March 11
There's something incredibly stupid about people. Hypocritical and self-absorbed, we rush around in our little circles and take as little time as possible to think about other people's feelings. I know this, because this is what I do. I know its ridiculously insensate of me, but at least I admit it. Well, at least to myself. The only people who annoy me, doing this, are the people who say they are always totally conscious of others. Like we aren't all floating around in our own worlds. I have ONE thing to say to them.GET. REAL.
Another torturous day of pretending arrived. I tumbled out of bed lazily. It's not that I actually slept, but filling your now-world-y possession with romantic thoughts about your best friend's eyes. I make myself sick.
I shaded my eyes, the sunlight blanketing my skin. I spotted Lizzie McGuire sitting on the emerald turf. I felt a quiet feeling fall over my heart, looking at my former best friend. I felt so distant from her, watching her smile with Kate Sanders.
The whole situation confused the hell out of me. Whether Kate changed or Lizzie changed, I don't know, but we were different people than from before. It wasn't that we weren't FRIENDS. We just were close no longer.
I dropped my gaze as she met it.
"Do you think if you stare at her long enough, she'll come back?," A voice said quietly in my ear. I jumped to see Gordo. I laughed as my heart did a little flip thing. Wow, I felt like such an idiot around him. I was constantly on the verge of a giggle, tickling my throat and making me smile like there was something amusing going on in my head.
"I'm not THAT pathetic," I said sadly, sitting down on a bench. I continued to watch Lizzie in silence, fully aware of the body heat next to me that was causing my heart to thump. Sometimes I felt I breathed for Gordo. My closest friend. I shook my head, trying not to think about it. Shut UP, I scolded my brain. Just SHUT UP.
I've always been around bimbos who can't think about anything but boys. They annoy the hell out of me. But what do I do now? Pardon the cliché, but I've never felt this way about any one before. It was a type of suicidal happiness, so passionate and pleasurable and PAINFUL to an extreme you could just die. Die right then and there and die happy, because you don't have to wake up the next day to recollect the passion and pleasure and pain. And then you want it. You WANT to love but it is so incredibly breath- taking, you can't breathe. The room is not supposed to spin when someone walks in the room.
I guess I'm wildly the opposite of a romantic. Isn't that a realist? I'm not sure. Anyway, it is this pragmatic point of view. I stopped believing in love after my jungle gym marriage to Johnny Parks, the paste eater.
Well, actually, I know that's not it. I can't exactly blame my doubt on my ex-fiancee. I suppose I can blame it on my parents.
It's not really obvious. It wasn't obvious to ME even at first. They always looked so happy, despite the occasional fight.
And then it got more vivid. Blurries of horrible four letter words and arms swinging and then silence. It all ran across my mind in a quick ribbon. They locked there bedroom door sometimes, in fear I could hear them. But I could. A girl who can't sleep generally hears things late at night. You can only dig your nails into your ears for so long, your CD player your only salvation. I memorized every inch of my purple pillow having it over my head.
So maybe I need a stalker obsession that ate away at me. Maybe I needed this suicidal happiness to conquer the regular suicidal feeling. Maybe I needed Gordo. Maybe he needed me.
@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@
I know this was a short chapter. lol I know ALL my chapters are short. But I was eager to post again before I got sick of it. Next chapter is going to be a little less about the fluffy Gordo love and focus more on angst-y issues. Yes, they are a big part of this fic. There's also going to be a little more Lizzie, maybe some slash. if I feel like it. I probably will, knowing me lol. Thank you too:
Starcraze: thanks for reviewing. Thank you, I HOPE I'm a good writer.
Baby-Angel aka Lala: Thank you for reviewing, of course, and I'll try to update ASAP (yeah, I kind of already did lol)
Nahima Tala: Thank you for reviewing (gets boring to hear, huh?) And I'm glad you're intrigued. I'm hoping to intrigue people. Intriguing is fun in a box. I'll try to continue this, though I'm not very devoted to fan fics lol.
