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It looks like things are moving towards the better, and my talk with Trunks relieved so much guilt. Not to mention that it makes me happy to see him happier than he's been in so long. It's as if a great burden was lifted from his shoulders, and the spring is back in his step. He isn't quite as introverted, a good sign. I need to discuss with Vegeta our need to tell Bra the truth…everything…starting with Gohan, whom she never even met.
It still tears me apart when I remember that little Gohan is gone…that sweet, innocent child that I remember so well. But worse by far are the occasions since Gohan's death when I've talked to Goku.
That same sweet innocence that Gohan possessed was embodied to a fuller degree in his father, and Goku's personality just wasn't prepared to handle the death of his own son. It's like he lives in an almost perpetual state of shock. He'll fall into deep depressions, where he thinks constantly of Gohan, until he falls apart, a scene I've been witness to on more than one occasion. It breaks my heart to look into those dark eyes and see that carefree expression replaced by pain, guilt, an overall sadness that doesn't ever leave, even when he smiles or tries to laugh.
Goten, experiencing some of the same introvertedness that Trunks is, has withdrawn himself from his friend, probably when they need each other the most. I can only hope that they revive their relationship soon.
After our conversation Trunks tramped off to some unknown region of the house, and I set about searching for my husband and daughter.
I found them easily enough. Bra was asleep in Vegeta's arms, and he slept also, propped up against the wooden headboard of her bed. His eyes opened when I stopped in the doorway, and a soft smile lit my face.
All is not well, I informed him mentally, but things are better. He nods, setting Bra to the side, careful not to wake her. Padding on silent feet to stand before me, he cups my cheek with one hand, laying a gentle kiss on my forehead. Placing my arms around his waist, I lean my full weight against him, and he rubs my back as he returns the embrace.
"He thought," and I take a deep breath, pushing down the sob rising in my throat. "He thought that we didn't love him, that we no longer cared. I made sure he knew that he assumed wrong. He seems…lighter now, I guess the thought of us not loving him weighed very heavily on him. I can't blame him, it would weigh on me also." Vegeta rested his head on my shoulder, breathing deeply.
"We should approach him, talk to him, even when he seems to want to be alone. Make an effort." His voice was quiet, almost a moan, and it reverberated through my mind. I glanced over his shoulder at Bra, ensuring that she was still asleep. Her cheeks were tear-stained, something I had not noticed upon first entering the room. My breath caught in my throat, and Vegeta lifted his head to look me in the face. What had happened?
"I told her," Vegeta whispered, and I know my heart stopped. "She already suspected so much, yet she new so little. She had a right to know why her family was so sad always. Always," he groaned, and I pulled his head down to my shoulder, our roles reversed as I tried to comfort him. "She cried for Trunks mostly, she knows him better than anyone. She finally understood his pain, why he's always so sad." I sucked in a breath, trying to keep my voice steady through the tears coursing slowly down my cheeks.
"Now he has a companion, someone to share his suffering. Goten wasn't prepared to be that for him, and have Trunks return that companionship. At least now, he won't be alone." He heaved in a shuddering breath, his eyes screwed tightly shut. I had always thought that giving him my love and affection would help ease his mind and show him that life wasn't always pain and suffering. But I couldn't even give him that much, and from our love has come our children, the children that started out giving us so much joy, and now I fear only the pain survives.
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He felt that so little time had passed since Bulma had announced her first pregnancy to him. Her blue eyes flashing with pride, her entire body emanating a look that dared him to turn the child away. But to her pleased surprise, he was excited by the thought, eager to have a child to train, to teach him all the secrets of his heritage, to be able to ensure that the Saiyan did not die out completely, thinned though the blood was.
He had never expected to feel such a deep love for the child and an almost overwhelmng need to protect that overrode all sense. He silently cherished the idea of another being loving him, a love so loyal…
He felt an even deeper love for Trunks today as he proved his loyalty again; loving them even though he felt utterly unloved. Bulma and his children were the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon him, and he was determined to let them know it. Soon.
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