"What Happens This Episode"
(Quick question: Is it sacrelige to spoof a Weird Al song?)
Aquarius
You will win a God Card but more likely than not you'll lose it within an hour
After all that stupid CEO will make his brother let him cheat to beat you anyway
Pisces
Avoid any Libras with real long hair, you never know just what they're up to
And always read Lord of the Rings before accepting weird magical items from strangers
Aries
You'll introduce the viewers to a million faces that aren't physically possible
You'll also introduce your sister to your best friend and then they'll turn around and start dating
Taurus
The people at the movie theater will say you're too short to be fifteen and they won't let you in
Someone will make a dancing hamster based on you, so yell at them and then run on your wheel
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
Gemini
Your date with that hot chick you've had your eye on for years will be cancelled
When she finds out that you're setting her up with your evil alter ego and hoping that sparks fly
Cancer
Try not to get in fights with morons or psychics and if they happen to be both run away
Eventually the bad guy will find out you stole his motorcycle and he's gonna be pissed off at you
Leo
Wear dog tags, when you get hit by a bus won't you want the cops to know who you are? (or were)
Pluto says you'll forget to feed your dog or your fish and neither one will want to play with you at all today
Virgo
Carrying a briefcase around is really bad for your joints, just throw it at your brother's head
Your friend's ego's like a gremlin - if you feed it it's inevitably gonna bite your head off
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
Now maybe you are thinking that it's very very probable that I'm just making all this up, but let me reassure you; you see I've watched those episodes (in Japanese with crappy subs) and I know what'll come of you if you don't just shut up and listen; this is what transpires someplace after episode thirty and I think it comes before two hundred.
Wasn't I on Libra next?
Libra
For some reason your friends will avoid you just because you've never had a haircut
Someone else is just as power-mad as you, so after making friends just kill him off and take his stuff
Scorpio
You never know just what exactly lurks in the shadows unless you start to lurk there too
Your friend told you to keep a secret but your other friend has Bambi eyes so you're just gonna have to tell
Sagittarius
Continue plans for world conquest after school, start with a classmate's corporation
Hang him from a tree and lock his brother in a little piece of cardstock paper for safekeeping
Capricorn
You say you don't believe in fate, well what if that girl over there is fated to go out with you?
(And then she'll find out what an ass you are and whack you over the head with a blender or something)
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
(Quick question: Is it sacrelige to spoof a Weird Al song?)
Aquarius
You will win a God Card but more likely than not you'll lose it within an hour
After all that stupid CEO will make his brother let him cheat to beat you anyway
Pisces
Avoid any Libras with real long hair, you never know just what they're up to
And always read Lord of the Rings before accepting weird magical items from strangers
Aries
You'll introduce the viewers to a million faces that aren't physically possible
You'll also introduce your sister to your best friend and then they'll turn around and start dating
Taurus
The people at the movie theater will say you're too short to be fifteen and they won't let you in
Someone will make a dancing hamster based on you, so yell at them and then run on your wheel
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
Gemini
Your date with that hot chick you've had your eye on for years will be cancelled
When she finds out that you're setting her up with your evil alter ego and hoping that sparks fly
Cancer
Try not to get in fights with morons or psychics and if they happen to be both run away
Eventually the bad guy will find out you stole his motorcycle and he's gonna be pissed off at you
Leo
Wear dog tags, when you get hit by a bus won't you want the cops to know who you are? (or were)
Pluto says you'll forget to feed your dog or your fish and neither one will want to play with you at all today
Virgo
Carrying a briefcase around is really bad for your joints, just throw it at your brother's head
Your friend's ego's like a gremlin - if you feed it it's inevitably gonna bite your head off
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
Now maybe you are thinking that it's very very probable that I'm just making all this up, but let me reassure you; you see I've watched those episodes (in Japanese with crappy subs) and I know what'll come of you if you don't just shut up and listen; this is what transpires someplace after episode thirty and I think it comes before two hundred.
Wasn't I on Libra next?
Libra
For some reason your friends will avoid you just because you've never had a haircut
Someone else is just as power-mad as you, so after making friends just kill him off and take his stuff
Scorpio
You never know just what exactly lurks in the shadows unless you start to lurk there too
Your friend told you to keep a secret but your other friend has Bambi eyes so you're just gonna have to tell
Sagittarius
Continue plans for world conquest after school, start with a classmate's corporation
Hang him from a tree and lock his brother in a little piece of cardstock paper for safekeeping
Capricorn
You say you don't believe in fate, well what if that girl over there is fated to go out with you?
(And then she'll find out what an ass you are and whack you over the head with a blender or something)
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode
That's what happens this episode (that's what happens this episode)
That's what happens this episode