"Where do you think they are?" Hermione whispered to Ron. Harry and Dawn were conspicuously late for the feast; the imps had yet to put in an appearance. The couple traded nervous looks with a petrified Hagrid.
"What's up with you guys today?" Willow asked, seeing their discomfort. The Scoobies shared one of the two tables with Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Hagrid, while the faculty and few remaining students occupied the other.
"And where's my sister?" Buffy asked. "It's not like her to miss a meal."
"Maybe she and Harry snuck off to…" Buffy's glare stopped Xander halfway through the sentence. "To do absolutely nothing. Not a thing. In fact, there was no sneaking, just brisk walking in open spaces directed all the time at arriving here."
"That's right," Buffy said as Willow snickered and Tara smiled. "Dawn doesn't do those things and we aren't encouraging her to, right?" Xander nodded vigorously. Ron and Hermione continued to watch the door.
"S-seriously, you guys, do you know where they are?" Tara asked.
"We dropped off Hagrid's gift and …" Hermione paused, unable to conjure a believable lie. Ron dove into the breach.
"An' Dawn wanted to get another sweater, so Harry went with her to show her the way." Hermione nodded. Tara looked skeptical. Before they could discuss it further, Dumbledore stood up to offer his brief remarks. He wore a Santa hat in place of his usual wizard's cap.
"Welcome, everyone, welcome. As you can see, we have a diminished number here with us, but I do hope you will make up for the merriment of those who have left for the holidays." Hermione realized thankfully that he hadn't noticed Harry and Dawn. "I am looking forward to an exceptional meal, of course, and I will not keep you from it. Before we do eat, however, I would like to offer a toast."
He raised his glass. Everyone else reached for their own; Hermione, distracted by watching the door, knocked hers over and spilled purply liquid all across the table. Grey, Spike, and Giles, seated at the far end, looked on with amused smiles as everyone else jumped backwards to avoid the mess.
"Happy Holidays," said an equally amused Dumbledore. He tipped the the glass to his lips and drank deeply. So did Hagrid, the three seated people at the Scooby table, and everyone at Dumbledore's table.
They all dropped instantly to sleep in their chairs. Dumbledore fell to the floor, unconscious.
"What the…" Xander said. Hooting laughter interrupted him.
"Larry's turn now, Moe," shrieked a high voice.
"Fun!" said another. The two imps fluttered down from their hiding place in a corner.
"Oh no!" Hermione cried.
"What are those things?" Buffy asked. "Can I kill them?"
"Imps, and yes, quickly," Ron said. "Before…" Larry made a zipping motion across his lips and Ron's mouth disappeared. Strangled cries of "mmm-mmm" echoed in his head.
'Tara, help Ron!" Willow ordered. Xander and Buffy, unable to perform magic, cast around frantically for weaponry. As Tara moved to reverse the spell, Willow focused a gust of wind at their attackers. The two imps flew around it easily.
"Boring," Moe said.
"No fun at all," Larry agreed. "Tee hee. Watch this!" He faced Willow and drew an X in the air with his right hand.
Hermione had her wand out now, pointed at the imps. She watched Willow, hoping to launch their spells simultaneously. Moe noticed and tapped his fists together.
"Oh my god!" Hermione's wand drooped as if it were limp spaghetti. She tried to wave it, but its new consistency prevented the proper motions. She glared at the imp angrily. He merely smirked and nodded, lighting off the second part of his attack.
Hermione had always been very ticklish. When the sensation started on her sides and the bottoms of her feet, she knew exactly what it was and how powerless she was to stop it. As it spread across her whole body, she collapsed to the floor, giggling like a maniac and gasping for breath. Ron rushed to her side, his eyes imploring Tara to help as he watched his girlfriend roll around on the floor.
Willow, unfazed by the failure of her wind spell, switched to a deadlier element. Whispering the incantations, she attempted to surround the imps in a sphere of fire; when she clapped her hands together to ignite the flame, a dozen red roses appeared in midair. The horrified expression on her face brought tears of mirth from Larry.
