It's about two in the morning right now. I can't believe what happened tonight. I went to Claire's stupid birthday party, after much badgering from Lizzie. I hate all those parties. Nothing but endless, mindless chatter about cute shoes and the football team's winning streak. But Lizzie loves them, so I'd feel bad if I didn't go with her. After the first few hours of teeny bopper jabber and plastic pop music, I managed to slip away for a smoke. Damn Miranda... I hate her for getting me into this. I went out into Claire's backyard and sat on the tire swing. That's when Parker McKenzie came out of nowhere. She was wearing a really low white blouse... but that's not the point. She asked me why I wasn't inside with everyone else. I held up my cigarette and said, "Bad habit." It was sort of weird, since Parker and I haven't talked much at all since last year, when she turned me down.

But for some reason we just started talking. Somehow the conversation worked its way through God and honors World History and rice pudding and marijuana and war and society... I don't even know how long I was out there; I just got so caught up in the conversation. Without realizing it, Parker and I had moved closer to another and were inches away from each other. I don't know what came over me, but I kissed Parker. We started making out on Claire Miller's tire swing. I don't know how long we kissed, but we stopped when I heard Miranda's voice calling my name from the house. I looked at Parker for a minute, but I couldn't say anything. I ran back into the house. I never saw her come back into the party. Now I can't sleep. I'm so confused. Why did I kiss Parker?? I know I don't like her; I haven't liked her since I found out how shallow she was in the eighth grade. I just got so caught up in the moment. I feel so much guilt right now. First thing tomorrow, I've got to tell Lizzie what happened. There's no way I can keep this a secret. It was an accident... I just hope Lizzie can understand. March 28, 2004

The days of the long summer were slipping away fast. Gordo would be beginning his sophomore year soon. The last way he wanted to start out the new school year was with juggling two girlfriends. Just like Miranda said, it would all blow up in his face if he didn't figure something out soon. He sat in his room, reading through the journal he'd kept the past year. He thought that reading through old entries might help him understand how this whole mess had got started. He also hoped that it would help him make the right decision.

He hadn't told Lizzie about the kiss like he promised himself he would. He chickened out, and decided to keep it a secret. He figured it would be better if no one ever found out about it, and that he should just move on. That would have been a good plan, if only he had been able to stay away from Parker. Unfortunately, he ran into her only a week later at the Digital Bean...

He saw her at a table, reading and sipping a frappucino, and he froze. It was spring break, and he hadn't seen her since the party. He felt dreadfully uncomfortable to be around her again, especially since he had left her the other night without saying a word. He thought perhaps he could sneak out and not have to face her, but right as he headed towards the door Parker looked up and caught his eye.

"Gordo," she said. She motioned for him to come sit across from her at the table.

Reluctantly, Gordo pulled up a chair. "Look, about the other night..." he began.

"Oh," said Parker, making a tsk noise and placing her hand on the table. "I totally meant to talk to you about that. Things obviously got way out of hand, but no hard feelings or anything. Whatever floats your boat." Gordo raised an eyebrow at her. She spoke as if they were discussing the weather, completely unphased. She continued. "But before, you know, things went oddly wrong, I couldn't help but notice we had a really nice conversation."

"Uh... yeah?" He was afraid to ask where she was going. Miranda always said it best: It's Parker; she's weird!

"Well, I heard from a friend of mine the other day about this arts festival in the park tomorrow night. They'll be street performers and a few really good jazz artists. It seemed like the kind of thing you might enjoy, and I wondered if you wanted to come with my crew and me. It's to raise money for SOPE, and we're trying to get some more people involved."

He was baffled. "Why are you raising money for soap?"

"It's Save Our Planet Earth: S-O-P-E. It's an environmental thing... and of course, we also want to promote the arts. What do you say? Wanna come with?"

"Are you serious? Parker, a week ago I was making out with you while at a party with my girlfriend. I really don't see how that constitutes us forming a friendship out of the blue. Call me crazy, but it seems just a little be awkward to go to some... soap festival with you."

Parker sighed and rolled her eyes. She took a sip of her frapuccino and continued. "That's an awfully childish way of looking at it, Gordo. Only a boy would be so immature as to dwell on one little kiss. It was just a kiss, okay? It was a mistake, but we're both mature enough to let it go, don't you think?" Gordo didn't seem too sure. Parker released another impatient sigh. "Look, you don't have to come if you don't want to. In fact, if it suits you, don't ever speak to me again. It honestly doesn't matter to me. I just thought you'd have fun at this thing. And you could bring Lizzie and Miranda, of course." She stood up, grabbing her drink and book. "If you decide to go, let me know. My friend Richard can give you guys a ride." She turned to leave.

Let her go, Gordo told himself. There's no way you should go to her stupid festival. She's an elitist bitch and she always has been. Besides, you can't take your girlfriend to hang out with the girl you just kissed behind her back! No, it's best to just ignore Parker and put this whole mess behind you.

"Parker... wait."

So, naturally, he went to the festival, despite everything his gut was telling him. It was just like in middle school, when Parker had asked him to dance even after being a complete jerk. He should have said no, and thrown it all right back in her face. But no, he just had to forgive her. She had a particularly evil way of talking him into things.

Holy shit. Something really really weird happened tonight. I don't think I ever could have seen this coming... It's still so fresh in my memory, I'm almost numb. I don't know what to think. It all started when Lizzie called earlier. She told me she was going to have to bail on me, because Veruca had found tickets to see some pop singer from Brazil or something stupid like that. I was really upset, so when Parker's friend Richard showed up, I went ahead and went. Richard was like twenty years old. All of Parker's friends were older. They all wore flowered shirts and beads, like hippies. I didn't understand how Parker could be such good friends with them all, since she seemed nothing like them.

Somehow, though... it all went just right. I had the most amazing time ever. The hippies were really intelligent, and they spent hours talking about politics and music, while some crazy cats played some awesome blues. And Parker, wow, she was so into it all. I never realized how smart she was. I was completely blown away... so maybe that's what explains what happened next. At the end of the night they shot off fireworks. While everyone else was watching the skies Parker and I snuck off to the gazebo. We started making out again, but this time it was much more intense. The next thing I knew she was putting her hands down my pants, and to my surprise I started working my way up her shirt. We started doing things even Lizzie and I haven't done yet... one thing led to another. I cannot believe what I've done. I had sex with Parker McKenzie tonight, in a public place even. It feels so weird. I always thought my first time would be with Lizzie. Now I'm just really confused. I feel so guilty about what I've done, but at the same time part of me is so glad it happened. Does this make me a bad person? How could I do that to my girlfriend? Does this mean I like Parker instead of Lizzie? All I know now is that things have gone too far. I absolutely have to tell Lizzie tomorrow, no matter what. April 5, 2004.

"Why didn't I just tell Lizzie?" Gordo angrily asked himself aloud as he threw his journal across the room. If he had only told her right off the bat, he might not be in this mess.