Lauren: Please forgive me for the lack of updates recently! I have been insanely busy with school and such. I started to write this on Wednesday but had to stop for homework and church (confession before Christmas) then I would have finished it on Friday but I got to sleep over at a friends house and FINALLY I was able to sit down and finish it off. I'm not too sure how fond I am of this chapter though but it's probably because I'm drop-dead tired right now. Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter! Sorry to leave you on another cliffhanger...I'm just like that I suppose! Sorry also if the review replies are shorter than normal or less of them...blame it on the current lack of sleep! I'm sorry if I haven't mentioned anyone in the review replies yet! Please forgive me! Just tell me if you want to be added specially! ^_^ Enjoy and thank you!
Ryu- I think this chapter will answer your question! You can buy Inuyasha dvd's at: www.discountanimedvd.com It's only $38 for a box set of about 15 or more Inuyasha episodes. But they're only in subtitles. (No offense to those who like the dubbed version but...if you've seen the Japanese version and then the English...it's so horrible it makes me want to cry! T_T! ) Ah!! I want to see episode 82 so badly now! Inuyasha getting a bath...now that's something I'd LOVE to see! Hah!
Ladyspice- Aw, don't worry, you're not a ghost! Nobody that reviews is a ghost...I just don't have the time to answer ALL the reviews.
Tori- Yeah, Inuyasha said what you thought he said. Scary, huh? He's a bit more sensitive in this fic though because he's just got his memories and he doesn't have as evil of a background as the others. Like, he wasn't pinned to a tree a second time and he and Kikyo are so-called friends.
Aberuncate- Thanks for the stuff! It's okay! (runs off to watch Bernard-hotness). Totally off subject, but I can't wait to go see Lord Of The Rings- The Two Towers!
Inuyasha-loves-Kagome- Thank you! I'm glad you liked the scene...I just had to end it on a funny note. I'm so horrible, my stories always seem to be depressing but don't worry! I'm a sap for happy endings! I just...put them through hell to get to it!
Aelinwen Elentari- I think I'd have to agree with you! Inuyasha IS cute when he's grumpy!
T'laren- Ah! Sorry! Forgive me! Here's the update! Thanks for pushing me to get it done! ^_~
Stephanie- Skittles says hi back! I'm not sure if I believe Heaven and Hell are like I described. I don't REALLY believe they are that way but for the story, I wanted something of the sort. And yeah, I come up with these ideas on my own. I have no idea how...I have a weird mind so that probably explains it. Strange ideas pop into my idea and gradually they form and I plan it out! I'm getting the idea for a new Inuyasha story but I want to finish this one before I start anything else. What did you think of the Inuyasha movie?
WarriorGL- Ah, I know Digimon! Nice, big old hat! My first anime was Sailor Moon then another channel showed Escaflowne for a while but they turned evil and took it off the air.
Zel-no-miko- Yes, you are very evil! Please don't hurt Miroku or anyone else!
Nytshad- I send you my best of luck on your thesis! Writing this chapter was my distraction from my English essay!
MikoGoddess- Thank you! Hope you get some sleep! And how do I know so much about asylums....ah....do I dare answer? Hah, no but seriously though I've never been to one or anything. I've read a few books with asylums in them and so I'm running my information on them. I also did a paper on a reporter once who had gone under cover into an asylum in the 80's I think, although I have been to a therapist's office before, but that's a lot different than an asylum.
Chavi West-Wind- I'm sorry I didn't reply to your review! Here's your gold star for getting it right though! *hands over a gold star* =)
Lashana- Oh, thank you! You're so going to hate me once you finish reading the chapter though....!
MaboroshiTsuki- Thanks! Now you see why my Esca fic has been moving along so slowly, cause I keep working on this! Good luck on your finals! I love Karo Kano...I bought the whole series in subtitles and it's great! Naraku, in the series, is an evil dude who basically like set up Kikyo and Inuyasha so that they sealed and killed one another. He cursed Miroku's hand, helped kill Sango's family, took over her brother, and so much more. I should shut up now...I don't want to spoil too much!
Raiye- Merry Christmas to you too! I can't wait until Christmas break! I get to go to my grandma's house in PA!!
