PART THREE
Waiting…waiting….Chid preferred waiting instead of doing certain other things. If you had to wait, then it wasn't your fault that you weren't doing what you were supposed to. It was like a vacation.
The workers at the docks were giving him quite a little vacation right now. He wondered why these workers were so slow, especially since they worked in Asturia. It's trade depended on ships….so, how could their workers be slower at loading ships than his own in Freid?
Dryden: "Can't get good help at any price, huh?"
Dryden smirked.
Chid: "Why are you smiling?"
Dryden: "Because you want them to go slower."
Chid: "I…..no, I don't!"
This made Dryden smirk even more.
Chid sighed. It was true. He really didn't want to go back just yet, to see those depressed faces, and the bleak surroundings. A place of mourning in rarely a happy one. And he was so miserable already…
He stared out at the horizon. The trip would be long…but not long enough. Maybe they'd get lost.
If only….
All of a sudden, he saw two men run by. Allen was one of them.
Chid: "Where is he going in such a hurry?"
A worker carrying a big barrel overheard that statement.
Worker: "Oh, he had to go off to help his brother…."
This made Chid apprehensive. Allen was abandoning him to help that…..criminal?
:: "You can't blame him too much." ::
He kept in mind that Dirandau was the only family Allen had left. Even if his own father were to be labeled a criminal, Chid would've done anything to help him…anything.
:: "Besides, Allen won't have need to take care of Dirandau while he's in Freid." ::
They had neglected to tell him that Dirandau was also coming along, which made for a lovely surprise when Allen came back.
Allen carried Dirandau back from the bar, and brought him to their quarters. Allen wasn't too terribly angry with the bartender, for what had happened. At least this way, Dirandau would be easier to deal with for awhile.
Chid was furious when he found out that Allen had brought Dirandau. Why would Schezar do this to him??
Chid: "He can't do this!"
Dryden: "Chid, calm down-"
But, Chid would not calm down.
Chid: "My country is in mourning for a terrible attack….and he has to go and bring one of the people responsible for it!! I can understand the need for him to protect his brother, but he can't do this!."
:: "Father was right about his lack of tact." ::
Dryden: "You don't understand. If he doesn't take Dirandau along, then Dirandau will either be killed, or sent to prison. He wouldn't have done it otherwise."
As usual, Chid pushed his own feelings away from his decisions. He did what was right for everyone involved.
Chid: "Very well. But, the people of Freid mustn't know that he's here…at least, not initially. He'll have to pretend to be a worker of some kind, until after mourning is over."
Dryden nodded.
Dryden: "Alright then. You should get on the ship now."
He gave Chid a hug, and then the two parted.
The ship was well under-way. Chid was still depressed. He wandered the ship. He knew he couldn't walk his troubles away, but he thought that it might help to clear his head.
He came across Allen's quarters. The door was wide open. He looked around. There was no one in sight, and Allen was gone. But…Dirandau was there.
Chid stepped inside.
He turned a light on, to get a better look.
He had never seen Dirandau before, which may have been a lucky thing. He might've been haunted by the memory, if he had seen Dirandau during those terrible, trying times.
Chid: "So…..this is the man that killed my father."
He wondered if Dirandau had any grief over it. Did he feel remorse? Was he sorry he had done this?
No….how could he? He'd killed so many before. What was one more death to him?
::"Nothing……it meant absolutely nothing!"::
He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know what he would have done, even if he hadn't been under obligation to leave this man alone.
He wondered, would he ever be like these others, these fighters? Allen, Van, Dirandau, Mereru….they were so obsessed with other people. And they were all so miserable because of it.
Even his uncle, Dryden….he cared so much about Millerna. Even though he hadn't done much because of that, he still had let this feeling rule part of his life.
Was it really worth this pain, to continue hating someone else? But…well….he still wanted to hate Dirandau. He couldn't understand it, or explain it.
It almost seemed that if he didn't hate Dirandau…he would have to accept what happened. He would have to forget about Duke Freid. He didn't ever want to forget.
Allen came back. He had stepped out to retrieve some blankets.
Allen: "Your grace…is there anything I can help you with?"
He opened one of the blankets up, and covered Dirandau with it.
Chid sighed.
Chid: "No, I don't think you can help me."
Allen bowed to him as he headed for the door, then sat down next to Dirandau, intending to watch over him.
Chid stopped in the doorway, staring at the two.
Chid: "Allen….do you really care about him?"
There was some part of him that hoped this was all just an act.
However, Allen wasn't about to oblige Chid's hopes.
Allen: "Yes."
Chid: "Why?"
Allen: "Because he is my brother….and because he is in need of someone to care about him. No one else does."
Chid: "Yes, but, what about all the things he's done? His crimes? How can you just forget about them?"
Allen: "I haven't forgotten. I still remember how he was when I fought him. So…insane…and…."
Allen stopped himself. He wasn't doing Dirandau any favors by talking that way.
Chid: "Then, why do you forgive him?"
Allen: "Because I know him better than that. Sometimes if you get to know a person, you realize that not all of the horrible rumours are true…in a way. He may have done those things, but it doesn't make him a monster."
Chid: "You're saying that it's okay that he did all those things??"
Allen: "No, your grace. I am saying that a person can not be defined by what they do. To him, those weren't crimes, and therefore he is not so horrible. A person is only horrible when they know that something is wrong, and they do it anyway."
Chid stared blankly at Allen. Was Allen right? Should he forgive Dirandau?
He didn't want to….but maybe…maybe it was the right thing.
Yes, it was the right thing. He could tell because the right thing was almost invariably the most painful to do.
Chid: "Allen…where did you learn that from?"
Allen: "From Balgus, my sword master."
They had spent such a long time learning that lesson. It was a shame that everyone else refused to learn it.
Chid: "He must've been a great man."
Allen: "Oh, yes…just like a father to me."
Chid smiled.
Chid: "Kind of like how Dryden is with me.."
Allen: "Uh….yeah…"
He turned his face away, pretending to fix one of Dirandau's pillows.
There was silence, awkward silence.
Chid felt it might be the perfect opportunity to try and find out again what this big secret is that everyone is hiding from him.
Chid: "Allen?"
Allen: "Yes, your grace?"
