Title: Just Short Of Peace
By: Cheddar
Rating: PG-!3
Summery: Xander is running away after Hells Bells and is forever falling just short of peace. That is until he meets some immortals who are hell bent on giving him peace. Just not the kind he wants.
Note: This is only the prologue to a longer story. It's a Buffy/Highlander crossover set post Hells Bells for Buffy and Richie never died on Highlander.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot which is self-admittedly trite. I'm sorry but I had to write it no matter how bad it was.
Distribution: Just tell me where you're putting it.
Feedback: Please give me your honest opinion on this. That means more to me than superficial reviews. Thank you.
*
I always knew that I would reach a point in my life where I wouldn't be able to handle it all. So here I am. Seated comfortably in my old car dressed to the nines with nothing more than a bit of cash my dad had slipped in my pocket at the rehearsal dinner. And What was I doing? I was running. I was doing what I'd always done best. Running away from my problems. But It was something more too. Maybe I was running away from the painful memories that assaulted me day after day and night after night. The dreams that left me shaking for hours after I woke up. But how can you run away from memories?
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The first time I ever had those dreams it was Jesse who yelled my name. Yelling at me to awake before I did it. How he looked at me as I drove that stake through his heart pierced mine. Even if he didn't have a soul, could he still feel as betrayed as I did with that action? I betrayed both him and my friendship for the pray that I could save his soul. Yeah, back when religion meant something to me.
Yeah, so Jesse was the first memory that killed me. For months afterwards I would dream about it and wake up in a clod sweat not remembering anything in the dreams. Mom got really worried and took me to a shrink who said it was night terrors brought on by a traumatic event. I think that was the only time Mom ever noticed that something might be wrong with me about anything. Most times she just ignored me.
Dad was worse though. He was forever telling me that I wasn't his kid. Always saying something about 'his kid' having died in the hospital. When I was little Mom used to tell me stories about how I almost died but as I grew and the novelty of having a child wore off for her she stopped spending time with me and began to drink more.
When I was twelve, Jesse and Willow helped me move down the basement. The tree of us spent our summer slumber parties down there until Willow's mom said she was too old to be sleeping in the same room with two boys and then it was just Jesse and me. It seemed like so long ago but it wasn't. Not Really. And i drove on into the night. Leaving behind me a marriage that would never have worked and a past I would never escape.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Another mile, another memory. The next dreams were about Cordelia. In my dreams she was always pinned to the wall by a metal rod in her stomach. Watching as I plunged that wood into Jesse's heart. Her eyes filled with horror that I could do that to my own best friend.
I'd come so close to losing her that night and I know she hated me but when I heard about it I almost broke my knees crying. But I held it in. I had to. I would not be weak like my father had always told me I was. I would not be that man. Never ever would I be the drunken fool he had become.
On into the night my little car sped. Faster than was legal but there was no one out here at this time of night. I don't know which way I was going. North I think. I soon began seeing signs for San Fransico and Oakland. The lights of Las Angeles dimmed behind me and the wind whistled through the cracked window. But It seemed somehow right. I was going to be as far away as possible. Maybe I'd go to Canada or turn east at some point and go see the Mall of America... No, all those people flashing money around would remind me of Anya and I wasn't ready for that. Maybe I'd leave the country. Go live in some quiet European town where nothing ever happened. Find a nice life and die with no clue as to what had ever happened to any of them. I tried telling myself it would be easy my hands twitched trying to turn the car around bellying that sullen prayer.
And on and on I drove. I knew that soon I'd have to stop but I couldn't. Not yet. There was a pressure on my chest that told me I needed sleep. My eyes were heavy but my heart beat hard telling me to press on 'til morning... If only I could go to morning then I'd sleep without the dreams for the first time in years...
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I was so tired. Tired not only from driving but also of living the life I had been. I'd been tired of fighting since I was in high school. My post graduation road trip had been my first attempt to run. I never really intended to come back but I had. I hoped I would do better this time around.
Up ahead a sign told me that I was fast approaching a small town. I can't remember its name and it will always be a no-name town in my memory like every town I've ever been to. Except Sunnydale. It promised a bed and food and I knew I wouldn't be able to afford anything else. And so I pulled in. I stopped at a tiny motel and checked in. I dumped my few things on the floor and fell into bed with my clothes still on. Eyes wide open.