Sio-Sami- Oh, now I see the difference! That makes sense! Hugging pillows is fun but I wish I could get a plushie! Then I'd hug it too!
Grr...it was hard to write the upcoming dialog in this chapter. I had to use big words!! Hah! And now...on with the chapter!
~*~ Where Did You Go? ~*~
~By: Lauren~
-Chapter 20-
"The Hanyou Wish & Her Dreams"
Kikyo hummed softly to herself as she rocked her head back and forth, staring at the white walls. Why did they have to paint the walls white? She groaned- she was SO sick of white at the moment. Why, oh why had she agreed to this? The woman rolled her eyes, yawning as she hummed to herself. She was so bored. If she spent much longer in this place...she was sure she'd truly go crazy. She clicked her tongue as she tapped her fingers on the floor for a few minutes before she stopped and sighed, her head drooping.
Deep down, she knew she truly didn't mind helping out Inuyasha and Kagome. As odd as it sounded Kikyo really wanted to be there for the people she considered her friends. As a child, she had often been the loner. She was the weird girl nobody dared to talk to. Then...then along came Inuyasha. He had merely walked up to her and started to talk with her. They had eaten lunch together always from that day on, her with a Sailor Moon lunchbox and him with Superman. Often they would tease each other and end up playfully fighting, tossing water or their food at one another. He had been the only one to accept her. He had been her first friend- her first crush- her first love- and her first heartbreak. They had avoided each other from then on until a few years ago where their friendship gradually picked up back to its normal childish level.
She was glad Inuyasha was happy.
Kikyo's heart raced as her cell door flew open and a bouncy nurse clad in a white uniform strutted in. Kikyo put on her most pleasant smile as she erased her recent thoughts from her mind, "Good day. How are you?" She chirped.
"Talkative again, eh?" The nurse smiled warmly, helping Kikyo to her feet. She mumbled to herself, leading Kikyo to the open door.
"Where are we going?" Kikyo blinked, a bit confused as fear coursed through her veins.
"To your examination, of course!" The nurse blurted out as if Kikyo was dense. "Your doctor has been worried that you shouldn't be locked away in here anymore. He'll test you to see if you've...recovered and are...safe." She finished, growing quiet for she couldn't reveal anything else.
Kikyo nodded happily but her insides were shaking like leaves on a tree being blown by a strong wind. She had to pass. She just had to! And this...this was her only chance. If she failed...she could be stuck in this place forever.
~*~
Kagome looked down at her clamped hands, fidgeting slightly as she rubbed them together, trying to warm them up. Taking in a shaky breath, she leaned back until she was lying flat on her temporary bed. In the room next door she could hear Miroku, Sango and Inuyasha all talking cheerfully. He was telling them more of what had happened, such as there past together. Kagome gazed at the ceiling above her and was glad it wasn't painted white. A powder blue color was a lot better than white. She closed her eyes as she tried to steady her breath. Laughter echoed through the thin walls.
Somehow...it didn't feel right out there.
It didn't feel right just to show up and turn these people's lives around.
They could die because of her. Their family had already died because of her, a second time.
She had no right to do anything what so ever.
Kagome let her arms fall on the bed as she closed her eyes. Powder blue turned to black. A light breeze rustled her hair as the heater turned on.
But she still couldn't get away. Even in her dreams...the problems, the horrors, the truth stayed with her. Panting lightly, she rolled over and curled up into a tiny ball. Once, she had asked Inuyasha why he always fought so hard with violence and why he wanted to become a full demon. He had answered:
"To try to beat my problems. I think...maybe if I kill more demons, maybe if I fight fast enough, I can leave all the anger and sadness behind. It's never happened....but I'll never quit."
Kagome could only stand in awe that her ignorant friend had had a real meaning behind his words. She had expected something like, "Keh, cause it's fun." Or "I like the blood." She sighed, blinking her eyes slowly. It was an old hope of hers. Maybe if she could just run fast enough then all the bad would fade away. Maybe if she could dream hard enough...it would come true. She knew that it would never happen but it still seemed a comfort. Now it seemed more of a way to keep up with the troubles. Even in her dreams, she found no rest. It was her way of letting the problems know she wasn't going to leave. She supposed. She was going to keep pace with them and then someday she would pass them- someday her dreams would come true. And then, whenever that day came, she would be able to stop and turn around and face all of the darkness head on. All she had to do was get ahead of them- just an inch- just enough to jump in front and bring the pains to a stop. Just an inch was all that she needed.
