A/N: I think that's a 100% percent right Jkb!! You are definitely one of the reviewers I am always keeping an eye out when I post a chapter to this fic. Thanks again for your comments.
I didn't come this far for
you to make this hard for me.
And now you want to ask me "how"?
It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
Why did you come here?
You weren't invited.
You were on the outside - Stay on the outside.
And now you want to ask me "why"?
It's like - why does your heart beat, and how do you cry?
How does your heart beat?
And there are some things that I'd like to figure out.
There are some things that I can do without -
Like you, and your letters that go on forever,
And you, and the people that were never friends.
With all the things that you could be,
You never could learn how to be me.
And now you want to ask me "how"?
It's like - how does your heart beat, and why do you breathe?
How does your heart beat, and why do you breathe
-"How" by Lisa Loeb
Even before I walked into the Curtis house, I could hear the chatting of the Greasers from the front porch. I pushed the screen door open, my face haggard and my strength almost gone.
Two-Bit, Pony, and Steve were sitting around the television set watching something I couldn't tell what, all I could comprehend was that it was loud, noisy, and already annoying the hell out of me. I groaned quietly, and stood still for a moment. My eyes closing briefly and trying to collect myself, when I opened them I was greeted with the seldom face of a one Ponyboy Curtis. He glanced at me, not even craning his neck to look directly at me. He went back to gazing like a mindless zombie at the T.V screen once more and pretended not to know I was there, or that I ever even arrived.
By doing that, the fire inside of me flickered and I grinned gratefully to know I still had it. Dallas Winston hadn't changed, he wasn't completely fucked up. I still had those familiar feelings, not the ones that I've been going through lately. Heartache, loneliness, depression, and the worst of them all…Love. All these emotions were foreign to me; I didn't how the hell it felt! I didn't want to and I still don't. But it's already happened, and as I speak I'm going through them right now. Even as I stand here watching lifelessly at the chipped-painted wall.
"Oh, long time no see, Dallas Boy!" Two-Bit greeted out of nowhere, making me slightly jump but that was odd since I never got caught off guard before, never. I'm always living on edge; you don't know when someone is going to jump out holding a switchblade. I guess these are one of those days that I forgot my cool.
And what surprised me even more is that I don't even care anymore.
"Where have you been, Dal?" Steve asked, chocolate cake frosting on the corner of his mouth.
"I know the answer to that question! You've been banging sluts, haven't you? Dallas Boy here hasn't even had time to walk out of the bedroom, huh, Dal?" Two-Bit enquired, that cheesy yet sly grin on his face. I opened my mouth to say something to that when I heard Ponyboy snort loudly, but not turn to face me. Was he mocking me?
My hands turned into fists, but I continued. I shrugged, not wanting to give them any ideas yet not dishing anything in the first place to get notions.
I turned around, heading to the kitchen I called "Darry?"
I could hear the water faucet running and some clanging of pots or pans. I was almost knocked over when Darry's head popped out from the corner, his face as tired looking as mines. He backed off, closing his eyes briefly and shaking his head, he apologized "Didn't see ya there, Dallas. Sorry about that" He put the dishrag over his shoulder and stood at the center of the small kitchen, his hand balancing himself on the sink.
"Woah, Dally. You look like shit" He commented and I arched an eyebrow.
"You should talk. Not looking too good yourself either" I replied, jamming my left hand into the pocket of my jacket for no reason in particular.
He nodded, and a long sigh escaped his mouth. "Things have been rough lately," He said, moving forward and peeking into the next room "Hey, Pony, it was your turn to do the dishes tonight" his voice seemed like he had already recited that line a million times.
The younger Greaser's voice followed with an "I said I'd do them later". Damn, that kid was really bugging me. If I were Darrel I'd to something to teach him a lesson right about now.
But I wasn't Darry, I would never be. I couldn't even take care of Johnny from dying so what gives me the right to even think about saying what I would or wouldn't do with a little brother.
I spaced out for a moment and tried to collect myself once
more, I kept doing that lately. Just staring off into nothing and thinking way
too much. It made me want to laugh, Me, Dallas Winston was actually taking time
to think!
I saw Darrel facing me again, his shoulders slumped "Don't bother, I already did them," he said but his voice was barely a whisper.
I felt bad for the guy, he didn't deserve this. "Dar, you got to say something, why are you letting Pony off so easily lately? This is not you" I found myself telling him.
He gazed up at me "I promised Sodapop that I wouldn't fight with him anymore, I can't break that promise even though I want to yell my head off right now. It's just a matter of control" He responded, but I thought all that came out of his mouth was bullshit, I think I even said it out loud.
"So, what? Are you just going to let him walk all over you? Great plan, tell me how that goes for you" My voice was cold and sarcastic, like old times. I had missed it up to now but I didn't anymore. What have I become?
His strong jaw line was visible and I knew I had struck a nerve to the oldest Curtis' brother.
I raised my hands in defense "Forget it, pretend I never even said anything. It's not my business-."
"It's not! And what would you know about this anyhow? You don't have to get up every morning with the same responsibility dawning on you…" He shot back, his eyes clouded with sudden anger.
My head dropped to stare down at my dirt covered boots, I knew what he was saying was true though. I would never be able to have something to care about as much as him in my life, I did once and I lost it.
