A Father's Image
A/Note: First real Rurouni Kenshin ficlet I've ever written. Me being someone who likes to look into the character's past and find a way of twisting it to my liking, I decided to take on Kamiya Kaoru. This is a one-shot of her thoughts late one night on her father. ANGST..^_^ It's also a bit of a songfic done to the tune 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.
~*....*~ Song lyrics
'...' Thoughts
"..." Speaking
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin..OBVIOUSLY..
~*I'm so tired of being here*~
The soft pittering of rain had kept her awake all night. Well, maybe it wasn't just the rain.
~*Supressed by all of my childish fears*~
Faint thunder rumbled in the distance. She used to be afraid of thunder, her heart racing everytime it roared in the night. But he taught her it was nothing but a sound and if she was afraid of a mere sound, She would never grow up to be the Assistant Master of his style.
~*And if you have to leave, I wish that you just leave*~
She kicked her legs out from her blanket. The room was always humid and warm. She sighed as another burst of thunder rattled the doors. Even if he was dead he was here every day, scolding her.
~*Because your prescence still lingers here*~
Stumbling around in the dark she looked for one of her many hair ribbons. Finally finding one but her dresser, She tied her hair off her sweaty neck. Even if it was summer this heat was still unbearable. It would probably be a smart idea if she opened the door a tidge to let in some of the wind ruffling the trees. As she walked to the object of her thoughts, lightning flashed, illuminating the grounds and her room.
~*And it won't leave me alone*~
She jumped and immediately felt ashamed. Why, if her father could see her now, shivering at just a little bit of light. She shook her head. Thinking like this wouldn't help her get to sleep and it certainly wasn't cooling her off. Prying the door open slightly, She sat and merely enjoyed the cool breeze flitting about her face.
~*These wounds won't seem to heal*~
She looked out into the dojo's courtyard. Even if it was dark, Her eyes could easily make out the gate and fence. Leaves swirled all about the yard. Some got plastered to the side of the bathouse while others dissapeared over the fence. Before now she could only see the beauty of her small dojo but now, in the dark and stormy night, she could see how truly awful it was compared to how it used to be.
~*This pain is just too real*~
There was a small pang in her heart as she looked around. There were cracks in the cement where weeds grew over. The fence had small fractures all over while some of the trees were actually dying.
~*There's just too much that time cannot erase*~
Forgetting the storm, the wind, the rain, the thunder, the lightning, forgetting everything, She ran from her room out side to turn around and gaze at the dojo itself. She gasped. Her eyes were finally open. Shingles were coming off the roof, paint on the walls and doors were chipping, the wooden porch was beginning to rot.
~*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears*~
"Oh father, Look how I've shamed you!"
~*When you'd scream I'd fight all of your fears*~
"Look what I've done to all of your hardwork! Why? Why did you make me into your successor?"
~*And I've held your hand through all of these years*~
She looked down at her hands. She had watched as he and her mother bled to death. He grabbed her hand, smearing them with crimson, and shakily commanded her to pass on the Kamiya Kasshin style. It wasn't a request it was a demand, felt by the roughness in his hand. She had said yes but hesitantly as if afraid. And she should have been.
~*But you still have all of me*~
The wind pushed harder as the storm intensified. A few shingles flew off the roof, up into the torrent of air, and were swept away. Her yukata was still holding steadfast but her hair had long been torn from it's braid and was now violently whipping around her face.
"Look how I disgraced you papa.."
~*You used to captivate me by your resonating light*~
She remembered long ago, sitting in her pretty little kimonos, watching as her father conducted classes. He was a magnificent man, tall and sinewy by nature. His voice demanded attention and respect. It's deep baritone would thunder throughout the great halls of the dojo, echoing off the polished wood walls and floors. She would get delighted shivers each time he shouted out a command.
~*But now I'm bound to the life you left behind*~
Somewhere in her heart, She knew she never really wanted to be the Assistant Master. That was partly due to the fact that she, in her childish stupor, never believe her strong papa could die. She had promised him on his deathbed, /his deathbed/, to fulfill his dream of the Kamiya Kasshin style and in all of her stupid childish fits she had completely failed him.
