AN: Hello there! It's been so long since I last updated, hasn't it? I have decided to give you a little something this chapter…but you will get quite a treat this update. I have no idea how many pages this is in the Word thingy, but this is six, and it goes from 131-151 (lol, you get like, three chapters this update with 20 pages). There are three things I want to chat about before I finish updating.
Part one: the movie on DVD. Awesome. 19 deleted scenes! I couldn't believe it. It was sooo cool, and then there is Snape, AHHH the Dueling Scene Hotness, and plus I had to watch Sense and Sensibility again, MAN does he look a lot better then (why Kate Winslet, WHY?). Anyway, if you saw that then you get it. Chicago, awesome, awesome, and the soundtrack's even better. That's nothing you needed to know. Just remember that Severus Snape is the bestest in the whole wide world, and only Alan Rickman may play him. Even if you do get weird looks when you say he's your favourite actor. I even heard him SING! It's true! (here: ) go to the last one on the bottom. It's him SINGING! Ahhh! Anyway, onto the chapter!
Chapter Twenty-Five: Moments like This
"Remember: you're supposed to be happy," Emilia said, clicking in a diamond earring into her ear. "It's the bloody holidays, and well, we deserve a good laugh." She moved away from her mirror and smoothed out her red dress, moving the clasp of her new necklace to the back. Glancing at herself in the mirror and approving her attire—not to mention her "look"—she turned to Minerva and grinned, who was using her third can of hair spray.
"Seriously, it's not what you think," Minerva protested, shaking the can and giving up. She patted her head, and it didn't feel quite right. Her hair was livelier than most people knew.
"Minerva," Emilia said, picking up two empty cans of hair spray, "if you aimed at your head, then you oughtn't have a problem!" She laughed. "Well, I really can't say anything. I don't use spray, and looked at this," she added, looking in the mirror pointedly. Her hair was thrown up on her head with a huge clip, and all of it was falling out—around her face and down her back.
"Oh, yes, the pity to have natural beauty," Minerva replied sardonically, grabbing the two cans of spray and shoving them guiltily into Emilia's trash can. "Ready?"
"Yes," she said, with a huge smile on her face. She wanted to be happy. Emilia did not want to think about the deaths that occurred one week ago. She wanted to have this over and done with—let her enjoy one night, to herself. Emilia felt as if she deserved this.
"We overdid it, Emilia," Minerva said, looking in the mirror along with Emilia. They were two close friends, having a fun time; though Emilia knew it wouldn't last, she thought that this was better than she'd ever been. She finally had a true-blue friend.
"Yes, but we were trying to impress the mirror," she said. The mirror grunted, and though it was the first time it ever spoke, Emilia was not surprised. She was sure anything could speak in the wizarding world if it wanted.
Minerva, though she felt that this was silly, loosed up a lot in the couple of hours there (though that might have been from the wine Emilia had brought out. Minerva, though she did not suspect a drinking problem, drank nearly the entire bottle. Emilia wasn't concerned. It loosened her up considerably. Besides, she knew there were other circumstances—like coming back from all the families of those killed—and she let it all slide). In the happy company, Emilia suggested that they dress up considerably for this, and Minerva agreed. So, there she stood, in her blue spin-swing dress, looking rather decent for her age, with her hair knotted at the nape of her neck with a large black bow. Despite how old she was, Emilia was amazed at how young Minerva looked still.
"Ready?" she said again. Emilia blinked herself from her thoughts.
"Certainly," she said, opening her door. She moved out, and Minerva followed. They made their way to the staff room reserved for special occasions, on the seventh floor, and saw the gold glitter of the doorway. As they stepped in, Emilia thought she walked into another dimension.
It was snowing, though the snow was warm and pleasant, not at all wet. There was a tree in the corner, and glittering gold charms were floating on it. Candles hovered from the ceiling, giving the room a rustic gold glow. It was naturally charming. At one end of the room, there was a table set up with punch (Emilia realized it had a little extra in it) and eggnog, with bourbon, she noted (from the smell of the room). Gold glitter was surrounded everywhere, and gold garland was strung up on the walls. What amazed her the most was the fact that everyone was dressed suitably in Muggle clothing. Not so much as amazed her, she thought, as it just amused her.
Minerva murmured something and disappeared among the teachers. Emilia was left to gaze in awe. She didn't mind too much, though. It truly was a gorgeous sight.
"Nothing like gold to ring in the Christmas cheer," a voice said silkily next to her, though she could tell the voice was slightly annoyed.