Raven hair tickled her nose. Kagome sighed. She couldn't escape her problems. She couldn't run fast enough to leave them behind or fight them until they disappeared. She felt ashamed that she had even tried. She clenched her teeth and let out her breath. She had to face her problems head on, she couldn't run anymore. She had been running for far too long.
It was time to hit them dead on.
The young girl stretched again, rolling onto her stomach. She shivered; wishing the heater would work faster for she was cold. Kagome might have thought to go under the covers but at the moment, her thoughts were turned on only one person.
Inuyasha.
She felt strange...she had never loved someone so much before. And she had never lost something she had loved so much before either, until....until that day. Ever since she had met Inuyasha, long ago, her life had become a mix of joy and pain. As a single tear rolled down her cheek, Kagome laughed, trying to dry the tear instantly. It was funny...this one man...had made her go through so many emotions that she had never felt in her life. She had laughed because of him and cried because of him...she had been filled with rage and filled with joy...she had found truth and she had fallen in love, because of him. All because of him. Kagome...loved Inuyasha. She loved him with all of her heart...
"So this is what it's like." She murmured to herself, yawning slightly. "To love. To want to be his and to give him everything...to want to protect him and make him laugh and smile...this is what it feels like to be in love. I never thought it would hurt this much." She scrunched her eyebrows up as she pursed her lips and went into deep thought. How had they gotten into this giant mess? If she hadn't have had her stupid pride and stubbornness maybe things would have been different. Maybe she could have purified the Shikon no Tama if she had tried hard enough. Even if she had to die for it- what was one life compared to thousands? Why did demons even want so much power? She stuck out her lower lip, thinking. Her eyes drifted shut slowly as she began to sleep and sometime during the night she felt Inuyasha lay down next to her and wrap his arms around her. He had pulled her close against his chest possessively but Kagome didn't respond to him, as a voice seemed to answer her questions and speak inside of her. It was strange...it was her thinking it and yet...they weren't truly her words. "Power is a sense of reassurance that leaves us victims to the truths of the universe, enshrouded by pride. Why could I never see this before? The same reflection of the gleaming Shikon no Tama embodies pride. Pride is foolishness that destroys the reality of the three factors of time: Past, Future and above all- present. We are all dreamers...too conceited to realize the existence we have is just that.
An existence.
A beginning and an end marks us, though varying from person to person, species to species, race to race, the distance between might be far or short, however, we are all brothers and sisters in this endless race towards completion. Death...that seems like such an unfitting word. I finally realize now what so little do, but I may be undermining such an egotistical comment by saying such a phrase. We are born dead to the world. Our life only begins when we realize that outside of the extremes of our dream lives sits the true birth and revelation that our mortality makes more than a dream captures.
We are truly all sleepers till awakening.
I have just woken up...
I am ignorance in an oxymoron that is bliss. Bliss is not ignorance, for emotions are faded definitions of imagination till we embrace our own flaws. I will not oppose the gods. It is foolish to do so only bringing the hastening of our nightmares. One could not even call it destruction, as one who is never created can never be destroyed. Dreams cannot die; instead they merely become haunting images.
And as harsh as it is to realize that I have just been born, I cannot help but smile at what I now realize. And I realized that by nature I was imperfect. I realized that I had to accept every opinion, whether it is what I wanted to hear or not. I realized that I was limited. I realized I was flawed. And I smiled truthfully for the first time.
Yet despite this happiness and bliss, I realized the danger of falling asleep again. And yet, through my embracing of imperfection, I can avoid this. By realizing the truth in what I am and by accepting my flaws as they are stated, my eyes will remain wide open. I now see the truth, the blur fading into a reminder, a lesson, and a guide to my life.
Finally, after thousands of years, I am born." Kagome's own thinking seemed to stop as she opened her eyes but...she found herself not in Miroku's house. In fact, she was far from that.