Chid: "Would you tell me-"
Suddenly, the ship lurched forward. Both Chid and Allen were thrown to the floor, and the lamps were knocked out.
Because Dirandau hadn't been awake, he did not have the opportunity to brace himself against the jolt, and was thrown across the room. That was quite a headache to wake up to.
His eyes fluttered open. Everything was covered in ebony black.
He became terrified.
He had no way of knowing what had happened the night before. As far as he was concerned, he probably didn't make it to the docks, and was left behind in Asturia……he might have even been in the hands of those sorcerers.
There had been some apprentice sorcerers which had escaped death during the war and the trials after. They were too important to the government.
He was certain that the government would be all to happy to leave him in their hands.
He screamed. Several times.
Chid tried to find the door, intending to try and find out what had just happened. However, in the dark and confusion, it was impossible to tell where anything was. He stumbled into Dirandau, who in turn, clawed at him. This was not really helping their relationship any.
Allen looked through Dirandau's coat-pocket, and found a candle. He lit it as best he could in the dark. As soon as he could see, he pulled Chid away from Dirandau.
Allen held Dirandau to restrain him, in case he decided to do anything else.
Chid brushed himself off.
Allen: "I'm sorry…are you hurt, your grace?"
Chid shook his head 'no,' and went to the door.
He only had a few scratches on him. He would be fine.
Part of the ship had been damaged. Several levistones had been broken loose from a nearby crash-site, and had hit them. They would have to take the ship somewhere for repairs.
Luckily, they were near a very friendly country.
Dirandau: "WHERE????"
Dirandau had a really big grin on his face that nothing could get rid of.
Allen: "We've stopped in Fanelia."
Dirandau: "Oh, really…..eheh…"
Allen: "Alright, that's it! I'm taking all your firecrackers away."
Dirandau laughed.
Dirandau: "That's okay. I've still got some cherry-bombs."
Allen rolled his eyes.
Dirandau just smiled at him, and got up.
Allen: "Maybe you'd better just stay on the ship. Things are bad enough right now, without you going off making trouble."
Dirandau: "Oh, I just wanna play with him…."
Allen: "When are you going to stop being so childish??"
Dirandau: "When you stop being such an idiot."
It was a wonderful day in Fanelia. The sun was shining brightly, and all those buildings looked so lovely in the light.
There had been a lot of rebuilding done. It was almost better than it had been before it was destroyed. The people were very happy, and life was good.
Most of those traveling on the ship came out, to be greeted by the king.
Van was glad to welcome them all. Things were going so well, that he had almost grown bored.
Van smiled.
Van: "It is good to see you again, Freid. Have you been well?"
Chid nodded.
Van: "You are free to stay here as long as necessary to repair your ship."
Chid: "We thank you for your hospitality, Fanelia."
The ship's workers, of course, headed straight for some of the local pubs.
Others, who had been here during the war, had gone to look at the rebuilding.
Chid stayed to talk with Van, and Allen stayed to protect him.
Dirandau knew that he couldn't do anything while Allen was right there to stop him, so he went off to see what trouble he could cause elsewhere.
:: "Hmm….Van's room would be a good place to start." ::
He had never been inside of Van's castle. He only knew what it looked like from the outside, in bright light. He had no idea that it could be so confusing.
Which is why he got lost in less than three minutes.
Dirandau "Didn't I just cross down that hallway? Rrrrrrr….."
He wasn't being very quiet, which ensured that anyone else would have noticed him there. And, someone was there.
He heard a gasp from down the hallway.
Dirandau: "What was that?"
He looked all around, but he couldn't find the source of the sound.
Possibly he was hearing things, or maybe it was a ghost. Either way, he decided that he should get out of that hallway as quickly as possible.
However, someone else had a better idea. There was a loud hiss, a blur of orange, and then he was thrown to the floor.
Dirandau: "Ayaaa!!!"
It hurt all the more because of the injuries he had received earlier.
Dirandau: "What the….??"
He received a smack upside the jaw.
Dirandau: "Who are-"
And yet another smack.
He was more ready for it this time. He gripped her by the arm….and was surprised to find that it was a paw.
Dirandau: "Who are you???"
She struggled to break free.
Dirandau: "I won't let you go until you tell me."
He tightened his grip on her arm, at which point she started using his arm as a scratching post. He quickly let go, and backed away from her, but she followed him.
:: "Damn you, Allen! Why couldn't you have let me have just one weapon?" ::
She stretched out all her claws, and made ready to spring at him again. He dodged it, and let her go sprawling onto the floor behind him. And then he sat on her, and held her arms in place. It was the only thing he could do to keep her from going after him again.
But, she still had the claws in her feet, which she used to rend the back of his shirt to shreds.
He jumped up to get away from her, and the fight continued.
They wrestled for a few minutes, and Dirandau became more badly scratched up by the second.
Van, Chid, and Allen walked down the hallway at this time.
There was blood and bits of fur everywhere, and the two were still going at it.
Van: "Mereru!!"
The little orange fur-ball stopped immediately. However, Dirandau wasn't finished. He grabbed her by the tail, and pulled her to the ground.
Mereru glowered at him, but did nothing more.
Allen: "Dirandau! What have you done now?"
Dirandau: "It's not my fault! This….thing…attacked me. I wasn't doing anything!!"
She hissed at him.
Mereru: "You little freak. You're one to be calling me a 'thing'."
They glared at each other.
Dirandau: "What is your problem??"
Mereru: "You tried to kill Lord Van! You nearly succeeded several times, too. I hate you!!"
He stared blankly at her. It was obvious that he didn't recognize her at all.
:: "He doesn't even know how much he hurts people…" ::
He killed so many people….and he doesn't even recall their horrified faces, as he killed off their loved ones, destroyed their homes, and damaged their dreams.
Allen tried to help him understand Dirandau…..but, that hadn't worked. A secondhand explanation could not make someone understand the person that had so shattered their world.
Chid shut his eyes for a moment.
Chid: "I think I should go and see some of the rebuilding that has been done. Good day to you, King Van."
He left without waiting for a reply.
Allen wanted to stay behind, to make sure Dirandau was alright….but it was his duty to stay with Chid. There was nothing he could do.
Van: "Mereru….what's come over you? I thought you were a little more grown up than that."
Mereru shrugged.