"It's a motif," she replied, looking to her left. Severus stood there, holding a glass of eggnog. Emilia turned away, before she did a double take on Severus.
Even he was donning a Muggle outfit. Because of his age—of lack of—he still remained rather brawn, wearing a tuxedo that James Bond might have kipped. It was black, though rather slimming on him—and his hair, Emilia noticed, was cut to chin length and not the length it was earlier. He looked rather groomed, indeed, and attractive. She realized that she was staring at him, and turned away blushing.
"I want to thank you for my Christmas gift," she said at last, watching the snowfall. "It's gorgeous." Subconsciously, she reached up and placed a hand on the charm.
Severus seemed a loss of words—for once. "You're—you're welcome." Emilia smiled and looked at him. He was looking down into his glass, clearly perturbed.
She didn't tell Minerva about her gift from Severus. She thought that it was a very private gift—and Minerva would shoot to the moon for this. She would be more than happy to comment, and Emilia didn't need that shit right now.
Feeling slightly awkward at this situation, she breathed in and exhaled slowly. "I think I'm going to take up a chat with Dumbledore. Want to come along?"
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Was I not allowed to go over there otherwise?"
"Well—that's not what I meant—" Severus gave her a small smile, and she realized he was joking. "I think someone's had a little too much eggnog," she said, plucking the empty glass from his hand.
"Give my back my magic cup to sociability," he said.
"What?" Emilia asked, clearly bewildered.
"I have to be utterly drunk to be sociable. You're inhibiting the good time I'm supposed to be having."
"Oh, you're a funny one," she said, holding the glass away. "You can't be drunk. I didn't think Severus Snape ever got drunk."
"Only on the holidays," he growled angrily, though he still had some humour in his voice. Only on the holidays? Then what he had meant hit Emilia, and her eyes opened wide. He was just as miserable as she was. He didn't deal with it the way she did, but he still felt the pang of loneliness at times when one was supposed to be happy.
She opened her mouth and Severus gave her a cold look. "Don't say a fucking word," he hissed. He figured out why she gave him the look he did, and if it wasn't Emilia's imagination, he looked almost resentful and angry for it. "I shouldn't have said anything. And I don't need—"
"Hello, Severus, Emilia," Dumbledore said, walking over to them with Minerva and Sibyll Trelawny at his side. Minerva looked displeased, and kept glaring at Trelawny. Emilia couldn't figure for the life of her why the hell she would be hanging around Dumbledore, but then again, Trelawny was a bit of a leech for misery.
Emilia looked at Dumbledore slowly, and couldn't bring herself to smile. Severus slowly unclenched his hands, which were dangerously white.
"Hello, Dumbledore," Emilia replied, trying not to be monotonous. Severus stood up straight and gave him a grim smile.
"Dumbledore," he said, addressing the old man, who looked very odd with his long beard and a Muggle blazer.
"Happy Christmas!" he said happily, clapping Severus on the back. He was surprised and did not return Dumbledore's happy attitude. "I hope that you two are having a good time? Muggle clothes are rather comfortable, don't you think?" Emilia smiled weakly and Severus shifted his stance.
"I do hope that you are all well," Trelawny said mistily. Her huge bug eyes seemed to be hinting at something, as she wrapped her tattered red shawl around her tighter. Emilia thought she looked like a dilapidated bag lady on the outskirts of London. She felt uncomfortable at her intense gaze.
"Well, don't feel too obliged to have fun. Talk to you later," he said, noticing (by the grace of God no less, Emilia thought) that someone was waving him over to their group. Trelawny drifted away and Minerva hurried off.
"Of course," Emilia said, cradling the cup in her hands, feeling the coolness of the cup. "Happy Christmas."
"Happy Christmas," Severus echoed quietly.
With one last smile, Dumbledore walked over away from them. Emilia looked down at the cup. "I think I'm going to have some myself," she said softly.
Severus glared at her, reaching down for the cup she held and slamming it down on the nearby table, causing Emilia to squeeze her eyes shut and jump at the loud sound. The room was silent for a moment. With a final glare, Severus turned his head and walked out of the room.
Emilia stood there, transfixed to the spot. People resumed their talking after Severus had walked out. She felt tears well in her eyes, her hands still in the form of the cup. She looked up and walked out of the room as well.
She didn't have to go far. He was standing outside of the door, leaning against the wall. Emilia stopped and stared at him for a moment. "Severus, I'm sorry. I know how you feel—"
"Sure you do," he sneered, covering up the fact he was embarrassed. "I'm sure you know everything about everything, and that it's just plain and easy for you to relate to anything terrible."
