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Last night was enjoyable, and a step in the right direction, if not exactly what I wanted, or what I need. We played a family game at my mother's urging, and I enjoyed it for Bra's sake. She was trying so hard to make up on lost childhood by being cute and ignorant, although she still beat everyone at the game, which frazzled Dad a bit. His childish reaction to losing was easy to see through, and the hint of amusement was there, I could feel my heart melt when Bra giggled happily, a beautiful but rare sound.
Oh Bra, why couldn't we have made your childhood happy? Something so small, something you deserved so much, and I'm almost sure that your teenage years won't be carefree. Mine certainly haven't been, and my childhood was lacking in its own way, perhaps this is just what life is…
Our family game could have been so much more, but unfortunately, no new bridges were formed. Some were revamped, like the relationship between my parents. The feeling between them tonight was different, closer, like it used to be. Bra and I sat together across from my parents, but very little conversation passed over the table. What little there was was directed at Bra, and even while their continued ignorance of me broke my heart, their attention to my sister brought joy. The heaviness greatly outweighs the lighter emotions though, and I'm left with the same unhappiness. God what I wouldn't give…
Lying on the bed with only a candle to light my room, I can hear my parents making love down the hall. While the knowledge of what they're doing still disgusts me a bit, I must admit that I'd prefer to hear that over screaming insults and anger that leaves my mother crying. It has been rare that my father ever brought Mom to tears, but when it did happen, he was always careful to amend the situation before it got out of hand. And hearing that they still make love means they are still in love, even if they don't love me anymore…
Trading the candle for an electric nightlight—I hate the dark—I roll over and attempt to sleep.
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I let consciousness take me slowly, relishing the feeling of waking in my husbands arms, a feeling I've not felt in far too long. My mind retraces my steps throughout last night's events, taking my thoughts out of bed and back to the board game we played with the kids. It went well considering the outcome with Bra; I hadn't realized how much I missed playing with her. But the sheer tension emanating from Trunks kept us from really speaking with him, as he almost seemed to be in a bad mood. He's been in this melancholy funk lately, and it's quite hard to approach him, since I'm not very sure how he'll react. It brings back memories of Vegeta's early days in my house, when it was hard to go and speak with him; he was so mercurial.
His uneven breathing tells me that Vegeta is also awake, and I open my eyes to find his still closed. Moving one arm from around his neck I stroke his cheek, and ebony eyes stare deeply into my blue, naked emotion dancing in their depths. I can see so much love there, something I once thought I would never see, and now, although more common, it still stirs a deep love for him in return.
I kiss his chin, and plant a soft kiss on his lips, and he responds in kind. His hand traces large circles on the small of my back, and I whimper at the soft caress. Pulling away slightly for air, I sigh contentedly and lace my fingers through the hair at the back of his head whilst leaning my forehead against his.
"We still didn't do it," I tell him in a hushed voice, not wanting to disturb the serenity of the moment. He looks at me quizzically, willing me to continue. "Last night, we wanted to mend things, get to know Trunks again. We barely even spoke to him." I shake my head sadly, and pull away a little to lay my head next to his on the pillow, though our faces are still very close. "I'll try again today, maybe you could train with him? And we really need to do more with Bra. She's being neglected horribly…they both are." He nodded mutely, leaning in to place another kiss on my lips. A tear slides silently down my cheek as the bittersweetness of the moment hits me full force; our children are slipping through our fingers even while we are repairing our run-down relationship. It's so wonderful to be with Vegeta again, but losing Trunks and Bra, whether they're going to die prematurely or not is more than enough to take away the luster of being with my love.
When the kiss ends he brushes the drop of saline off my cheek with a thumb, and kisses the now damp spot. Unconsciously I lean my face into the tender placement of his soft lips. I think back on the previous night again, on the sheer sweetness of it. I have never experienced Vegeta making such tender love to me, his every touch gentle; I was his only concern as he slowly and lovingly pleasured me. And while I do enjoy our more passionate sessions, last night was a very satisfying experience, especially when we are only now putting ourselves back together. It was a healing time, and it will in all likelihood occur again tonight. Or at least, I hope it does.
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