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"When the world turns its back on you and you have nothing left to give, would you give the thing most dear to you, or would you give yourself?" —Kouryuu
I tried, Kamui. I tried to give myself up to you so that this could all be over, and maybe in some other place we could still be together with Kotori, like it was before. But I guess Fate wanted me to give the thing most dear to me- two of the things most dear to me. And I can't even do anything about it.
It was cold that evening. Not even the overcoat I wore could keep the chill out, but the red dragon in the sky was unmistakable. You were calling out to me, trying to get me to come. Like a fool, I came, led on by a leash. Hoping that somehow maybe you sought to come to me, I don't honestly know what I expected from you. As I cleared the roof in a single bound, you were standing on the top of the laboratory, hands in your pockets, golden eyes glimmering in the glow of Tokyo down below.
"Hello Fuuma." Your voice was as cold as the night air, but was closer to the fog gathering on the water; clammy, seeping into every pore and chilling to the bone. He laughed mirthlessly, and walked towards me, his eyes betraying nothing of what I thought. My face froze, and I staggered backwards a few steps as he approached.
We are enemies now.
He held out his hand, pointing it towards the ground below. A tremor shook the laboratory and it threatened to fall. I felt the power of Kamui flicker to my hands and my eyes braced myself for a confrontation that I didn't want to enter.
But if I must kill you to save you, then I will.
"What are you going to do, Fuu-kun? Blow my head off? It would all end then" He stopped a few steps in front of me. His eyes suddenly cracked and the barest hint of a tear graced the end of the lavender circle. "Fuuma, I'm part of you now, we are both Kamui, but but I see what you want to do to me." His voice matched his eyes, losing control. My heart leaped, my mind screamed for caution, but the hope overrode the pragmatism. "Fuuma I missed you so much help me now"
"Kamui" I reached out towards him, just wanting to hold him like the years before. "Doushite?"
You're sobbing now, and I pull you closer to me, realizing that you were just as you were before. Kotori was dead, Dosa was dead, I couldn't bear to lose you as well. I just held you for a few seconds when you calmed down and looked up at me.
"Aisheteru, Fuu-kun." The whisper was so quiet and heartfelt that I probably should have expected what followed.
The pain was instant and unbelievable. Your eyes flashed and a bright explosion shook the unstable building. Almost in slow motion, I watched the blood flow from my hands, my face, fascinated still, and the shock of your attack hurt more than the actual impact. Bam. Creak. Thump. Gush. I didn't even try to defend myself, didn't even try to ease the pain, not even curling into a ball. Just sat there, under the starry night, watching the blood trickle down my naked arm.
Another flash, of a different sort. Kekkai. "Subaru-kun," I whisper, and crawl up to my elbows. The Sumeragi's eyes were locked in concentration as you were locked into his pentagram. I never noticed that your eyes changed colors when you were upset from violet to a deep honey.
You're so cute, Subaru-kun. Subaru's concentration faltered as Kamui spoke something that I couldn't hear but I could feel. What, do I remind you of someone? One of Subaru's hands dropped, and the youth had a stricken look on his face. If you don't concentrate your spell will fail. And with that you shattered the spell and threw Subaru across the roof.
"Nooo!" I struggled to reach my feet again. I probably couldn't even admit it to myself, but the young onmyouji meant something more to me than I knew at the moment. As soon as I reached my feet, my strength failed and all came to darkness, but I still knew what happened.
Why do you and Seishirou look alike? Kamui had straddled the prostrate youth, caressing his ebony locks. Then, perversely, you licked him up the face and stuck your tongue in his mouth, clearly enjoying it. The kiss ended with a small bite on the lip and a rough shove backwards.
Because that is what you wished for. The hand came up and down, and I knew no more. Kamui-chan
It hurts so badly inside, it hurts so much I would die from the heartache, but I've forgotten how to feel. The hardest part of wanting to live, wanting to be alive, to hurt, to love, is finding something to believe in. And when you've found that one thing, you can live for it, you can give up everything you ever were, ever will be, all in its name. And when you achieve that one thing, when you have everything you ever wanted, you realize you've betrayed yourself to everything you've always hated, everything you never wanted to be.
When the world turns its back on you and you have nothing left to give, would you give the thing most dear to you, or would you give yourself?
Aisheteru, Subaru-kun. You didn't have to do that.
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