~*Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams*~
She fell to her knees, her yukata splashed now with mud. She could just see him, in all his glorious, stern self, glaring down at her, disowning her, even in death, for such a disgrace. And that's what she was, a disgrace to her family for completely failing them. Her eyes closed but all she could see was his face.
~*Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me*~
Her breathing became ragged as she slammed her palms over her ears.
"No no no no! I'm sorry papa! I'm so sorry!" Her voice raised but was no match against the din of the storm. His strong voice resonated in her ears.
'How dare you, Kamiya Kaoru, my own daughter, do this to me! Look at what you have done! I never should have made you promise.'
~*I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone*~
"No papa! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll work harder! I'll fix everything! Please papa! Please!"
She kneeled there, crying her heart out as the wind rushed around her. She rocked back and forth, her senses reeling from the onslaught of emotional pain she had not felt since her parents were killed. Vaguely she felt someone put their arms around her.
~*And though you're still with me..*~
Turning around in the person's embrace she openly cried into the fabric of their gi. Slightly ashamed but much too numb to really care, She allowed herself to be picked up and carried to the bath house.
~*I've been alone all along*~
"Ssh..It's alright Kaoru-dono. You don't need to cry anymore."
Her eyes flew open but she couldn't really see much through her tears. She knew it was Kenshin. He was the only one who called her by such a name, such an undeserving name for a ruthless whelp like her.
"Why did he give his life to me, Kenshin? Why did my father give me something so precious to him if he knew I was only going to mess everything up?" Upon this, He set her down on the steps to the bathhouse. The storm was still raging on around them but all that mattered was his concerned but sincere violent eyes upon her icy blue ones.
"Kaoru-dono..Your father loved you very much and he trusted and loved you so that he knew he could place this task in your hands. I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way."
"Kenshin..I can't do this by myself..I thought I could but I can't. I just can't. It's all too much." She hung her head, covering her eyes with her hands trying to hide her oncoming tears. Slowly she felt Kenshin prying her fingers away from her head and his hands coming up to her temples. She could feel him raise her head to look her in the eyes. She gasped at what she saw: Devotion and trust.
"But Kaoru-dono..You're not alone anymore."
^_^ Hope ya like it, Hope you review
A/Note: First real Rurouni Kenshin ficlet I've ever written. Me being someone who likes to look into the character's past and find a way of twisting it to my liking, I decided to take on Kamiya Kaoru. This is a one-shot of her thoughts late one night on her father. ANGST..^_^ It's also a bit of a songfic done to the tune 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.
~*....*~ Song lyrics
'...' Thoughts
"..." Speaking
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin..OBVIOUSLY..
~*I'm so tired of being here*~
The soft pittering of rain had kept her awake all night. Well, maybe it wasn't just the rain.
~*Supressed by all of my childish fears*~
Faint thunder rumbled in the distance. She used to be afraid of thunder, her heart racing everytime it roared in the night. But he taught her it was nothing but a sound and if she was afraid of a mere sound, She would never grow up to be the Assistant Master of his style.
~*And if you have to leave, I wish that you just leave*~
She kicked her legs out from her blanket. The room was always humid and warm. She sighed as another burst of thunder rattled the doors. Even if he was dead he was here every day, scolding her.
~*Because your prescence still lingers here*~
Stumbling around in the dark she looked for one of her many hair ribbons. Finally finding one but her dresser, She tied her hair off her sweaty neck. Even if it was summer this heat was still unbearable. It would probably be a smart idea if she opened the door a tidge to let in some of the wind ruffling the trees. As she walked to the object of her thoughts, lightning flashed, illuminating the grounds and her room.
~*And it won't leave me alone*~
She jumped and immediately felt ashamed. Why, if her father could see her now, shivering at just a little bit of light. She shook her head. Thinking like this wouldn't help her get to sleep and it certainly wasn't cooling her off. Prying the door open slightly, She sat and merely enjoyed the cool breeze flitting about her face.
~*These wounds won't seem to heal*~
She looked out into the dojo's courtyard. Even if it was dark, Her eyes could easily make out the gate and fence. Leaves swirled all about the yard. Some got plastered to the side of the bathouse while others dissapeared over the fence. Before now she could only see the beauty of her small dojo but now, in the dark and stormy night, she could see how truly awful it was compared to how it used to be.
