disc."
"How do you know all this Mr. Twoflower?"
"Rincewind is a wonderful tour guide. I tell you, he's a great man." * * *
The Disc's Best Tour Guide walked into the back entrance to the library and greeted the librarian.
"Hello."
"Ook."
"Oh, this is the reason I came."
Rincewind took some of the armor out of the bag and put it on.
"It's hero armor. See."
He shot a ball of light fantastic into a blank piece of wall.
"Eek!"
"Sorry. Anyway, I was wondering if the university needs-"
"Ook!"
"I thought as much."
Rincewind was going to find the nearest ally and forget this whole thing, Guaranteed. * * *
Zaxton looked out through his periscope stuck through the escape hatch on the top of the tower of art. His lair was ready. Wizards, by instinct, build towers to protect themselves. Magical Implementers, by instinct, commandeer things and places they need and fill them with Magical Implements. Zaxton had several finished, the biggest of which was Pseudosoldier. He looked around the base of the tower. Coming out of the university was some idiot wearing a complete suit of armor minus the helmet, being followed by a suitcase on legs. Zaxton was surprised.
The Luggages were rare, and found only in the Counterweight Continent. Still, it would make an interesting showpiece. He had the sort of chain that would hold it; he would have to wake them up. Around the base of the tower was a group of individuals who seemed to be posing for one another's picture boxes. Coming out about a hundred yards behind the armor idiot was the big ape that Zaxton had learned was the Librarian. He had a bunch of bananas under his arm and one in his hand. Ah, so it was lunchtime! Zaxton picked up his ham sandwich, took a bite, and resumed watching. The halfwit they called the Bursar had now emerged from the university. Zaxton counted the people on the ground. Seven, plus a souvenir. Yes, seven should be and adequate number of hostages to begin with.
"Pseudosoldier- Arm! Prepare for manual control!"
Zaxton took another bite of sandwich and started putting on the control armor.
This would be good.
* * *
"Alright, everyone smile." Eric focused his picture box and pushed the button. "Okay, You can move now.
"Hello, Everyone!" The Bursar and the Librarian walked up. "I'm the Bursar, and this is the Librarian! So, what do you think of our establishment?"
"Oh, I think it's fantastic," gushed Butterfly. "Such wonderful architecture, such glorious knowledge! The future at our fingertips!"
"The world is a better place for it," added Lotus Blossom.
"Is the Tower of Art really the oldest building on the disc?"
"Some think so-" the Bursar was cut of by the Librarian, who was screaming and flapping wildly.
"Oh yes, the Librarian says there is a-"
A blast of sand shot over their heads and hit the Bursar, sending him flying backwards. The librarian jumped on Pseudosoldier, which simply picked his off and threw his about twenty feet into a tree. * * *
Rincewind cursed as he struggled to get the gloves off. Suddenly, he heard screams. Peering around the corner of the Library, his eyes immediately came to rest of the golem, which had just sent the Librarian flying into a tree. Rincewind very quickly leaned back.
Wait a second. . .
Wasn't that Twoflower? And ERIC!? No, it couldn't be. He snuck another peek. It was them! And Twoflower's daughters, Butterfly and Lotus Blossom. And they were being tossed around by a clay man armed with- he looked again- a crossbow, a sandblaster, and a flamethrower. Rincewind subscribed to one school of thought for self-preservation:
Run away.
It was a simple as that, and even then he sometimes had trouble making decisions. He wanted to live, and every friend he had in this world was in serious danger. But, he had a card up his sleeve.
A suit of magic armor he'd actually had time to figure out beforehand. AND it worked in COLOR.
Rincewind put on the helmet, and the crosshairs and numbers came back. He looked at himself: He was dressed in wizard's robes underneath a chest plate. His hat had been folded down under the helmet, and he looked like a complete idiot. Okay.
He crept out from behind the building again. The Librarian was having another go, and the golem's back was turned. Rincewind fired the biggest ball of light fantastic he could call up into the back of the golem. . .