Van sighed.
Van: "You can't do stuff like that anymore, Mereru. What about the civil rights movement? No one will listen to you if you act so immature."
Dirandau: "Civil rights?"
Mereru: "Yes…the beast-people have been oppressed for a long time. They want their rights, and since I'm so close to the government, I can help a lot by being their representative.."
Dirandau: "Chk….if you represent what's good about beast-people, we should just keep them under suppression!"
Dirandau had a deep-rooted hatred for them. Ever since Jajuka abandoned him…. He thought he'd found someone he could depend on….but he was wrong. Jajuka was only there for Serena not for him. Nobody was ever really there for him to depend on.
He couldn't even depend on himself. Every moment of every day, he was terrified that he might just fall apart. And nobody would help him.
Why couldn't Jajuka have just cared about him??? He might have survived that attack….he might have.
He looked lost, and about ready to break down crying. Why do memories have to come so quick? A single statement can bring a torrential downpour of them…a waterfall, crashing down onto his head.
Mereru glared at him, and hissed.
Mereru: "OH YEAH??"
She smacked him across the clean side of his face, claws set as far out as they would go.
Dirandau gripped his face, dripping with blood.
Mereru: "You can have that, with the compliments of my people!"
She ran off, hating Dirandau even more than before [If that's even possible.]
She couldn't stand to have her people insulted like that….especially by people like him. There were so many beast-people that were better than the bastards who oppressed them.
Like Lalio, the baker. He is a wolf-man. He is the best baker in all the land….and yet…he must have his prices so low that he barely makes enough money to pay back what he owes for the ingredients he uses. No one will buy from him, otherwise. They say things like, "Ugh….I don't want to risk getting any hair in my rolls.."
And the taxes he had to pay were so much higher than any other 'normal' persons.
What's more, he had absolutely no chance to do anything about it. There was no say in any government for beast-people.
It wasn't fair. Mereru had practically been a slave her whole life. Even though she had been happy, she was still a slave.
Even if a slave is lucky enough to have a good master, who treats them kindly….that does not change the fact that they are a slave, bound by law and chain.
And, there were so many others she knew of that weren't happy.
:: "We will free ourselves. We will lift these bonds, and be free. All it will take is time." ::
Van stared at Dirandau. He remembered that horrible scene, from years ago. But…this was different.
Dirandau wasn't so horrified. He almost looked like he…accepted it.
But, that was a mistake. It was not acceptance, it was fatigue.
Van took a small tapestry from one of the walls, and handed it to Dirandau.
Van: "Here….you can use this until you can get over to a medic."
Dirandau threw it back at him.
Dirandau: "I don't need any help from you!"
He looked at himself in a nearby mirror. It was horrible…
The other one was quite faded by now. There was every hope that it would have disappeared. It was a nice hope, to think that he might be well again, that everything would be fine.
But…what good did that hope do him now?
What good did any hope do him?
He was going to have to pay for those crimes his whole life….crimes that weren't really his. Everything he ever had would be taken away from him, some time or another, and nothing would ever stay the same.
He looked down. His shirtsleeve…it was thoroughly soaked.
He was thoroughly soaked in blood, in all ways possible.
Van smacked Dirandau in the head with the tapestry
Van: "Fine! I was just trying to be considerate!"
Of all people, Van was the most tired of dealing with Dirandau.
What he had done to Dirandau, he had done because he was defending himself. But, for some reason, that seemed to give Dirandau license to hate him forever….even though Dirandau had gone after him first. It wasn't fair, and it didn't make any sense.
Dirandau: "You want to be considerate? Then, why don't you just die?"
Van: "Because, you wouldn't do the same for me."
Dirandau: "Rrrrrrrrrr…."
Van clutched his sword.
He did that whenever Dirandau started to act like this towards him. It was a reminder that Dirandau couldn't do anything, so he should stop doing this. Van knew all too well the signs of when Dirandau wanted to attack him. And, even though he knew that Dirandau wouldn't kill him…well, old fears don't die. Just as war-time hatreds live forever, so long as the fighters still live.
Van: "Go wander somewhere else for awhile. You're not welcome in this hallway."
Dirandau's face became blank. Devoid of emotion….except bitter fatigue.
He turned, and started down the hallway.
He didn't care if he met up with anyone who hated him.
He didn't care.
His life had not been ended. It had never begun. He never existed.
Van sighed.
Van: "That carpet…I'll bet the blood will never come out.."
They had to take Dirandau's uniform to be cleaned, the night of that fatal cut, because of the blood. They wanted to disinfect it.
The man who took it had remarked about the colour.
"Thank goodness it's red. Otherwise, those stains might've shown…..that would've been a disaster."
That man didn't give a damn about him, about the disaster that had befallen him.
Nobody ever did…unless they had to.
Chid did not go to look at the rebuilding, like he had said he would. He went straight to the ship, and ran to his quarters. He slammed the door right in Allen's face.
Chid: "Go away!"
Allen: "I'm not allowed to do that."
That wasn't entirely true. He could leave. But…he didn't want to leave Chid alone in such a state.
Chid: "Yes, you are! You did it at the docks. You can do it now."
Allen: "That was different. We hadn't started on this mission yet."
A mission? That's all this was to him?
Chid: "Allen Schezar, as the Duke of Freid, I am ordering you to leave. Go….take care of your brother…or something…"
Allen: "Yes, your grace…..as you wish."
There was nothing more he could do. And thus he left.
Chid slumped down to the floor on the other side of the door.
He began meditating. That always helped him feel better, and to make sense of things. It was what helped him to keep from losing his mind. He was perhaps the only sane person amidst a throng of completely nutty people, and he didn't want to lose that position.
After meditation, a walk was always enjoyable. Things always looked different, even though they were the same.
::"You can't hate them. You can't hate the wounded for lashing out at you. They are in pain…they don't know what they do. You can't hate them."::
Life is not kind to some. It disfigures them, in many ways.
They are so ugly, these people…on the inside.
But, what good does it do to hate the ugly?
The ugly can't help what they are. And often, they have a good heart through that unpleasant veil.
Immaturity, infidelity, murderous lust….a person doesn't choose to have those things. They choose the person. Like a barnacle on a ship, they attach themselves to a person when opportunity arises, and never ever let go.
