Gordo woke up to someone pounding on the front door. He had been asleep on the floor, still clutching Parker's hand. He looked over her as she slept and frowned. She hadn't said anything else for the rest of the night, and Gordo was still scared of what she might say. All he could do was wait.
He got up and walked to the door, still wearing his clothes from the day before. He noticed the clock on the wall read 9:00 AM. He swung open the door and morning sunshine stung his tired eyes. His jaw dropped to see Lizzie on the front porch.
Lizzie gasped and her eyes grew wide as she saw Gordo at the door. "Oh my God..." she said, looking away from him. "You're actually here. I didn't think you would actually be here." She started crying.
"Lizzie?" he asked, still confused. He stepped onto the porch and shut the door behind him. "What... what are you doing here?"
She threw her head up angrily at him. "What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here?" She looked awful, tears streaming from red eyes. Lizzie rarely swore, so Gordo knew she had to be upset.
"It's a long story..." Gordo stared up at the wind chimes, which were no longer moving. How could he possibly explain everything to her? This definitely wasn't how he pictured breaking the news to her. "How did know I was here?"
Lizzie stared at him in disbelief. "Is that all you care about? The fact that you got caught? You told me you were going to visit your grandmother, and I find you all alone at the lake in Parker McKenzie's house! And all that bothers you is the fact that you got caught? How could you do this to me?!"
It hit him hard. The past few months with Parker had felt like a game. He was so tired of being Lizzie's boyfriend that he just forgot all about her and found a new toy to play with. He hadn't counted on falling in love. But even worse than that, he hadn't stopped to really think how this would effect Lizzie. He couldn't stand to see her so upset.
"Things just got out of control," Gordo said simply. "Things have been out of control in my life for awhile now, and I just didn't know how to deal with any of it." Lizzie was still crying, barely listening. He moved towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders; she would not look him in the eye. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can't even tell you enough how sorry I am. But I've figured it all out now... I think... and I'm going to try to fix everything."
"I just don't see how you could do it. What did I do wrong? I thought things were going great with us. Did you... I mean..." She choked on the words. "Did you sleep with her?"
There was a sad silence. Gordo wrapped his arms around her and held her for a moment, letting her cry. "I love you, Lizzie. I know I've done alot of things wrong, but you should at least know that I've always loved you." Lizzie only cried harder. She looked awful, the same way she'd looked when Ronnie broke up with her. Gordo sighed. He looked past her shoulder, still holding her in his arms, and saw Jo McGuire's car parked in front of the house.
"Lizzie?" asked Gordo. "Did you drive here all by yourself?"
Lizzie pulled away, wiping her face. "Well, I was so angry when I found out I just wanted to jump in the car and chase you down." She sobbed some more.
"Okay, well, it's okay. I tell you what, I'll drive you back home. We've got alot to talk about. Just let me get my stuff, all right?" Lizzie did not answer. She sat down on the porch and buried her face in her hands. Gordo sighed and walked back into the house. He was surprised to see Parker standing by the window, having been listening the whole time.
"Lizzie found out," he said simply.
Parker nodded. "I noticed. Good luck patching things up with her."
"Yeah. I've got to drive her home... she deserves a good explanation, so that'll give us plenty of time to talk. It's going to be hard putting everything into words." Parker nodded, seemingly uninterested. "You know I'm breaking up with her, right?"
She drew her eyes to him, as if he'd said something she wasn't expecting. "Why?"
Gordo stared at her incredulously. "What? I told you, Parker. I love you. It's you I want to be with."
"Oh." Parker shook her head. "I didn't think you were still on that whole thing."
Gordo felt himself getting angry again. Didn't she care that he had chosen her? Wasn't she at all flattered that he'd picked imperfect her over perfect Lizzie? "I still don't get why you're acting like this." His eyes flashed desperation as he took a step closer to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.
She moved away from him. "Please don't. I think it's best if... if we don't see each other anymore. You're just too clingy for my tastes, daddio."
He stared in disbelief, waiting and hoping she would say something more. She just stood there, not meeting his eyes. Finally he just shook his head and walked away. He retrieved his bags and angrily marched out the door. He wrapped his arm around the sobbing Lizzie, holding her close as he walked her to the car.
Parker watched them leave through the window, light tears dripping down her face.
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I tried calling Parker's house for days, but she wouldn't answer her phone. I kept thinking she might call and tell me everything was an act, and that she really did love me, too. But she never did. Stuff like that only comes true with Lizzie, because Lizzie's all part of the "fluffy-cake fairy tale." I feel like such a dirk. I can't believe I fell so hard for Parker, screwing up everything I had with Lizzie, only to find out she doesn't give a damn. Maybe she was playing me all along, or maybe I was just too stupid to see the truth.
