Shadowed Souls
Chapter 5
If you are a lawyer, and want disclaimers, go see earlier chapters.
A/N: For the purposes of this story, McGonagall now knows about Sirius.
A/N2: Parts of this chapter are sort of flashbacks to Sirius' reunion with Harry. You should be able to see the parts I mean. I just didn't want to break up the narrative flow by writing *flashback*.
Reviewers: I can't say how much I'm grateful for the feedback.
Farewell: yeah – more elrond fic Monday/Tuesday *goes gooey at the knees at the thought of Peredhel elf lord*. He won't leave me alone, not that I'm complaining *grins wolfishly*.
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A low figure slunk from one pool of gloom to the next. Miserable drizzle blanketed the village, soaking the coat of the dog, which merely crouched lower to the ground, and continued in its steady trek. To Sirius, the weather scarcely mattered, for it matched his mood. He had spent the day following a set of tracks, with an uneasy feeling lurking in the back of his mind, acting on pure instinct, only to be distracted by his own recollections. The turmoil of his thoughts had destroyed his concentration, and forced him to turn back.
He was disappointed with himself, furious with the world, hungry, and in desperate need of human companionship. Throughout the long trudge back to Hogsmeade, the image of a pair of gentle arms encircling him, of a set of ink-stained fingers tenderly stroking away the lines of worry, relentlessly encroached upon the borders of his mind. The Animagus determinedly pushed them away. He refused to yield to the sweet temptation of futile hope and dreams which must be forgotten.
Now, he loped a little faster, knowing that soon he would reach the pitiful shelter of the Shrieking Shack, and Sirius' thoughts once more began to drift. Firmly steering them away from tantalising images of Remus, he found himself dwelling on Harry.
His godson had been ushered into Dumbledore's office by a poker-straight McGonagall, while Sirius sat nervously in a chair. The boy looked convinced that something awful was about to happen, his pale face set, a stubborn light in those green eyes.
The first thing that Sirius noticed was how much Harry had grown over the summer, his limbs lengthening, becoming increasingly like James. But then, Sirius saw, with mounting horror, the deep sadness of grief, the wary foreboding mirrored in the emerald depths, and he knew that this was no child that he had pledged his blood and breath to protect, but a soul older than his own.
As if compensating for the flood of emotion which engulfed him, Sirius swept the embarrassed boy into a bear-hug, crushing his ribs with a tight hold.
Dumbledore had stood back, watching as Sirius clutched his godson's forearms, searching the wearied features with his eyes. The Animagus' heart sank at the fear which he saw reflected there. Suddenly, he no longer saw Lily's eyes as he most remembered them, but instead a gaze which conveyed the panic and angry determination which had lit her stare in those last, feverish days. It was not an expression which Sirius had ever wanted to see again, and to find it in the eyes of his godson was almost unbearable.
Nevertheless, Sirius had smiled, and filled the room with warm laughter and smiles, despite the tension which crackled in the air and seared his very being with ferocity. Then, slipping back to the Shrieking Shack, he had kicked the walls with such savage anger that the timber groaned. Once more, he pledged his vengeance, now not just for his best friends broken bodies and his own wasted years, but for the stolen youth of this child whom he loved as a son.
If a dog could stomp, Padfoot stomped through the unremitting rain, caught up in his own seething fury at the world which had, through harsh necessity, deprived him of his lover, and was now trying to deprive him of his godson. Inky water drenched his paws, and slush spattered his heavy fur. Concentrating as he was, he did not observe his surroundings until it was too late to flee.
A flicker of motion caught his attention. Startled, Sirius looked up at the figure moving through the dusk of Hogsmeade only a score of metres distant. A few drops of rain glistened in brown hair as the man balanced a bag of shopping in one hand, and a heavy sack in the other, pulling a worn cloak tightly around the slender body. It was Remus.
Sirius could feel the chasm opening up within him, as his treacherous heart skipped beats. His hackles rose in blinding fear, and the edges of his vision blurred. He wished only for oblivion, but he could not stop staring at the figure before him.
Hungrily, he absorbed all the werewolf's features, soaking up every detail. With an agonising stab, he realised just how much he had missed his Remus, not just these last few months, but during all those tortuous years in Azkaban. All it would take was to move towards Remus, and to touch his face to the side of one of those legs, and look up, imploring acceptance…
"No!" he muttered sternly to himself in the darkness and solitude of his own mind, drawing back once more from the warm sunlight. "I must be strong. I shall not destroy him for the sake of my own selfishness."
Yet, still, he remained transfixed, unable to turn away from the sight before him.
He drank in the pale face framed by dark, damp hair.
He winced at the deep circles under the sombre grey eyes, at the lines of misery and despair written firmly on that fragile face, never imagining that he himself might be the cause of such great anguish.
He noted with alarm the faint tremor which ran through one hand, as it brushed thick hair from the high brow.
He smiled with pride at the stubborn set of the fine jaw.
He quivered as he stared at the sensitive mouth set in a harsh, uncompromising line.
Such was his longing that he moved slightly forward, leaving the shadow in which he had been concelaed. Instantly, the werewolf tensed. He swept the street with his eyes, poised for flight, then he caught sight of the dog. Remus' eyes widened in recognition, and one hand flew to his chest. For what seemed like an age, the man and dog simply remained as they were, absorbed in each other.
Then, Remus shook himself almost imperceptibly, and, shattering the moment, clutching his burdens with white-knuckled hands, hurried off down the street.
Finally, the heavens opened, and torrential rain cascaded down upon the black dog, which trembled, leaning against a wall, oblivious to everything. Only one question consumed his thoughts.
"Why is he here?"
With that, Sirius set off towards Hogwarts at a dead run, determined to find an answer.
TBC
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Next chapter tomorrow.
Positive reviews make me giddy *does a silly dance*.
Oh – does anyone fancy doing a little beta-ing for this fic? Trying to be my own beta makes the writing process about twice as long.