He turned a corner…to find a man lying on the floor.
He blinked.
He had thought everyone had left the ship by now.
He tapped the man on the shoulder, but there was no response.
Chid: "Is he dead?"
The man laughed. A tired, dull laugh.
"Yes…he's dead…"
It was Dirandau. He had come back on the ship, because it would be away from everyone. He didn't want to get hurt anymore today.
He had tripped over some loose bit of carpeting. It didn't seem worth the effort to get up, so he had just stayed on the floor.
Chid: "Do you need some help?"
Dirandau laughed again. That statement had too many invitations for jokes.
Dirandau: "Don't bother. I'll just fall again."
He sighed.
Dirandau: "But, I'll get off your lovely carpet……if that's what you're getting at."
He tried to push himself up off the ground, and managed to sit up. His face was completely matted with blood, as were his hands. He almost looked like he had come from battle. In a way, he had.
He stared straight in front of him.
He looked as tired as Chid felt.
Chid: "We haven't met before. I'm-"
Dirandau: "I know who you are. Allen told me."
He stared at Chid.
Dirandau: "You look just like him. I feel sorry for you."
Chid sighed, and sat down next to Dirandau.
Chid: "It's not that bad….but…the rumours because of it are horrible. The ones about my family."
Dirandau: "Rumors about your family?"
He laughed.
Dirandau: "You even sound like him! Cripes….you must be so pathetic…."
Chid: "Well, you don't have to be so rude about it."
Dirandau: "And you don't have to sit here talking to me, either."
It was true. Chid could just get up and walk away. But…he needed to talk to someone. And Dirandau had absolutely no reason to lie to him. He was probably the only person who would be brutally honest with him, which was something Chid desperately needed. A life without truth is a horrible one indeed.
Chid: "What are you doing here, anyway?"
Dirandau fixed his collar.
Dirandau: "Thinking about ways to die."
Chid: "You think about that often?"
Dirandau: "Well, why shouldn't I? Everyone else is always thinking up horrible ways for me to die…I may as well come up with some on my own, so that I can debate with them."
Chid: "Yeah, well can you blame them?"
Dirandau: "Yes."
Chid: "But, you're the one who did things to them first. How can you go around feeling as though you're the victim?"
Dirandau shut his eyes.
:: "I am….a victim….." ::
Dirandau: "They don't matter."
Chid glared at him.
Chid: "How can you say that?? Don't you feel anything at all?"
Dirandau took Chid's hand, and put it to the side of his face. Chid pulled it away, now covered with blood, a little horrified. He had always hated the site of blood.
Dirandau: "Don't ever ask me that again.
Chid: "Okay, so you got cut…you lost your men…You did so much more to other people. You've caused so much loss. Why don't you feel badly about it?"
Deep down, Chid needed to know that Dirandau was suffering because of what he had done to his father. There had to be some kind of price for a crime like that.
He knew his father had chosen to give his life, for a cause…but…..
That didn't do anything for the fact that his father was gone. Sometimes, he just wanted to be so selfish…he just wanted to erase everything, and have his father back. Even if it meant that his father's sacrifice would not be made…even if the benefits of the that sacrifice would never be had by anyone.
Sometimes he just wanted to kick and scream and complain. He had never done that as a child. His father had taught him it wasn't dignified.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
He had never had a childhood. He had always been so serious. He had always been a ruler-in-training. There was no time to play. There was work to be done.
And his people needed him to be strong and reliable.
There was no time to play.
Dirandau: "I don't feel badly about it because I don't have to."
He refused to let himself be hurt foolishly for the sake of others.
Dirandau: "It wouldn't do them any good now, anyway."
With a sigh, Chid conceded. It wouldn't do anyone any good.
:: "But, it certainly would make me feel better." ::
It didn't matter if he felt good or bad about this. It wouldn't change the events.
Events are like mountains, and feelings are like rivers. Events can not be moved, bent, or broken, but the river must change its direction to fit with them.
Chid would flow with the time, until he reached the seas.
Chid: "It won't do them any good now…"
They both sat there like that for an indeterminable amount of time. The innocent and the guilty, side by side. Both had that same tired look on their faces. Both might as well have been dead.
{{Kay...only doing reviews today.
I'm hoping to maybe get another chapter of "Weapon of War" finished by tomorrow. [Heh..okay, now that I've said it, it'll probably be a few months.^_^]
Feye: Hmm....maybe he will write his biography.
After all, what else will have have to do?
::Smirks::
Yeah, I really feel bad for Chid. Like I said in the fic, he's a sane person stuck amidst a sea of crazy people.
That has to be really hard to deal with.
Eh....technically, Dilly can stay miserable for the rest of his life.
Much as I dislike it, I really don't know how he can have a truly happy ending.
And...well, I have issues, and I identify with him. Thus why he's getting so beaten up now in my fics.
[But, maybe he and Chid can get along later, so Dilly'll have at least one decent friend.]
And, you're such a good writer too! You keep up the good work.
Etowato: Heh...okay, I'll give you credit for Dilly's biography, if he writes one.
Yeah, I always thought that the Asturians are the most politician-ish of all nations.
^_^I was thinking the same thing about Eries.
And, I think that Chid is also like the two of them, to some extent.
They're all so serious...and obsessed with helping their people.
[Uh...well, technically Folken isn't obsessed with helping his people because he doesn't really have any of his own anymore.]
But, Chid has more personality, and he actually smiles.
He's like a kawaii version of the two.
Yeah, I agree that Dirandau is insecure, and a perfectionist.
I mean, if someone's life is always falling apart, the one thing a person would want more than anything else is to have something stable.
::Chickles::
I could write Dornkirk-Sama and the Mole-man, and make anyone care about them.
^_^If I can make non-Allen-lover actually somewhat like him, I can make someone care about any character.
Even those sorcerers.
[They're not trying to torment Dilly, they're only going on with their experiments. They don't hate him, they're just trying to get their work done. It's not very nice, but it doesn't make them evil.]
I know that no one much cares...but I will get more Chid in this story!
I promise!
Dusty D: You're absolutely right.
But, as Missy Etowato pointed out to me, there are some Chid-fics on FFN....people just don't label them with him as the main character for the search engine.