~*This pain is just too real*~
There was a small pang in her heart as she looked around. There were cracks in the cement where weeds grew over. The fence had small fractures all over while some of the trees were actually dying.
~*There's just too much that time cannot erase*~
Forgetting the storm, the wind, the rain, the thunder, the lightning, forgetting everything, She ran from her room out side to turn around and gaze at the dojo itself. She gasped. Her eyes were finally open. Shingles were coming off the roof, paint on the walls and doors were chipping, the wooden porch was beginning to rot.
~*When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears*~
"Oh father, Look how I've shamed you!"
~*When you'd scream I'd fight all of your fears*~
"Look what I've done to all of your hardwork! Why? Why did you make me into your successor?"
~*And I've held your hand through all of these years*~
She looked down at her hands. She had watched as he and her mother bled to death. He grabbed her hand, smearing them with crimson, and shakily commanded her to pass on the Kamiya Kasshin style. It wasn't a request it was a demand, felt by the roughness in his hand. She had said yes but hesitantly as if afraid. And she should have been.
~*But you still have all of me*~
The wind pushed harder as the storm intensified. A few shingles flew off the roof, up into the torrent of air, and were swept away. Her yukata was still holding steadfast but her hair had long been torn from it's braid and was now violently whipping around her face.
"Look how I disgraced you papa.."
~*You used to captivate me by your resonating light*~
She remembered long ago, sitting in her pretty little kimonos, watching as her father conducted classes. He was a magnificent man, tall and sinewy by nature. His voice demanded attention and respect. It's deep baritone would thunder throughout the great halls of the dojo, echoing off the polished wood walls and floors. She would get delighted shivers each time he shouted out a command.
~*But now I'm bound to the life you left behind*~
Somewhere in her heart, She knew she never really wanted to be the Assistant Master. That was partly due to the fact that she, in her childish stupor, never believe her strong papa could die. She had promised him on his deathbed, /his deathbed/, to fulfill his dream of the Kamiya Kasshin style and in all of her stupid childish fits she had completely failed him.
~*Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams*~
She fell to her knees, her yukata splashed now with mud. She could just see him, in all his glorious, stern self, glaring down at her, disowning her, even in death, for such a disgrace. And that's what she was, a disgrace to her family for completely failing them. Her eyes closed but all she could see was his face.
~*Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me*~
Her breathing became ragged as she slammed her palms over her ears.
"No no no no! I'm sorry papa! I'm so sorry!" Her voice raised but was no match against the din of the storm. His strong voice resonated in her ears.
'How dare you, Kamiya Kaoru, my own daughter, do this to me! Look at what you have done! I never should have made you promise.'
~*I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone*~
"No papa! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll work harder! I'll fix everything! Please papa! Please!"
She kneeled there, crying her heart out as the wind rushed around her. She rocked back and forth, her senses reeling from the onslaught of emotional pain she had not felt since her parents were killed. Vaguely she felt someone put their arms around her.
~*And though you're still with me..*~
Turning around in the person's embrace she openly cried into the fabric of their gi. Slightly ashamed but much too numb to really care, She allowed herself to be picked up and carried to the bath house.
~*I've been alone all along*~
"Ssh..It's alright Kaoru-dono. You don't need to cry anymore."
Her eyes flew open but she couldn't really see much through her tears. She knew it was Kenshin. He was the only one who called her by such a name, such an undeserving name for a ruthless whelp like her.
"Why did he give his life to me, Kenshin? Why did my father give me something so precious to him if he knew I was only going to mess everything up?" Upon this, He set her down on the steps to the bathhouse. The storm was still raging on around them but all that mattered was his concerned but sincere violent eyes upon her icy blue ones.
"Kaoru-dono..Your father loved you very much and he trusted and loved you so that he knew he could place this task in your hands. I'm sure he wouldn't have had it any other way."
"Kenshin..I can't do this by myself..I thought I could but I can't. I just can't. It's all too much." She hung her head, covering her eyes with her hands trying to hide her oncoming tears. Slowly she felt Kenshin prying her fingers away from her head and his hands coming up to her temples. She could feel him raise her head to look her in the eyes. She gasped at what she saw: Devotion and trust.
"But Kaoru-dono..You're not alone anymore."
^_^ Hope ya like it, Hope you review