Why is it that when you need sleep the most it never comes? I must have lain there for an hour before I gave up. I sat up, grabbed the key and walked out. I began to wander the deserted streets of Town-No-Name USA listening for the silence and watching nothing. I didn't think. I just walked. And that not thinking is probably what got me in trouble.
A scream pierced the night and without a second or even a first thought, I was off in pursuit of it. My hand went instinctively to the stake that was always in my pocket and I rounded a corner to find myself standing in an alley just like every other alley in the world. And at the end I saw a sight I had seen so many times in my short life. A vampire draining a woman. Her long blond curls made me think for a moment that it was Anya...
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me chose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Without a thought I plunged the stake into the vampire's back turning him to dust. The woman fell to the ground barely alive. The resemblance to Anya was too close for comfort and I found myself half wanting to walk away. But I couldn't. This isn't her I told myself. It isn't her.
But the woman before me was half dead and there was no way I could save her. Gently I lifted her into my arms. She turned her fear filled eyes to me and her hand brushed my face with a feather light touch. Like an angel.
"My father told me once that life is a precious thing and that as long as we are remembered by those around us, we never die." Her voice was shaky and she knew she was dying. It was past time to think about calling an ambulance. "Do you think it's true? If you remember me, the girl you held in your arms as she died, will I never really and truly die?"
"I believe it." I didn't know what else to say.
She smiled at me. The faintest ghost of a smile but it was there. "Thank you." And she was gone from my life as quickly as she'd come. I didn't even know her name.
Standing up, I left her there. I retraced my steps back to the motel and climbing into the bed which smelled of stale breath and rancid beer, I fell into a sleep filled with that woman's face streaming with tears because no one remembered her.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The next morning I arose with guilt weighing me down. I got back in the car and set off. I couldn't go as fast as I had been last night but maybe that was okay. On my way out of the town, I passed the alley where everything had happened. It swarmed with police and a fire truck as well. I didn't slow or stop. I had built up a barrier some time during the night. My heart was as stone now. Nothing would hurt more than Her dying words. "Remember me..." I would. I would fever and ever but I would never cry. I would never let myself feel for any one again. I would not weep for the memories of things past. Things I could not change. I'll remember you but I can not cry. I'll never give them that.
Weep not for the memories
TBC.....?
By: Cheddar
Rating: PG-!3
Summery: Xander is running away after Hells Bells and is forever falling just short of peace. That is until he meets some immortals who are hell bent on giving him peace. Just not the kind he wants.
Note: This is only the prologue to a longer story. It's a Buffy/Highlander crossover set post Hells Bells for Buffy and Richie never died on Highlander.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot which is self-admittedly trite. I'm sorry but I had to write it no matter how bad it was.
Distribution: Just tell me where you're putting it.
Feedback: Please give me your honest opinion on this. That means more to me than superficial reviews. Thank you.
*
I always knew that I would reach a point in my life where I wouldn't be able to handle it all. So here I am. Seated comfortably in my old car dressed to the nines with nothing more than a bit of cash my dad had slipped in my pocket at the rehearsal dinner. And What was I doing? I was running. I was doing what I'd always done best. Running away from my problems. But It was something more too. Maybe I was running away from the painful memories that assaulted me day after day and night after night. The dreams that left me shaking for hours after I woke up. But how can you run away from memories?
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The first time I ever had those dreams it was Jesse who yelled my name. Yelling at me to awake before I did it. How he looked at me as I drove that stake through his heart pierced mine. Even if he didn't have a soul, could he still feel as betrayed as I did with that action? I betrayed both him and my friendship for the pray that I could save his soul. Yeah, back when religion meant something to me.
Yeah, so Jesse was the first memory that killed me. For months afterwards I would dream about it and wake up in a clod sweat not remembering anything in the dreams. Mom got really worried and took me to a shrink who said it was night terrors brought on by a traumatic event. I think that was the only time Mom ever noticed that something might be wrong with me about anything. Most times she just ignored me.
Dad was worse though. He was forever telling me that I wasn't his kid. Always saying something about 'his kid' having died in the hospital. When I was little Mom used to tell me stories about how I almost died but as I grew and the novelty of having a child wore off for her she stopped spending time with me and began to drink more.