"This being more fun than ever, Moe. Me liking these people." The second imp nodded, chuckling at his own handiwork.
"Xander," Buffy said urgently, "what the hell are we going to do?"
"You're the Slayer, Buff. I'm just some guy who gets beat up on by vampires. I have no idea." He paused, glancing around at the wooden furniture. "Or maybe … how's your throwing arm?" She followed his eyes, then nodded. They both grabbed chairs from against the wall and began breaking off legs.
"Will, what's with the magic?" Buffy asked. Her friend had abstained from throwing another spell.
"Can't do anything – they made it go all wonky. I don't want to risk calling up some big power and having it go boom on us." Buffy nodded. "Tara's trying to fix Hermione, but I don't…"
A rain of multi-colored hail exploded from midair, pelting the three Scoobies painfully and sending them diving for cover. Xander ended up under a bench; the projectiles skittered off of the wooden barrier above him. The other two curled up next to him, shielded by the table.
"This is the stupidest fight ever," Buffy shouted over the noise. Willow nodded.
"I don't think they're trying to hurt us," the redhead replied. "They could do it easily. What are those things?"
"Jelly beans!" Xander grabbed a black one and popped it in his mouth. He spit it out quickly, disturbed by the familiar taste. "Eeew!"
"What was it?"
"I think it was bug-flavored," he told Buffy, disgusted. Despite the situation, she and Willow chuckled.
"So much for being nobody's butt-monkey, huh?"
"Hey!"
On the other side of the table, Tara had no luck figuring out what spells had been performed on either Hermione or Ron. The imps still hovered in midair, guffawing at the deluge of disgusting flavors they loosed on the three Scoobies. Seeing the localized storm, Tara hurriedly erected a barrier between the imps and their exposed spot.
"Ooh, naughty witch!" Moe said, feeling her shield come up. He and Larry each began an incantation to knock down the wall.
Harry, Dawn, and Curly chose that moment to burst in.
"No!" Curly cried. "This mean and bad." His eyes bulged from their sockets and the reddish hue of his skin darkened with anger
Harry, his wand already out, tossed a fireball at the imps. Dawn loosed a bolt from her mini-crossbow, the retrieval of which had delayed their arrival significantly. Moe and Larry defused the fireball, but the bolt took Moe high on the right side of his chest. He screamed with his final breath and plummeted to the ground; fury twisted Larry's features.
"That not fun! That painful!" The power gathered around him, buzzing with intensity.
"Hoo boy," Willow said, peeking out from beneath the table. She felt the power collecting in the air above her. Dawn hurriedly loaded another bolt, knowing she would be too late. Harry shot another fireball, but it fizzled in midair and disappeared. Pink energy formed into a boomerang shape in front of Larry; each tip sparked and moved in tiny lightning bolts. When he finished building it, the shape measured ten feet across.
"No!" Curly shouted again. Larry looked at him scornfully.
"What you want? We tell you go."
"These nice people. Me new friends. You leave them be!"
Larry chortled and made a dismissive gesture at the boomerang, which leapt forward at Tara, Hermione, and Ron.
Curly raised his hand. The boomerang turned, heading straight for him. Harry and Dawn, standing behind the imp, hit the floor and braced for the impact. The boomerang never landed, though. Instead, it looped back around towards Larry, whose eyes went wide in fright.
The energy bolt incinerated him. Suddenly, the hail of Bertie Bott's Beans and the spells on Ron and Hermione came to an end, as did the sleeping spell.
"Oh my," Dumbledore said.
"Okay," Grey said, "that was not cool."
"Hey," Xander said, "at least no one got really hurt." He leaned over and picked up a red jelly bean. "Plus, major candy goodness." He popped the bean into his mouth and, as before, spit it back out immediately. "What's with these things?"
"What flavor was that one, Chubs?"
"Shut up, Spike."
"No, come on, what flavor?" Xander glanced around. Everyone watched him expectantly.
"I think it was raw pig."
The Scoobies burst out laughing.