TITLE: The Songs Series: #1: If I never knew you
AUTHOR: x_cutie_pie_x35
E-MAIL: x_cutie_pie_x35@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters, the song is the Love Theme from Pocahontas
TIMELINE: Season 5: Between "Into the Woods" and "Triangle"
SPOILERS: "Into the Woods", some references to "Sanctuary"
DISTRIBUTION: Don't take without permission!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: In this series I write a story to do with a song (B/A of course!). This is the Buffy reality, I will also do a song series for an AU reality where no vamps exist, e.t.c. (AU will probably be better stories: more action, these are more thoughtful…and boring)

FEEDBACK: Please!
RATING: PG

AUTHORS NOTE2: Please review the stories in the series separately, 'cos they are separate stories(they are in the same series because they all based around songs)

If I never knew you

If I never felt this love

I would have no inkling of

How precious life can be

And If I never held you

I would never have a clue

How at last I'd find in you

The missing part of me

In this world so full of fear

Full of rage and lies

I can see the truth so clear

In your eyes, so dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost for ever

If I never knew you

If I never knew you

I'd be safe but half as real

Never knowing I could feel

A love so strong and true

And I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost for ever

If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful

Someone we'd make the whole world bright

I never knew fear and hate could be so strong

All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night

But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh, If I never knew you

If I never felt this love

I would have no inkling of

How precious life can be

I thought our love would be so beautiful

Someone we'd make the whole world bright

I thought our love would be so beautiful

We'd turn the darkness into light

And still my heart is saying we were right

We were right

And if I never knew you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky

Never knowing why

Lost forever

If I never knew you

Written from Buffy's POV

#lalalala# means back in time

They were all expecting me to cry, or shout, or scream. I remember doing all those thing when Angel left me.

Angel.

Even now, whenever I think of him, my heart starts to ache, and I can't bear the thought of him in LA, two hours away when he used to be ten minutes.

They were all staring at me, sympathy written all over their faces.

"What happened?" Willow asked

"I dumped him…he was…paying for Vampire's to suck him…he left with the Initiative last night"

Everyone except Xander and Spike-who already knew- gasped.

Even Anya didn't have anything to say. Why are they so shocked? Riley needed to be loved in everyway…and I didn't. Sure, I cared…care…for the guy, but I never loved him.

I never told him I did-never planned to. Why lie?

And anyway, he already knew. He hadn't thought I had heard…but I had…

# "Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am.
Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody
else in the world. When I'm with her, it's
like I'm split in two -- half of me is just on
fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her.
Other half is so still and peaceful, just
perfectly content. Just knows: this is the one.

But she doesn't love me"#

And it was true.

Part of me wants to hate Angel for it-'Cos, yeah, it's his fault.

If I never knew you

If I never felt this love

Angel and I were…are soul mates, but he's too stubborn and thick-headed to admit it.

How at last I'd find in you

The missing part of me

And I can't love Riley, it's impossible. Knowing what true love was like, I would be living a lie.

And if I never knew you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky

Never knowing why

Lost forever

If I never knew you

But Riley could make me happy, not as happy as Angel could, sure, but he would've been enough, if I hadn't experienced true love.

And still my heart is saying we were right

So, that's why just a few moments ago, I stormed out the Magic Box, without a word to anyone.

I can hear Dawnie calling after me, and normally she can me see sense, she needs me now mom's had her operation. But, I have to go see him…I can't live without him. I can't have a normal relationship, it's impossible. So stuff him, and all his virtues.

I just hope he listens to me…

~*~

He's changed his address-his old apartment blew up or something like that. He didn't go into much details-he never does these days.

A few years back we would spend hours by the fireplace in the mansion, just talking about anything we felt like.

All I want is for those days back.

He lives in a hotel now-The Hyperion. As I go in I can see Cordelia, Wesley and an African-American I've never met before.

"Buffy?" Cordy asked in surprise, "What are you doing here? Last time you came, Angel brooded for weeks, even after he'd seen you in Sunnydale!"

"Oh" I replied, not sure what else to say, "Is he here?"

"Why?" Cordelia narrowed her eyes

"Cordelia!" Wesley said sharply, "He's in the office" he told me.

"Thanks Wesley"

~*~

I knock on the door of his office, feeling slightly nervous.

"Come in" His low voice calls out.

I go through the door into the small, green office.

"Hey"

"Buffy?!"

"Hi"

"What are you doing here?"

"Do you want me to go?"

"No! I mean, no" He panicked, and I started to smile.

I think he may still like me…

"How've you been?"

"Good, you?"

"Good, busy with cases"

"Business is blooming"

"Yeah"

We made small talk, neither of us knowing what to say.

Angel was telling me about meeting a new friend, Lorne, a soul-reading demon.

"You have to sing a song- CanIkissyou –I sang once"

"You have to sing a song called Can I kiss you?"

"What?!"

"Oh, so that Can I kiss you was a Can I kiss you not a song Can I kiss you?"

Angel smiled, though he still seems a bit…flustered.

Okay…now I'm sounded like Giles.

Ack!

Willow…

"Can I?" He asks

"Sure"

He does.

"Dawn found your diary…she said she read it accidentally-"

"I'll kill her…" I growl

He smiled, "She sent it to me…thought I should read it. You're right-you probably will never be happy, knowing true love…it's just…will you be OK with sleeping with me every night?"

"Huh?"

"The Clause…The Powers that be took it away…so…"

I cannot believe this-all my dreams are coming true at once!

I squeal with joy,  and wrap my arms around his neck.

Peace at Last.

And If I never held you

I would never have a clue

How at last I'd find in you

The missing part of me

The missing part of me

~*~

OK, OK, It was crap. Sorry! I'll try to make the rest better!

~*~