"I-I'm sorry, Dallas…I didn't mean to snap at you like that…." I looked up at Darry who was suddenly standing before me, he put his hand on my shoulder "Things have been rough…since Johnny died, the gang hasn't been the same, I know I haven't…but it doesn't take a brainiac to see you're the one this has effected the most….I see you're hurting and…" I pushed him before he could finish; almost shocked when I realized whom I was doing this to. It was Darrel Cutis for Christ sakes! The leader of the Greasers, the one who gives me the least shit from anyone! I feel like this whole thing with Johnny and the dreams were slowly making me insane.
Darry's eyes were wide as he straightened himself, the dishrag that had been on his shoulder falling onto the floor. I wanted to start pulling my hair out and yell at the top of my lungs.
"…. What did Ponyboy tell you?" I asked yet it didn't come off much as a question, my voice was low and I had my hands clasped to the sides of my head. I began breathing hard.
"Jesus, Winston….." I heard Darrel curse under his breath, I couldn't see how he was staring at me since I was looking away from him but I didn't need to see his face to know that he was noticing how I was crumbling on the outside. But I bet what he didn't know was that my love for Johnny was overtaking me. He was all I could think about, dream about. He was in my gut… my throat…I was drowning in him or at least the memory of Johnny Cade.
"What did Ponyboy tell you!?" I raised my voice, but not high enough for the others to hear us, or be suspicious. I blinked several times and my hands were shaking slightly. Sweat developing on the top of my forehead.
"Calm down, Dally. Pony hasn't said anything. Just cool down, you're getting pale…." The older Greaser picked the dishrag up from the floor and put it under running water from the faucet.
I backed into the side of the counter, clutching my arm to me tightly. I didn't realize I was muttering to myself something I couldn't even make out.
Leaning my head against the refrigerator side, I banged it lightly on it. "God help me…" I finally understood some part of my jabbering.
Taken off-guard once more, I felt a damp towel pressed against my temple and I let out a relaxed sigh as Darry did so, almost cooling me down. I closed my eyes for a moment then firmer, mumbling "…. I'm sorry, forgive me…." Who was I apologizing too? Darrel? Or Johnny? For not saving him, for not seeing him hurting right in front of my fuckin' eyes.
"Sshh…." Darry's voice was extraordinarily soothing for the reputation he had. He was as hard as pricks. This guy didn't have a gentle bone in his body, much like me.
"Dally, I think you're getting sick…you can crash for a couple of hours in my room since Soda is already occupying his…." I was only half-listening, my hearing was slowly becoming out of tune with everything that was around. Was it because I was really sick or was it the dose of aspirin I had taken before I got here?
I felt Darrel's hand on my shoulder again, his grip steady as he helped me to the room but as I turned my head. I was greeted with something I thought could never happen.
It made my blood run cold. No, I wasn't looking at what I thought it could be.
It was Johnny.
And he was staring back, his arm balancing me like Darrel had done seconds before. My mouth fell open and I fought for words. I had to start telling him….
That I loved him
And I was sorry, so completely sorry. It was burning me up.
"I'm sorry…Please, forgive me…I never meant to hurt you…I didn't know…." I spoke here and there, not even sure where I could begin.
Johnny's expression was strange and I found myself wondering what he was thinking, what was going through his mind at this instant.
I dipped my head forward to capture his mouth. I kissed him feverishly, my right arm over his shoulder and my other coming around to wrap it's self to his neck. I had my eyes closed like a lock that could only be open with a key; I didn't want to open them since I thought if I did, Johnny would be gone.
He was unusually stiff, the way I was during the carnival but not even. He was tenser than I had been.
His…. strong quivering hand soon came up and was placed on the side of my arm. His lips gently moving with mines, getting into the rhythm of my pace. As I got deeper into this kiss, the more I was noticing how different it was from the first time I had with him. It was like every limb in his body was trembling, out of….what? Fear, anxiousness, excitement?
I stopped abruptly, my lips still touching his and my eyes remaining closed. I was beginning to be become frightened of what I would fine when I opened them.
But I had too sooner or later.
His breathing was tranquil against my face, and as I came into view of the older Greaser, his eyes were closed as tightly as mines had been. I think he was more afraid than I've ever been to this.
I pulled away violently, knocking myself hard against the wall. Darry doing the same. A large amount of space left between us.
"I-I….Oh fuck…." I repeated, breathing fiercely and swearing non-constant.
Darry was shaking his head "…. That didn't happen….No….Oh god…."
If he kept on babbling, I didn't know since I had already stormed out of the kitchen and passed the one by one curious Greasers. I made my way down the small hallway toward the end and slammed the door close from behind me.
I was going to stop this madness…. Now.
I wasn't leaving this room until everything was sorted out.
Those aspirins were coming in just fine.
A/N: I hoped you liked this chapter, I didn't even know I'd have Dally kiss Darry at the end. It just came to me as I was writing. I'm flattered that some of you don't want this to end but last night, I was thinking about this fic and a possibility struck me. If I go with this idea that came to me, it could lead up to a sequel. Hmm, well, I'll just have to think about this and get back to you guys with more chapters since that's what you want. (Duh!)