Emilia was taken aback. Clenching her hands, she said, "Excuse me? What the hell do you mean by that? I didn't have a fucking picturesque childhood Severus. It's called empathy. And I'm sorry that I can relate to things. Apparently—"
Severus grabbed her shoulders roughly. Emilia stopped talking and looked up at him, slightly surprised. "Why must you always argue?" he said angrily.
She opened her mouth to retort, but he spoke for her. "It was a rhetorical question, Emilia." He sighed, and let go of her shoulders. Severus leaned against the wall dejectedly, placing two hands on his temples.
Feeling that an apology ought to be said, Emilia shifted her stance took a quick breath. "I'm sorry," Emilia said softly. Severus looked at her, and she felt somewhat self-conscious.
"Damn you," replied Severus, clutching his stomach. He looked a little green, and definitely agitated. "Damn," there was a pause, "damn you..."
"What?" Emilia said, gazing into his dark eyes. He glanced away from her.
"Even after all that's happened, and everything else, you still have the ability to redeem yourself without even trying," he spoke. Emilia didn't understand what he meant. Her puzzled look must have given her away.
"Emilia," he said, absentmindedly picking lint of his black blazer, "I know that you've been through just as much as I have, maybe more. The both of us have things in our past that we'd rather not let anyone know. We've both done things we are not proud of, but I just don't think that..." he trailed off, seemingly unable to finish his sentence.
So that was it, then. They were only similar in the fact that they held secrets in their past that would make people's hair curl. Emilia certainly did, and she knew Severus the first time looking at him that he did as well. And he probably didn't think that she would understand what he had been through. He was insinuating that she didn't know what had happened in his past. She knew the Death Eater's rite of passage, and what they did, but just because she didn't know the details, didn't mean she didn't know what was going on.
"I didn't know you felt that way, Severus," she said disconsolately. "But I think I understand. I'll...I'll leave then, shall I?" Emilia blinked, pressing her eyelids together tightly and turned to walk down the hall. That bastard...
Something grabbed her wrist. "Emilia..." he said softly, and pulled her close to him. Brushing the hair off her face, Severus brushed his thumb along the contours of the outside of her face. "But I don't want you to, really," Severus said gently.
Emilia looked at him intently. "Severus, I don't know what to say to that..."
"There's always a first for everything," he murmured.
She leaned into him, cracking a smile. "You're really a joke, Severus."
"I always thought so," he said modestly. "And I guess, though I've yet to say it myself, I'm sorry." He looked into her eyes.
She smiled. Severus leaned in and kissed her; Emilia willingly accepted, finally able to have what she had yearned for, for so long. All year, she wanted this, and she'd never had the chance. His hands pulled her closer, one hand spread across her lower back, his other tracing her neckline and down her side. She wrapped her arms around his neck, lifting herself to him, as he deepened the kiss. God, I'd wanted this for so long...this seems only fair for the shit I've been dealing with for the last twenty seven years of my life... Her knees buckled weakly. Who knew that he could be so... amorous?
When they broke their kiss, Emilia's first thought—though foolishly, she knew—was that she could never say anything to anyone. He ought to be her secret.
Emilia opened her eyes slowly. "Mmm..." she said. "Well, who knew Severus Snape was such a good kisser."
"Am I really?" he said sarcastically. "Well, I no doubt I've had practice..."
"...I can only imagine with what…!" she answered him, smiling. Touching the side of his face, she glanced away, past his shoulder and put her cheek on his. "Do you feel better?"
"Much," he replied. "Although, I had doubts this would ever happen."
"Did you really?" Emilia said in a high tone, purposely. "Hmm...bet Trelawny never predicted this."
"That old hag couldn't predict something that had already happened," Severus murmured into her ear, and Emilia laughed, wrapping her arms around Severus and pulling him close to her.
"You know what?" she said, pulling back from him, "for the first time all year, you haven't acted like an ass yet. It's an improvement."
"Gee, thanks, Emilia."
Emilia smacked him on the arm. "No, I'm serious," she said, laughing.
"Yeah, you're so serious, laughing like a homicial maniac," Severus interjected, looking away from her and proving a point, crossing his arms. Emilia took a step back and stretched, trying to stifle her laughs.
"But I can just imagine you being the romantic sap," Emilia said, raising her arms into the arm and yawning. It must be late. "I mean, not getting laid all those years, I'm only to assume that you will overdo it, you know?"
Severus's cheeks turned slightly pink. "That was really uncalled for, Emilia," he said.