There's something incredibly stupid about people. Hypocritical and self-absorbed, we rush around in our little circles and take as little time as possible to think about other people's feelings. I know this, because this is what I do. I know its ridiculously insensate of me, but at least I admit it. Well, at least to myself. The only people who annoy me, doing this, are the people who say they are always totally conscious of others. Like we aren't all floating around in our own worlds. I have ONE thing to say to them.GET. REAL.
Another torturous day of pretending arrived. I tumbled out of bed lazily. It's not that I actually slept, but filling your now-world-y possession with romantic thoughts about your best friend's eyes. I make myself sick.
I shaded my eyes, the sunlight blanketing my skin. I spotted Lizzie McGuire sitting on the emerald turf. I felt a quiet feeling fall over my heart, looking at my former best friend. I felt so distant from her, watching her smile with Kate Sanders.
The whole situation confused the hell out of me. Whether Kate changed or Lizzie changed, I don't know, but we were different people than from before. It wasn't that we weren't FRIENDS. We just were close no longer.
I dropped my gaze as she met it.
"Do you think if you stare at her long enough, she'll come back?," A voice said quietly in my ear. I jumped to see Gordo. I laughed as my heart did a little flip thing. Wow, I felt like such an idiot around him. I was constantly on the verge of a giggle, tickling my throat and making me smile like there was something amusing going on in my head.
"I'm not THAT pathetic," I said sadly, sitting down on a bench. I continued to watch Lizzie in silence, fully aware of the body heat next to me that was causing my heart to thump. Sometimes I felt I breathed for Gordo. My closest friend. I shook my head, trying not to think about it. Shut UP, I scolded my brain. Just SHUT UP.
I've always been around bimbos who can't think about anything but boys. They annoy the hell out of me. But what do I do now? Pardon the cliché, but I've never felt this way about any one before. It was a type of suicidal happiness, so passionate and pleasurable and PAINFUL to an extreme you could just die. Die right then and there and die happy, because you don't have to wake up the next day to recollect the passion and pleasure and pain. And then you want it. You WANT to love but it is so incredibly breath- taking, you can't breathe. The room is not supposed to spin when someone walks in the room.
I guess I'm wildly the opposite of a romantic. Isn't that a realist? I'm not sure. Anyway, it is this pragmatic point of view. I stopped believing in love after my jungle gym marriage to Johnny Parks, the paste eater.
Well, actually, I know that's not it. I can't exactly blame my doubt on my ex-fiancee. I suppose I can blame it on my parents.
It's not really obvious. It wasn't obvious to ME even at first. They always looked so happy, despite the occasional fight.
And then it got more vivid. Blurries of horrible four letter words and arms swinging and then silence. It all ran across my mind in a quick ribbon. They locked there bedroom door sometimes, in fear I could hear them. But I could. A girl who can't sleep generally hears things late at night. You can only dig your nails into your ears for so long, your CD player your only salvation. I memorized every inch of my purple pillow having it over my head.
So maybe I need a stalker obsession that ate away at me. Maybe I needed this suicidal happiness to conquer the regular suicidal feeling. Maybe I needed Gordo. Maybe he needed me.
@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@~~@
I know this was a short chapter. lol I know ALL my chapters are short. But I was eager to post again before I got sick of it. Next chapter is going to be a little less about the fluffy Gordo love and focus more on angst-y issues. Yes, they are a big part of this fic. There's also going to be a little more Lizzie, maybe some slash. if I feel like it. I probably will, knowing me lol. Thank you too:
Starcraze: thanks for reviewing. Thank you, I HOPE I'm a good writer.
Baby-Angel aka Lala: Thank you for reviewing, of course, and I'll try to update ASAP (yeah, I kind of already did lol)
Nahima Tala: Thank you for reviewing (gets boring to hear, huh?) And I'm glad you're intrigued. I'm hoping to intrigue people. Intriguing is fun in a box. I'll try to continue this, though I'm not very devoted to fan fics lol.