. . .Which had a container of oil strapped to it for flamethrower purposes. There was a terrific explosion, and in that time Rincewind had laser fingered it, blasted it again, mentally conjured up a bomb from an octarine ball and thrown it at the golem, and shot some ropes out of his wrists which wrapped themselves around the golem tightly. The Luggage, which had been standing behind Rincewind and watching with interest, took a flying leap and landed on Pseudosoldier, which snapped without difficulty out of the ropes and tossed it aside. This looked bad. Rincewind wished he could fly, and perhaps smash the golem with an aerial attack. He willed himself to fly. And he did. The boots shot out blasts of octarine that slowly but surely lifted Rincewind off the ground. He rose and rose. Level with the roof of the Tower of Art, he angled down, and-
Was smashed aside, boots flaring, into the base of the Tower of Art. Zaxton grinned. Rincewind got unsurely to his feet. Twoflower, who had been watching the Luggage and the Librarian fight with the golem, turned to him.
"Who are you?"
"I'm . . . err, . . . I'm- I'm Magic Man!"
"Well, I wish the best of luck, and, err, your boot is on fire."
Rincewind looked down. His left boot was shooting out blasts of octarine and smoking. Suddenly, it gushed a full blast and picked Rincewind up, threw his back down, and sent him skidding, face down, full tilt across the university grounds. He slammed into Pseudosoldier, knocking it over and, gaining speed, lifted off the ground, fell again, lifted, fell. The boot was growing hot. Rincewind's skips were growing longer and higher, and he soared over the university wall. He hit the cobblestones outside and was suddenly airborne over Ankh-Morpork. He hit the ground again so hard the armor threw up sparks, and then he crashed into a row of houses, and crashed through the roof of one, and was now higher than ever, and still accelerating. He was five stories up, and-
Oh gods.
The patrician's palace loomed up from the city like a boulder in a pond. Rincewind swerved, but not in time, and-
There was a noise like a bomb explosion.
* * *
Pseudosoldier struck the Librarian to the ground one last time. It looked up, and Zaxton saw a plume of dust rising up from the Patrician's palace. It cleared quickly, and Zaxton saw a small hole in the side of the building.
"Don't tell me- that idiot couldn't possibly have survived!"
He grinned. The city's last defense had fallen.
Pseudosoldier lowered its crossbow, and, after looking around to make sure no one was watching, led the defeated band into the Tower of Art. Zaxton never noticed the two figures scuttling away. * * *
Well, here's chapter four. And there's plenty more where that came from!
The Shadow
* * *
"And this is Unseen University"
Eric manages to look away from Butterfly long enough to look over the mess of random, physics-defying buildings that were Unseen University.
"This is the Tower of Art. It is rumored to be the oldest building on the Disc."
"How do you know all this Mr. Twoflower?"
"Rincewind is a wonderful tour guide. I tell you, he's a great man." * * *
The Disc's Best Tour Guide walked into the back entrance to the library and greeted the librarian.
"Hello."
"Ook."
"Oh, this is the reason I came."
Rincewind took some of the armor out of the bag and put it on.
"It's hero armor. See."
He shot a ball of light fantastic into a blank piece of wall.
"Eek!"
"Sorry. Anyway, I was wondering if the university needs-"
"Ook!"
"I thought as much."
Rincewind was going to find the nearest ally and forget this whole thing, Guaranteed. * * *
Zaxton looked out through his periscope stuck through the escape hatch on the top of the tower of art. His lair was ready. Wizards, by instinct, build towers to protect themselves. Magical Implementers, by instinct, commandeer things and places they need and fill them with Magical Implements. Zaxton had several finished, the biggest of which was Pseudosoldier. He looked around the base of the tower. Coming out of the university was some idiot wearing a complete suit of armor minus the helmet, being followed by a suitcase on legs. Zaxton was surprised.
The Luggages were rare, and found only in the Counterweight Continent. Still, it would make an interesting showpiece. He had the sort of chain that would hold it; he would have to wake them up. Around the base of the tower was a group of individuals who seemed to be posing for one another's picture boxes. Coming out about a hundred yards behind the armor idiot was the big ape that Zaxton had learned was the Librarian. He had a bunch of bananas under his arm and one in his hand. Ah, so it was lunchtime! Zaxton picked up his ham sandwich, took a bite, and resumed watching. The halfwit they called the Bursar had now emerged from the university. Zaxton counted the people on the ground. Seven, plus a souvenir. Yes, seven should be and adequate number of hostages to begin with.
"Pseudosoldier- Arm! Prepare for manual control!"
Zaxton took another bite of sandwich and started putting on the control armor.
This would be good.
* * *
"Alright, everyone smile." Eric focused his picture box and pushed the button. "Okay, You can move now.