Okay...happy trails people.}}
Waiting…waiting….Chid preferred waiting instead of doing certain other things. If you had to wait, then it wasn't your fault that you weren't doing what you were supposed to. It was like a vacation.
The workers at the docks were giving him quite a little vacation right now. He wondered why these workers were so slow, especially since they worked in Asturia. It's trade depended on ships….so, how could their workers be slower at loading ships than his own in Freid?
Dryden: "Can't get good help at any price, huh?"
Dryden smirked.
Chid: "Why are you smiling?"
Dryden: "Because you want them to go slower."
Chid: "I…..no, I don't!"
This made Dryden smirk even more.
Chid sighed. It was true. He really didn't want to go back just yet, to see those depressed faces, and the bleak surroundings. A place of mourning in rarely a happy one. And he was so miserable already…
He stared out at the horizon. The trip would be long…but not long enough. Maybe they'd get lost.
If only….
All of a sudden, he saw two men run by. Allen was one of them.
Chid: "Where is he going in such a hurry?"
A worker carrying a big barrel overheard that statement.
Worker: "Oh, he had to go off to help his brother…."
This made Chid apprehensive. Allen was abandoning him to help that…..criminal?
:: "You can't blame him too much." ::
He kept in mind that Dirandau was the only family Allen had left. Even if his own father were to be labeled a criminal, Chid would've done anything to help him…anything.
:: "Besides, Allen won't have need to take care of Dirandau while he's in Freid." ::
They had neglected to tell him that Dirandau was also coming along, which made for a lovely surprise when Allen came back.
Allen carried Dirandau back from the bar, and brought him to their quarters. Allen wasn't too terribly angry with the bartender, for what had happened. At least this way, Dirandau would be easier to deal with for awhile.
Chid was furious when he found out that Allen had brought Dirandau. Why would Schezar do this to him??
Chid: "He can't do this!"
Dryden: "Chid, calm down-"
But, Chid would not calm down.
Chid: "My country is in mourning for a terrible attack….and he has to go and bring one of the people responsible for it!! I can understand the need for him to protect his brother, but he can't do this!."
:: "Father was right about his lack of tact." ::
Dryden: "You don't understand. If he doesn't take Dirandau along, then Dirandau will either be killed, or sent to prison. He wouldn't have done it otherwise."
As usual, Chid pushed his own feelings away from his decisions. He did what was right for everyone involved.
Chid: "Very well. But, the people of Freid mustn't know that he's here…at least, not initially. He'll have to pretend to be a worker of some kind, until after mourning is over."
Dryden nodded.
Dryden: "Alright then. You should get on the ship now."
He gave Chid a hug, and then the two parted.
The ship was well under-way. Chid was still depressed. He wandered the ship. He knew he couldn't walk his troubles away, but he thought that it might help to clear his head.
He came across Allen's quarters. The door was wide open. He looked around. There was no one in sight, and Allen was gone. But…Dirandau was there.
Chid stepped inside.
He turned a light on, to get a better look.
He had never seen Dirandau before, which may have been a lucky thing. He might've been haunted by the memory, if he had seen Dirandau during those terrible, trying times.
Chid: "So…..this is the man that killed my father."
He wondered if Dirandau had any grief over it. Did he feel remorse? Was he sorry he had done this?
No….how could he? He'd killed so many before. What was one more death to him?
::"Nothing……it meant absolutely nothing!"::
He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know what he would have done, even if he hadn't been under obligation to leave this man alone.
He wondered, would he ever be like these others, these fighters? Allen, Van, Dirandau, Mereru….they were so obsessed with other people. And they were all so miserable because of it.
Even his uncle, Dryden….he cared so much about Millerna. Even though he hadn't done much because of that, he still had let this feeling rule part of his life.
Was it really worth this pain, to continue hating someone else? But…well….he still wanted to hate Dirandau. He couldn't understand it, or explain it.
It almost seemed that if he didn't hate Dirandau…he would have to accept what happened. He would have to forget about Duke Freid. He didn't ever want to forget.
Allen came back. He had stepped out to retrieve some blankets.
Allen: "Your grace…is there anything I can help you with?"
He opened one of the blankets up, and covered Dirandau with it.
Chid sighed.
Chid: "No, I don't think you can help me."
Allen bowed to him as he headed for the door, then sat down next to Dirandau, intending to watch over him.
Chid stopped in the doorway, staring at the two.
Chid: "Allen….do you really care about him?"
There was some part of him that hoped this was all just an act.
However, Allen wasn't about to oblige Chid's hopes.
Allen: "Yes."
Chid: "Why?"
Allen: "Because he is my brother….and because he is in need of someone to care about him. No one else does."
Chid: "Yes, but, what about all the things he's done? His crimes? How can you just forget about them?"
Allen: "I haven't forgotten. I still remember how he was when I fought him. So…insane…and…."
Allen stopped himself. He wasn't doing Dirandau any favors by talking that way.
Chid: "Then, why do you forgive him?"
Allen: "Because I know him better than that. Sometimes if you get to know a person, you realize that not all of the horrible rumours are true…in a way. He may have done those things, but it doesn't make him a monster."
Chid: "You're saying that it's okay that he did all those things??"
Allen: "No, your grace. I am saying that a person can not be defined by what they do. To him, those weren't crimes, and therefore he is not so horrible. A person is only horrible when they know that something is wrong, and they do it anyway."
Chid stared blankly at Allen. Was Allen right? Should he forgive Dirandau?
He didn't want to….but maybe…maybe it was the right thing.
Yes, it was the right thing. He could tell because the right thing was almost invariably the most painful to do.
Chid: "Allen…where did you learn that from?"
Allen: "From Balgus, my sword master."
They had spent such a long time learning that lesson. It was a shame that everyone else refused to learn it.
Chid: "He must've been a great man."
Allen: "Oh, yes…just like a father to me."
Chid smiled.
Chid: "Kind of like how Dryden is with me.."
Allen: "Uh….yeah…"
He turned his face away, pretending to fix one of Dirandau's pillows.
There was silence, awkward silence.
Chid felt it might be the perfect opportunity to try and find out again what this big secret is that everyone is hiding from him.
Chid: "Allen?"
Allen: "Yes, your grace?"