When I was twelve, Jesse and Willow helped me move down the basement. The tree of us spent our summer slumber parties down there until Willow's mom said she was too old to be sleeping in the same room with two boys and then it was just Jesse and me. It seemed like so long ago but it wasn't. Not Really. And i drove on into the night. Leaving behind me a marriage that would never have worked and a past I would never escape.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Another mile, another memory. The next dreams were about Cordelia. In my dreams she was always pinned to the wall by a metal rod in her stomach. Watching as I plunged that wood into Jesse's heart. Her eyes filled with horror that I could do that to my own best friend.
I'd come so close to losing her that night and I know she hated me but when I heard about it I almost broke my knees crying. But I held it in. I had to. I would not be weak like my father had always told me I was. I would not be that man. Never ever would I be the drunken fool he had become.
On into the night my little car sped. Faster than was legal but there was no one out here at this time of night. I don't know which way I was going. North I think. I soon began seeing signs for San Fransico and Oakland. The lights of Las Angeles dimmed behind me and the wind whistled through the cracked window. But It seemed somehow right. I was going to be as far away as possible. Maybe I'd go to Canada or turn east at some point and go see the Mall of America... No, all those people flashing money around would remind me of Anya and I wasn't ready for that. Maybe I'd leave the country. Go live in some quiet European town where nothing ever happened. Find a nice life and die with no clue as to what had ever happened to any of them. I tried telling myself it would be easy my hands twitched trying to turn the car around bellying that sullen prayer.
And on and on I drove. I knew that soon I'd have to stop but I couldn't. Not yet. There was a pressure on my chest that told me I needed sleep. My eyes were heavy but my heart beat hard telling me to press on 'til morning... If only I could go to morning then I'd sleep without the dreams for the first time in years...
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I was so tired. Tired not only from driving but also of living the life I had been. I'd been tired of fighting since I was in high school. My post graduation road trip had been my first attempt to run. I never really intended to come back but I had. I hoped I would do better this time around.
Up ahead a sign told me that I was fast approaching a small town. I can't remember its name and it will always be a no-name town in my memory like every town I've ever been to. Except Sunnydale. It promised a bed and food and I knew I wouldn't be able to afford anything else. And so I pulled in. I stopped at a tiny motel and checked in. I dumped my few things on the floor and fell into bed with my clothes still on. Eyes wide open.
Why is it that when you need sleep the most it never comes? I must have lain there for an hour before I gave up. I sat up, grabbed the key and walked out. I began to wander the deserted streets of Town-No-Name USA listening for the silence and watching nothing. I didn't think. I just walked. And that not thinking is probably what got me in trouble.
A scream pierced the night and without a second or even a first thought, I was off in pursuit of it. My hand went instinctively to the stake that was always in my pocket and I rounded a corner to find myself standing in an alley just like every other alley in the world. And at the end I saw a sight I had seen so many times in my short life. A vampire draining a woman. Her long blond curls made me think for a moment that it was Anya...
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me chose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Without a thought I plunged the stake into the vampire's back turning him to dust. The woman fell to the ground barely alive. The resemblance to Anya was too close for comfort and I found myself half wanting to walk away. But I couldn't. This isn't her I told myself. It isn't her.
But the woman before me was half dead and there was no way I could save her. Gently I lifted her into my arms. She turned her fear filled eyes to me and her hand brushed my face with a feather light touch. Like an angel.
"My father told me once that life is a precious thing and that as long as we are remembered by those around us, we never die." Her voice was shaky and she knew she was dying. It was past time to think about calling an ambulance. "Do you think it's true? If you remember me, the girl you held in your arms as she died, will I never really and truly die?"
"I believe it." I didn't know what else to say.
She smiled at me. The faintest ghost of a smile but it was there. "Thank you." And she was gone from my life as quickly as she'd come. I didn't even know her name.
Standing up, I left her there. I retraced my steps back to the motel and climbing into the bed which smelled of stale breath and rancid beer, I fell into a sleep filled with that woman's face streaming with tears because no one remembered her.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
The next morning I arose with guilt weighing me down. I got back in the car and set off. I couldn't go as fast as I had been last night but maybe that was okay. On my way out of the town, I passed the alley where everything had happened. It swarmed with police and a fire truck as well. I didn't slow or stop. I had built up a barrier some time during the night. My heart was as stone now. Nothing would hurt more than Her dying words. "Remember me..." I would. I would fever and ever but I would never cry. I would never let myself feel for any one again. I would not weep for the memories of things past. Things I could not change. I'll remember you but I can not cry. I'll never give them that.
Weep not for the memories
TBC.....?