Emilia looked up at him. "Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, I guess it was," she replied, thinking about what she had said. She grinned. "I didn't think it was true…"
Severus gave her a mock glare. "You're asking for it," he said, trying to use a no-nonsense tone with her. It was not succeeding, because soon he was smiling. Emilia held up her hands apologetically.
"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "Mental note to myself: Severus Snape's sex life is strictly off-limits to joke about." Or lack thereof, she thought.
Severus rolled his eyes and started to walk away. Emilia sighed and walked up next to him. "Do you always walk away from conversations?"
"When they aren't going my way, yes."
"Prat," Emilia said. She paused. "Anyway, thank you for my shoes."
Severus stopped. "What?"
"I said thank you for my shoes. I didn't remember them, and then they were right on my bed along with my presents. It was unsigned, but I knew you had sent them up along with your gift."
"Well, someone had to remember where you left your shoes. Besides, you'd start yelling at me anyway about them."
"Yes, because then it would still be your fault." She took his arm in hers. He tensed slightly, then relaxed. She leaned against him, feeling tired. Tomorrow started more classes of the second semester; the clock ringing in the background told her it was half ten. She would need to wake up early to get all of her things for the next semester together…
Apparently her fatigue was obvious. "Do you want to go to sleep now? You look tired."
"Yeah," she said distantly. "Classes start tomorrow; I probably ought to go to bed now." She moved to walk away from him when Severus held her arm tightly.
"I'll walk you at least up to your room," he said gently. "Besides, you look like you're ready to fall asleep right here. Did you imbibe too much alcohol?"
"Very funny," she said. "No, that was Minerva. She practically downed the whole bottle of wine earlier. But I did have some too…" Emilia added thoughtfully.
"I see."
"It's not like that, Severus!"
"Sure. They say denial is the first symptom. But acceptance is the first step, Emilia," he said, walking on with her, his hand clasped over her own on his arm. He patted her hand comfortingly 'assuring' that he was 'there' for her.
Emilia rolled her eyes. "Clever of you. Did you come up with that one all by yourself? Besides, you ought to take a leaf out of your own book, then."
"What does that mean?" Severus asked, rounding a corner to a staircase to the sixth floor.
"Your 'socialibilty' cup," she replied simply.
"Treading on dangerous ground, Emilia," he said, his voice low and venomous.
"What, is everything a touchy subject with you?" she said, slightly angry and embarrassed. Emilia pulled her arm away from him and held it up, as if it was burned. Her cheeks flushed. She knew why she was taking this so much to heart. It was damaging to her pride, her dignity, to have herself be made a fool. "And your Twelve Steps remark was pure sunshine and daisies?"
Severus's brow furrowed slightly. "Who's the touchy one here?" he said, obviously not trying to allievate the situation.
"I'm not in the mood for this," she snapped. "I'm tired. Good night, Severus," she said, turning sharply around and walking away.
Images of earlier flashed into her mind. His soft lips, his eager touch, the way her knees felt weak and the electricity that she felt from his fingers…there was no doubt in her mind that she cared for him. But his attitude…she couldn't tell if he cared for her or not. He was almost a gentleman there for a few moments, seemingly well mannered. Then his goddamn temper.
And hers.
Damn.
Okie: the thank yous, as I promised (this will be the only one until the next update)
Josie: Never saw the entire STUPID play you guys put on…lol. Wasn't it like, three hours? And self pity never hurt anyone. Lol, Don't Vote Republican.
perfectlywindysky: thank you for liking my lack of plot! I don't want this to end, but if I can't update as much as I like, I may have to devise a temporary ending! I don't want that, but this summer=internship at college and that sucks. Thank you for reading! I hope you like this new batch!
Vespertilio Orientalis: thank you for liking my chapter title. I like coming up with new chapter titles, gives me something to do. And it makes me feel smart. . .in a REALLY weird, odd and unusal way. . .
Mae Noelle: I'm sorry for the lack of updating. I promise, promise, promise to do more when I can. After the third week in May, there will be more updating because then I can feel like a Reject kid—I mean, Regents kid (no offense) because all the hard classes will END! I can't wait for my liberation! Lol, and romance is really hard for me to write, so I will definitely keep it awkward. Can't write it any other way.
Nataly Ravenlock: Planning on reading your stuff. . .it's been a while since we've talked! Anyway, yes, the Producers do rule, and yes, school MAJORLY sucks. Come back to our school and knock Ann Marie off her fucking high horse. . .and I do mean her boyfriend. Anyway, you write more romance, and I might too. In fact grins evilly I plan on doing so soon!