Chid: "Would you tell me-"
Suddenly, the ship lurched forward. Both Chid and Allen were thrown to the floor, and the lamps were knocked out.
Because Dirandau hadn't been awake, he did not have the opportunity to brace himself against the jolt, and was thrown across the room. That was quite a headache to wake up to.
His eyes fluttered open. Everything was covered in ebony black.
He became terrified.
He had no way of knowing what had happened the night before. As far as he was concerned, he probably didn't make it to the docks, and was left behind in Asturia……he might have even been in the hands of those sorcerers.
There had been some apprentice sorcerers which had escaped death during the war and the trials after. They were too important to the government.
He was certain that the government would be all to happy to leave him in their hands.
He screamed. Several times.
Chid tried to find the door, intending to try and find out what had just happened. However, in the dark and confusion, it was impossible to tell where anything was. He stumbled into Dirandau, who in turn, clawed at him. This was not really helping their relationship any.
Allen looked through Dirandau's coat-pocket, and found a candle. He lit it as best he could in the dark. As soon as he could see, he pulled Chid away from Dirandau.
Allen held Dirandau to restrain him, in case he decided to do anything else.
Chid brushed himself off.
Allen: "I'm sorry…are you hurt, your grace?"
Chid shook his head 'no,' and went to the door.
He only had a few scratches on him. He would be fine.
Part of the ship had been damaged. Several levistones had been broken loose from a nearby crash-site, and had hit them. They would have to take the ship somewhere for repairs.
Luckily, they were near a very friendly country.
Dirandau: "WHERE????"
Dirandau had a really big grin on his face that nothing could get rid of.
Allen: "We've stopped in Fanelia."
Dirandau: "Oh, really…..eheh…"
Allen: "Alright, that's it! I'm taking all your firecrackers away."
Dirandau laughed.
Dirandau: "That's okay. I've still got some cherry-bombs."
Allen rolled his eyes.
Dirandau just smiled at him, and got up.
Allen: "Maybe you'd better just stay on the ship. Things are bad enough right now, without you going off making trouble."
Dirandau: "Oh, I just wanna play with him…."
Allen: "When are you going to stop being so childish??"
Dirandau: "When you stop being such an idiot."
It was a wonderful day in Fanelia. The sun was shining brightly, and all those buildings looked so lovely in the light.
There had been a lot of rebuilding done. It was almost better than it had been before it was destroyed. The people were very happy, and life was good.
Most of those traveling on the ship came out, to be greeted by the king.
Van was glad to welcome them all. Things were going so well, that he had almost grown bored.
Van smiled.
Van: "It is good to see you again, Freid. Have you been well?"
Chid nodded.
Van: "You are free to stay here as long as necessary to repair your ship."
Chid: "We thank you for your hospitality, Fanelia."
The ship's workers, of course, headed straight for some of the local pubs.
Others, who had been here during the war, had gone to look at the rebuilding.
Chid stayed to talk with Van, and Allen stayed to protect him.
Dirandau knew that he couldn't do anything while Allen was right there to stop him, so he went off to see what trouble he could cause elsewhere.
:: "Hmm….Van's room would be a good place to start." ::
He had never been inside of Van's castle. He only knew what it looked like from the outside, in bright light. He had no idea that it could be so confusing.
Which is why he got lost in less than three minutes.
Dirandau "Didn't I just cross down that hallway? Rrrrrrr….."
He wasn't being very quiet, which ensured that anyone else would have noticed him there. And, someone was there.
He heard a gasp from down the hallway.
Dirandau: "What was that?"
He looked all around, but he couldn't find the source of the sound.
Possibly he was hearing things, or maybe it was a ghost. Either way, he decided that he should get out of that hallway as quickly as possible.
However, someone else had a better idea. There was a loud hiss, a blur of orange, and then he was thrown to the floor.
Dirandau: "Ayaaa!!!"
It hurt all the more because of the injuries he had received earlier.
Dirandau: "What the….??"
He received a smack upside the jaw.
Dirandau: "Who are-"
And yet another smack.
He was more ready for it this time. He gripped her by the arm….and was surprised to find that it was a paw.
Dirandau: "Who are you???"
She struggled to break free.
Dirandau: "I won't let you go until you tell me."
He tightened his grip on her arm, at which point she started using his arm as a scratching post. He quickly let go, and backed away from her, but she followed him.
:: "Damn you, Allen! Why couldn't you have let me have just one weapon?" ::
She stretched out all her claws, and made ready to spring at him again. He dodged it, and let her go sprawling onto the floor behind him. And then he sat on her, and held her arms in place. It was the only thing he could do to keep her from going after him again.
But, she still had the claws in her feet, which she used to rend the back of his shirt to shreds.
He jumped up to get away from her, and the fight continued.
They wrestled for a few minutes, and Dirandau became more badly scratched up by the second.
Van, Chid, and Allen walked down the hallway at this time.
There was blood and bits of fur everywhere, and the two were still going at it.
Van: "Mereru!!"
The little orange fur-ball stopped immediately. However, Dirandau wasn't finished. He grabbed her by the tail, and pulled her to the ground.
Mereru glowered at him, but did nothing more.
Allen: "Dirandau! What have you done now?"
Dirandau: "It's not my fault! This….thing…attacked me. I wasn't doing anything!!"
She hissed at him.
Mereru: "You little freak. You're one to be calling me a 'thing'."
They glared at each other.
Dirandau: "What is your problem??"
Mereru: "You tried to kill Lord Van! You nearly succeeded several times, too. I hate you!!"
He stared blankly at her. It was obvious that he didn't recognize her at all.
:: "He doesn't even know how much he hurts people…" ::
He killed so many people….and he doesn't even recall their horrified faces, as he killed off their loved ones, destroyed their homes, and damaged their dreams.
Allen tried to help him understand Dirandau…..but, that hadn't worked. A secondhand explanation could not make someone understand the person that had so shattered their world.
Chid shut his eyes for a moment.
Chid: "I think I should go and see some of the rebuilding that has been done. Good day to you, King Van."
He left without waiting for a reply.
Allen wanted to stay behind, to make sure Dirandau was alright….but it was his duty to stay with Chid. There was nothing he could do.
Van: "Mereru….what's come over you? I thought you were a little more grown up than that."
Mereru shrugged.