Kagome squinted her eyes and looked around. Everywhere she was surrounded by light- golden yellow light. She expected it to be blinding but it was more of a soft color, making her feel warm and relaxed. This time...she heard a voice again but it wasn't her own
"YOU have been born Kagome Higurashi and for that, I am proud of you."
Kagome expected the voice to be the same annoying voice of the higher beings that had screwed up her life...but it wasn't. Part of her expectancy had disappeared when she noticed the tender, yellow light- not the normal black void. When the voice spoke, it seemed to soothe her. Kagome felt all of her troubles disappear almost. The voice wasn't distinguishable- she couldn't tell if it was male or female. And then...somehow...it felt as if someone was embracing her- as if the air was embracing her.
"Hello Little One." The voice spoke quietly. "I am sorry for the pains my children have caused you. Until now, I was unaware of how deep all of you had gotten involved in this mess."
"Who are your children?" Kagome questioned, feeling as if she was melting into the light.
"My children have been the voices that speak to you. They are the children of the light...they are supposed to do good but it seems lately even they have been making dreadful mistakes. I am truly completely sorry for their foolishness. I am sorry for the things they have done and caused to happen to your life."
She felt warm hands stroke her hair tenderly. Kagome blinked. Whoever this was seemed to be the leader- the mother of the 'higher beings'. Shocked slightly by the voice's words, she murmured, "It's okay."
"I fear it is not okay my dear. You are now in severe danger since Daemon is after you. You have no way to protect yourselves...and it is our fault. I shall grant you some help..."
"What can you do?" Kagome perked up slightly.
"That boy...Inuyasha...I can turn him back into a hanyou if you wish. You see, the Shikon no Tama, his ring, carries some of his blood in it. When Inuyasha was reborn, a few droplets of demon blood remained with him because of the Shikon no Tama. It has always been locked away, too scarce to come out and make a difference in his body but ever since this new threat has come after his love...namely you...his blood has begun to stir. His urge to fight and to protect has grown surprisingly strong. If you wish...I can awaken his demon blood more and add to it...until he turns into a hanyou again. But I fear it could be permanent...so please...think about it first before you answer. Talk to Inuyasha also. Until you make a decision, I'll keep an eye out for you. When you wish for him to transform, you must focus on me very hard and repeat that you want Inuyasha to become a hanyou." The voice paused. "Is that clear?"
Kagome nodded yes, a smile forming on her lips. "Thank you..." The light around her began to fade. "And it's okay, I understand."
"Thank you...Oh, and I can also clear up both of your injuries for the moment. Your path is set clearly now...do not falter." The voice answered before Kagome jerked awake, her eyes blinking as her vision cleared. She looked around to find a pair of golden orbs staring at her. She gave Inuyasha a lopsided smile before blushing.
"We decided to leave Shippo out of this for as long as possible. He's just a kid..." Inuyasha said, reaching out and pulling Kagome towards him. She cuddled close to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat. She needed to talk to him and yet...now did not seem the right time to do so. A quiet, almost depressing silence filled the room and Kagome closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she envisioned herself, Inuyasha and Shippo living as a family. She let the tension drain away as she felt Inuyasha kiss her cheek softly. Kagome smiled as she felt his hot breath against her skin, sending tingles down her spine as she kept dreaming- she kept running. And that was when she felt it.
She was finally going fast enough. Maybe she couldn't do it alone- maybe without Inuyasha it seemed impossible. But that didn't matter- he was getting them ahead. She was going fast enough. She felt almost like her dreams WOULD come true. Relaxing in Inuyasha's arms, she smiled as she felt she could turn around and kick the darkness in the face.
She was in front now.
The two kissed each other in the dark, the stars and the moon their only light shining through the window. They were each other's hope and they were each other's courage. They would not give up, not to Daemon nor anyone else. They would conquer him...they had to. A blissful silence enveloped them now as both sat there embracing one another. Both felt as if their bodies had been rejuvenated. They felt strong and healthy without a single bit of pain.
Suddenly, the two lovers broke apart abruptly as a bone-chilling scream, that sounded much like Sango's, echoed throughout the house.