VTitle: Keep Myself Awake

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: Johnny's dead but Dallas is still alive. How does he react every-night when his little Johnnycake comes to him, in his dreams? Song-fic to "Keep Myself Awake" by Black Lab(I suggest downloading it, if you have Kazaa, that and "Close Your Eyes" by Christopher Beck, the fic will have more effect when you listen to those songs).

A/N: Please, don't hate me. A new spin on Johnny and Dally's relationship. Nothing big though, hopefully.

I hate to talk like this
I hate to act as if there's something wrong
But I can't say
I have this dream at night
Almost every night
I've been dreaming it forever
It's easy to remember

I'm in a room, a bright room, but it's freezing, too cold for my own good.

I look around, not the slightest bit alarmed or worried. I don't have to be since I already know where I am and who is there.

It's always cold
It's always day
You're always here
You always say
I'm alright, I'll be okay
If I can keep myself awake
(keep myself awake...)

He's there, watching me. I lay on a tomb, it's looks like a stone coffin and it puts me in a state of confusion.

I sit up and glance to the side, my vision focusing on the only thing that seems to stand out in this darkened room.  A smile spreads on my solemn and for the first time I'm actually happy to see someone.

He walks towards me, a grin never leaving his tanned face.

He looks fine. No scars, no pain written in his face like I had last seen on him. He's fine, fine, that's all I can say. He's here and he's with me. My little bro, my buddy.

I never say a word all this time but he does. He still observes me and with a nod of his head, he begins, barely audible for my own ears:

"How 'you doing, Dal?  It hasn't been long since I've seen you"

I can't talk; I can't even let out some sort of response.

All I can do is nod.

The urge of wanting to reach out to him filling me inside but both my legs and arms won't budge; they won't make any effort too.

I feel like cursing, but that fades when he strides slowly closer to me.

I stare at the once fragile Greaser, this little harmless-scared boy. Blue eyes to brown ones.

Then, I manage to let out:

"Why do you keep coming to me? Why are you always here…. with me?" I ask, only ask.

He tilts his head slightly to the side and gazes at me for what seems like an eternity since he last said something.

The small hood answers, "I thought I could always come to you, Dal" I barely notice him move his visibly soft lips.

"You can but not like this, I want things like they use to be," I say back, our voices are oddly calm and it disturbs me.

"How? Me getting beat by my father, my mother never noticing me, always in fear of getting attacked by Socs……"

I shake my head "No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant, you back with the gang, you and I, hanging out again…doing things, I don't want you gone, I don't want to wake up and know that you're not there" I retort, almost plead.

He looks at me; I see a faint smile on his mouth.

"We're already hanging out…..but I can't go with you, Dally"

I absently begin clenching my fists, I feel anger rising in me and I let myself be taken over by it.

I suddenly have him in my grasp; I grab him by the labels of his faded jean-jacket. "Why not? Why are you so fuckin' afraid? Things change, I've changed and I don't want you not there, not there with me, I mean us,…… God"

I don't make sense of what I yell into his face. My grasp loosens and I just want to bawl. Me, Dallas Winston, wants to sob.

He smiles more at me, never once being scared or startled like I had seen on his face so many times, he looked serene somehow. How could he not realize how he was torturing me?

I felt his hand on mines "It's just the way things are, Dal…Just the way"

Looking down at the gentle JD, I raise my hand up to his face, brushing a part of his bangs away from his eyes, his some-how glowing eyes…

I notice the long scar he use to have, is gone. No trace of it ever being there.

It's feels morbid, just standing here to absorb in his face.

I lean forward and brush my lips against his.

He doesn't fight back but he doesn't embrace it either, neither do I.

He kisses me lightly and when we break apart. I feel a tear escape me, roll down my cheek.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this…....I miss you" I whispered as if it were some sort of secret. Dallas Winston couldn't admit loud enough that he "needed" his friend, he needed Johnnycake. My voice was starting to break and I sense myself choking up on my words.

He laid his hand on the side of my cheek "I know……..but I'm happy here, I feel safe but don't worry………This is not the last of me, us, You'll see me again. Maybe not now, maybe not in years but you'll see me and I'll be here, waiting."

Realization was dawning on me.

I loved him, maybe not in a way I would love a girl, maybe not in a way I would love a sibling but I had strong feelings for him.

He meant something to me and that was all I could say, to myself.

"You got to go now, Dal. You have to wake," He said softly to me.

I shook my head "I don't want to."

But he was backing away now, his hand retreats from my face and I immediately miss his touch.

"Good-bye, Dallas Winston"

Before I can even utter another word to him.

I shoot up in bed, panting hard and trying to catch my breath in violent gasps.

Sweat rolls down my forehead and I have to take a moment calm down, I clutch deathly to the sheets on the tousled bed I lay on.

I get up early and look around me
And can't help but wonder what you mean
But I'm sleeping
I'm so deep in
So much more real to me
Closer than reality

I wasn't gay, I wasn't one of those. But I loved Johnny Cade, I didn't deny that. He meant something to me, he was different, the only person I ever gave any real emotion too. Before meeting him, I was cold, hollow inside and hardly alive. Just a corpse, walking around.

But he changed all that and I'm never going to forget that.

I remember his words "This is not the last of me, us, you'll see me again"

I had this dream every night, I felt like I would forever.

But I dreaded it, once I was there, I never wanted to leave.

All I had to do…………….

Was keep myself awake.

A/N: Yes! Sort of slash between Dally and Johnny. Review please. I wrote this while listening to "Keep Myself Awake" by Black Lab and the Buffy/Angel theme (It's called "Close Your Eyes" by Christopher Beck). I hoped you like it and had no problem with it.