Van sighed.
Van: "You can't do stuff like that anymore, Mereru. What about the civil rights movement? No one will listen to you if you act so immature."
Dirandau: "Civil rights?"
Mereru: "Yes…the beast-people have been oppressed for a long time. They want their rights, and since I'm so close to the government, I can help a lot by being their representative.."
Dirandau: "Chk….if you represent what's good about beast-people, we should just keep them under suppression!"
Dirandau had a deep-rooted hatred for them. Ever since Jajuka abandoned him…. He thought he'd found someone he could depend on….but he was wrong. Jajuka was only there for Serena not for him. Nobody was ever really there for him to depend on.
He couldn't even depend on himself. Every moment of every day, he was terrified that he might just fall apart. And nobody would help him.
Why couldn't Jajuka have just cared about him??? He might have survived that attack….he might have.
He looked lost, and about ready to break down crying. Why do memories have to come so quick? A single statement can bring a torrential downpour of them…a waterfall, crashing down onto his head.
Mereru glared at him, and hissed.
Mereru: "OH YEAH??"
She smacked him across the clean side of his face, claws set as far out as they would go.
Dirandau gripped his face, dripping with blood.
Mereru: "You can have that, with the compliments of my people!"
She ran off, hating Dirandau even more than before [If that's even possible.]
She couldn't stand to have her people insulted like that….especially by people like him. There were so many beast-people that were better than the bastards who oppressed them.
Like Lalio, the baker. He is a wolf-man. He is the best baker in all the land….and yet…he must have his prices so low that he barely makes enough money to pay back what he owes for the ingredients he uses. No one will buy from him, otherwise. They say things like, "Ugh….I don't want to risk getting any hair in my rolls.."
And the taxes he had to pay were so much higher than any other 'normal' persons.
What's more, he had absolutely no chance to do anything about it. There was no say in any government for beast-people.
It wasn't fair. Mereru had practically been a slave her whole life. Even though she had been happy, she was still a slave.
Even if a slave is lucky enough to have a good master, who treats them kindly….that does not change the fact that they are a slave, bound by law and chain.
And, there were so many others she knew of that weren't happy.
:: "We will free ourselves. We will lift these bonds, and be free. All it will take is time." ::
Van stared at Dirandau. He remembered that horrible scene, from years ago. But…this was different.
Dirandau wasn't so horrified. He almost looked like he…accepted it.
But, that was a mistake. It was not acceptance, it was fatigue.
Van took a small tapestry from one of the walls, and handed it to Dirandau.
Van: "Here….you can use this until you can get over to a medic."
Dirandau threw it back at him.
Dirandau: "I don't need any help from you!"
He looked at himself in a nearby mirror. It was horrible…
The other one was quite faded by now. There was every hope that it would have disappeared. It was a nice hope, to think that he might be well again, that everything would be fine.
But…what good did that hope do him now?
What good did any hope do him?
He was going to have to pay for those crimes his whole life….crimes that weren't really his. Everything he ever had would be taken away from him, some time or another, and nothing would ever stay the same.
He looked down. His shirtsleeve…it was thoroughly soaked.
He was thoroughly soaked in blood, in all ways possible.
Van smacked Dirandau in the head with the tapestry
Van: "Fine! I was just trying to be considerate!"
Of all people, Van was the most tired of dealing with Dirandau.
What he had done to Dirandau, he had done because he was defending himself. But, for some reason, that seemed to give Dirandau license to hate him forever….even though Dirandau had gone after him first. It wasn't fair, and it didn't make any sense.
Dirandau: "You want to be considerate? Then, why don't you just die?"
Van: "Because, you wouldn't do the same for me."
Dirandau: "Rrrrrrrrrr…."
Van clutched his sword.
He did that whenever Dirandau started to act like this towards him. It was a reminder that Dirandau couldn't do anything, so he should stop doing this. Van knew all too well the signs of when Dirandau wanted to attack him. And, even though he knew that Dirandau wouldn't kill him…well, old fears don't die. Just as war-time hatreds live forever, so long as the fighters still live.
Van: "Go wander somewhere else for awhile. You're not welcome in this hallway."
Dirandau's face became blank. Devoid of emotion….except bitter fatigue.
He turned, and started down the hallway.
He didn't care if he met up with anyone who hated him.
He didn't care.
His life had not been ended. It had never begun. He never existed.
Van sighed.
Van: "That carpet…I'll bet the blood will never come out.."
They had to take Dirandau's uniform to be cleaned, the night of that fatal cut, because of the blood. They wanted to disinfect it.
The man who took it had remarked about the colour.
"Thank goodness it's red. Otherwise, those stains might've shown…..that would've been a disaster."
That man didn't give a damn about him, about the disaster that had befallen him.
Nobody ever did…unless they had to.
Chid did not go to look at the rebuilding, like he had said he would. He went straight to the ship, and ran to his quarters. He slammed the door right in Allen's face.
Chid: "Go away!"
Allen: "I'm not allowed to do that."
That wasn't entirely true. He could leave. But…he didn't want to leave Chid alone in such a state.
Chid: "Yes, you are! You did it at the docks. You can do it now."
Allen: "That was different. We hadn't started on this mission yet."
A mission? That's all this was to him?
Chid: "Allen Schezar, as the Duke of Freid, I am ordering you to leave. Go….take care of your brother…or something…"
Allen: "Yes, your grace…..as you wish."
There was nothing more he could do. And thus he left.
Chid slumped down to the floor on the other side of the door.
He began meditating. That always helped him feel better, and to make sense of things. It was what helped him to keep from losing his mind. He was perhaps the only sane person amidst a throng of completely nutty people, and he didn't want to lose that position.
After meditation, a walk was always enjoyable. Things always looked different, even though they were the same.
::"You can't hate them. You can't hate the wounded for lashing out at you. They are in pain…they don't know what they do. You can't hate them."::
Life is not kind to some. It disfigures them, in many ways.
They are so ugly, these people…on the inside.
But, what good does it do to hate the ugly?
The ugly can't help what they are. And often, they have a good heart through that unpleasant veil.
Immaturity, infidelity, murderous lust….a person doesn't choose to have those things. They choose the person. Like a barnacle on a ship, they attach themselves to a person when opportunity arises, and never ever let go.
