Chapter 5: Revised Version 9-19-02
Disclaimer: Rincewind and Co. are the property of Perry. The quote at the end has been taken from The Light Fantastic, © 1986 Terry Pratchett.
* * *
And there was light. A lot of it was streaming through a rather large hole in the wall above him. Hole. In a wall. He was inside. No, that couldn't be right. Reload
There was no building on the Disc that had that much machinery in it. There were things hissing, things clanking, things sobbing. What the hells?
"Awake now, I see?"
Rincewind screamed. It wasn't that the man who had just bent over him was particularly scary; he was rather short and bald in an odd sort of way. It was that Rincewind had found that screaming eased the tension on his nerves, which was always helpful, as you needed a head start in relaxation against some of the things Rincewind came across.
"Err. Hello." He managed when screaming had no effect. "Who are you?"
"Leonard- Call me Q. You're probably not supposed to know I exist."
"Right. Q, what is going on?"
"Have a look outside."
* * *
Commander Vimes was having a really bad day. He had dealt with golem crimes before. They did not usually end well. The fact that he was now dealing with something out of a Corporal Nobbs nightmare,[1] in which he really COULD carry all the weapons he wanted. The thing knocked down another split level and set fire to a nearby food cart. Okay, so he was reliving the whole dragon episode too. At least it didn't have a Gonne. He turned to the gathered watch. They were all mesmerized and looking at the thing as it torched another building.
"Detritus, would you be so kind as to go-"
"No, sir. You know how heat makes me stupid."
"Right. Dorfl, would you go-"
" 'Clay Of My Clay,' "
"Forget it."
This was not good.
* * *
"Well, I really love what you've done with it."
"Really. Sorry, but it was so banged up under the nose I had to cut it off you. Bummer, that. I rather hope they can't set your beard on fire this way."
"Don't worry about it. There are far worse things that could happen. Like my boot."
"Oh, I fixed that."
"Well, I still don't want to face that thing."
"I know. So I brought help. Well, actually it found me. I studied your armor and rebuilt a couple of old suits that I had lying around the place."
Q walked over to a door and rapped on it. "You ready, kids?"
There was sobbing and a "There, there."
"Okay, we're ready. But I'm not sure Butterfly wants to come out."
"I'm okay, But when I think about that THING I want to-" Butterfly broke down sobbing again. The door swung gently open. Eric and Butterfly were on the other side, and both were dressed in armor. Eric's was the black Rincewind had come to know as Octiron, and Butterfly's was some other silvery metal.
"Leadrobium. Blasting lead with a lot of magic can make it. Alchemists thought it up when they accidentally blew up the guildhouse last month. Amazing people, but they still won't buy into my lightning lemons," said Q, reading Rincewind's mind.
"I'm supposed to go out and find that thing, because the Watch will be hiding, disable it, and call it a day, am I?"
"Rincewind, we need to do this. Butterfly and I are going to help," said Eric. 'I've found that there are better things in life than lust, money and immortality, and I'm going to fight for them. You must have something to fight for."
Rincewind thought for a moment, and the timeless words of Cohen the Barbarian. He was dead, but Rincewind remembered, and some things are so timeless you just have the urge to share.
"Hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper." ----------------------- [1] Not one of Corporal Nobbs's nightmares; a nightmare ABOUT corporal Nobbs.
Disclaimer: Rincewind and Co. are the property of Perry. The quote at the end has been taken from The Light Fantastic, © 1986 Terry Pratchett.
* * *
And there was light. A lot of it was streaming through a rather large hole in the wall above him. Hole. In a wall. He was inside. No, that couldn't be right. Reload
There was no building on the Disc that had that much machinery in it. There were things hissing, things clanking, things sobbing. What the hells?
"Awake now, I see?"
Rincewind screamed. It wasn't that the man who had just bent over him was particularly scary; he was rather short and bald in an odd sort of way. It was that Rincewind had found that screaming eased the tension on his nerves, which was always helpful, as you needed a head start in relaxation against some of the things Rincewind came across.
"Err. Hello." He managed when screaming had no effect. "Who are you?"
"Leonard- Call me Q. You're probably not supposed to know I exist."
"Right. Q, what is going on?"
"Have a look outside."
* * *
Commander Vimes was having a really bad day. He had dealt with golem crimes before. They did not usually end well. The fact that he was now dealing with something out of a Corporal Nobbs nightmare,[1] in which he really COULD carry all the weapons he wanted. The thing knocked down another split level and set fire to a nearby food cart. Okay, so he was reliving the whole dragon episode too. At least it didn't have a Gonne. He turned to the gathered watch. They were all mesmerized and looking at the thing as it torched another building.
"Detritus, would you be so kind as to go-"
"No, sir. You know how heat makes me stupid."
"Right. Dorfl, would you go-"
" 'Clay Of My Clay,' "
"Forget it."
This was not good.
* * *
"Well, I really love what you've done with it."
"Really. Sorry, but it was so banged up under the nose I had to cut it off you. Bummer, that. I rather hope they can't set your beard on fire this way."
"Don't worry about it. There are far worse things that could happen. Like my boot."
"Oh, I fixed that."
"Well, I still don't want to face that thing."
"I know. So I brought help. Well, actually it found me. I studied your armor and rebuilt a couple of old suits that I had lying around the place."
Q walked over to a door and rapped on it. "You ready, kids?"
There was sobbing and a "There, there."
"Okay, we're ready. But I'm not sure Butterfly wants to come out."
"I'm okay, But when I think about that THING I want to-" Butterfly broke down sobbing again. The door swung gently open. Eric and Butterfly were on the other side, and both were dressed in armor. Eric's was the black Rincewind had come to know as Octiron, and Butterfly's was some other silvery metal.
"Leadrobium. Blasting lead with a lot of magic can make it. Alchemists thought it up when they accidentally blew up the guildhouse last month. Amazing people, but they still won't buy into my lightning lemons," said Q, reading Rincewind's mind.
"I'm supposed to go out and find that thing, because the Watch will be hiding, disable it, and call it a day, am I?"
"Rincewind, we need to do this. Butterfly and I are going to help," said Eric. 'I've found that there are better things in life than lust, money and immortality, and I'm going to fight for them. You must have something to fight for."
Rincewind thought for a moment, and the timeless words of Cohen the Barbarian. He was dead, but Rincewind remembered, and some things are so timeless you just have the urge to share.
"Hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper." ----------------------- [1] Not one of Corporal Nobbs's nightmares; a nightmare ABOUT corporal Nobbs.