Title: Losing Grip
Chapter: Chorus
Author: fading.away
Rating: R
Warning: Angst, shounen ai, yaoi, OOC and A/U-ness, cursing, and rape
Pairings: 1x2, rape of Duo
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: The song Losing Grip belongs to Avril Lavigne, etc. and Gundam Wing to its respectful owners! T_T I wish terribly that Gundam Wing belonged to me, but it doesn't. Don't sue me now, this is for entertainment purposes and I get no money at all! What would you want from me anyway? All you'll get is a set of broken headphones.
Author's Note: Oh wow. I really don't like how this chapter turned out. It was written so terribly! I'm so sorry! Forgive me! I shall work my ass off to make up for it! Gosh, this is absolutely horrid! T_T I'm so embarrassed. I wanted a really good, dark rape scene for the sake of Duo (if he's going to get raped, it should be done good and proper, ne? Gomen, I'm a twisted crackhead! ^_^U), but it turned out... well, you'll see. Please R&R and give me your opinion on how I should fix it! I repeat, R&R!

I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost air
That's when I decided…

Why, should I care?
Cuz you weren't there
When I was scared
I was so alone

You, you need to listen
I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

A shivering Duo stood at the front of a movie theater, waiting patiently. Blowing at his numb hands to keep them warm, he glanced down at his watch again. He had lost track of how often he had checked the time; the count must've reached 200 by now. It now read 9:58, the black digits staring sullenly up at the American as if to dare him to question their honesty.

Scowling back down at them, Duo scanned the area once more, keeping the fake grin plastered on his face so he wouldn't look *too* stupid. I seem to be doing that a lot lately… The thought popped out of nowhere, causing the smile to crumble and fall. Cursing, he shoved his hands into his pockets and grumbled, "I give up!" before walking away in the direction of home.

An hour later Duo found himself sitting on a park bench, exhausted and annoyed. "Fer Christ's sake, why'd the safe house hafta be located so far away?!?" he cursed. Pulling his cap over his face, Duo shifted to a more comfortable position and leaned his head against the back of the bench. "Eh, it wouldn't hurt ta just rest here fer a while… just a bit…" he mumbled. Exhaustion took over, and the young American soon drifted off to sleep.

/Dream Scene/

His eyes flew open, and he sat up with a start. The pounding of his heart echoed in the small room, his breath ragged in his ears as the nightmare flashed past his eyes again. Father Maxwell. Sister Helen. The church. Ruined. Burnt. Dead. Gone. Over and over it played in his mind…

Duo whimpered, hugging his knees tightly against his chest. Closing his eyes, he buried his face in his arms, trying to hide the tears threatening to spill out. His sheets were pooled about him, and he clutched them tightly, hands formed into fists, in false hopes of disappearing into the sea of linen.

The narrow bed creaked as another, heavier weight rested against it. Duo made no move in acknowledgement, yet flinching when their hand gently touched his arm. His breath caught in his chest as his face was gently – yet firmly – lift up to face whoever was by his side. Cobalt eyes, shining with unshed tears and heavy with emotion, locked onto stormy Prussian ones. Duo looked away first, fearful, and in one swift motion, Heero pulled him into his arms.

That was all it took. Silent sobs wracked Duo's body as he let the tears fall, clutching Heero's shirt so tightly his knuckles turned white. Heero held him closely, gently stroking the crown of his head, whispering, "Shh… it's okay… it's okay…"

Duo's muffled voice came up, and Heero managed to catch the words, "Maxwell… gone… dead… alone… alone… alone…" Realizing he had had a nightmare, Heero pressed him closer, cupping his chin to face him.

"It'll be okay… I'm here for you. Whenever you need me, just call my name, and I'll be by your side."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Satisfied, Duo gave him a soft kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around his koi.

"See? You'll never be alone as long as I'm around." Heero murmured. His eyes softened and a rare, tender smile curved his lips as Duo nodded and reburied himself in his chest.

"I'll always be by your side… always…"

(Flash Backwards)

Her hand, cool against his cheek, grew limp. It fell, landing beside her still body. Unable to form a coherent sound, Duo could only hiccup as tears began to stream down his face, before throwing his head up in a scream.

/End Dream/

Gasping, Duo's eyes flew open as he woke up with a start. He curled up automatically, legs pressed closely against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly about himself. He began to rock slowly on the hard park bench, paying no attention to the uncomfortable aching of his bottom. Why… why did he have to have those dreams? Why did they still torment him, after all these years? Why couldn't he just move on, put those memories behind him? Deeply absorbed in his thoughts, Duo failed to notice the quick pattering of steps heading toward him. By the time he realized what was happening, it would be too late.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" The comment ripped through the peaceful silence of the night, the vulgar undertones leaving behind sour feelings in its wake. Thoughts scattering like a flock of uneasy birds, Duo finally noticed that he was not alone. Unable to repress the shudder that wracked his body, he slowly lifted his face to gaze up at a crowd of men. They leered down at him, eyes red-rimmed and glazed with lust and too much alcohol.

Duo grew tense, immediately sensing the negativity. His fists tightened, scrunching up the sleeve of his shirt, but he managed to answer back calmly. "What the fuck do you want?" Although his tone was unafraid, his reply was unlike what Duo usually would have said and done if caught in such a predicament. The dream still lingered on his mind, leaving him feeling weak and fearful. To be caught in such a vulnerable state was bad; to be caught like this by a group of drunk, horny men was worse, and he couldn't escape. Trembling, he looked away, unable to keep his eyes on the speaker.

The speaker smirked, sensing this was easy prey, weak and vulnerable. Intimidating to look at, with a tall, heavy build, he seemed to be the leader of the gang. Swaggering closer, he bent down to put his face mere millimeters away from Duo's face. "Now, there's no need to use such language, is there? We just want to have a little fun. Yea, just some 'fun!' Isn't that right boys?"

The men sniggered, crowding closer together, like mangy dogs waiting eagerly to be fed. They gazed at their master expectantly, ready to jump at his signal. Noting the flicker of fear that flitted through Duo's eyes, the leader gave a satisfied sneer and roared, "Let's get him!"

With a whoop almost animal in sound, they moved in, a lecherous leer on each man's red face. Although trying his best to fend them off, Duo was soon lost in the center. He curled up in fetal position, desperately seeking to protect his head. They began to beat him: kicking, punching, spitting, hitting him with their bats.

By the time they were through, Duo was barely recognizable anymore, much less able to resist as they bound and dragged him into a more secluded part of the park. He could only whimper as they stripped him of his clothes and began their "fun."

Head swimming, everything began to blur. All he could see was a sea of red, sweaty, leering faces that swam in and out of focus. They spat at him, splashing him with beer every now and then to see him cringe. As the first man thrust into him to the approval of the crowd, a scream escaped Duo's bruised lips as he felt himself being torn and bleeding. Each man took turns to ravage and rape his body, while the others contented themselves with beating him and calling out rudely. Each time, they ripped a scream out of him, leaving his throat raw and bloody, unable to make a sound.

As he teetered on the brink of falling unconscious, he could only think one question.

Where are you Heero? Where? I need you most now… don't leave me alone… you promised me… promised me…

"…promise…" He formed the word with his lips, barely able to whisper it out before all melted into darkness.