He turned a corner…to find a man lying on the floor.
He blinked.
He had thought everyone had left the ship by now.
He tapped the man on the shoulder, but there was no response.
Chid: "Is he dead?"
The man laughed. A tired, dull laugh.
"Yes…he's dead…"
It was Dirandau. He had come back on the ship, because it would be away from everyone. He didn't want to get hurt anymore today.
He had tripped over some loose bit of carpeting. It didn't seem worth the effort to get up, so he had just stayed on the floor.
Chid: "Do you need some help?"
Dirandau laughed again. That statement had too many invitations for jokes.
Dirandau: "Don't bother. I'll just fall again."
He sighed.
Dirandau: "But, I'll get off your lovely carpet……if that's what you're getting at."
He tried to push himself up off the ground, and managed to sit up. His face was completely matted with blood, as were his hands. He almost looked like he had come from battle. In a way, he had.
He stared straight in front of him.
He looked as tired as Chid felt.
Chid: "We haven't met before. I'm-"
Dirandau: "I know who you are. Allen told me."
He stared at Chid.
Dirandau: "You look just like him. I feel sorry for you."
Chid sighed, and sat down next to Dirandau.
Chid: "It's not that bad….but…the rumours because of it are horrible. The ones about my family."
Dirandau: "Rumors about your family?"
He laughed.
Dirandau: "You even sound like him! Cripes….you must be so pathetic…."
Chid: "Well, you don't have to be so rude about it."
Dirandau: "And you don't have to sit here talking to me, either."
It was true. Chid could just get up and walk away. But…he needed to talk to someone. And Dirandau had absolutely no reason to lie to him. He was probably the only person who would be brutally honest with him, which was something Chid desperately needed. A life without truth is a horrible one indeed.
Chid: "What are you doing here, anyway?"
Dirandau fixed his collar.
Dirandau: "Thinking about ways to die."
Chid: "You think about that often?"
Dirandau: "Well, why shouldn't I? Everyone else is always thinking up horrible ways for me to die…I may as well come up with some on my own, so that I can debate with them."
Chid: "Yeah, well can you blame them?"
Dirandau: "Yes."
Chid: "But, you're the one who did things to them first. How can you go around feeling as though you're the victim?"
Dirandau shut his eyes.
:: "I am….a victim….." ::
Dirandau: "They don't matter."
Chid glared at him.
Chid: "How can you say that?? Don't you feel anything at all?"
Dirandau took Chid's hand, and put it to the side of his face. Chid pulled it away, now covered with blood, a little horrified. He had always hated the site of blood.
Dirandau: "Don't ever ask me that again.
Chid: "Okay, so you got cut…you lost your men…You did so much more to other people. You've caused so much loss. Why don't you feel badly about it?"
Deep down, Chid needed to know that Dirandau was suffering because of what he had done to his father. There had to be some kind of price for a crime like that.
He knew his father had chosen to give his life, for a cause…but…..
That didn't do anything for the fact that his father was gone. Sometimes, he just wanted to be so selfish…he just wanted to erase everything, and have his father back. Even if it meant that his father's sacrifice would not be made…even if the benefits of the that sacrifice would never be had by anyone.
Sometimes he just wanted to kick and scream and complain. He had never done that as a child. His father had taught him it wasn't dignified.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
He had never had a childhood. He had always been so serious. He had always been a ruler-in-training. There was no time to play. There was work to be done.
And his people needed him to be strong and reliable.
There was no time to play.
Dirandau: "I don't feel badly about it because I don't have to."
He refused to let himself be hurt foolishly for the sake of others.
Dirandau: "It wouldn't do them any good now, anyway."
With a sigh, Chid conceded. It wouldn't do anyone any good.
:: "But, it certainly would make me feel better." ::
It didn't matter if he felt good or bad about this. It wouldn't change the events.
Events are like mountains, and feelings are like rivers. Events can not be moved, bent, or broken, but the river must change its direction to fit with them.
Chid would flow with the time, until he reached the seas.
Chid: "It won't do them any good now…"
They both sat there like that for an indeterminable amount of time. The innocent and the guilty, side by side. Both had that same tired look on their faces. Both might as well have been dead.
{{Kay...only doing reviews today.
I'm hoping to maybe get another chapter of "Weapon of War" finished by tomorrow. [Heh..okay, now that I've said it, it'll probably be a few months.^_^]
Feye: Hmm....maybe he will write his biography.
After all, what else will have have to do?
::Smirks::
Yeah, I really feel bad for Chid. Like I said in the fic, he's a sane person stuck amidst a sea of crazy people.
That has to be really hard to deal with.
Eh....technically, Dilly can stay miserable for the rest of his life.
Much as I dislike it, I really don't know how he can have a truly happy ending.
And...well, I have issues, and I identify with him. Thus why he's getting so beaten up now in my fics.
[But, maybe he and Chid can get along later, so Dilly'll have at least one decent friend.]
And, you're such a good writer too! You keep up the good work.
Etowato: Heh...okay, I'll give you credit for Dilly's biography, if he writes one.
Yeah, I always thought that the Asturians are the most politician-ish of all nations.
^_^I was thinking the same thing about Eries.
And, I think that Chid is also like the two of them, to some extent.
They're all so serious...and obsessed with helping their people.
[Uh...well, technically Folken isn't obsessed with helping his people because he doesn't really have any of his own anymore.]
But, Chid has more personality, and he actually smiles.
He's like a kawaii version of the two.
Yeah, I agree that Dirandau is insecure, and a perfectionist.
I mean, if someone's life is always falling apart, the one thing a person would want more than anything else is to have something stable.
::Chickles::
I could write Dornkirk-Sama and the Mole-man, and make anyone care about them.
^_^If I can make non-Allen-lover actually somewhat like him, I can make someone care about any character.
Even those sorcerers.
[They're not trying to torment Dilly, they're only going on with their experiments. They don't hate him, they're just trying to get their work done. It's not very nice, but it doesn't make them evil.]
I know that no one much cares...but I will get more Chid in this story!
I promise!
Dusty D: You're absolutely right.
But, as Missy Etowato pointed out to me, there are some Chid-fics on FFN....people just don't label them with him as the main character for the search engine.
Okay...happy trails people.}}