After the car ride home with Lizzie, we came to the conclusion that we both needed time to think. I wanted to break up with her, to finally get free of this ridiculous cycle I keep slipping into, but I was so upset over Parker that I didn't want to feel alone. I had already lost Parker, and I was too afraid of pushing away Lizzie as well. I'm going over to her house tonight to talk some more. I can't let myself cling to the hope of Parker any more. I'll just grovel my ass off and see if I can win Lizzie back. Things will go back to their sickeningly normal routine. Everything will be like it was before. I was a fool for thinking I could ever have anything other than this plastic snowglobe of a world I live in. August 14, 2004
Gordo set down his pen and closed his journal. He sighed deeply as he reached into his dresser drawer and fished around for his cigarettes. He found one and lit it, laying back on his bed as he inhaled. There was suddenly a knock at his door, causing him to jump and drop his cigarette. "Shit," he mumbled as the tip burned him. He quickly smothered the cigarette in a book and closed the book tightly around it. "Uh... come in," he said.
The door open and Miranda entered. "Hi," she said quietly. They hadn't spoken since the day she gave him a ride to the lake. "Can I bum a smoke?"
He rolled his eyes and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. "You really don't deserve one," he said, pulling out one for her and another for himself. "You just made me ruin one."
Miranda shrugged and took the cigarette from him, sitting beside him on his bed as he lit it for her. They sat silently smoking for a moment.
"Is that the only reason you came by?" asked Gordo at last.
"No," said Miranda. "I came to see how you were doing. Lizzie called me Saturday night when I got off work, crying and spilling the whole story." She paused. "So you finally broke up with Parker?"
Gordo chortled bitterly. "Not exactly. But whatever. The details aren't important now. I'm right back where I started, good old one-girl Gordo. Lizzie and I are most likely getting back together tonight. So you can finally be happy, okay?"
She frowned. "I only wanted what was best for you guys. Parker's great, but not as a girlfriend. She's just weird like that. You and Lizzie are the most awesome people I know, and you deserve each other. I was only trying to help."
Gordo turned and looked at her for a moment. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"What's what supposed to mean?" She tried to look innocent.
His tone was accusing. "You said you were only trying to help... what exactly were you helping with?"
"Oh... nothing... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Are you the one who told Lizzie?" he asked angrily. "Did you go behind my back?"
She slid off the bed and stood up defensively. "So what if I did? You'd probably still be sleeping around if I hadn't done something."
"Oh, so suddenly you're the big moral meter, are you? What the hell gives you the right to decide when to intervene in my life?" Both of them glared icily at one another. There were obviously quite a few emotions between them that were unresolved.
"I was doing the right thing, Gordo! Don't you get it? Parker doesn't give a flying fuck about you, and I saved you from her. I was the one who salvaged your relationship with Lizzie. You should be thanking me! Parker sure did."
Gordo's eyes widened. "What? What the hell? What have you been telling Parker behind my back? Just how long have you been digging through my personal life like it's some kind of game?"
"I know alot more about Parker than you could imagine, trust me." Miranda realized she was telling him more than was nessecary, but she was a stubborn girl and once she got started it was hard for her to back down. She felt a lump form in her throat and her stomach was unsettled. "Look, you just... you don't understand how Parker operates. All she was going to do was lead you on and screw things up for everyone. I was the only one who cared; I was the only one who was paying close enough attention to see that it was all going to hell! I did the right thing, Gordo, I did the right thing!" Her voice cracked as she tried to reassure herself.
Gordo couldn't look her in the eye. "I can't believe you. After everything we've been through together. After everything I've done for you..."
"Oh, don't make yourself out to be some hero. You've screwed me over plenty of times, Gordo..."
"Go to hell! How could you do this to me?! How could I ever trust you again when I know you were messing things up the whole time?"
"How can ANYONE ever trust you after everything you did to Lizzie? Or even to me and Parker?" Miranda felt bitter tears creep down her face as she felt things spiraling out of control. "I was only trying to help, Gordo. I swear to God."
"Sure. I'm sure the fact that you wanted Parker, too, had nothing to do with it. I've seen how you act around her," he added harshly as she opened her mouth to interrupt. "Just... just go..." He seemed to be fighting off more intense frustrations. "I don't ever want to talk to you again."
Miranda stared at him for a moment longer, the two former best friends locked in a cold gaze. She shook her head with a sort of ironic smile and marched out the door.