Disclaimer: Ron and Hermione don't own Harry Potter. Now, this may not seem relevant at first, but go with me. If they owned it, they would give it to someone more than willing to write pointless fluffy tripe about them. Since I obviously don't own it, JKR must still have it.

After lunch, (during lunch, actually; Harry kept eating long after Remus was done) Moony sat down with Harry to discuss his performance in the woods.

"You're lucky I forgot about the snakes in there," he said, looking at the parchment. "I originally planned for you to just go up against whatever you met."

Harry grunted amicably.

"I was a little worried about the boggart and the Nemesio," Remus continued. Harry gave him an inquisitive look, and Remus explained. "A Nemesio is a creature that makes you relive your greatest battle. It can't really cause any significant harm, so a lot of people keep them as guards. Anyway, I am shocked that it didn't make you relive… you know." Remus coughed and turned a little red.

Harry swallowed. "I think it's because, with Lord Voldemort, I was only fighting for my life."

"Only?"

"Well, with Tom Riddle, I was fighting for Ginny's as well." He very suddenly had the odd urge to write to Ginny and ask how she was.

"What was he saying?" Remus asked.

"You don't get audio with that thing?"

"Well, yes, but your entire conversation was in Parseltongue."

"It was mostly taunting and bragging. That light you gave me was kind of useless though." Harry took another slice of roast beef from a plate in front of him and put it on his plate. "My head cast a shadow. And it got in my eyes at one point."

Remus laughed aloud, then stopped when he realised Harry wasn't laughing with him. "You're… joking, right?" asked Remus. Harry shook his head. "That ball of light… it's called a Luxivis, it… got in your eyes?" Harry nodded. "That's impossible."

"Why?"

"Because it moves at the speed of light. It is light. Harry… do you know what this means?"

"The spell isn't all it's cracked up to be?" Harry hazarded a guess.

"It means that you have exceeded the speed of light."

Harry stared into space for a moment. Whenever the science-fiction programmes Dudley watched mentioned the speed of light it usually involved big lights and fancy sound effects. Harry didn't recall much of that. "It was probably just accidental magic," Harry hypothesised. "I mean, maybe I slowed it somehow when I jumped over Riddle's Stunning Spell." Harry finished his plate and Banished it to the kitchen.

Moony looked in no way convinced, but nodded anyway. "Why don't you… go… do something?" he stammered, wandering in the general direction of the fireplace.

~*~

In his time in the magical world, Harry had learned many things. However, the one he thought most important at the moment was that wizards very rarely use their fireplaces for heat. That's why, when he saw Moony head for the fireplace, he went to his trunk and fetched his father's Invisibility Cloak.

"…over the curse! Like it was nothing!" Moony was saying when Harry came near the fireplace. He wasn't entirely sure how talking through the fires worked, but he knew what to expect.

Sure enough, there was a head in the fireplace. A very old head. Specifically, a head of about one hundred and fifty. He called Dumbledore… called? Is that the verb? Harry thought.

"He is a very special young boy, Remus," Dumbledore's head said.

"Special doesn't begin to describe it," said Remus. "Have I told you about his appetite?"

"No more than James, I would imagine," Dumbledore replied with a youthful grin.

"You'd be shocked."

"At any rate, Remus, it's not that unusual. Harry is at about the age where he eats an extraordinary amount. Perhaps something he ate would explain how he did his abnormal acrobatics against the Nemesio."

"It might. Let me think… waffles, eggs, bacon, eggs and bacon, eggs and sausage, eggs and sausage and bacon, pancakes, pancakes and waffles, ham, beef… no, nothing unusual. In fact, you'd think that kind of thing would weigh him down."

Harry's stomach threatened to growl at the mention of such food. He closed his eyes and thought about Quidditch.

"It's nothing to worry about, Remus. Harry will need whatever skills he can acquire," Dumbledore went on. "And I've decided to have an extra curricular self-defence class."

"A duelling club?"

"No, physical self defence. The students will have to know how to function in the world without a wand."

Harry backed away. He'd have to write Ron and Hermione to tell them. Hermione'd probably sign up just so that there'd be something else for her to know.

As he was walking, he unfortunately collided with a footrest, which very nearly sent him to the ground. He leapt and tried to regain his balance in the air. When he landed, he was grateful to the Dursleys for the first time. Their presence had instilled a subconscious urge to watch his step, so to speak, and he didn't make any noise when he landed.

"I'm sure Harry will do well with it," Harry heard Remus say before he left.

"I'm sure he will," Dumbledore replied.

Harry wasn't sure, but he thought that Dumbledore winked at him before he went upstairs.

~*~

Harry prodded Errol, who was asleep next to Hedwig. "Oi there. You ready to go home yet?"

Errol hooted softly. He wasn't sure how far away Ottery St. Catchpole was from… wherever it was Moony Manor was located, but he thought that a couple short letters would be fine.

Harry sat down and pulled out a quill.

Dear Ron, he wrote.

I've just heard the oddest news. Remus was talking to Dumbledore in the fire (I'm not sure what the actual term is for that) and apparently Dumbledore is planning to have a self-defence class. Not magical, like a duelling club, but physical. He'd have to hire a wizard, though, if it's for school… do you know of any famous wizard fighters?

First in the league? It has to be Wood then. I can't imagine anyone else pulling them out. You know, when I got the Firebolt, he somehow gave Professor McGonagall the impression that Quidditch was more important than my well being. Imagine.

Congratulations on Hermione not going to Bulgaria. I'm sure now you can see why you didn't want her to go?

I'm going to go now. I have to write to Hermione and Fred and George. Do me a favour. If anything odd happens to them after they get my letter, laugh evilly.

Harry

"Hurry up and come to your senses," Harry whispered.

Harry wrote a similar letter to Hermione, stating in no uncertain terms that he would not send her copies of whatever work he did while he was Moony's charge.

He then wrote another letter, this time to Fred and George.

Dear George, Fred, and whoever else might read this,

Very funny. I'll have you know I am green now. I look like a Slytherin. An Irish Slytherin. Why did I give you the money again?

Seriously though, thanks for giving Ron the robes. Well, you probably would have done it anyway, but thanks for not doing anything to them.

Good luck with your Wheezes. Just don't get caught this time, okay?

Harry

Harry looked at his letter and decided it was missing a certain something. Confident he would be done with Dumbledore by this time, Harry went to his teacher.

Remus was sitting on the chair in front of the fire reading the newspaper when Harry found him.

"Hello, Harry. Need anything?" Remus asked.

"You wouldn't have anything to turn someone pink, would you?" Harry grinned.

Not just pink. Oh no. Evil isn't as much fun that way. We're talking bright, vibrant, hot pink that may or may not glow in the dark.