"Hello, Everyone!" The Bursar and the Librarian walked up. "I'm the Bursar, and this is the Librarian! So, what do you think of our establishment?"
"Oh, I think it's fantastic," gushed Butterfly. "Such wonderful architecture, such glorious knowledge! The future at our fingertips!"
"The world is a better place for it," added Lotus Blossom.
"Is the Tower of Art really the oldest building on the disc?"
"Some think so-" the Bursar was cut of by the Librarian, who was screaming and flapping wildly.
"Oh yes, the Librarian says there is a-"
A blast of sand shot over their heads and hit the Bursar, sending him flying backwards. The librarian jumped on Pseudosoldier, which simply picked his off and threw his about twenty feet into a tree. * * *
Rincewind cursed as he struggled to get the gloves off. Suddenly, he heard screams. Peering around the corner of the Library, his eyes immediately came to rest of the golem, which had just sent the Librarian flying into a tree. Rincewind very quickly leaned back.
Wait a second. . .
Wasn't that Twoflower? And ERIC!? No, it couldn't be. He snuck another peek. It was them! And Twoflower's daughters, Butterfly and Lotus Blossom. And they were being tossed around by a clay man armed with- he looked again- a crossbow, a sandblaster, and a flamethrower. Rincewind subscribed to one school of thought for self-preservation:
Run away.
It was a simple as that, and even then he sometimes had trouble making decisions. He wanted to live, and every friend he had in this world was in serious danger. But, he had a card up his sleeve.
A suit of magic armor he'd actually had time to figure out beforehand. AND it worked in COLOR.
Rincewind put on the helmet, and the crosshairs and numbers came back. He looked at himself: He was dressed in wizard's robes underneath a chest plate. His hat had been folded down under the helmet, and he looked like a complete idiot. Okay.
He crept out from behind the building again. The Librarian was having another go, and the golem's back was turned. Rincewind fired the biggest ball of light fantastic he could call up into the back of the golem. . .
. . .Which had a container of oil strapped to it for flamethrower purposes. There was a terrific explosion, and in that time Rincewind had laser fingered it, blasted it again, mentally conjured up a bomb from an octarine ball and thrown it at the golem, and shot some ropes out of his wrists which wrapped themselves around the golem tightly. The Luggage, which had been standing behind Rincewind and watching with interest, took a flying leap and landed on Pseudosoldier, which snapped without difficulty out of the ropes and tossed it aside. This looked bad. Rincewind wished he could fly, and perhaps smash the golem with an aerial attack. He willed himself to fly. And he did. The boots shot out blasts of octarine that slowly but surely lifted Rincewind off the ground. He rose and rose. Level with the roof of the Tower of Art, he angled down, and-
Was smashed aside, boots flaring, into the base of the Tower of Art. Zaxton grinned. Rincewind got unsurely to his feet. Twoflower, who had been watching the Luggage and the Librarian fight with the golem, turned to him.
"Who are you?"
"I'm . . . err, . . . I'm- I'm Magic Man!"
"Well, I wish the best of luck, and, err, your boot is on fire."
Rincewind looked down. His left boot was shooting out blasts of octarine and smoking. Suddenly, it gushed a full blast and picked Rincewind up, threw his back down, and sent him skidding, face down, full tilt across the university grounds. He slammed into Pseudosoldier, knocking it over and, gaining speed, lifted off the ground, fell again, lifted, fell. The boot was growing hot. Rincewind's skips were growing longer and higher, and he soared over the university wall. He hit the cobblestones outside and was suddenly airborne over Ankh-Morpork. He hit the ground again so hard the armor threw up sparks, and then he crashed into a row of houses, and crashed through the roof of one, and was now higher than ever, and still accelerating. He was five stories up, and-
Oh gods.
The patrician's palace loomed up from the city like a boulder in a pond. Rincewind swerved, but not in time, and-
There was a noise like a bomb explosion.
* * *
Pseudosoldier struck the Librarian to the ground one last time. It looked up, and Zaxton saw a plume of dust rising up from the Patrician's palace. It cleared quickly, and Zaxton saw a small hole in the side of the building.
"Don't tell me- that idiot couldn't possibly have survived!"
He grinned. The city's last defense had fallen.
Pseudosoldier lowered its crossbow, and, after looking around to make sure no one was watching, led the defeated band into the Tower of Art. Zaxton never noticed the two figures scuttling away. * * *
Well, here's chapter four. And there's plenty more where that came from!
The Shadow